19 replies to this topic

[Charlie-boi]

Hello, I got injured last Xmas eve! I still can't come to terms and accept it! I still see my mates and have a lauf but I don't realy go out in public! Its like I'm waiting on a injury to heal before getting on with my life! I just hate things and don't want to let go on what I used to be! Sometimes it realy hits me how bad things are and I feel a horrible dread feeling about life and how much I've mested it up?? Does anyone else not accept their injury! Thanks charlie

[Edinburgh Colin]

I'll give you one piece of advice. I was discharged Feb 2010 after 10 months in hospital so I had all summer to try and get out and about.
I did to a certain extent but not enough considering I was physically strong enough. Winter came and Iwas stuck inside for months. I went down hill mentally a huge amount and have tried to spend this summer getting back up there.
My advice, do not waste what is left of the good weather and get out and mingle at every opportunity, the weather will turn and it wont be so easy and you will regret no getting out there.
It will not make you accept the injury but will help you to live with it which is a huge part of it!
Good luck and get out there.
EC

[Ratticis]

Biggest thing to remember is you're still the same person ypu were before, just now you're sitting down, and probably gotta deal with a lot more idiots on a daily baisis. And sometimes, you just gotta stop for a minute and go "This sucks!" Bitch, scream, yell, cry, whatever, then afterwords, pull yourself back together and get on with life. Not more than 2 hours ago I was transfering from my chair into bed for a minute so i could change my pants and the brake came off and my chair kinda took off across the room and to the floor I went. Had a hell of a time getting back in, eventually reached my phone and called my dad who came and helped me out. Then just sat there on the floor like an idiot until he got there, watching some crappy show on TV cus the remote was out of my reach. But, like the old saying, when the going gets tough, the tough get a gun. Anyway, good luck and keep kicking ass

[D. Smith]

The only thing I've accepted is that I got hurt. That I was hurt in an accident and am still recovering. I won't act as though I'm tough as nails cause I still have been torn up by the experience. The only thing (my thoughts anyways) that I can do from here is adapt and overcome. As cliche as it sounds, that has helped me through all this.

Edited by D. Smith, 04 September 2011 - 05:19 AM.

[wheeliebear75]

I think MANY of us have that "OK this will be over at some point! Right?" going through our heads. How long it takes to REALIZE it's NOT "going away" depends on the individual. For ME it took quite a while....much of this I suspect is cuz I'm one of those who is able to do some hobbling around with crutches. But after a number of years I finally excepted it; not willingly or without a fit of screaming (not too much kicking....I made up for it in SCREAMING), but sitting at home didn't make me not disabled it just made me a shut in, & lets face it....no matter what my mind wants to think is "reality"....it's NOT....gimping around IS the "new ME" so I just learned to deal with as it comes.

[Tatiana]

Hey Charlie-boi.....for a start, u havent messed up hun..yr injury isnt yr own fault, accidents happen u dont plan them.

I went through an initial period of being very depressed and frustrated when i tried to do a simple task and i couldnt do it.
I wondered what my worth was and wondered how i would enjoy anything again.

This probably lasted for about 2 months but i then started to get back into sync..I reminded myself that i am the same person i was before.
Still awkward..stubborn..determined..fiesty and my sense of humour completely intact......enough tools therefor to give myself a good kick up the ass! ..and get on with it and the life that i still wanted to be a part of.
However i am now presented to the world..it is my life....and yours is yours to live and enjoy.

Remember who you are..never forget it...you are you and you happen to have a SCI.
Keep yourself mentally happy, keep getting out and about, however hard it may seem..it WILL get easier...and keep making planse for new opportunities and experiences.

Your US trip sounds great..keep up the plans and make sure you go and do all the things you want to.

You are young..so go go go have fun, enjoy..it is possible you know and everytime you feel its all a pisser get back on here, come in chat..and we will all give u the kick up the ass that u need!..in a nice way of course.


