27 replies to this topic

[Lelani]

My fiance Kalani broke his neck on August 1st. This is so new, and I've never felt so scared or lost. We have a 1year old daughter who just doesn't understand why Daddy isn't home, she walks from room to room crying for him. I miss him not being home so much, not having him next to me at night is the hardest for me, I haven't slept since he was hurt. I know it doesn't matter how bad I feel, it will never come close to what Kalani is feeling. Our family has rallied around us to help, I'm very greatful, I still feel so scared and worried. I keep thinking about our wedding we're planning for July 1, 2012, it helps keep me going.

[Smileyblue]

Welcome to the forum.. Its good you found us so early on..

The most important thing you have to do right now is to take care of yourself so that you can be there for him and your daughter.. You will be of no help to anyone if you are exhausted or become ill..

There is a lot of support and information on this forum so come online whenever you can, even if its just to let off some steam or relieve the pressure..

[wheeliebear75]

This place has become a beacon of light for so many of us. "Smileyblue" is right about taking care of yourself. You still have to be sure to keep your own batteries charged. Come back to ask questions, vent, or even just scream that feel like you need a really sturdy umbrella to handle all the that's been raining down.

[KayDub]

I second/third what everyone else has said. This site is great support. It's also so important that you take care of yourself! Are you in Honolulu proper? My dad lives in between Kapolei and Waianae and I sometimes spend time out there. If you ever need a buddy in a chair, I'd love to meet up with you. Stay strong, it sounds like a cliche, but it does get better. I'm only 3 months in and I don't have pity party crying bouts as much and have gotten involved in more activities. I'm sending loads of positive thoughts and pomaika'i, you'll need it! <3

[Terrible Texan]

WELCOME!!! This life isnt easy, but it will get easier once he gets a routine down. It may take him several months to do this, but once u have a SCI, u will have to learn PATIENCE. there will be ups & downs, but u bite the bullet & move forward. I hope he gets most or all of his function back. just pray!! just as was already said, come back to the forums for any advice. take care & we'll see u soon
By the way, how did he break his neck?


have your fiancee' join when he's able

[Lelani]

KayDub, on 12 August 2011 - 01:54 AM, said:

I second/third what everyone else has said. This site is great support. It's also so important that you take care of yourself! Are you in Honolulu proper? My dad lives in between Kapolei and Waianae and I sometimes spend time out there. If you ever need a buddy in a chair, I'd love to meet up with you. Stay strong, it sounds like a cliche, but it does get better. I'm only 3 months in and I don't have pity party crying bouts as much and have gotten involved in more activities. I'm sending loads of positive thoughts and pomaika'i, you'll need it! <3

We live in Waikiki. I keep trying to remember it will get better.

[Lelani]

Terrible Texan, on 12 August 2011 - 02:02 AM, said:

WELCOME!!! This life isnt easy, but it will get easier once he gets a routine down. It may take him several months to do this, but once u have a SCI, u will have to learn PATIENCE. there will be ups & downs, but u bite the bullet & move forward. I hope he gets most or all of his function back. just pray!! just as was already said, come back to the forums for any advice. take care & we'll see u soon
By the way, how did he break his neck?


have your fiancee' join when he's able

Kalani broke his neck climbing up a palm tree, he's been doing it since he was a little boy. We were having a cook out with some friends, the guys were all being guys and egging each other on. A friend said to me look at him go, I turned my head just as he fell.

Edited by Lelani, 12 August 2011 - 05:51 AM.

[Edinburgh Colin]

Don't dwell on what happened, that's history now and cannot be changed. Just look forward and as has been said ask of us anything you feel you need to help you cope in the short term. To be any help to him you need to be calm and supportive as he will be scared, apprehensive and probably angry at what happened. Best you can do is try and listen to him and provide support and as little stress and judgement as possible.
As he gets to understand his injury and the implications he will need to try and deal with all that in his head first before he can try and deal with it as it involves you and your daughter. I know it sounds harsh but that's what will happen in his head whether he likes it or not.
It's a long journey ahead of you and you will make it but one step at a time. We are here to take and help you take each step so remember to lean on us. Remember we have been there.
Don't worry, it's counter productive.
EC.

