37 replies to this topic

[Ronnie]

On Sunday, my beautiful 21 year old step daughter was the innocent bystander in a targeted shooting. She was struck in the neck and is now a quadriplegic. She has some movement in her biceps, but no feeling in her fingers. She has a breathing tube now, but they will be removing it, and I was told she will be able to breath on her own. I am so sad. When I go home, I just sit and cry. She was so very active and full of life. To see her lying there unable to move with such fear in her eyes breaks my heart. We are very close. I don't know what to do. I do know that I will always be there for her. I know I have to be strong for her. I just feel so lost.

[Tetracyclone]

I am terribly sorry to hear of your family's misfortune. After only a few days it is good to see a bit of movement in both biceps. I had movement in only one, and three years later can walk a bit with a walker but am hell on wheels ...when I' m on my wheels. i never had a breathing tube, though.

Yes, you will cry every day for a long time, but in a year or so it will ease up and you will start to look to the future.

My condolences.

[AlaskaOne]

I am7 months post accident and though it's hard to hear now, things do get better. I think I am the same level of injury as your stepdaughter. Encourage her, when she's ready, to log onto this site, as it's full of helpful advice. Good luck to her in in-patient therapy: that will be helpful as well. Be open to this new learning experience. I'm sorry for you and your family and good luck and BE STRONG!!!

[Ronnie]

Tetracyclone, on 18 August 2011 - 02:06 AM, said:

I am terribly sorry to hear of your family's misfortune. After only a few days it is good to see a bit of movement in both biceps. I had movement in only one, and three years later can walk a bit with a walker but am hell on wheels ...when I' m on my wheels. i never had a breathing tube, though.

Yes, you will cry every day for a long time, but in a year or so it will ease up and you will start to look to the future.

My condolences.

Thank you. I try to stay optimistic. She had just finished some schooling and was looking forward to starting work in the fall after taking the summer off. She was such a happy girl. I'm hoping that returns.

[Ronnie]

AlaskaOne, on 18 August 2011 - 02:26 AM, said:

I am7 months post accident and though it's hard to hear now, things do get better. I think I am the same level of injury as your stepdaughter. Encourage her, when she's ready, to log onto this site, as it's full of helpful advice. Good luck to her in in-patient therapy: that will be helpful as well. Be open to this new learning experience. I'm sorry for you and your family and good luck and BE STRONG!!!

Thank you. She was such a positive, up beat person. I really am hoping that will come back. If anyone can do it I think she can. She played and coached soccer, when she was in high school, she was on her swim team. Such a beautiful girl inside and out. On the plus side, she has a large support group of family and friends.
Thank you again for your thoughts. I am set this up for her, and I will keep everyone posted, and I am sure you will here from her!

Ron

[DannyR]

I am so sorry your family is going through this. Senseless!! Stay positive and stay strong.

[goose]

This is always so hard for me to hear when another young person is a victim to SCI. I was 24 when I had my sci. Being scared of the unknown [future] was the hardest part. I could probably write you a book but instead I'll just offer to answer anything you want to know one on one. Please PM or email me.

This forum has the answers to most any question you may have. It will be bad for awhile but it WILL get better.

[plank]

Ronnie, on 18 August 2011 - 03:10 AM, said:

She was such a happy girl.

Ronnie, on 18 August 2011 - 03:27 AM, said:

She was such a positive, up beat person. I really am hoping that will come back. If anyone can do it I think she can. She played and coached soccer, when she was in high school, she was on her swim team. Such a beautiful girl inside and out. On the plus side, she has a large support group of family and friends.

Ron

Ronnie

These are all attributes that will stand her in good stead for the long road ahead.
As Tetracyclone said - the movement in her biceps at such an early stage is a really positive sign.
Best wishes

Plank

[Ronnie]

DannyR, on 18 August 2011 - 04:18 AM, said:

I am so sorry your family is going through this. Senseless!! Stay positive and stay strong.

Thank you. Admittedly, I can barely hold myself together some times. To see someone you love so much who was so happy and full of life cut down, I cannot imagine what she must be feeling. It's only been a few days, and Monday she had seven hours of surgery to remove the bullet, so they have been keeping her fairly sedated.

[Smileyblue]

This is an extremely traumatic experience for EVERYONE involved! Your grieving is as much warranted as hers.. From my own experience, and because its still early days, I would like to caution you though..