Next time you come and post i expect some news of what u have been up to!
take care x

[Millard]

Hi Charlie,

When I was injured, the psychologist told me it took about 2 years for a para and 4 years for a quad. It took me a little over 5 years but it will happen. You need to go on with your life and be patient as it does get better.

Good luck.

[davjed]

Sometimes our bodies heal faster than our minds. It took me years and years to get where I was comfortable who I was and accept what I am. Now I sm fighting not to relapse over aging related problems. Accept and enjoy where you are in life and fight to hold on to it.

Edited by davjed, 04 September 2011 - 06:13 PM.

[knightrider]

For me I was fine when i left hospital but then depression hit me after about 8 months, I never went out, had no confidence, always thinking of the past and all the what ifs, hated pictures being taken of me in my chair. It taken me a while to feel comfortable with my body, years in fact! But now i'm fine with it, i've become to except it, yes i'll always wish to be an able bodied person again, who wouldn't, but if you waste time dwelling on the past and feeling sorry for yourself and not getting on with life the harder it will be for you.

Everyone is different, just keep busy and try and enjoy life, it gets easier trust me. Maybe join in a local Basketball team or something. If friends ask you if you want to go out for a few hours and catch up or a night out....GO! Don't work yourself up thinking of what about toilets and all that jazz, trust me once you're out you'll have a good time and think what the fuss was about. I was the same.

Since you're in the UK, why don't you go on a Back-up Trust course like a multi-activity one in the Lake district or something? You'll love it and will do wonders for your confidence, you'll feel like a new person after,even if you're crap at wheel chair skills by the end of the week you'll be able to do all sorts. That week was the best thing i ever done because after it, it made me realise there is so much out there i can still do, and haven't looked back since, well to tell you the truth the only time i look back now is when theirs a great view behind me

Then because you are out doing stuff and getting on with your life, having fun, meeting new people doing every day things or whatever, in time you'll just think wow it ain't so bad after all.

[Ratticis]

Millard, on 04 September 2011 - 01:26 PM, said:

Hi Charlie,

When I was injured, the psychologist told me it took about 2 years for a para and 4 years for a quad. It took me a little over 5 years but it will happen. You need to go on with your life and be patient as it does get better.

Good luck.

That just goes to prove that psycologists don't know f*@k all.

[Ted 303]

Hi Charlie, for a start its not ur falt lik Tatiana said accident happen. I think its normal to ask youself all the ?s, why did i choose to go over the balcony to get to my car all the questions each person asks themselves no matter what the cause. The start is always the hardest & i no what u mean about not goin out in public I did the same thing for about 6-12months after coming out of hospital.

It will get easier its just learning new ways of doing things. i had a powerchair sitting in the front room for ages because i thought i looked stupid & that it made things look worse than what they actually were, once i had one/two trips made to town I gained confidence eachtime & now instead of not being to leave the house I cant come home

you have to get out an attempt things because WHEN u suceed & u WILL. u will get confidence & draw strenght from each little thing u do however small it may seem, eg I thought i would never be able to shave myself I spent time holding the razor & now im faster than i was with grip! same goes for cookin,putting down fires just everyday shit. I didnt think I would be able to speak up 2 people either at the start & the last nite i was out the guy on the door said people could hardly walk around in here I said well they had better make room so hadnt they

trust the guys on this site it will get easier one day at a time ya & remember if u dont get out ther & live life, try things & the confidence WILL come bit by bit. Rome wasnt built in a day! Hope this help cha.

ted

[The Black Sheep]

I still haven't accepted it after 13 years. I've adjusted to what needs to be but I've never really accepted that this is going to be my life forever. Maybe I'm just stubborn as a rock, but I'm still not ready to give up the hope that it might happen someday. Whether by miracle or science, I still dream about it. In the meantime, though, the ramp was build and the kitchen counters have been lowered. That sort of adapting had to happen... for now anyway.