[biggdoggpa]

Stay strong my best friend was injured and is now a para you have to stay strong for your family things will get better i'm sure!! just some adjustments will have to be made!! but you found a good place a lot of good helpful people here! please ask them anything no matter what i'm sure they have been through it and can help you!!! just remember things will take a little more planning and patience patience patience!!!

[pinkcloud]

Lelani, on 12 August 2011 - 12:00 AM, said:

My fiance Kalani broke his neck on August 1st. This is so new, and I've never felt so scared or lost. We have a 1year old daughter who just doesn't understand why Daddy isn't home, she walks from room to room crying for him. I miss him not being home so much, not having him next to me at night is the hardest for me, I haven't slept since he was hurt. I know it doesn't matter how bad I feel, it will never come close to what Kalani is feeling. Our family has rallied around us to help, I'm very greatful, I still feel so scared and worried. I keep thinking about our wedding we're planning for July 1, 2012, it helps keep me going.

hi lelani

yes it does matter how bad your hurting, your world has changed in every way you knew it..except for the mot important part..your little family love each other.

your loved one has sci..it will affect your life as much as it does your fiances. Not physically pain wise, emotionally ye.

Your onto a great start, planning your wedding..always remember its the sci that you can hate, feel sad, cry at........your man is till your man and although you will have the label 'carer'.....you are till a lady and his wife.

hugs to you and your daughter

[Ginny]

An accident like your fiance's is a shock to everyone who loves him. You probably are still playing the endless loop of him falling out of the tree. You probably, also, don't have a good idea yet of his prognosis. Certainly, all of that can shake a person to their roots.

I agree with the other posters, learn as much as you can about the condition and start thinking in terms of how your life might be. It will be a progression as he heals and you know more. Take time for yourself. Get excercise, eat well, get good sleep. Keep yourself healthy and as balanced as possible. That way, you'll be able to help him to a greater degree.

Please post back and let us know how you're doing. We're all rooting for you!

[Soryfam]

Welcome to the forum. The others have already given you great adivice.I think staying with your wedding plans is a great way to stay positive and forward looking. It will be ahile before you know what his SCI will look like in the long haul. Wishing you well.

Sandy

[Ratticis]

Welcome to hell. If it's any consolation, at least you found this place early. I don't know it so much becomes "easier" as it does more routine. I suppose it becomes easier in the same sence as tieing your shoes gets easier with time. Remember to take anything ANYONE says with a grain of salt. Be it medical staff or well meaning family and friends. There is no garentee that anything will every come back, and there is no garentee that nothing will come back, so count on nothing and be gratefull for everything. The most important thing he needs right now is someone to be by his side, to cry with him, to laugh with him, just plain to be with him. He's lucy to have that, make sure he knows it's there. And don't neglect that little girl in the process. It's going to be a big adjustment for everyone involved including her. Make sure she knows her daddy is still there for her and still loves her. Not gunna lie, the next couple months will probably be some of the worst of your lives, there'll be time when you just want to give up, times when you want to scream and cry and just release all those pent up emotions. So go somewhere quiet and do it. Just let it all out. And when you've had your fill, pick yourself back up and carry on. And remember, there's always someone willing to listen around here, so stop by any time. Best of luck.

[Kaylee]

Lelani, you are in about the same spot as I was this time last year, my heart hurts for you. My husband became a c-6 quadriplegic on July 28 last year, not even two months after our wedding. I had also never felt so scared or lost, it felt as if the walls were coming in around me. I also was unable to sleep, I just wanted my husband with me. Hunter was quite medicated in the eary days, I just sat next to him and said our wedding vows over and over, I wanted him to know I was with him and not going anywhere, he is my soul mate. I do agree it gets better, our life now is amazing, I have Hunter with me and couldn't be happier.

