16 replies to this topic

[Scorpio81]

I just had to share this here...

Ok, so I went on a rare evening out last night to a 'comedy' club (I say comedy in inverted commas because it actually wasn't very funny!) with some friends, and we got talking to a woman on the next table. First the woman asked me why i'm in a wheelchair, can I walk at all, have I ever walked, which struck me as rude but I guess some people are just like that. Then they all got to talking about their kids (all of my friends have children), so she turned to me and asked me if I have any. I said I didn't, but then she came out with this: 'not being funny, but can you have kids, what with being disabled' :-O I just didn't know what to say! I felt really put on the spot and singled out, which I tend to feel anyway, being the only one out of my group of friends who isn't married with kids (kind of a sore spot). I just mumbled something about not knowing if I can have kids or not because i've never tried - just like any other woman really! I just couldn't believe how rude she was! I would NEVER ask a childless woman, disabled or not, if she's able to have children - it can be a really sensitive subject, and it's none of anyone's business anyway.

Why does there seem to be this misconception that disabled people must be reproductively challenged? The level of ignorance and insensitivity with some people never ceases to amaze me.

Anyone ever experienced a perfect stranger asking such personal questions?

[rue2you]

Yes! However I have 6 children (although just with the last one was I in a wheelchair) and so they look at me more like "how?" And yes, I have been asked that multiple times! And I still don't think I have a general answer. Most of the time, I just generally blubber out whatever I think of. I need to work on that! Sorry that happened to you though. It is very awkward and rude!

[mellowgator]

scorpio81,

you're not under any obligation to discuss your disablility with anyone. especially random drunks. i would of told her i'm enjoying time with my friends and don't want to discuss my disablity. you shouldn't have to subject yourself to idiots like this one.

[rollingtrouble]

I got to the point of when a stranger asks me why I'm in a wheelchair, I just tell them I'm lazy. And I've had some young ladies ask me if I can still have sex, and I tell them "Lets go see"

Edited by rollingtrouble, 28 August 2011 - 11:56 PM.

[tsh3406]

Not to stir the pot, but look at it this way, who else is she gonna ask? You were in a great position to educate someone. It happens to me once in a while, and truthfully, males with an SCI do have the odds stacked against us. I'm usually pretty blunt about it and say something like, "I don't know, let's go find an empty stall and find out".

T

[Scorpio81]

rollingtrouble, on 28 August 2011 - 11:51 PM, said:

I got to the point of when a stranger asks me why I'm in a wheelchair, I just tell them I'm lazy. And I've had some young ladies ask me if I can still have sex, and I tell them "Lets go see"






imagesCAW2BCG0.jpg

Hahaha brilliant

[Scorpio81]

tsh3406, on 29 August 2011 - 12:04 AM, said:

Not to stir the pot, but look at it this way, who else is she gonna ask? You were in a great position to educate someone. It happens to me once in a while, and truthfully, males with an SCI do have the odds stacked against us. I'm usually pretty blunt about it and say something like, "I don't know, let's go find an empty stall and find out".

T

I see what you're saying about 'educating' people, but I still don't understand why she needed to know?! I don't think any woman knows whether she can bear children or not until she actually tries. Who knows, maybe I can't have kids, but if I can't I know it wont be because of my back.

[mellowgator]

tsh3406, on 29 August 2011 - 12:04 AM, said:

Not to stir the pot, but look at it this way, who else is she gonna ask? You were in a great position to educate someone. It happens to me once in a while, and truthfully, males with an SCI do have the odds stacked against us. I'm usually pretty blunt about it and say something like, "I don't know, let's go find an empty stall and find out".

T

hi t,

if you are a friendly outgoing guy who loves to talk about your injury great. educate the world. but if you get your feelings hurt easily when people don't know about sci maybe you should back out of these conversations. whatever floats your boat.

i personally hate it when the conversation turns to my injury. if i meet someone who ask me something wc related right off the bat, i quickly disengage myself from this person. if i had a dollar for every old man who's told me to slow down or i'd get a ticket i'd be rich beyond my wildest dreams.

mellowgator

Edited by mellowgator, 29 August 2011 - 02:04 AM.

