16 replies to this topic

[The Black Sheep]

I've been hovering over the last chapter to my novel for the passed month now, partly afraid to finish and also, I wasn't entirely sure how I wanted to end it. Well, last night my brain was running a million miles a minute and at 2AM, it was done.

*Huff!* Now I'm not too terribly sure what to do! The first landmark in my hobby is done. I would like to try to get this published, if possible, but I know there are still some unrefined areas, grammar and typo errors. I've proof read the first three quarters of it about five times and worked most of the bugs out that I thought were problems, but I'm really love for anyone else to give me some feedback. My husband has heard about a third of the story, which he's way too supportive of and doesn't utter a peep of criticism, and no one else around me has the time to give it a read.


Idea behind it:
The novel is a sci-fi theme. Halbert Brent is a retired air force pilot and now works as a flight instructor for a private school out of Miami, Florida. During one flight lesson, he and four student pilots fly through some heavy fog a few miles north of Bimini and become terribly disoriented. The controls go wild, the engine stalls, his compass is spinning off its axis. They vanish off the radar, leaving the only tarnish on his entire flight record.

He awakes after a nightmare. It takes him minutes to get his bearings, finding himself a patient in a laboratory. A company called A&H claims to have rescued him from the waters while they were on a search mission for two of their lost boats. The details are fuzzy at best. These men have little information about his disappearance, and even less about his lost students. The mystery quickly spirals into chaos because the world Hal is now finding himself in is twenty six years into the future.

The novel goes through three main factions, a global conspiracy is concocted and Hal begins to unravel the mystery from which he came; The Bermuda Triangle.


I tried uploading the file a few months back, maybe even a year ago, and it was too large. It's about 1.4 MB in size, and if anyone is interested, please send me a PM with an email address. I would love, love, love to get some opinions and criticism!

[pinkcloud]

yes please

hey, i bang on and on and on about this....but i am all for audiobooks me.....especially sci stuff as its so much needed to know life dont mean doom and death..when we are lying there on backs staring up at white walls in hospital (lucky that amount of time was small.....still nearly always housebound, a grand story being heard brings comfort and we can do other stuff to.


Maybe think about approaching charities with this idea....then you aint got no nasty flipping fees to pay....and you could be starting a trend..to get these few books in spinal units everywhere. I know i still would love it here at home..hearing christopher reeves book all i got

i got the day dream aint i

[The Black Sheep]

pinkcloud, on 20 August 2011 - 12:51 PM, said:

yes please

hey, i bang on and on and on about this....but i am all for audiobooks me.....especially sci stuff as its so much needed to know life dont mean doom and death..when we are lying there on backs staring up at white walls in hospital (lucky that amount of time was small.....still nearly always housebound, a grand story being heard brings comfort and we can do other stuff to.


Maybe think about approaching charities with this idea....then you aint got no nasty flipping fees to pay....and you could be starting a trend..to get these few books in spinal units everywhere. I know i still would love it here at home..hearing christopher reeves book all i got

i got the day dream aint i

haha, everyone's gotta right to dream. I might actually see if there's a way to convert the text to an audio format. I know my grandma has a kindle that reads text. Not like an audio book, but it's an app that reads text. It's kind of a synthetic voice, but maybe if it works...

There's some death in my novel, but for the most part everyone lives that's a main character, so hopefully it's not depressing in that aspect. Oh wait, no, there is one semi-main dude that gets it. I take that back.

And there's an antagonist quad too!

[pinkcloud]

hey this kindle sounds great, i'll go look into that thank you

depressing cool, and death (in stories people i aint morbid ) when its in the name of si fi

i look forward to reading, whilst our mcwriters on her break too

[greybeard]

The Black Sheep, on 20 August 2011 - 12:16 PM, said:

I tried uploading the file a few months back, maybe even a year ago, and it was too large. It's about 1.4 MB in size, and if anyone is interested, please send me a PM with an email address. I would love, love, love to get some opinions and criticism!

You have a PM

[The Black Sheep]

Ah, I'm still confused about how to access the PMs but I think I found it!

Thank you to those willing to give it a read! As I mentioned, no one in my circle of friends has accepted the invite and I've been dying for some feedback. Even if it's just "eh" kind of feedback. I guess I'm just kind of happy I actually finished something for once, even if it's bad. I almost never finish big projects.

Appreciates my fellows!

[Snakeye]

Do yourself a big favor and travel to the nearest college to find an English major to proof the book for grammer, sentence and paragraph structure, etc.. A $100 fee or less should do it...Worth every dime..Do not send the book to a publisher for review unless you do so...Have friends and others read it for clarity and storyline...Don't proof the narritive yourself unless some time has passed since finishing the thing. If you do you will likely not spot any errors. Something to do with how the brain works I suspect...Don't be afraid to make changes and don't fear rejection or criticism...Everyone gets rejected a few times by publishers, especially if it's your first book and you can't please everyone...Unless your name is Margaret Mitchel or Hillary Clinton don't exspect to get rich from writing, especially in these tough fiscal times...Look into self-publishing and print-on-demand unless you have some hard bark on your hide and think youv'e written something you really believe can make a big splash..Good luck and be proud of your accomplishment cause it's a mighty rough chore to write a book...

