6 replies to this topic

[earthgirl]

My 35 year old brother is going into his 3rd week in ICU after fracturing his C1/2 vertebrae. He is only just coming out of sedation after surgery and infection.

He is highly informed (he is a brain surgeon at the very hospital he is now in) and we are all terrified when about when he finally wakes up.

He has a tracheostomy and is expected to be paralysed from the jawline down.

He wont want to live - despite having a baby on the way - but I know he wont.

How can I communicate with him? What did you guys want to hear as you were waking up? What did you remember from the coma?

Any suggestions at all? It feels like a living nightmare at the moment.

Thanks
Earthgirl

Edited by earthgirl, 17 September 2011 - 06:56 PM.

[Aparr]

I'm sorry to hear about your brothers injury.

The next couple weeks and months will be a roller coaster of feelings and emotions. It's still too early in the ballgame to know what to expect with your brothers injury. You have 2 years or so to gain anything back. On this site you will see many folks who are living life to the fullest many years after their injury.

After my injury I wanted everyone to treat me the same way they always did, after all, I was still me. I would say talk to him the way you always have and be supportive of him.

This is a great forum to ask questions and get support. Don't hesitate and best wishes.

[Charlie-boi]

Im not a similar injury but from my experience the only thing which brightened me up was the feeling of hope! So saying things like " its early days" there are chances alot can come back etc etc! Even if slightly untruethfull it can help get through that horrible innitial part! Try also early on maybe to tell him about future treatment and how this ain't the final situation! Thing is he's going to know his anatomy and physiology well which to be honest might not be the best thing! If anything he will be the one person to realistically evaluate his situation and possible recovery! Best of luck

[greybeard]

...........And get him to sign up on here as soon as that is possible so he can communicate with others who have lived through similar situations.

Despite being a brain surgeon, unless he has experience of dealing with SCI patients, he'll probably know only the nuts and bolts of how the body works and what to do to try and repair it on a purely mechanical level. The folk on here are the only ones who can tell it like it is about living through it from the patients' point of view.

[wheeliebear75]

There are a lot of us who INITIALLY were constantly thinking whether aloud or just to ourselves "I'd have been better off DEAD!".

BUT.........

There is a stark contrast between how one feels about life in general & about it's possibilities in the 1st weeks, months or even years compared to say 5-10yrs down the road.

How long each of us spend with spinning our wheels, in wasting our time & energy being angry & depressed, grieving for that life that we once knew, is very much up to the individual.

"What's done is done." as the saying goes. There are some things that can & may improve with time such as the gaining of some function or sensation below his injury & this improvement can continue in small amounts for years & YEARS (MOST of the gains will be in the 1st 24mo.). But no surgery in the world can make it as though the accident NEVER HAPPENED. You either pick yourself up by the bootstraps (figure of speech) & wade through all the muck & try getting to the other side of the bog where the sun is still shining or you sit there wallowing in the mire......how long one decides to wallow in the muck before pulling THEMSELVES out of it, sadly is harder to predict than what level of function a person might physically have. I can tell you it's a bit easier to pull yourself out of that bog when you've got your family to rally around you.

[Edinburgh Colin]

I'm totally with Greybeard on this one. If anything getting him to back off from his usual position of healer and I presume leader to a role where he takes advice and considers opinions from an area he is not used to consulting may be a major challenge especially when you also have to deal with the strong emotions present.
The child is very important too, my youngest daughter was 9 months old when I was injured and the thought of seeing her grow and give me cuddles definetly gave me hope.
Good luck,
EC

[goose]

The one thing that most people need is to feel needed. When you feel you're no longer useful or needed, depression can set in. To feel alive we need to have purpose in our life. Try to convey how important he still is to his family. He's going to feel trapped in his own body but if he'll understand his mind is still the same and that he has lots of knowledge stored away. Remind him his heart is still full of love...ready to give and to receive.

It's still much to early to focus on the physical. Don't try to baby him or sugar coat anything. I hated it when everyone would say 'everything is going to be alright'. I wasn't stupid. I knew everything was going to be different...not necessarily bad but different.

Bottom line...he needs to feel NEEDED!