14 replies to this topic

[tsutiff]

My guy is going threw rehab, they had to fuse his back, he is now 2 1/2 months post opp, and his back still hasn't healed. He is having to wear the god awful TSLO brace, which he hates. The doctors x-rayed him on Monday, and said he wasn't healed he had to wear the brace for an add'l 4 weeks. He was also put on a 20 lb. weight restriction, limiting and making him have to wait at least another 4 weeks to begin his rehab, to be able to even start working on going home. This has made him plumit to rock bottom depression, he has been put on high alert at the hospital, he threw himself out of the bed today without the brace on, he has made references to kill himself. And he is trying to do whatever it takes to hurt himself to make his injury worse.

I love this man with all of my heart, this is a horrible tragic thing that has happened and I know that. If I could I would rush him threw this therapy and get him home tomorrow but I can't. The hospital is killing him by staying there, and he is literally loosing his mind. The last two days at the hospital have been horrible, he stares at the ceiling like he is just hollow, like his spirit has completely left him. I have warned all of the staff about what is going on. But I know once some one makes up there mind to do something they might just do it. Has any one here been to this extreme, not just feeling it, but actually acted out on it??? And if so what helped you... I have been this guys biggest support system here and I am having to leave to go back home in 2 weeks, I am scared that when I leave he will commit this act he is saying b/c I am no longer there to help bright up the smallest amount that I can. I love this guy to death, I don't want to lose him to depression, or suicide. Does any one have any helpful advice that they can give me??? If so please anything will help....java script:emoticon('',%20'smid_1')

Edited by tsutiff, 13 July 2006 - 05:26 AM.

[Lee]

To be honest i dont think any1 can say anything to make him feel better. When i was in hospital i took one dayat a time and yes it drives u up the wall for both parties and to some degree more so stressful for you. He will have ups and downs like everybody and will do when he come out but it isnt the end of the world. When hes out and settled a bit because coming out of hospital is the biggest depression of all i think because its harder and you have to move around the house differently to what you did do. Ive been outa hospital for 18yrs now and still get depressed about what i cant do and have to rely on others. He needs you to be strong and reassure him and yes sometimes you will feel like telling him where to go cause he doesnt understand your stress. its quite one sided being in hospital where the patient feels hardest done by. The hospital will end and you will both look back on that time and think, thank god thats over with, lol. Keep us posted how hes feeling and tell him im know whats he goong through and no i wouldnt like to do it again but take everyday at a time. Best luck.

cheers lee

[Joed]

I'm so sorry this is happening to him (and you!). I have never personally even entertained the thought of ending my own life, but I can certainly relate to his feelings of despondency...especially when things move much, much slower than what we'd hope. I was only in rehab for five weeks, but my heart was breaking the entire time....for my family...my lost abilities...something/anything familiar and normal. Your presence means everything to him right now, I'm sure of it.

And when they start strapping equipment onto you...the realities can really smack you in the face...and you despise everything about it. Now, I'm grateful for my AKFO, as I know it's the only way I can regain some semblance of normalcy....but it wasn't always that way.

Find ways to interject to him reminders of those things he has to live for...those things worth fighting for. While I was in rehab, they had some 'graduates' come in and talk to the patients about how they've coped and thrived beyond their injuries. It was quite inspiring, and I know it helped to change many of my fellow rehabber's perspectives about their futures.

The fact that he is raging against his situation so much could mean that he still has the good fight left in him, and he really does want to live. But it's good that the staff is on alert....do they have psycholgists at his rehab? It was required that each patient talk to one where I was.

One more thought....make plans for you and him for down the road when he's stronger. Having something to look forward to will help to interrupt all the mental attention to his injury, if only briefly/minimally. Not only that, but actually achieving those plans, will help him to see how far he has come along the way.

I'm glad he has you for support. And I will be saying extra prayers for you both.

~Blessings

Quote

Lee wrote: When hes out and settled a bit because coming out of hospital is the biggest depression of all i think because its harder and you have to move around the house differently to what you did do.

That was very true for me too.

Edited by Joed, 13 July 2006 - 06:06 AM.

[LadyPilot]

This is a truly emotional topic.

Yes, I've been to the point of suicide. I had a chain round my neck and was seconds from hanging myself. Luckily my line of thought was interrupted and I didn't do it.

Tsutiff - your guy is on an emotional roller coaster of feelings. First he has to deal with the fact he has no control over his broken body. He has no control over his care. He does not know how the future will pan out for him. Despite your reassurances of your love for him as he is now, he may be testing you to see how far he can push you away. (Actions speak louder than words). Just be there when you can, you do not need to say anything. Hold his hand.
In his mind the only thing he does have control over is whether on not to commit suicide. I think he needs to vent his feelings to someone he is not close to ie professional help.

I wish both of you all the very best and hope things work out.........

[Avocado Baby]

Hi,

I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you and your partner and really feel for you both
I've been that low and it is not a nice place to be.