A bit to advise I'd like to give, don't hold it in, cry and scream if you need to. I ask you please take care to you, make sure you stay healthy, as hard as it is try and take a little time and do something you like to do. Also make sure to work in some fun time with your daughter, even if it's just a little trip to the park.

We also live in Waikiki, i'd be more then happy to meet with you. If you need someone to cry with I'm here, I'll do anything I can to help you deal with this journey. All you need to do is message me if you want to meet up, I'm a stay at home mom, anytime is good.

Never forget we're here for you. You may be crying today bur you will laugh again.

Kaylee

[rue2you]

Kaylee, on 12 August 2011 - 09:04 PM, said:

Lelani, you are in about the same spot as I was this time last year, my heart hurts for you. My husband became a c-6 quadriplegic on July 28 last year, not even two months after our wedding. I had also never felt so scared or lost, it felt as if the walls were coming in around me. I also was unable to sleep, I just wanted my husband with me. Hunter was quite medicated in the eary days, I just sat next to him and said our wedding vows over and over, I wanted him to know I was with him and not going anywhere, he is my soul mate. I do agree it gets better, our life now is amazing, I have Hunter with me and couldn't be happier.

A bit to advise I'd like to give, don't hold it in, cry and scream if you need to. I ask you please take care to you, make sure you stay healthy, as hard as it is try and take a little time and do something you like to do. Also make sure to work in some fun time with your daughter, even if it's just a little trip to the park.

We also live in Waikiki, i'd be more then happy to meet with you. If you need someone to cry with I'm here, I'll do anything I can to help you deal with this journey. All you need to do is message me if you want to meet up, I'm a stay at home mom, anytime is good.

Never forget we're here for you. You may be crying today bur you will laugh again.

Kaylee

This is wonderful! Take Kaylee up on her suggestions and meet up with her. Having someone who understands what you are going through (locally and in person - not just on here) will be a huge boost to your emotions. It would probably be great for your guy too to see someone like him that is happily living every day and not get so depressed. Let us know if you two meet up!

[Denna]

Welcome. I'm sorry this has happened to you and your loved ones. My husband and I was married less than a year when I had my accident. He is a great support for me. I dont think I could have made it mentally without him.
Its going to be very stressful for both of you. So I wish both of you the best of luck. Please keep us all posted on his progress. I would give you advice but it seems everyone on here has already said it all. This place truly is the best for advice and support.
Denna

[jscott92064]

Welcome to the forum! We're all here for you.

[Lelani]

rue2you, on 13 August 2011 - 08:33 PM, said:

Kaylee, on 12 August 2011 - 09:04 PM, said:

Lelani, you are in about the same spot as I was this time last year, my heart hurts for you. My husband became a c-6 quadriplegic on July 28 last year, not even two months after our wedding. I had also never felt so scared or lost, it felt as if the walls were coming in around me. I also was unable to sleep, I just wanted my husband with me. Hunter was quite medicated in the eary days, I just sat next to him and said our wedding vows over and over, I wanted him to know I was with him and not going anywhere, he is my soul mate. I do agree it gets better, our life now is amazing, I have Hunter with me and couldn't be happier.

A bit to advise I'd like to give, don't hold it in, cry and scream if you need to. I ask you please take care to you, make sure you stay healthy, as hard as it is try and take a little time and do something you like to do. Also make sure to work in some fun time with your daughter, even if it's just a little trip to the park.

We also live in Waikiki, i'd be more then happy to meet with you. If you need someone to cry with I'm here, I'll do anything I can to help you deal with this journey. All you need to do is message me if you want to meet up, I'm a stay at home mom, anytime is good.

Never forget we're here for you. You may be crying today bur you will laugh again.

