33 replies to this topic

[Muskie]

Hi my son Nick was injured with a C5 complete on Aug 2, he has no sensation below his chest and limited use of his arms. He was entering into his final year of under grad studies, he was going to become a physical therapist. I've have coached my son his entire life and was able to fix any problem he had. He is so depressed and frequently talks of suicide, which has taken its toll on his mother and I. We look for the right things to say and try to stay positive. We are running out of ideas and words. Is there any thing we can do? He was always the life of the party and people just naturally we attracted to him, he doesn't want to see people any more and is losing so much weight. We are so afraid of losing him, and we feel helpless. Any advice would be appreciated

[KK*]

Mom,

You can't fix this one.

I was injured in July last year and believe me, it is something I have thought about more than once and came quite close. One good thing is, he's talking about it. I am not sure what all the books say, I just know from personal experience. When I was talking I had a glimmer of hope and just looking for the answer to the question I wasn't quite able to express in words, it's more of a feeling. To be honest, what saved me were a few things, 1) The suffering my family would endure and I'm pretty sure it would cause my parents to divorce. (Felt guilty just transferring the hurt and pain to my family. 2) My faith, or lack there of and 3) That darn stipulation in my life insurance policy! Seriously that about sums it up.


Let him know it is common to feel this way and tell him if he doesn't believe you then there is a former Louisiana triathlete that fell off her stupid balcony railing that would be more than happy to compare notes with him.

Hang in there Mom, Godspeed.

KK

[Tetracyclone]

Muskie,
Welcome to the forum. After barely more than a month all of you are still in shock.
Remember that- it is a most difficult period, but it passes. Your son will regain more abilities. Many of us were initially diagnosed as complete, bur later discovered we could move something we should not have been able to move.

Loosing weigh is not good and slows the recovery greatly. protein drinks help. This is like olympic training and he should take it very seriously. Start reading up on intensive physical therapy. Also electrical stimulation. 90% of SCId people, at, this time, regain some ability to use their legs, and bear weight on them.

Don't give up your coaching role, but this is a new field for you to study up on.

Confidence is just as infectious as despair, so get to work, Coach.

[HaYn]

I can definetly relate to your family especially your son. Our injury level is about the same and im about a yr and a half into it. The intial shock of it all is devastating its really an emotional rollercoaster. Being that your son is an aspiring physical therepist im sure hes a hardworker! Work your ass off my friend...you will get better in a lot of ways. Your body will heal itself to what magnitude no one can say but give urself the best shot. Feel free to ask me anything....fight on!

Check out these links! Read um to anyone who said youll never walk again

http://www.spinalcor...Rummerfield.php

http://www.army.mil/..._from_Accident/

[tomsov]

muskie. in this world there are people who support and people who don't know how to have hope. really my advice in this can't be taken do to the fact that when my parents were trying to figure out a way to tell me that i was paralyzed i snuck in an told them before they even had a chance. suicide is rough so is being paralyzed. there is a lot of shit going on being a little over a month. Meds and pain and constantant poking and prodding is taking its toll on him too. The kicker of this though is he has seemed to lost hope completely. My suggestion is find out what others have done in his position. show him what he is capable of doing. i am a para, not a quad. i definitely would say that things will get back to normal. When my accident happened i didn't want people to see me either. the only people i allowed were my close family. i recommend finding out what he is capable of doing. in rehab he is going to find out what is functionality will be. and from that support him in what he wants. quads function. this dude i met. he gave me a website, at the abilities expo http://superchairing.org/. the aatv, i saw up close and was pretty sweet. steering, gas, and brake were all on servo motors. being the kid was a quad for safetly he had a 5 point harness for a safety belt. and so his feet wouldn't fly around, they used binding for snowboards. you said he wanted to be a pt. pt's and ot's that i had were good but didn't really explain real life to me. being that he is a sci surviver he'd be able to help out possibly still do what he wants to do. good luck. if he wants to talk to me or if you do PM me. i will try to help you as much as possible. really there is still a lot to do. check out that site. i am not affiliated with it but i get ideas of what i personally want to do.

