13 replies to this topic

[china]

Hi, i really don't know what to do, my partner is getting so deperssed, he cannot sleep at night and is drinking half a bottle of whiskey a night to try and help him sleep.

This has been going on for months.

He say's that he is fed up with the house, his life and sverything,it's not worth saying about counciling as he would not go, i'm at a loss as ro how to help him and hate seeing him so down.

I too live with depression and it rub's off so the both of us end up being down, but i am seeing a psychiatrist and i am on tablet's,


Any thought's would be appreciated.

Maria

[bucsaringer]

Hi Maria,

I'm not a psychiatrist, and I probably won't be any help to you. I know I have suffered through my bouts of depression. I can sympathize with what you are going through, and your boyfriend to some extent. Alcohol will only lead to more depression. I'm sure you've mentioned it to your psychiatrist, what does he have to say?

Does he have friends and family members that you can turn to and talk to about his depression? Can he call or e-mail some old friends.
Do you have any pets, they always have seemed uplifting to me and have helped me get through depression. I don't know what the weather is like there but if it's nice out, can you go outside into the sunshine and fresh air, maybe take a ride into the country.

Do things you used to enjoy doing, together. Are there any old hobbies, you used to have that you could get back into to take your mind off things. How about exercising, is there some way. You can motivate him to exercise, taking in deep breaths, trying to relax and think of positive things.

I've heard that deficiencies in the B vitamins, especially folic acid and vitamin B12 can trigger depression.

I know this probably isn't much help, just a little food for thought. Is there any chance that he has close friends or family members, who could help talk him into getting counseling, possibly going with him, the first time. Somehow, you've got to convince him the bottle will only make things worse.



Anyway, Maria, I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

[china]

Yes i have told my psychiatrist,hasn't really offered much in the way of help, but you have got to be willing to work with someone for it to be of any help,

I know the alcohol doesn't help but he uses that to controle his spasms as well, his mum doesn't want to know and has said to me why doesn't he just do away with himself and do us all a favor.

His 40th birthday has just gone and she didn't even send a card, he is an only child ,and doesen't really have anyone apart from me.

We did used to go out once a week but that stopped around 4 years ago, and his confidence has gone downhill with the depression.

I just have to find something that will get him motivated,


thank you for taking the time to reply, oh yes we have 3 cat's and i don't know about him , but they keep me sane

maria

Edited by china, 22 October 2011 - 10:02 PM.

[Snakeye]

Bouts of depression are very common with SCI..Have to turn his thoughts outward instead of inward...Like others have suggested..Hobbies, etc..Get him impassioned about something besides his own woes..Easy to fall into depression but a bugger to rid ones self of once it's sunk in..Alcohols not the answer...At least he has a partner who cares..Good luck...

[goose]

Hey Maria

You mentioned he doesn't go out any more. He may be extremely low of vitamin D. People who live where it's dark for long periods of time get extremely depressed from lack of sunshine/vit.D. I know when I don't get enough I tend to get the blues. Doctors can prescribe large doses like 50,000 iu a week. I take Vit.D3 over the counter about 3000 to 5000 iu a day. You know it's the new miracle vitamin.

He really needs a purpose or to feel needed. Can you start thinking of ways to help him feel needed? Find his strong points and focus on them. When he feels his value is diminished ,his ego takes a beating. Have you tried boosting his male ego? You have to be careful male egos can be fragile.

Has he had testosterone level checked?

Melatonin is good for helping him sleep.

Alcohol is a depressant and only making the problem worse. Can you water it down some without his knowing about it? I know that's not the best way but maybe it would help alittle.

Good luck. You made the first move by asking for suggestions. Good for you...it shows you care!

[Conez™]

alcohol issues should be dealt with in a seperate/different manner to depression...
yes they usually come hand in hand, I drink coz I'm sad and I'm sad coz I drink mentality may be apparent in drinkers with depression
its a vicious cycle.
there are many factors which drives someone to drink to get to sleep.

talking, no matter how painful it is... helps... if you can't talk to your partner or he wont talk with you or, a doctor, a shrink, a parent or close friend...
there are Tons of strangers in your local community who will listen and maybe help, they can be found in support groups, 12 step programs, crisis phone lines and the like.

any support, information or referral is catered for somewhere somehow and can be found in the community pages of your local phonebook (or online).

some people may base the help and opinions on life experience but others will have structured guidelines and/or programs to help...

((it might sound silly or be shameful to admit defeat to lifes stresses, try get past that idea, never be scared to ask for help or a shoulder to lean on in tough times))

As time passes and with support of family, friends and the community
you and your family will overcome all obsticles


hope my ideas help... my support will always be there for those in need... remember to talk to someone... I'm always happy to listen, but cant guarentee I'll be helpful. lol
best of luck with your journey Maria
Luv J

[china]

Thank you all, i didnt think of the vitamin d thing , {im just going out to get some} maybe worth a try,

He loves his cars, and we have one that he want's to restore , but because he isn't sleeping through the night he doesn't get up early enough in the day to do anything.

I'v tried getting him up and he just say's what have i got to get up for i'm warm and comfy here , when i get up the pain start's.

I don't push him then because i don't know how much pain he is in.

He does think he's a failed in life, his mum blames him for having his accident and susequently her having a nervous breakdown,

He get's on with his dad but he's never around, i'm going to see if i can get someone for him to talk to, as maybe he wont tell me everything as i'm to close and he would be asfraid of hurting me.

He hasn't had his testosterone checked,

and where can i get melatonin to try?

He is down on his records as being an alcoholic and he has tried to take his life.

I'm not going to give up on him though.