[Snakeye]

No one in my hometown would dare ask me a question like that cause I pack a pistol all the time and act crazy as a shithouse mouse...Plus most my fellow citizens know I've been a bit on the unpredictible side ever since I came home from the military and as far as they know things haven't improved much in the past few years..*The VA certified me as suffering from PTSD many moons back by the way....So that keeps the awkward questions down to a minimum...I admit the whole thing is really a farce since I came to my senses long ago, have mellowed out considerble and my wife won't even let me have any bullets for my pistol anymore... But, since my nasty reputation has kept folks, including the local law dogs, off my butt for a considerble length of time I think I'll keep that our little secret..

[Ohiokitten4]

Hi Scorpio,

I think most of us have dealt with people like that, I know I have for sure. My in laws always thought I wouldnt have children. When we told his mom, she said to me... how is that possible? Well duh, I wanted to say, cuz your son boinked my brains out..LOL... anyways.. I know it pisses us off when people do this, but, many people havent been around someone in a chair. They are curious and you must have looked like someone that was easy to talk to. I have been to parties where I have been on the "hot seat" I have been asked if hair grows still on my legs...ummm yes... wish it didnt.. I have been asked if I ever feel hungry or hunger pains. My husband was asked "Why in the world would you want to marry a half dead woman"..<<yeah that was a drunk.. I think you name it.. its been asked to me. It really used to bother me when I would get out of my car, I have a chair topper and people would constantly stare at me and point, to me it was so rude! But I agree with the guys, If you want to have some fun and throw them for a loop..say something off the wall.. most likely they will get the hint.

[tsh3406]

Ya know, I'm not a real big fan people asking rediculous shit either, I used to be the same way, immediately back away from the conversation. There's a huge difference though, between people who are just dumbasses and the ones who are legitimatly interested and care. Maybe Ohio is right, you looked like someone who'd be easy to talk to. Personally, I have a lot of respect for the folks that have balls enough to walk up to a guy that looks like me, or some Oklahoma hillbilly ;) and ask questions like that. Yeah, I smart off a little, but mostly to put them at ease and let them know it's ok to ask whatever they want. I'm not saying you should be that way, it's just an observation that some folk get very offened by people's ignorance, but get just as offended when questions are asked.

Tim

[Ohiokitten4]

haha..my friends would always say, when people stared at me getting out of my car, yeah keep on staring..thats how she ended up in the chair to begin with... not watching where they were going!~!~ So above all...hey we were all dealt a really shitty hand and ending up in chairs... but shit...why not have some fun along the way.. they dont seem to care if they have fun at our expense.. so be sarcastic.. and think quick!

[wheeliebear75]

Yeah I'm with Mel.....I mean....I've got a web-friend from Australia & she hadn't been able to have children....nothing "wrong" with her as far as being in a wheelchair but she wanted to have children since she was a little girl...& being an only child if anything only reinforced wanting to have a child to not only have her life-long dreams of motherhood fulfilled but for their family to live on. Now if she'd been out with your friends that question could have easily mad her running to the ladies room to compose herself & fix her makeup. Asking a woman those kind of questions when you don't really know her IS RUDE regardless of disability or not.

I've had a lady @ my Dr.'s OB office almost shocked that we can even get pregnant. This lady came up to me while I was waiting to be called in for my OB appointment and said/asked; "I didn't know you people could get pregnant?"....which just as she said that I heard my name & saw the nurse opening the door, so I told her "Oh yeah they've got this new procedure now where they implant an embryo @ the 1/2 way point so we only have to carry them for LAST HALF.", & proceeded to go with the nurse.....and as I did I heard the lady remark to another lady "Wow they sure are doing amazing things with medical science these days.". My legs were swollen, I wasn't feeling so great....& well....she picked the WRONG DAY to be STUPID!