[Ratticis]

Basicly, he's got 2 options, give up or carry on. Number 2 isn't easier, but it is definitly more rewarding. If possible, get him in here talking to some of the awesome gimps around here. It's amazing how much some of these folks have over come and how much they accomplish and most of all, how we're all STILL just normal (well, somewhat normal) people. Life goes on, not always easy, but usually the things that are truly worth it aren't. Good luck! And, I know it's kinda cliche, but it does get easier.

[goose]

Being depressed is normal so is losing weight for his level[mine too]. There is no one answer or a quick remedy. Keep encouraging him to fight! The first 2 years are the hardest and the most crucial for gaining the most back. Try to find him an outlet to relieve the anger and frustration.
He needs to blow some steam! You can't imagine all the emotions he has tucked inside. Being scared and alone,[ even though yall around]he knows the uncertainty of the injury. A high percentage will gain more function back within the next two years but he has to try hardier than he has ever tried before. Once the gains start happening, he'll start improving mentally. Good luck!

Where is he doing rehab?

[Edinburgh Colin]

Tetracyclone, on 06 September 2011 - 03:41 AM, said:

Muskie,
Welcome to the forum. After barely more than a month all of you are still in shock.
Remember that- it is a most difficult period, but it passes. Your son will regain more abilities. Many of us were initially diagnosed as complete, bur later discovered we could move something we should not have been able to move.

Loosing weigh is not good and slows the recovery greatly. protein drinks help. This is like olympic training and he should take it very seriously. Start reading up on intensive physical therapy. Also electrical stimulation. 90% of SCId people, at, this time, regain some ability to use their legs, and bear weight on them.

Don't give up your coaching role, but this is a new field for you to study up on.

Confidence is just as infectious as despair, so get to work, Coach.

TC's right about the protein drinks. When I was in the high dependancy unit for the first 4 weeks after my accident the nutritionist had me on 3500 calories/day to maintain weight. She explained that after such a trauma the system focuses on fixing the core injury, neurological! The bodies quickest source of energy is the muscles and these horrible drinks (fortisip I think) provide an alternative and protect from the initial muscle atrophy,
If you can get some of these down him he may have some more energy and a reciprocal lightening of his mood.
It's early days so try and keep your heads up and provide as much support as he'll accept.
Good Luck,
EC

[iSmokeMeth420]

You should bake him a cake with his favorite things illustrated in frosting I think that'd make him feel alot better. Trust me he'll come around eventually.

If it was my cake it'd have a monster truck, bbq grill, maybe an ear of corn, fishing pole, fat bowl of trees, some sun glasses, diet orange soda, a cool cell phone, sea shell, lighter, pocket knife, larry the cable guy, hound dog, big ol bullfrog, beard/mustache, tits and maybe a big ol stack of flap jacks.

He'll be back to 'em self in no time

[Muskie]

I want to thank you all for your candor and compassion. I will definitely check out all of these websites and do more research before I break out the "coach' whistle". Nick is currently at Kessler in West Orange, New Jersey with his mom while I work and take care of the animals. I loved the song made me well up and the cake idea is great. Thanks again to all of you.

[pinkcloud]

Hi Muskie
..its a long one i pre-warn, yet not pointless waffle :-)

thank for sharing with us,

Me children dont have sci, yet they sure as heck have had some other tough times. Its hurts to see them hurt like nothing else, yet I always help them understand that in no way would this hurt ever stop me being able to cope with anything they got to tell me in life. Its part of our job as a parent and a contract for life we very dedicated to stick too and happily do so too. I know we think they know this..but they dont unless we tell thm. We know this ourself as being children ourself and now as parent ourselfs, that its not until we are parents ourself, can we even try to understand this.

what did i say....well, i told them that they were happy in life and were the amazing people they were before 'a life event' got them to change how they valued and felt about themself...when all was more happy for them in the world....they are still the same people now...just they are that same person in tougher times too.

that person inside them never disapears, but sometimes they can forget who they are, because all that was familiar to them has changed. a lot like being a caring,kind clever doctor is still the same person if they went to visit a tribe in the deepest parts of a otherwise deserted island, yes they have to adjust to a new way of life and not one that they want to adjust too either. The status wont be recognised, they dont have clean hospitals and assistants to help..yet they still rmember all they got taught, they still could save lives...they are still them.