[china]

No i won't give up we'v made it 11 years , a lot longer than anyone thought we would.

He's also brought up my children from a previous relationship , longer than their biological father,

goin to try all the sugestioms though , they can't hurt,and maybe could help,

Thank you again for your support

maria

[Conez™]

wow Maria keep up the wonderful support, ur partner is a very lucky man.

being on the record as an alcoholic, has he sort any treatment for this?

alcoholism is an ongoing battle and while I dont fully indorse AA I do believe it has saved many lives and families.

the only indorsment I care to make is... Talk.... its not easy but it helps in the long run...

no amount of sunshine will remove the gutting sense of failure or depression.... distractions only last for so long....
they help us save our sanity but in the long run, you still wont get a peaceful night sleep while in the grips of guilt or anxiety...

only speaking from experience.... how to "get over it" fully by owning it and seeing where ur misplaced fears arise... it may have been deep seeded from childhood or any emotionally scarring incedent from our past... its crazy how history repeats itself in many different ways.

ultimately our capacity for dealing with these reocurring issues leads to depression, sleeping promblems and in some cases medicating physical and emotional pain with alcohol.
learn from what rocks your soul and heal it for good....
only way to learn is open yourself up and talk.... in a safe environment u will find you can discover many hidden things about yourself and even find how to truely love oneself again.
this is just my thoughts... whether its a combination of any emotional issue with alcohol or not...
talking to someone I trusted who was set up to offer practical help thru the tough times (shoulder to lean on) helps me to sleep better and not get torn apart by depression, anxiety and drinking.
best wishes Maria my thoughts are with u both

[Tetracyclone]

The pain would most probably lessen if he moved around more and exercised. He would sleep better if he did not drink. Anyone who drinks to sleep will automatically wake up after 5 or sic hours as the body's metabolism kicks in to counteract the drug. Vicious, self-caused cycle. I second the suggestion of getting peer support. 12 step programs are full of lovely people who want to help others.

[Snuffycuts99]

That's tough...sorry to hear that. Counseling helped me, but that was mainly for anger/frustration. My uncle was an alcoholic. He started going to a church and got connected with some people there, and he got really into it...those relationships and starting to have faith in God really helped him. You could try out a church? Sounds like anything is worth a shot at this point, right?

[justaguy]

I really don't know much that would be of help cuz I'm new to all of this, but I do have one bit of advice and that's to take care of yourself!! If you spend all your time trying to look after your husband then you will get burnt out yourself and not be very happy and then not be much good to anyone. So make sure you get out of the house often and keep in touch with your friends and do fulfilling stuff

As for your husband idk really, he is in a tough spot kind of like my friend is (I cant rememebr what kind of break it is exactly but he can only move from his armpits up), I am still trying to figure out the best thing to do, but why not try getting him in touch with a support group like this one? just not bein alone helps, and maybe he'll be more willing to talk with other sci guys than a counselor.

[switney]

Maria, sad to learn of you and partner's situation. I don't think i have much to help but i will fill you in on my own experience. Now i am a t4, 5 and six complete para almost like yo hubby. I have made a choice to face this with a positive attitude. I got born again as a Christian the following day of the accident. God has helpped, this isn't propaganda i knw becoz i've seen. I have no parents to look after me just a few relatives and friends that passby and church. My smile has never left me coz i know that even if i throw tantrums i will hav nothing changed for beta. If i did, i wud only send a way people and get worse. Yo hubby needs to come into terms with this new way of life, you need to have a serious talk with him. If he were to be in my position, what wud he hav done? There are things i can't say about me here that i go thou'. He should wakeup from that self pity get to do staff and show his mum he ain't useless after all. As for you dear, thank you so much for being patient with him. He will come around. And hey am complete but i don't take pain killers. Maybe smeday as of now, God is in control. And as soon as he puts his mind to rest, he will feel less pain esp.when it comes to burning sensation coz in most cases its triggered by anxiety. Ask him to join the forum, he will find family. I hope all goes well, praying for you and family. God bless you.

[munkypoop]

 china, on 22 October 2011 - 06:51 PM, said:

Hi, i really don't know what to do, my partner is getting so deperssed, he cannot sleep at night and is drinking half a bottle of whiskey a night to try and help him sleep.

This has been going on for months.

He say's that he is fed up with the house, his life and sverything,it's not worth saying about counciling as he would not go, i'm at a loss as ro how to help him and hate seeing him so down.

I too live with depression and it rub's off so the both of us end up being down, but i am seeing a psychiatrist and i am on tablet's,


Any thought's would be appreciated.

Maria

well naturally he is depressed and right so he has the right to be considering! I'm not a therapist, but I think he might be dealing with it in the wrong way! Antidepressants are used very often with SCI people! You should see if he would talk to somebody so he can get the medication to help! If you do some research there are psychiatrist that will come to your house in a lot of cities around the world so he wouldn't have to leave and make that annoying trip and visit to someone's office! Maybe ask your psychiatrist for any ideas or any hope they can do! And calmly talk with him and see what you can do to help! There's obviously a lot there that needs to be addressed! I used to be an alcoholic. And that's why I am a quadriplegic! It is not a good way to treat your depression! Sure it works momentarily but in the long run it will only make things worse! I really think you both need to sit down and talk things out! It won't be easy to get him to talk, I know, but there's got to be always that you have used before to get him to talk with you. And any arguing or yelling during that talk will either make it worse or make him stop talking. Calmly tell him your viewpoint and how it's hurting you and you want to be there for him but he has to help so you can help him! Just be patient and don't give up! I wish you the best of luck and wish him the same thing!