Whether I; educate, ignore, OR "mess with"....pretty much depends.

[KayDub]

Before I got sick I never thought adults would come up to someone and be so rude. Low and behold a few months after I got out of hospital, maybe just a month, I was at a Forth of July party at this clubhouse for the community my dad belongs to. I'm sitting with my fiance and dad when an older woman and her daughter come over with what I assumed was her granddaughter. The probably 4 or 5 year old girl takes the snacks we're munching on and digs through them with her grubby hands and eats them. I guess that should have been give away number one. Then the grandmother, who can't be much older than her 50s, or at least trying to look much younger, turns to me and asks "What's wrong with you?" No alcohol involved. For whatever reason I tried to explain what happened to me, when I was done she just shrugged and was like "Oh you'll be fine, I thought you were one of though paraplegics or something who had a car accident." I was too shocked to respond. I should have commented on how someone her age should not be trying to match her granddaughters outfit of a denim mini skirt and tight red top. But I wasn't witty enough. I have two people I'd consider friends at law school so far and feel comfortable talking about what happened to me. However since people have seen me in the halls in my chair for two and a half weeks now they've started approaching me to ask what's wrong. I don't want to make them think I'm unfriendly or cold or anything like that so I explain, and some have made the same ignorant comments about, "Oh so you'll walk again then? You're not really hurt." I probably won't walk again, so it's kind of a stinging reminder.

Argh. People.

[pinkcloud]

Hi scorpio

Yeap all the time.

For me, i find for people its a conversation starter like, when i used to walk a dog. Before i know it, they are telling me about health worries, fears, loved ones whom are ill. They ask how i cope so well and they then say 'ohh yeah, i never thought of it this way'. They also tell me of places that are wheelchair friendly to visit. Ten minutes out of me life isnt too much to spare on another'. Just like many take time from their life to open doors, wait for me to pass on wheels and reach to get somethin i cant.

What i find annoyng is the responses of some men, whom ask me if i can still have sex, and if i cant then could they could help me try to fnd out. That they are a 'giver' not a 'taker'....to which i tell them to 'f*@k right off'.

What i find extremely rude is people who walk by and try really hard not to look at me. Then again i've been guilty of this in the past, like i didnt even notice a lot of elder people and plainer looking and or dressers . Not nice me being on the receving end of this, so its something i've been made aware of. And I smile, with 95% of people who smile back. Made me world a lot bigger place.







.

[rue2you]

I have these stick people on the back of my van. I was in Kroger's the other day and a lady walked up to me and said, "Are you the lady with the van that has a stick family on the back of it?" I thought sarcastically to myself, "Now what in the world gave you that idea?" However, I smiled and said "Yes I am." She went into a stick family conversation at that point....however, I just thought it was funny because it was obviously the wheelchair that she identified with.

Another thing that happened recently is that my girlfriend had a baby. I went to see her the hospital was having construction and you had to use valet parking. I pulled up and they came to my door and opened it and tagged my van and wanted me to get out. They were standing right in my door area. I said, "Uhmm, I need to get my wheelchair out if you can give me just a little room." That young girl who was the valet looked so shocked. It was hilarious. She asked how long I would be and when I came out, she had the van at the front door for me. As I wheeled behind my van, she pointed at my stick people and she said, "Are those ALL your children?!" I said, "Yes, but they look better in person." She died laughing and within 2 minutes I was "an inspiration." Funny people.

Just last night, I was at Dollar General and had shopped, wheeled out with my bags and a cart, opened my hatch and was loading my bags when a cart return guy came over to me and started loading my bags for me in the van. I just thanked him for his kindness because I don't want to scare him off from being kind in the future to some little old lady who probably would really need his help. I am not that little old lady though....at least not yet!

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Edited by rue2you, 29 August 2011 - 03:15 PM.

[wheeliebear75]

That's great....LOVE the sticker Rue!