We love our children for who they are all the time, even if they were once popular yet now become loners, to have had a great career but now work for free in a charity shop.....we love them whomever they were..are..and will be.

We dont know what to dream about in life anymore..because lots of our dreams involved the life we led..we never expected this to change..we never had a back up plan of 'well i am dreaming of a holiday to safari, then start a new job at one of these great companies, then marry a wonderful partner with everything i have its all possible...we dont tend to think 'now..just incase i get some major bad life shattering health condition like loose half or more of the use of me body i shall do all this instead'.....

All i'm doing here is pointing out simle stuff you will know.I'm no expert in if this is right or wrong, if it works for others....but as time and panic takes grip we forget to deal with the basic small stuff....what are our life basic needs? To eat, to sleep, to go toilet...then comes of course to be loved for who we are..unconditional love and being acccepted....

The rest is just a bonus we build up in life from these strong foundations...with sci thesebasics are not always met...sadly its not just sci that stops little babies not recieving this in the world..its the parents, the country they grew up in....many of these babies have it hard in life..they grow up to be happy people and/or successful people...sure made me the hope i would do it too, thats not a 'there are worse cases out there' talk, its 'theres hope' talk.

people talk of being 're-born when they find religion, the fairytales tell us that women wake up from a coma or life of povety when their man comes to save them to a whole new existence.

well, in a way, with sci all..and i say all as i mean all..people .involved with sci have a new life to adapt too. Its reported as a medical fact depression can hit hard due to chemical changes in us as well as emotional stuff

Please do remember in life if you can, your his parents, you will always do the best you can with the information you have at that time. Its not always right, but its all we can have at the time and hat is ok, we do our very best.

All the above....its what i told meself and was told to me by others and i am happy to say it works for me, not 100 per cent all day long...yet i'm still here and yeap i am really happy the majority of the time. Ok i not got sci nealy as bad as many on here..however its the worst physical/limited mobility i ever had in life so far..so to me only, i have it as bad as it has got so far for me in life.

I wish you all the very best.
Your still great parents who love him just as much and do all you can..it just seems sometimes we are not when we deal with stuff in their life we never had to go thorough ourself.'

[andypandy17]

Hi there

I didn't have an accident so my change in life wasn't as so sudden as your son's but just as unexpected.

I DID take a serious overdose 2 years ago at the time I regretted it not working, but now 2 years on I have found the things I CAN do which are important and not the things I CANNOT.

I have met people I would never had met if this hadn't happened to me, I have done things I would never have done and found a sport I love which has actually saved me. I play wheelchair tennis and it is my passion.

I know your son can't possibly think of a sport at the moment, but I sure it will come.

You know this but just tell him suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

He will feel better, just over a month is so early on his recovery.

Love from the UK

[Ginny]

Muskie, I'm so glad you wrote this post. I see lots of good suggestions before mine and agree with everything.

It's still so early in your son's recovery that it's hard to imagine what his life might become. At this point, even medical personnel aren't comfortable with delivering a prognosis because so much can happen. The waiting can be the hardest thing of all and it can take a lot of time to identify if some recovery will occur.

All of us who've been SC injured have been through it and have come through the experience in various ways. I hope your son doesn't give up hope for a meaningful life. None of us wanted to be paralyzed. None of us wanted to have our lives taken off the rails in such a severe manner. However, once it happened, many of us learned that there is still a lot of life left to be had.

Once he is able, have him visit this site. He will meet many people in similar circumstances who can offer advice and a sympathetic shoulder.