[bongorum]

Snakeye has the whole thing covered. You'd do well to do everything he suggests, especially the part about getting someone proficient in the language to do your proof-reading. If greybeard's willing he's probrably your man for the job. I'll add, though, that whenever you're ready to start mailing out query letters to agents make sure your first three chapters are really tight and free of flaws. If they don't like those they don't usually ask to see the rest of your manuscript. Please keep us informed of your progress and remember that even J.K.Rowling was rejected several times. Now look at her: world- famous, pockets overflowing with money, and a bona fide celebrity to boot. Just remember us little folk when you get there.

Edited by bongorum, 22 August 2011 - 01:58 PM.

[The Black Sheep]

Thank you Snakeye! I was able to get a hold of one of my English professors, who has a published book, and she's going to be going through it over the next couple of months. Yippee! Hopefully, if she thinks there's anything worth something, she can put me in touch with the same persons who published her book.

I have no idea how long these things usually take, but I was stoked to hear back from her last night. If excitement counts for anything... well, it doesn't, but I still am.

Thank you!

bongorum, Greybeard actually was one of the volunteers, so hopefully he can shed some wisdom on matters =)

J.K.Rowlings would be an awesome person to follow, however unlikely. When I started writing the story I was actually in school for Game Art and Design, and it was a concept for a first person shooter game. I never got a job in the gaming industry, so I just continued it as a novel. But hey! If things work out... That'd be awesome!

Ok, back to dreaming in la la land of unrealistic possibilities. And let us say any of this does pan out, and by some miracle I make some money - we're all going on a nice vacation together!

Edited by The Black Sheep, 22 August 2011 - 03:29 PM.

[The Black Sheep]

Just an update! I have a literary agent! My old English instructor was published a while back and she's going to be my front woman for publishing after the massive corrections and feedback from some of you guys. This is going to be a very long process, I think, but I will definitely keep posted. And Thank you so much for your input.

One question I asked Grey Beard, I'll ask it again here. Is it wrong of me to use Troy, one of the main antagonists, as the main bad guy? I want to be somewhat sensitive about the subject, and as a para, I don't feel that I know enough about the life of a quad to use him. In the same respect, Troy is a very powerful character with a lot of personal motivation and power. He has his own reasons for his position, and he's by no means a victim in the story because of his injury, but he is the bad guy. If anyone's ever read or seen the movie The Bone Collector, you might remember Lincoln Rhymes, who was the antagonist, and he was portrayed as the ultimate good guy. Troy is the opposite, but he would be the same role even as an AB. Does this affect anything?

[edlee]

I sent you a PM. Hope you read it.
ed

[greybeard]

How's the book going? I sent you a PM asking the same but you missed it.

[The Black Sheep]

Well I'm super slow at this. I was just going through the novel for the 8th time this morning and I thought I'd check this thread.

The novel is going well, actually. Slower than I thought, but definitely got some good, realistic feedback, and a lot of the chapters were rewritten. I went through all your spelling and grammar suggestions, GB, and after looking at my writing from that perspective, I realize a lot of it was really poorly done. Not really lazy, but it's kind of weird how the writing goes from somewhat simple to a lot more refined. I was learning throughout the process and I think (not to toot my own horn) my writing got better the more I did it. Now going back to the beginning and being nit picky as a reader, not a writer, there need to be some major rewrites.

It's getting there. Still no literary agent, but I think it's still a bit early for it. I was trying to get in touch with an old english instructor, but she's swamped and just had a baby, so I'm resorting to bribing my sister in law, who also happens to be a editor =) I gave her a laptop, which conveniently had the document on her desktop...

I'm such a cheap arse.

[bongorum]

What was the most difficult part of the entire process for you? Was it contriving a plausible story? Or, was it perhaps writer's block at certain points? Or is it just having to do all those re-writes. I'm not a writer myself, but I admire people who are creatively inclined and are gifted with the ability to craft intriguing stories out of thin air, thereby creating someting out of literally nothing at all but ideas.

[The Black Sheep]

bongorum, on 02 May 2012 - 01:12 PM, said:

What was the most difficult part of the entire process for you? Was it contriving a plausible story? Or, was it perhaps writer's block at certain points? Or is it just having to do all those re-writes. I'm not a writer myself, but I admire people who are creatively inclined and are gifted with the ability to craft intriguing stories out of thin air, thereby creating someting out of literally nothing at all but ideas.

I actually think the hardest or least fun part is what I'm doing now. I had a blast writing it. I don't know if the characters or story is very believable, but when I started this in 2006 I thought the idea was awesome. Ideas always start out awesome, but I was a little high on my horse. Now when I'm going back, it's kind of disheartening seeing how bad some parts are. I'm rewriting them, which is again back to a fun part, but I kind of feel like I'm beating a dead horse with something I've already done.

The concept was actually one of the most fun parts, I thought. In 2006 I was in school for Game Art and Design, and I thought I'd become the next Warren Spector or Cliffy B. I wrote the story first as a video game concept and then broke it down into the different phases a fps would go through. I realized after graduating and sending out hundreds of resumes and portfolio links that, damn, every kid in their 20's wants to make video games. It was a lot more competitive than I thought and my idea of trying to develope it as a first person shooter theme kind of died, so I converted it to a novel... something I could hopefully finish and see the end result.

However, if by some miracle I won the lottery, or something, I would start up my own studio and make it into a FPS. =D Cyber Punk, Deus Ex, Adam Jensen style! Or JC... he was kinda cool in 2001.

Edited by The Black Sheep, 03 May 2012 - 01:06 PM.

[greybeard]

I don't want to alarm you, BS, but do you know there is a very suspicious looking guy peering over your shoulder?

[The Black Sheep]

Haha, yeah, that's my Nathan. =)