I agree that getting some proffesional help would be a good idea to help change the way that he is thinking at the moment. Also, talking to other people who have been in his situation and advising him on how to cope is a brilliant idea. Take this site for example. Talking to other people who have faced similar problems is always of great help to me and it makes you realise that it is still possible to live a decent life.

When I'm feeling low, I find one useful thing it to set myself a goal or something to achieve each day, whether it be something physical he could worth with the OT and the PT on or reading, or a quiz or something.

I sincerely hope things get better for him soon.

All the best,

Ali

[DaveP]

The thing about suicide, it has the opposite effect to what's being tried to achieve. It brings pleasure to those you hate and it brings pain to those you love.

All those who think you're a worthless piece of shit will laugh and gloat at your suicide or attempt, and those that love you will feel much more pain, shame and embarrassment that you would ever wish on even those you hate!

Feeling low and complaining about something you have no control over is a waste of energy. If the case was that the more you boo'd and complained, the quicker you would recover fully, then it makes sense to moan - but it's the opposite here also. The more you complain, the slower progress becomes, then your friends and family will grow tired of you - the only one to loose out is the one that moans. Moaning then becomes a bad habit and people you meet think you're a "poor little victim" and steer clear of you.

My driving force in rehab was to make sure my loved ones suffered the least possible so I drove myself to the limit to make sure I was as independent as possible and not a burden on them. It worked!

There is no choice - just accept what you have and make the most of it. It could always be worse!

[Avocado Baby]

That is true and it's all very easy to say when you're thinking rationally, but it's quite another sometimes if you really have become depressed (in the medical sense not as in just being a bit fed up!!)

I'm not condoning feeling sorry for yourself or making others suffer or feel guilty (that's why I couldn't commit suicide) but sometimes you can't help wontemplating and worrying about things you can't control, especially if the problem is the main factor in your life and you have little else to focus on. That's why I think it would be a good idea for him to get some help, to find some motivation to get better and move on with his life.

We all need some help with things from time to time with the things that life throws at us.

[John Anderson]

I've think about it and even tried, but now to me, everything is useless and I'll just take it one day at a time.

[Gary Anderson]

Sore topic. For me personaly, yes, I have thoguht about "the easy way out" but have never done it.

It is a brave man who can take his own life - the coward only talks about it.

Cannot say I have found anything that really stopped me other than myself, I just refuse to give those who dont like me the benefit of having got to me so much taht I felt that was the only way out.

My advice is keep busy, try to find other things to do. I keep SO busy that I dont have time to dwell on things. It is very hard but it can be done.

Sorry to sound ignorant but what is a "TSLO" brace?

Gary

[Gary Anderson]

One of my docs has just told me it is a TLSO Brace --- a Thoraco-Lumbo-Sacral-Orthosis (TLSO)

All the better for knowing that!!!

[Jilly]

Theres something really horrible about suicide as opposed to any other way of dying. My ex husbands best friend gassed himself in his car about 10 years ago and the memory of what he did still affects me. All I could think of was how very very low he must have been feeling, and there surely MUST have been something I could have done. As he was living in Australia at the time and we were in New Zealand and hadnt spoken to him for a while...no there was nothing I could have done. I only wish I had known how bad things were for him. suicide really really hurts those close to you because it is a chosen thing. I dont think I could ever consider that way out as there is ALWAYS SOMETHING to live for.....and I simply dont think that way.

[John Anderson]

Jilly, on Jul 21 2006, 07:24 PM, said:

Suicide really really hurts those close to you because it is a chosen thing. I dont think I could ever consider that way out as there is ALWAYS SOMETHING to live for.....and I simply dont think that way.

That's the reason why I didn't do it after the accident. My mom passed away from cancer and now it's just my dad and I. After thinking about it, I decided not to do it. My dad and I need each other, and plus, who's going to keep the dogs company when my dad gets deployed or something right? So yea, didn't do it. We count on each other and that's the reason I didn't go.

[Jilly]

Im glad you didnt..... you have the same injury level as my boyfriend, so I have a fair idea of what its like for you physically. And at your age - you have plenty to live for. Sorry to hear about your mom. Its pretty tough to lose your mother at your age. I lost my dad to cancer about 18 months ago and it was hard enough for me and Im a fair bit older than you are.

[Jilly]

Gary Anderson, on Jul 22 2006, 12:34 AM, said:

One of my docs has just told me it is a TLSO Brace --- a Thoraco-Lumbo-Sacral-Orthosis (TLSO)

Ok...so now we know what it is..... what is it for??

[Glor]

Oh tsutiff,

I feel so much for you. I have been there and know how completely frustrating and helpless and damn scared you feel, watching a potential tragedy unfold before your eyes and to someone whom you love so much.

I can only advise two things...one is to keep in physical contact with him... touch his face, his hand whatever....there is deep deep comfort in that for someone in that situation. The second is distraction, some of the others mentioned talking about the future or reading to him, tell him about the things in your world and encourage his family and friends to do the same... you need to carry him (in a mental and emotional way now) just get him past this stage...one long day at a time...therapy is essential also...

It will be okay... I join the others in praying for you and him... take care