If you have a chance, check Youtube and look for some videos of people who've done well with their spinal cord injuries. Shepherd Center has posted a series of success stories. Some you may not initially consider to be successes. A young man without use of his arms and legs would initially seem to be one of these. However, when you see what he accomplishes, artwork, fun with his friends, normal outings, he no longer seems like a sad case...just another young man gettin' on with life.

I hope that you find some comfort here. My heart goes out to your son and and to you and the rest of the family. These times will be hard for everyone. Circle the wagons and be strong together.

[Millard]

KK*, on 06 September 2011 - 02:45 AM, said:

Mom,

You can't fix this one.

I was injured in July last year and believe me, it is something I have thought about more than once and came quite close. One good thing is, he's talking about it. I am not sure what all the books say, I just know from personal experience. When I was talking I had a glimmer of hope and just looking for the answer to the question I wasn't quite able to express in words, it's more of a feeling. To be honest, what saved me were a few things, 1) The suffering my family would endure and I'm pretty sure it would cause my parents to divorce. (Felt guilty just transferring the hurt and pain to my family. 2) My faith, or lack there of and 3) That darn stipulation in my life insurance policy! Seriously that about sums it up.


Let him know it is common to feel this way and tell him if he doesn't believe you then there is a former Louisiana triathlete that fell off her stupid balcony railing that would be more than happy to compare notes with him.

Hang in there Mom, Godspeed.

KK

Hi Muskie,

I went very much the way of KK except I didn't have insurance. I was very serious about suicide and about 3 times I had a gun to the head, loaded, cocked, safety off and finger on the trigger... starting to put pressure on the trigger. I don't know why I stopped. I stayed this way almost 5 years. Then one day everything seemed better and I don't know why. I was working at Goodwill Industries at the time and the executives noticed the change. I started riding a 3-wheeled bike and exercising a lot. I went from 130 lbs. (6'3) to 175 and was much, much stronger. I was selected and Goodwill worker of the year locally. I received a call from Goodwill Industries of America in Washington, D.C. that I had been selected as the National worker of the Year. I was not only very happy for this achievement, but especially because my parents had sacrificed so much. They could see the fruits of their labor and were bubbling with pride.

Good luck and God speed.

Edited by Millard, 07 September 2011 - 02:37 PM.

[BudLOVER]

Ratticis, on 06 September 2011 - 05:32 AM, said:

Basicly, he's got 2 options, give up or carry on. Number 2 isn't easier, but it is definitly more rewarding. If possible, get him in here talking to some of the awesome gimps around here. It's amazing how much some of these folks have over come and how much they accomplish and most of all, how we're all STILL just normal (well, somewhat normal) people. Life goes on, not always easy, but usually the things that are truly worth it aren't. Good luck! And, I know it's kinda cliche, but it does get easier.

You said it perfectly. Kudos to you.

[Terrible Texan]

Tetracyclone, on 06 September 2011 - 03:41 AM, said:

Muskie,
Welcome to the forum. After barely more than a month all of you are still in shock.
Remember that- it is a most difficult period, but it passes. Your son will regain more abilities. Many of us were initially diagnosed as complete, bur later discovered we could move something we should not have been able to move.

Loosing weigh is not good and slows the recovery greatly. protein drinks help. This is like olympic training and he should take it very seriously. Start reading up on intensive physical therapy. Also electrical stimulation. 90% of SCId people, at, this time, regain some ability to use their legs, and bear weight on them.

Don't give up your coaching role, but this is a new field for you to study up on.

Confidence is just as infectious as despair, so get to work, Coach.

i must me one of the 10% who cant use any part of their legs. I'm 13 years post injury & have never heard of such. i'm a c4/c5 incomplete w/ no feeling or movement below midchest, minimal use of arms. i still think of suicide today, but its more of a passing thing. complete injury's are a complete seperation (cut)of the spinal cord w/ no reganing function below the injury. Hes got a rough road ahead

[Muskie]

Dear TT,

Appreciate the frankness, we will do our best. I will fight the fight if he can't or no longer wants to. As a father I would be nothing if I did not.