[greybeard]

In the ten years that my symptoms have been developing, I can say with certainty that I have not accepted anything about my condition either. I know things will get progressively worse as time passes and I fight against this every day. I hate that I have to do damned near everything sitting on my arse now, or struggling to find ways to do the simplest task one handed if I'm trying to stay on my hind legs. I don't know how to not fight it.

[Charlie-boi]

Thankyou very much for all your kind words and advice! I think for the non accepters they probly view the injury like me as an evil you don't want to win by it staying around and you haveing to live by it's rules in a chair! But I respect all of you that have come to terms and obviously done well and achieved alot! I'm currently on the later stages of selection for a big stem cell trial and I know it's extremely unlikely I will improve but I feel like i don't want to get out their before I know what's going on their! And maybe after that I can try to accept things more! I guess it doesn't matter if we totally accept or not.. But what does matter is you gotta get out and live!

[Aparr]

Charlie~
Absolutely, get out there and do it! I'm only 2 years post. The one thing I try to tell myself when I'm feeling down, sorry for myself or need to do something I can't muster the energy to do...the only person I'm hurting is myself.
Good luck & take care of yourself!
April

[Ted 303]

Thats the job charlie life 2 short! take care.

[bongorum]

After my own injury, while I was lying in the hospital bed, I fell into a deep depression. I was fortunate in that I never really experienced any sort of true physical pain before or after my operation, but the emotional pain, well that was something else. It was like living in a dark, empty room, or box, from which there was just no escape. I spent many a year imprisoned in that box, mourning for what I had lost, with unremitting grief as my constant companion. For most of that time, frustration compounded by a feeling of utter worthlessness had succeeded in eroding my innate, autonomic self-preservation instincts to the point where I just wanted to die every minute of every day. By then I was also entirely unable to regulate the self-loathing and self-contempt that were consuming me alive. But eventually there came a point where, although the pain was still there, I found that I had somehow moved past it. I’ve returned to that box many times since, when my heart and soul have been overcome by darkness, but I always manage to emerge again with the understanding that I am here now and must deal with the moment and not try to distract myself worrying about the past or the future. It is a hard road we’ve all had to travel, Charlie, one that is straight, featureless and daunting, and although no one can predict how and when you’ll emerge from your own box, you can be sure that you will on your own terms and at your own pace. Then and only then will you begin accepting your limitations and that they are self-evident truths. By then, too, you will have found a way past your pain. You are a brave, strong-willed, young man, Charlie, that much I sense is true about you, and I am certain these traits will serve you well as you forge your way ahead. As horribly cliched as it may sound, you must just give it time, my friend.

Edited by bongorum, 05 September 2011 - 05:20 PM.

[j2cool]

I am 2 years post and I believe I have accepted my new life pretty well. There Came a point in rehab when God said everything is going to be alright and from that point on I began to accept it. I would be lying if I said that there werent bad days but on those days you just have to try and keep your head above water and tell yourself that tomorrow will be better, and believe it! Just remember its not the end of the book only a new chapter.

[Ted 303]

hi jcool, well said & well done!! everyone in every walk of life has bad days its either sink or swim so im gonna swim on!!

[djtut111]

Hello everyone
My name is Amit and I had a motorcycle accident three years ago and I had a few days at least while I was in rehabilitation. I always had thoughts of "why it happened to me" and "What have I done to myself"
But I am today as a person in a wheelchair for three years ago can tell you that today my life is much better after the accident. I look at things in life and just laugh about everything, I look at things more seriously And I enjoy the little things in life
I actually made ​​my peace with my injury at the beginning of this difficult period and today I'm going to weddings and dances and I'm happy and glad with myself.
I do not care how other people react to my presence nearby or general people's reactions. I live my life I feel good with what I have and what I have left. I am not ashamed of myself or my body
Once you accept a fact that you are in a wheelchair and all the implications of that you will actually allow other people to like you and get close to you and here's a good thing