8 replies to this topic

[KylezBaby]

WHAT DO I DO????


I am on a final write up at work due to being absent too many times. All the times I've been out are due to Kyle's needs. ER visits..Doc visits..being sick..you name it.

I am his only caregiver. His entire family has left the situation and I have just a few hours a day of nurse help but other than that I AM IT!!

Now my job says there is no way I can get FMLA since we are not related nor married yet.. WHAT DO I DO?? anything I can bring to there attention? Anyway a doctor could sign something to say I am his primary caregiver and he is a Quad who relys soley on me??

I don't know what to do... If I lose my job over just trying to care for my Quad fiance...we'll have nothing...I feel lost and have no answers

help..

[jscott92064]

KylezBaby, on 13 September 2011 - 12:54 PM, said:

WHAT DO I DO????


I am on a final write up at work due to being absent too many times. All the times I've been out are due to Kyle's needs. ER visits..Doc visits..being sick..you name it.

I am his only caregiver. His entire family has left the situation and I have just a few hours a day of nurse help but other than that I AM IT!!

Now my job says there is no way I can get FMLA since we are not related nor married yet.. WHAT DO I DO?? anything I can bring to there attention? Anyway a doctor could sign something to say I am his primary caregiver and he is a Quad who relys soley on me??

I don't know what to do... If I lose my job over just trying to care for my Quad fiance...we'll have nothing...I feel lost and have no answers

help..

That's a tough one. Legally, your employer is in the right since you and your fiance are not married. Maybe you want to get a justice of the peace and get married asap to save your job? Do the formal marriage thing later?

Other than that, I don't know what else you can do. Good luck!

[KayDub]

jscott92064, on 13 September 2011 - 02:03 PM, said:

KylezBaby, on 13 September 2011 - 12:54 PM, said:

WHAT DO I DO????


I am on a final write up at work due to being absent too many times. All the times I've been out are due to Kyle's needs. ER visits..Doc visits..being sick..you name it.

I am his only caregiver. His entire family has left the situation and I have just a few hours a day of nurse help but other than that I AM IT!!

Now my job says there is no way I can get FMLA since we are not related nor married yet.. WHAT DO I DO?? anything I can bring to there attention? Anyway a doctor could sign something to say I am his primary caregiver and he is a Quad who relys soley on me??

I don't know what to do... If I lose my job over just trying to care for my Quad fiance...we'll have nothing...I feel lost and have no answers

help..

That's a tough one. Legally, your employer is in the right since you and your fiance are not married. Maybe you want to get a justice of the peace and get married asap to save your job? Do the formal marriage thing later?

Other than that, I don't know what else you can do. Good luck!

I'd recommend getting the marriage "official" on paper and doing the formal thing after. My fiance and I have the opposite problem, to a much lesser degree. I'm the one in a chair but I have health insurance, I can be a dependent on my dad's military insurance until I turn 26. If I get married though I lose that. My fiance is Australian and getting a visa is really hard, unless we did a marriage one but that's a non option, since I desperately need my health care. So we're just doing the ceremony next year and then the official paperwork after. Good luck, please let us know how everything goes!

[baldfatdad]

Back when. My girlfriend and I decided to have a kid. We had no interest in being married. It was actually better in those days because of the tax laws. I turned her first medical bill in on 10/29/80. They told me they wouldn't pay it, she wasn't my wife. They would pay the babies when he was born. On 10/31/80 we were in front of the justice of the peace.

[Spinner]

Perhaps you could check with the Department of Health and Human Services in your state and see if your man qualifies to have a personal care attendant. If he does you might be able to earn a paycheck through the state for providing for his cares.

[biggdoggpa]

http://www.dol.gov/w...ters/fmlaen.pdf


That is a tuff one!! But I believe that if the injured/sick individual lives in your household, and you are the primary caregiver for the individual, that you do qualify for FMLA leave, however FMLA leave should be scheduled 30 days prior to leave whenever possible (grey area)!!! a couple of questions

1. is this a public sector job or private sector?

2. how long have you been employed there?

3. are your only issues of tardiness due to caregiving for your injured/sick friend?

4. are you in a labor union?


you can call (1-866-4US-WAGE) and ask them also

[KylezBaby]

Spinner, on 15 September 2011 - 01:25 AM, said:

Perhaps you could check with the Department of Health and Human Services in your state and see if your man qualifies to have a personal care attendant. If he does you might be able to earn a paycheck through the state for providing for his cares.

We are waiting for this to be available. Caps is having to pay off his piece of crap wheelchair eachmonth which means until it's paid (JAN) we are not eligible for Caps Choice where Kyle would get to pay me directly for his care. He only gets a nurse 2.5 hours a day M-F until his chair is paid. So the nurse cleans a bit, does some laundry, and anything kyle needs but I still do it ALL on top of my 40 hours a week. Oh did I mention his entire family has turned their back on him...

waiting for the rain to clear..

I WANT to marry this man. No question about it but we were told that if we get married SSI will cut his check and I will be in full responsibility of his support...there is no way! We are BARELY making ends meet with both our incomes right now... Is this true? Will they cut his check if we marry?

[KayDub]

What's his level of function? It looks like he's a quad, but incomplete. You said you have to "help him with everything else he needs." Is there anyway he can learn to do some of these things? You're his fiance and carer, not nanny or maid. Are there tasks he can manage on his own with some adaptation? Maybe get in contact with voc rehab in your area so he can have resources to learn these things. Then you just have to worry about having a nurse for a couple hours for bathing, B&B, etc. Many quads, depending on their function, can do this. If you just look at him as someone who needs cared for, it's going to tear you down. Help enable him to his full potential. That way you can still work full time, he can get his SSI, an. If this isn't possible and he has other problems that stop him from working on some independent tasks, there should be different resources to help him. Is he a vet? Then there's PVA. If he has a TBI, there's other resources as well. Don't play the victim, be proactive. It's hard and your heart is in the right place that's for sure. Hopefully this helps.

[DannyR]

The last few years that I worked I was a Union Rep. and the thing was you had to be the primary caregiver and note from the dr. would usually help with that. The way they word it makes a lot of difference. Emotional and physical support. Unable to do the day to day things without assisstance. I know different places interpet FMLA different but you do have the right to contest their decision but since that never came up I don't know how to go about it. My wife just needs a note from the dr. for me. It is much easier if you are married or related. Have you talked with his dr. and explained fully what you do for him and how that is affeceting your job? Good luck and I hope things work out for you.