[Charlie-boi]

Hi I was also studying physiotherapy when my accident happened! It's horrible in a way knowing the anatomy and you yourself following the role of a patient! I even had my class mates working in the physio department in my rehabilitation soo if like me he's probably feeling quite embarrassed in a way of what you become from an injury! When you have been so strong and you don't want people to see the new you if you like!

He's got choices! I thought suicide was a definite but over time you become de-sensitised to how bad the situation is! It's up too him there's nothing you or anybody can do to cheer him up completely! The only thing that he wants is his old life..... All the money.. Presents.. Jokes and love probly won't Do much,,,It's a process hes got to go through! Realy sorry but can't silver line this thing realy! I hope all the best and maybe it's a recent injury so things could improve yet

[Muskie]

Thanks Charlie-boi as TT said it is going to be a tough road ahead, I have accepted that, will adapt to it. This is my child what are my choices be passive and let his legacy fade away (his words). Or do I get on my soapbox and start screaming about the lack of funding for SCI research and start initiatives to raise funds, because I have a hard time believing that there is not a way to connect 2 sections of healthy tissue. I choose the later I much rather be the advocate for SCI then wring my hands and fail my son.

[Charlie-boi]

No your so right! My family realy looked into new treatments like stem cells! I have litrally just come back from trying to get on a trial in Zurich! Unfortunatly my injury type wasnt what they needed! But yeh fund raising and increasing awairness is vital! But for a a real treatment which will work needs huge amounts of research which cost huge amounts of money! These huge amounts of money won't come from charity pockets but investors in health companies as if a cure or great treatment is found it will be a huge money makeing buisness! And I'm afraid that's the problem we are relying on buisnessmen intrested in makeing money rather than actualy people who think the hardships of sci people need to be improved!

An example of this is "spinal injury research uk" it's the biggest research charity for sci here yet after a load of tv advertising etc etc it made like £ 100,000 that wouldn't even pay for the care 1 quadriplegic needs in a year!

It's realy disheartening!!! People just dont know what's going on! Look into stem cell inc! I met the team and they are realy nice! As its early days they are testing on parraplegixs as there more room for error if something does go wrong! But who know in the future!

If you want to pass my details over to him I will send you my fb or he can chat to me in here! I know it's likely at the moment he doesn't want to associate with anything sci related but I'm 21 and at this age it can be quite a lonely condition to have!

Best of luck

[DannyR]

Is your son talking with or working with someone about this? The fact that he is talking about it tells me he might be looking for help. There are so many on this site that could show him he does a life and a future. I was 50 when this happened to me and worked my whole life and I still almost 3 years now wake up once in awhile in a panic about what's going to happen to me. Where is the monney going to come from? How will i take care of myself? How bad will this get? It passes now but in the beginning it would consume me. Stay positive and good luck.

[Vanessamaee]

We've talked before, but going on 5 and half months now and being a teenager, im not going to lie, it sucks at times. I actually had a thought last night that I can't think of a single on of my friends (yes this is sad) that has stayed with me through all of this. There were the attention seekers (kids from my school I didnt even know/talk to/ get along with) that were at the hospital but only to get to be on the new when the news was covering my stories, and then there were also a few of my friends that would visit. Now that I am home its switched. my friends that disappeared while I was in the hospital are now back (especially when I have something going on, like a news story or interview), Ive faced it though that Im in high school and people can be fake.
Youre son was doing undergrad studies to be a Physical therapist? what if he were to change that to now become a rehab DR? I thought of this but I dont have the attention span to go to college for that long...
Also there are many sports out there. Im friends with a C5 incomplete (no movement, just sensation below his injury) and he is totally awesome. He's in his 30's and has been injured for a couple years now and he still hunts, goes mudding/off roading, hand bikes, and skiis and stuff. I found this site a couple weeks ago http://www.colourswh.../idx_sports.htm It has a lot of organizations that your son can get into (: Life doesn't get EASIER but it does get better.