My father used to get extremely upset everytime he saw me, and would even cry.. It used to make me feel terrible! There's nothing worse than seeing a parent cry, especially your father! It broke my heart that he was so sad.. And it happened every time he saw me..

I'm NOT saying don't grieve, and I'm NOT saying don't let her see you grieve either.. All I'm saying is to let her see you upbeat sometimes too.. Let her see that there is hope, that you will all get over the sad stuff and be able to be happy again.. She will take many of her cues from how others act and react..

Having said all that, I look back and wonder if I should post this.. I don't mean to be anything but helpful and supportive, so I hope that's how I come accross..

[rue2you]

Ronnie,

I will be praying for you and your daughter. Can we know her name? It will make it more personal for us on her updates. It is good that she is a positive person. She will work through this in time and it sounds like you are very devoted to support her in all the decisions she makes. Remember that her brain is fine (at least after she gets off the doping meds) and she will have her own times of grief (in front of you or not) and so will you. That is fine. Just keep communicating - she needs it and so do you!

[Ronnie]

Smileyblue, on 18 August 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

This is an extremely traumatic experience for EVERYONE involved! Your grieving is as much warranted as hers.. From my own experience, and because its still early days, I would like to caution you though..

My father used to get extremely upset everytime he saw me, and would even cry.. It used to make me feel terrible! There's nothing worse than seeing a parent cry, especially your father! It broke my heart that he was so sad.. And it happened every time he saw me..

I'm NOT saying don't grieve, and I'm NOT saying don't let her see you grieve either.. All I'm saying is to let her see you upbeat sometimes too.. Let her see that there is hope, that you will all get over the sad stuff and be able to be happy again.. She will take many of her cues from how others act and react..

Having said all that, I look back and wonder if I should post this.. I don't mean to be anything but helpful and supportive, so I hope that's how I come accross..

Thank you, Any words of advice and encouragement and sharing of personal experiences are appreciated. I am trying to stay positive, and I have not broken down in front of her because I feel that will make things worse. I can usually contain myself until I go home. I don't want her to see how truly heart broken I am. I must keep in mind that things will get better, and we will be a family again. Thank you. :-)

rue2you, on 18 August 2011 - 02:11 PM, said:

Ronnie,

I will be praying for you and your daughter. Can we know her name? It will make it more personal for us on her updates. It is good that she is a positive person. She will work through this in time and it sounds like you are very devoted to support her in all the decisions she makes. Remember that her brain is fine (at least after she gets off the doping meds) and she will have her own times of grief (in front of you or not) and so will you. That is fine. Just keep communicating - she needs it and so do you!

Thank you. Yes of course, her name is Leah.

[oldwheelz]

May I suggest you or anyone else read the Steven Fletcher story. He came from where your daughter is to become a member of parliament. The book is "What do you do when don't die"

[canuck]

Welcome Ronnie, glad to hear Leah is doing "better" then what was indicated in some of the media reporting which indicated that she would only be able to turn her head & talk. The functioning biceps are a good thing, hopefully she will get more return back as the swelling and the spinal shock wear off.

We're fortunate in BC to have some world class spine surgeons at Vancouver General.

[wheeliebear75]

Sorry that your step daughter & your entire family has been so devastated by violence.....it's always senseless. This site is a virtual Eden in many respects not the least of which being that there are many angels around here & some have even higher level injuries than Leah does. (By The Way there's another Leah here already....she's doing a shark dive soon. ) It's also been a great place for people to ask questions, vent & cry, AND to FIND HOPE!

The 1st weeks & months are the hardest with the physical and emotional turmoil but it DOES GET BETTER! My Mom had my younger sister spend most nights at a relative's house or a nieghbor because she often would go from the hospital & go cry herself to sleep but of course I never knew any of this at the time.

If she's already got use of any portion of her arms after only 48hrs that's an AWESOME sign! Knowing she is at one of the best hospitals in area with some expertise in the area of spinal surgery is also a real bonus in that they're most likely also going to have some decent PT & aftercare services.

You said she had both played AND coached soccer? Well she can certainly coach & there is quad rugby (not all leagues play it like MURDER BALL).

[Ronnie]

wheeliebear75, on 18 August 2011 - 11:37 PM, said:

Sorry that your step daughter & your entire family has been so devastated by violence.....it's always senseless. This site is a virtual Eden in many respects not the least of which being that there are many angels around here & some have even higher level injuries than Leah does. (By The Way there's another Leah here already....she's doing a shark dive soon. ) It's also been a great place for people to ask questions, vent & cry, AND to FIND HOPE!