Kaylee

This is wonderful! Take Kaylee up on her suggestions and meet up with her. Having someone who understands what you are going through (locally and in person - not just on here) will be a huge boost to your emotions. It would probably be great for your guy too to see someone like him that is happily living every day and not get so depressed. Let us know if you two meet up!

I did meet with Kaylee and her husband yesterday, my daughter and I went to their home in the afternoon and had dinner with them. The second I walked in their door, she gave me such a hug that I instantly felt at ease, like I've known them forever. It helped me so much to see how much of a normal life they still have, I know it will help Kalani to see how much of a hands on Dad Hunter is. We talked for hours about everything that I've been bottling up, i'm normally not someone who shares my feelings with people i've just met, their both extremely easy to talk to and make your guards come right down. Last night for the first time I was able to sleep for 5 strait hours, what a help.
Thank you everyone!

Edited by Lelani, 14 August 2011 - 03:43 PM.

[snowqueeneh]

I almost cried when I read about you meeting Kaylee! I wish every newly injured couple had an opportunity like this! My husband and I are happy and just living our life with our two boys. I met so many unhappy couples and after awhile it gets to be a downer. Especially the People who say "how do you do it?". Everytime I meet/ hear about another couple who manage to get it together and stay happy in the end

[snowqueeneh]

Sorry... Posted the above in midsentence lol:

I makes me so happy too. We are normal couples who just had some really crap luck, but we can only control how we react. You have a tough road ahead. Things may seem even worse before they get better. My biggest word of advise is this. Don't let guilt consume you... You are not being selfish when you feel for yourself. It's not just about him... It takes two to make it work. And... Tell him how you feel even if you don't want to say it. It's good to let it out... But it's even better to share it as well. You will find that in time... No one will understand the frustrations of everything more than him. This can only bring you closer if you want it to.

Edited by snowqueeneh, 14 August 2011 - 04:20 PM.

[rue2you]

I am SO happy that you all met!!

[Smileyblue]

Great news!

I'm glad you got some peace of mind and some rest..

Thank you Kaylee for giving such a great comfort.. The world needs more good, kind hearts like you..

[rue2you]

Smileyblue, on 14 August 2011 - 06:33 PM, said:

Great news!

I'm glad you got some peace of mind and some rest..

Thank you Kaylee for giving such a great comfort.. The world needs more good, kind hearts like you..

Diddo!!

[wheeliebear75]

Wow what a blessing!

[Lelani]

wheeliebear75, on 14 August 2011 - 06:53 PM, said:

Wow what a blessing!

A huge blessing. Kaylee and I have plans to take our daughters to the park on Tuesday, just so nice having someone close by who understands.

Edited by Lelani, 14 August 2011 - 08:24 PM.

[goose]

Lelani

First that me say welcome! I know you're going through some hard times right now. I'm sure you are feeling overwhelmed at the whole situation and like a mountain is sitting on your shoulders. Over time that mountain will get smaller and smaller. You're lucky that you have already found someone to share things with that understands. That is rare ! I hope Kalani can also find someone he can relate to. Sometimes you'll both need to be able to unload on another person who has been there done that.

Just remember yall are both going through this and learn to lean on each other. It can be done and you will survive! I've got 25 years of sci under my belt now...it is possible. Glad to hear you finally got some rest by the way that[ not sleeping] was normal.

Edited by goose, 14 August 2011 - 09:40 PM.

[Edinburgh Colin]

Wonderfull, your daughter is going to get so much from this. It will distract her from all the changes and difficulties the coming adjustments in your life will require. Also for you a soulmate who understands.
EC

[LeeS]

hi lelani,

Hope your finding some comfort through speaking to people on here. This site is full of amazing people and there is going to be someone who is going through/been through something very similar to your family so your not alone!


Although people say that everyones injuries are different i find this not to always be true. Its how it affects the person injured and also there family that makes it differnet. Try and stay strong and comfort Kalani and your daughter, Over time things will get gradually easier!

Good luck to the three of you!

Lee