[Terrible Texan]

He will lose friends, as all of us here have, but if we do, they weren't true friends anyway, but he will gain new ones. i'm 44yrs old & have been placed in a nursing home 6yrs ago & will most likely die in one. i have come to accept it. the sooner he accepts his disability, the sooner he can move on & make his own path in life. this website is helpful for all sci info, & to meet new people in the same condition. if hes going thru something, someone here has been threw it. have him join, & let us help ease his mind.

[KayDub]

I've had a similar experience to V. I'm pretty young (got sick when I was 22). It was weeks after I graduated from undergrad and I had just moved to Australia to live with my boyfriend and start a new job. I'm a really social person and had a ton of friends in college, tons of friends from all the jobs I worked, sports I played and everything in between. No one visited me in hospital (for obvious reasons) because I was so far away, including my parents and siblings. "Friends" of mine were all over facebook asking how I was and saying how sorry they were and inspirational but when it comes down to getting invites and calls, there's been 0. On top of that I caught my best friend at the time spreading rumours that I was faking/exaggerating the whole thing to get pain pills and attention... Ridiculous I know. Especially coming from the fact she's 26 years old and goes on and on about her health problems like fibermyalga (she's self diagnosed everything too). Needless to say, we're not friends anymore. In some ways it's good to weed out those bad people in your life, by knowing their true colours. But also it's a bummer dealing with everything an SCI entails and on top of that losing people you at least thought were friends. Especially because since that former friend was running her mouth around my high school friends before I got medevaced back, none have reached out to me and most won't return my calls. I want to think they're capable of critical thinking and didn't believe her and are ignoring me for something else but I dunno. I had severe Bipolar 1 that was undiagnosed/medicated in high school so I got a bit of a rep as a loose cannon and incredibly reckless/crazy.

I'm incredibly lucky/blessed that my boyfriend stuck with me. He stayed with me at hospital until they would drag him out at night, has helped care for me, has helped navigate insurance, has moved into my mum's house to stay with me (biggest sacrifice I think!).... EVERYTHING. He even proposed on the flight back to the US when I was stabilised enough. I'd give hundreds of my fake friends to have one person so amazing and supportive like him. It's still been tough starting a new school this semester in a chair and making absolutely no friends. The few closer friends him and I have invite us to group dinners, but it's hard to get into their townhome and it's awkward spending the whole time fielding questions to strangers or minor acquaintances about "what's wrong with me". There's always a worry about if I can get in or around a place we're going without any hassle. My fiance helped me up the stairs in my chair at our friends place and all the other guests made such a huge deal about it I just wanted to go into the car and hide. I'm hoping I'll start to meet new friends now though, who understand and accept my disability more. It's hard coming to terms with the idea that just because I'm in a chair suddenly old friends don't care as much about me and view me differently. I'm also at that stage in life where I'm realising that high school and even college friends don't last forever and I'm transitioning in life, which is hard enough on friendships before an SCI is entered into the equation.

