13 replies to this topic

[AlaskaOne]

My husband is my main caregiver with my daughters helping out whenever possible. What are some things that I as the SCI person can do to help, or at least make their job less onerous. I have such a hard time not feeling guilty about the time and energy they invest and I would like some suggestions from other carers. Thanks.

[Tetracyclone]

Take over all family financial and insurance chores with your computer and scanner. This is a huge job. you can offer reports with a program like Quicken.
Do all the telephone chores. Search what is on sale that family members need. Trust me, you can make a BOG difference in everyone's time and money available.

[Califanna]

 Tetracyclone, on 21 October 2011 - 12:21 AM, said:

Take over all family financial and insurance chores with your computer and scanner. This is a huge job. you can offer reports with a program like Quicken.
Do all the telephone chores. Search what is on sale that family members need. Trust me, you can make a BOG difference in everyone's time and money available.

Great suggestion. For your level of injury, I don't know what hand/finger function you have, but there are programs out there now which are voice activated so you could still help with paying bills etc... involving the computer and phone.

Another suggestion would be for you to become the cheerleader in the family. When times are tough, everyone needs some one to keep things going and you could be that person.

[wheeliebear75]

Tetra has a good idea with you taking over with the finances & dealing with playing phone-tag with anyone.

Depending on how much hand function you have there is also assisting in household chores which is often what I do.

The fact that how much extra work is now having to be done by your husband & daughters DOES bother you is in a way a good thing.....let me explain....

I can tell you what NOT to do by telling you about my mom's main client: (my mom's main client who is "a quad" but from CP does this all the time....we'll call her "client X") Client X has full time staff 23 hrs out of 24 hrs & the staff are at her beckoned call all but ONE 30min break of their 12hr shift;(whether it's my mom or another of the ladies who work with/for her) will get her in bed for the night & they then will ask her before leaving her room "Do you need anything else before I go to bed?". Client X will say "no" but then call them back in 5-10 minutes later to open her window. Again before leaving her room they'll ask "Do you need anything else"....again she'll say "No", BUT another 5-10 minutes later.....she's calling them in to close the window. Then about 15-30 minutes later she'll call for someone to put her on the bedpan where she'll squeeze out a maybe 1/4-1/2 cup of urine. She has turned having staff into a game of sorts......"How many times can I get them to come back?". I have words for HER.... !

[Aparr]

I echo everyone on this subject! We are the same level and I have felt the same way! What I do is aall the financials. I have as much set up for automatic withdrawal and monitor that. I write ALL the checks that are needed even if my husband would be available. I have arm, wrist, but no hands too. I write the checks as a form of therapy for myself. I also take care of all phone calls.

I schedule Dr. appointments and take the kids to their appointments. With that being said, I have my license but my van is being modified right now to drive. I would have my aide drive my van and take us. But it is still a help and makes me feel better as a mom. I only have one daughter at home now, my other two have graduated. My family and I make a joke about ”mom's so needy".

I started taking on a little at a time. You don't want to take on too much at one time and become frustrated. Unless, you feel as though you can.

[catmint]

I so agree with what has been already said.

My husband keeps track of our finances online, checks statements, sets up transfers,direct debits etc. When we are looking to buy something he does all the research online to get the best deal. Reads all the reviews and compares warranties etc...cheapest is not always best. I just don't have the patience or time.

Now other members of the family will say they are looking at getting something and can he check it out. Just last month my son wanted to get a new car and he sent all the info and pictures of it through for him to give his opinion.

If I have a journey he looks up the route for me. If I have to stay over he checks out the accommodation.

The list is endless.

[nomis]

An easy thing you can do that can reward everyone, including yourself, is to dismiss all traces of guilt. Quite frankly it's bullshit and an indulgence you can do without.

Right. Now that you've got rid of that guilt (you've loaded it into the toilet and flushed it away) you can now more openly enjoy the caring and willingness of your family. And better still, you can express your delight and appreciation with smiles and a happy disposition.

The love is there just waitng for you all to lap it up.

[Quad65]

In addition to the suggestions offered, I'd add working to explore every way possible to do even little things for yourself. The greater your independence, the smaller your perceived guilt and their feeling of being burdened. Attitude is another area that makes a huge difference. Life as and with a quad can suck big time, but the right attitude can lessen the stresses and strains all around. Learn to laugh at the mini-disasters and such to decompress the situation.

[Ginny]

Lots of good ideas from posters, so far! Another idea would be to keep the family calendar...not just the things that are going on now, but stuff coming up months from now so you can be prepared. Christmas holidays? Start working on the list early..shop the sales, buy cards, keep the card list, write the annual letter, plan recipes.

Be the owner of all the supplies in your home. Know the contents of the cabinets and freezer. Mark what goes in and what comes out. That way, you'll be ready with ingredients needed for cooking and will be better able to spend grocery money wisely. Speaking of that, maintain the grocery and household shopping lists.

Be the emotional carer for your family and others. Be the one who is alert to moods and ready with a sympathetic ear. Reach out to friends and family, spread your caring heart around. Make sure that no one is forgotten.

There's a lot that your head and heart can do while your body is repairing. Most of all, find your inner peace. Your condition is certainly difficult on your family, but probably because they love you and want the best for you. Contribute to that family peace however you can by staying positive and being the person they want to be with.

[Harry3082]

Smiling goes a long way!
Even if your doing All you can, remember they Love you so. They may be Smiling at you while holding in some pain from wishing they could do more for you!
Smiling as much as you can will help them get through the day, as much as what they do to help you get through the day!

I'm always Smiling when family visits, even when I'd like to cry!
It eases their sorrow about my condition, and opens doors for lots of laughing when I was in the mood to cry!

The Power of a Smile is Only out Done by the Power of Gods Blessings to Me^ !!!

[Tetracyclone]

mistaken post

Edited by Tetracyclone, 22 October 2011 - 04:15 AM.

[wheeliebear75]

 nomis, on 21 October 2011 - 11:00 AM, said:

An easy thing you can do that can reward everyone, including yourself, is to dismiss all traces of guilt. Quite frankly it's bullshit and an indulgence you can do without.

Right. Now that you've got rid of that guilt (you've loaded it into the toilet and flushed it away) you can now more openly enjoy the caring and willingness of your family. And better still, you can express your delight and appreciation with smiles and a happy disposition.

The love is there just waitng for you all to lap it up.

VERY WELL SAID nomis! My B/F had pretty much said the same thing.

[AlaskaOne]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll do my best to "flush" the guilt away, even though it is the thing I struggle with most. I' ll struggle with a smile!

 AlaskaOne, on 22 October 2011 - 07:31 PM, said:

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll do my best to "flush" the guilt away, even though it is the thing I struggle with most. I' ll struggle with a smile!

Hey what's this "warn status" on my post? Have I done something wrong?

[Aparr]

Warn status is on everyones post. You don't have to worry about it unless the bar starts to fill up...then you've done something wrong. Lol