The 1st weeks & months are the hardest with the physical and emotional turmoil but it DOES GET BETTER! My Mom had my younger sister spend most nights at a relative's house or a nieghbor because she often would go from the hospital & go cry herself to sleep but of course I never knew any of this at the time.

If she's already got use of any portion of her arms after only 48hrs that's an AWESOME sign! Knowing she is at one of the best hospitals in area with some expertise in the area of spinal surgery is also a real bonus in that they're most likely also going to have some decent PT & aftercare services.

You said she had both played AND coached soccer? Well she can certainly coach & there is quad rugby (not all leagues play it like MURDER BALL).

Hi, Thank you for the kind words. I'm so glad I found this site. :-) She played soccer up until she turned 19 and then started to coach. She was on a swim team through high school. She has been my step daughter for about 7 years. We just seemed to hit it off right away when we met. Her mom has said that she is closer with me than her biological father. Although I would never take anything away from him. His is a very kind and soft spoken man and is a good father to her. But as I'm sure a lot of fathers with daughters know, there are things their daughters would never talk to them about. :-) I do exactly what your mom does. I usually leave sit in the underground parking lot at the hospital have a good cry, drive home try to get something done, and cry myself to sleep. She is the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.

[Ronnie]

Tetracyclone, on 18 August 2011 - 02:06 AM, said:

I am terribly sorry to hear of your family's misfortune. After only a few days it is good to see a bit of movement in both biceps. I had movement in only one, and three years later can walk a bit with a walker but am hell on wheels ...when I' m on my wheels. i never had a breathing tube, though.

Yes, you will cry every day for a long time, but in a year or so it will ease up and you will start to look to the future.

My condolences.

Hi. I was told the breathing tube is only because of were the wound is, she has some swelling in her neck, so there was a concern. She hates it because she wants to talk. It should be coming out in about 4 days.

[Simba]

Welcome Ronnie to the site. So sorry about what bought you here but this is a large community with lot's of advice for you regarding SCI
Hope Leah continues to recover well, being so positive I am sure she will come through it in her own time. There is hope although at the moment you are still grieving and probably both unable to look much into the future at the moment due to it.

I second the advice from smiley, don't let her always see you down it's best to try and conceal some of your emotions if you are able to sometimes and support and encourage her as much as you can and be strong for her, she needs you through this whole process. Leah is doing amazingly well to show this amount of improvement already so hopefully she will continue to improve bit by bit. The recovery/rehabilitation from SCI regardless of the outcome tends to be a drawn out process for anybody so it's important to ensure also that you get anough rest yourself inbetween things and don't get totally worn out, you need to do this to help Leah so don't forget to look after yourself so that you can give her your best support. Try approach things more on a day to day basis. Things will get easier as time elapses. The events recently in your lives are very tragic I hope you are both able to find strength and move on from it in due course.

[Ronnie]

Simba, on 19 August 2011 - 05:04 AM, said:

Welcome Ronnie to the site. So sorry about what bought you here but this is a large community with lot's of advice for you regarding SCI
Hope Leah continues to recover well, being so positive I am sure she will come through it in her own time. There is hope although at the moment you are still grieving and probably both unable to look much into the future at the moment due to it.

I second the advice from smiley, don't let her always see you down it's best to try and conceal some of your emotions if you are able to sometimes and support and encourage her as much as you can and be strong for her, she needs you through this whole process. Leah is doing amazingly well to show this amount of improvement already so hopefully she will continue to improve bit by bit. The recovery/rehabilitation from SCI regardless of the outcome tends to be a drawn out process for anybody so it's important to ensure also that you get anough rest yourself inbetween things and don't get totally worn out, you need to do this to help Leah so don't forget to look after yourself so that you can give her your best support. Try approach things more on a day to day basis. Things will get easier as time elapses. The events recently in your lives are very tragic I hope you are both able to find strength and move on from it in due course.

Thank you so much. The support I have received here in only a few days has been very uplifting. I tend to be the kind of person that when asked how I am, I say, "I'm fine" even when I'm not. I say to people now, "Don't worry about me, let's concentrate on Leah and give 100% to what she needs."

[wheeliebear75]

One of the things you will need to remember as a caretaker is that in order to care for anyone else you FIRST have to take care of yourself.