I know that all sounds negative, but your son will get through it! Also like V I'm 5 months out from when I got sick and started this crazy journey. Some days have been a lot tougher than others. But I've noticed when I have something to fight for and put my mind to, I don't feel as down. Before I was sick I taught kid's ski school in my home town and it was my life, I loved it more than anything in the world. Now the managers are hesitant to let me continue to teach so I'm working on showing them how capable I am in a monoski and how I'll adapt the fitness test for me and how I'll teach AB kids with new drills and techniques, etc. I've also started to play sled hockey where I've met adults and children with a spectrum of disabilities, to cognitive to SCI to amputations. I've played ice hockey since I could walk and was at first really depressed about missing out on it. My little brother who I played on a team with would try to be nice and invite me to some of his games, but since I used to play on the team I'd refuse and get bummed out. Someone on this site mentioned sled hockey and gave me some contact info. I pursued it and needless to say, I have to be up at 6 am tomorrow (a Saturday) to practice and I'm thrilled to do it, I love it that much! Once your son is medically cleared for these type of activities definitely encourage him and let him seek them out. He'll be active and happier and he'll be able to meet other people he can connect to. For the mean time, other goals and activities will help him feel useful, for lack of a better word. When I was in hospital I felt helpless and like I had nothing to contribute anymore. I started editing my resume and looking at jobs and while I didn't get any, it made me feel better to reasses my strengths and pinpoint what I was good at. Being young it's hard enough to do this as an AB let alone with an SCI, but we have the advantage of being much more adaptive than many older folks, which gives us unlimited options! For example my undergrad degree is in hydrology and geography, meaning I ran my own field research projects at some of the largest wildfire burn sites in the US, stood in rivers and did measurements, hiked in almost waist deep snow to set up recording devices, etc. I was heartbroken some of those things aren't possible anymore, but I've really thrown myself into law school now where I'm focusing on environmental law so I can continue to work with what I love, just in a different way. It's the same idea with what I'm doing for ski school!

Just don't lose hope. You seem amazingly supportive and understand which is critical right now. I love my parents to death and they mean the world, but my mum especially has really struggled with my SCI. I think part of it was that I had started to get sick before I left Colorado for Australia but none of us knew, we thought I sprained my ankle. Then she wasn't able to be with me in hospital, so she never saw me hooked up to all sorts of machines and IVs and saw me rolled off for tests and scans and see the doctors frantically trying to figure out what was wrong with me and getting worse. So combined with her already natural disposition to be a bit irrational, she's been able to deny the seriousness of my SCI. She refuses to see me as disabled, but not in the good empowering way, rather in the seeping in denial way. It could be a lot worse and I'm lucky I got treatment when I did and I may even be able to walk again some day. But I'm not going to hop out of bed tomorrow and run into the kitchen 100% like she thinks. Then on top of that I'm surrounded by classmates and professors who don't understand SCI (how it takes longer to get ready in the morning, how I can be paralysed but still in debilitating pain, etc). Even the PT I had knew nothing about SCI!! Needless to say the more people who really try to learn about SCI the better and your son will really really appreciate it, if not now then down the line.

Hang in there!

[rue2you]

Look through Youtube videos of quads that are doing something. Search terms like "quadriplegic motorcycle", "quad transfer", "quad driving" "quad work-out" "quad rugby" and all kinds of things. What were his interests and loves before? Search it and let him watch another quad do these things. It is MAJORLY inspiring and can give you a goal to work towards. Something beyond the aggravation of trying to move something that won't happen.

His whole life has completely changed. He has been stripped of his dignity (bowel and bladder - enough said!), his pride (his physical appearance)and most of his self-confidence (you think you have control of life until something like this happens and you realize how out of control you really are). He is the only one that can make the decision to build a new life for himself. It is a new life. It will be different - but different isn't bad. He can learn to do much of everything he did but in a new way. And...he can be happy again and enjoy life! But, he must let go of trying to get the past back and make a new future for himself. People can tell you this, but to watch someone do it that is just like you is very powerful.

Here is a blog of a friend of mine. She is married to Michael who has quadriplegia and they met, loved and married all after the fact. He is a great guy! Show him that even love is still very present!

http://www.lovelikethislife.com/

Just my two cents!

[Muskie]

If I have learned anything since joining you folks is that you don't sugarcoat anything. I would rather have that then to be given uninformed false hope, I may not like what I hear but you guys have all walked this path before me. Since the original post Nick no longer talks of suicide, not saying he doesn't get really down but the deep and long down periods seem not as deep or not as long. Maybe the day passes he gets to bring him home to his friends and family and especially his dog have helped. Don't know, having coached him for years I kinda of know how to plant a seed in his mind and let it grow. He is making good progress here at Kessler as he just made his first independent transfer, which he said made him cry tears of joy. I am the eternal optimist, which is the ying to his yang. I feel for all of you and the personal pains you have and are experiencing, and yet you still have time to console, educate and prayer for us. Thanks, and I will keep you all in my prayers.

[Vanessamaee]

Muskie, on 16 October 2011 - 02:37 PM, said:

If I have learned anything since joining you folks is that you don't sugarcoat anything. I would rather have that then to be given uninformed false hope, I may not like what I hear but you guys have all walked this path before me. Since the original post Nick no longer talks of suicide, not saying he doesn't get really down but the deep and long down periods seem not as deep or not as long. Maybe the day passes he gets to bring him home to his friends and family and especially his dog have helped. Don't know, having coached him for years I kinda of know how to plant a seed in his mind and let it grow. He is making good progress here at Kessler as he just made his first independent transfer, which he said made him cry tears of joy. I am the eternal optimist, which is the ying to his yang. I feel for all of you and the personal pains you have and are experiencing, and yet you still have time to console, educate and prayer for us. Thanks, and I will keep you all in my prayers.

^Thats awesome! My dog made me cry tears of joy when I got to see her for the first time since my accident (: I taught her hoy to stand (front paws on my lap) and give me kisses and also makes it a ton easier to pet her (: Pets (cats, dogs, etc... )are AWESOME therapy, emotionally. I know when I have a crappy day I can cuddle up with my cats/dog and tell them all my problems and they dont care (: You're son sounds like he's making great progress and I hope it continues to get better.

[Shane G]

Muskie, on 06 September 2011 - 01:07 AM, said:

Hi my son Nick was injured with a C5 complete on Aug 2, he has no sensation below his chest and limited use of his arms. He was entering into his final year of under grad studies, he was going to become a physical therapist. I've have coached my son his entire life and was able to fix any problem he had. He is so depressed and frequently talks of suicide, which has taken its toll on his mother and I. We look for the right things to say and try to stay positive. We are running out of ideas and words. Is there any thing we can do? He was always the life of the party and people just naturally we attracted to him, he doesn't want to see people any more and is losing so much weight. We are so afraid of losing him, and we feel helpless. Any advice would be appreciated

Like many others have said, suicide is a common thought after people suffer from a spinal cord injury. I broke my back at the motocross track when I was 15 years old, less than a month before going to get my drivers license. At the age of 15 I had to quickly deal with the fact that not only I couldn't move or feel anything below my belly button, but I also lost control of my bowels and bladder. Before I had my spinal cord injury, when I saw someone in a wheelchair, I just thought their legs didn't work; I never thought about their bowels or bladder and suddenly I was having to do a catheter on myself every few hours.

I remember the night when I was in the bathroom at my Mom's house (I was still living with her) with a shotgun in my hands and tears running down my face while I was trying to rationalize ending my life. Obviously, because I'm here typing this message, I couldn't rationalize it enough. I have come to realize that life goes on and I needed to adapt and overcome.

Today, I'm preparing to ride a bicycle across America to bring awareness to people with spinal cord injuries. You can read more about my story here: http://www.shanegodd...om/Welcome.html

If I can do anything, please let me know!

Shane Goddard

Edited by Trinity, 16 October 2011 - 06:14 PM.
added clickable link

[St. Peter]

he should watch "murderball"

[BoyFallDown]

My accident was in september of 2010, and I posted about it on here and some of thoughts I was having. I came very close to swallowing a whole bottle of vicodin at one point. Without my family and friends I don't think I would have made it. It's very tough, without a doubt the hardest thing he will face. But things do eventually get back to normal, and you find ways to do all the things you used to love. My girlfriend showed me a study when I was going through the worst of it that found that para/quads typically rate their quality of life higher than able bodied people after several years have passed. Why that is, I don't know. I'm assuming it has something to do with the drive required to deal with something like this on a daily basis. If things start to look really bad, I'd suggest seeking professional help, and possibly medication for depression, if only temporarily. I was on Cymbalta for a while and that helped tremendously in the early weeks and months.