Find out if there is any wheelchair soccer leagues in your area....if there are it may help to give her something to look forward to doing whether she is able to gain any leg or hand function or not & also to provide some commodore from other wheelchair users...IN PERSON. And don't forget....laptops via hospital wi-fi have gotten many a member on here.

[Tinbasher]

Ronnie, on 19 August 2011 - 05:37 AM, said:

I tend to be the kind of person that when asked how I am, I say, "I'm fine" even when I'm not.

Treat this as a place where you can say how you really feel. We have all gone though this in our own ways.


Sorry to hear what you are going through.

Tin

[Ronnie]

Tinbasher, on 19 August 2011 - 08:46 PM, said:

Ronnie, on 19 August 2011 - 05:37 AM, said:

I tend to be the kind of person that when asked how I am, I say, "I'm fine" even when I'm not.

Treat this as a place where you can say how you really feel. We have all gone though this in our own ways.


Sorry to hear what you are going through.

Tin

Thank you. It really has helped me coming here. Thank you to everyone.

[Smileyblue]

Just keep coming..

How is she doing? Any news?

[dianna318]

Hi Ronnie. You and your family have my condolences. I could quote everyone here as it is all very good advice.

"She was such a happy girl.She was such a positive, up beat person."

That's good and can work in her favor! Her injuries and SCI are very serious and recovery will be long and difficult. But She is ALIVE!!!

Don't fall into the trap of "She was" "She use to" "She can't anymore" It's hard but try and stay positive. This site has many amazing

stories and links of all persons with SCI can accomplish! Again, sorry for what y'all are going threw but keep your chin up and take

care so you can help Leah and her mom keep there's up too!


My Best and Warmest Regards, Dianna

[Ronnie]

dianna318, on 19 August 2011 - 11:37 PM, said:

Hi Ronnie. You and your family have my condolences. I could quote everyone here as it is all very good advice.

"She was such a happy girl.She was such a positive, up beat person."

That's good and can work in her favor! Her injuries and SCI are very serious and recovery will be long and difficult. But She is ALIVE!!!

Don't fall into the trap of "She was" "She use to" "She can't anymore" It's hard but try and stay positive. This site has many amazing

stories and links of all persons with SCI can accomplish! Again, sorry for what y'all are going threw but keep your chin up and take

care so you can help Leah and her mom keep there's up too!


My Best and Warmest Regards, Dianna

Thank you. Yes, admittedly, there are times when I have to remind myself this far from a death sentence, and mentally, she is still the same person. People here have given me lots of hope. I am cautiously optimistic.

[isobar]

Sorry to hear about your step daughter's situation and i hope better days at some point find their way in her life. Sounds like she's loved very much and that makes a big difference in helping people go through things they have to endure in life. Also welcome aboard.

[Ronnie]

isobar, on 20 August 2011 - 04:19 AM, said:

Sorry to hear about your step daughter's situation and i hope better days at some point find their way in her life. Sounds like she's loved very much and that makes a big difference in helping people go through things they have to endure in life. Also welcome aboard.

Thank you. She is only allowed to have a couple close family members in to see her now, but whenever I go to the lounge area there is a steady stream and group of people that just stop by to say say "hi" and offer there support. One person has even offered their home because they live close to the hospital.

[Tatiana]

Hi and welcome....and so sorry to hear of what has happened to your daughter.

You will find this site a great support and im sure when you daughter is able and up to it, she will also.
This is the hardest time....your in shock and also trying to deal with the physical trauma and effects of the injury.

It will get better and you will gather strength from somewhere and as a family you will all learn to adapt. Just take each day as it comes...there is still a world of possibilities for your daughter to explore..just in a different way now.

I wish you all the best and keep coming on..for a moan and a cheer up or anything other.

take care xx

[Irish Wheelz]

So sorry about your step daughter. I will put both of you in my prayer. Hope for a speedy recovery.

[greybeard]

Hi Ronnie, Sorry to read of Leah's plight, but welcome to the forum. I can't add much to what has already been said. You did well to find this place. It is a second home for many of us, and everyone here is learning to cope with a life that is not of our choosing. You will always find support here whether you come just to sound off at the unfairness of life, or to seek advice. Please take full advantage of the site. It's a great pressure relief valve, as well as probably the finest knowledge-base about spinal cord injuries.

I would recommend that you get Leah signed up here as soon as possible so that she will not feel so alone. Apparently Windows 7 has a good voice recognition program if she can't yet use a keyboard. Looking forward to meeting her here.

Edited by greybeard, 20 August 2011 - 03:06 PM.