14 replies to this topic

[Charlie-boi]

Hi, kinda keep finding my self getting real angry !! I repeat I'n my head the day I had my accident alot! I'm not going to go into every detail but I had a skiing accident and it happend on a day I realy did not want to go up the mountain but was kinda made to! It just makes me feel sick how different things would have been if I had just been my normal head strong self and not gone! I know I can't blame the ones who made me go but I didn't appreciate how I was made to go! I was kind of guilt triped by my mum that what if my dad had heart problems or something if he went up himself! But realy it was my mum trying to get to me as me and my parents never had a great relationship so she was trying to force me up their with my dad! My sister had ski's ready and were willing to go! I had no skis or boots and with about 2 hours worth of light left for skiing and terrible weather she just made a point that I had to go! I still said no I just wanted to spend time with my baby neice and relax as it was Xmas eve! My dad gave me a look of disgust and I knew I would not forgive my self if something happened to him so I begrudgeingly went! On the way down the mountain a freak accident occured!

I cant blame them for what happened I know! But everything inside me does! Maybe it's the bad relationship we had I don't know but I just constantly get reminded of what I'm missing and get flash backs of every detail of the events that lead to the accident! my life was litrally just starting to get amazing! I know people will say there no point dwelling and forgiveness is the way forward "even if it wasn't their fault" but I'm 21and now I see my parents who are old yet so much more able than me! I cant look at them I'n the eye and feel perthetic being so young and I'n this type of condition! I think things are going to eventually come to a point I will have nothing to do with them when I'm finantially independent! Just a messed up situation! Sorry for the essay! I live on my own n needed to get the shit off my chest

[Vanessamaee]

You know how to get a hold of me if you ever need to talk! I know how you feel though, however slightly different. I think about my accident, just only on days Im really depressed, those days come and go though. Being in a wheelchair shouldnt stop you from doing anything, yes it is techinically a "part" of you, but don't let it define you. You are still you. Just now your feet are too good to even touch the ground ;) I dont want to just say, forgive and forget because I think that everyone would agree that in a life changing circumstance, forgetting is kind of out of the question. But try to forgive. I get irritated that my parents can do stuff that I can no longer do, like my mom has this habbit of tapping her foot to a song in the car, it use to piss me off before because it was loud and annoying, but now its just twice as annoying since I cant even move my foot. It also doesnt help that they constantly touch and move my crap (things,not litterally crap)around, like the drivers seat of my car, putting an airfreshner (which smelt like crap LITTERALY) in my car does not give you a reason to move my seat all the way back, once Im in the car, Im unable to move my seat forward, so I had to get out (everytime I get in and out I honk the horn so its slightly embarassing) fix it and get back in. *sorry rant over.

Point is, something bad happened, bad things happen to good people and no one knows why, just try and use it to your advantage, I like to tell myself I want to do something important with my life, and when I do "go out" I want to go out with a bang (:

[MrBump]

mate, you just have to think how lucky you are, there are a lot of people in a worse situation. Sounds tough but its true and its what keeps me going.

in todays world of materialism and celebrity worship, we are focussed on ranking our lives from the top down, not from the bottom up......
Even tho i'm physically messed up, i'm still lucky enough to have a lot more than some people in 3rd world countries and the like, even looking at your level i'm envious....
chin up mate, if you have to move on from your parents, just do it.

[Charlie-boi]

"bottom up" like that mate!

[Lucid Dreamer]

Charlie Boi, I know how it feels to be angry, my life was "just getting good too" I left home and decided to graduate from the school i had been going to for the last 3 years. While i was gone i lifted weights and "got big" for the ladies so i could make an awesome reappearance. I had my own car and was living with two friends in a two story. I was 6'4 170 llbs. Finally the girls i thought i could never have were showing interest.

One night while I was waiting on a girl to come over i asked to see my friends gun. He UNLOADED IT and checked the chamber then gave it to me i played around with it pulling the trigger then I put it down to watch a movie, when the movie was over i picked it back up and pointed at myself mimicking the movie and BAM! what do you know, my Friend had RELOADED it AND Cocked it. Anyways things got crazy after that but the point is for me, I don't feel like i can justify being angry at him or myself. Was it foolish to be playing with a gun in the first place, yes, if he would of told me he had reloaded it would i be walking, yes. But there are a billion what if's that i could go through, what if the girl got there earlier? what if i woulda went to go get a job application like i told my friend i was going to do that night. what if i listened to my dad as he sobbed to me he "just felt" like it was a bad idea i moved out and just to spend 3 more months with him to graduate. IT was my first time to play with a gun and curiousty nearly killed this cat but It was the epitome of an accident. The worse part is there is no redo for that split second of foolishness, my parents can't just kiss it and make it better and there is no amount of money to fix it either.

Here's what hurts the most, i go downtown and see all the young college kids and couples running around town lake or commuting on their bicycles and can't help to think i got robbed of a traditional "youth". I can understand venting but i don't think it will bring either of us any joy by trying to figure out how we could have stopped it.

Before my accident i had a little bit of resentment in my heart for certain decisions my parents had made in the past and felt like i just needed to get out from under their roof. but after this I know they will do nearly anything for their first born, They were the only ones by my side and literally preformed miracles to make things more comfortable for me. that's more than i can say for any of my so called friends. the person i considered my brother came to visit once the whole 4-5months i was in the hospital, my girlfriend started dating the roommate/bestfriend that held the towel to my chest as i started to die. and now they don't really even want to have anything to do with me. But my parents are still here trying there best to support me and for that i have a new sense of gratitude even if they still push my buttons.

I hope that helps a little if not it was nice getting that off my chest lol. I know its hard sometimes to be grateful (i struggle with that myself) but like MR bump said there is always someone out there that has it worse than you.

[Tetracyclone]

The anger and sense I was "robbed" lasted about 2 years. It is a grieving period and we move on. Charley, your accident anger is all rolled up with longstanding anger at your relationship with your parents. Those "issues" need a lifetime to work out.

Meanwhile people, remember that ugly things happen to ugly people!

[Lucid Dreamer]

Tetracyclone, on 02 November 2011 - 03:37 AM, said:

Meanwhile people, remember that ugly things happen to ugly people!

What do you mean by that? I know people that have done worse than me and they don't have a SCI.

[tomsov]

Yo Charlie We do have a tenancy to go back and fourth in post. The same shit happened to me. I got into an argument with my mother the day before i left. She thought i had no money. You Unfortunately have the burden of knowing exactly what happened. I have the burden of not knowing a single minute of what happened. You ever seen Due Date. When the dude falls asleep driving. That is my interpretation of what happened. I wasn't the dude that fell asleep. Dude you are only 3 years younger then me. My suggestion is to get smart. Sounds like a smart ass thing to say but it is the truth. Yes There are days of absolute f*@king inevitable defeat. For me today could have been one of those days for me. I was called a f*@king drug addict by my doctor... Instead I got smart made some phone calls and made light of the situation. The post that i wrote "Boredom and Insanity" is the biggest cause of the mind playing games I know about the endless race of thoughts going through your head. For me why did we drive the truck back to the bar???? I have broken down and spoke every word verbatim at least a 100 times. That doesn't count all the times were i have tried to figure it out in my head. Everyone says that they move on that they have found some way to better themselves but not one of them doesn't not think of what happened on a daily basis. every day we wake up we somehow roll out of bed into a chair and watch able people piss and moan that there life is So Hard. We on the other hand see things in perspective. we know that there are people worse off then us. but we focus on the people who are better off then us. Instead of just focusing on ourselves. This life sucks. In my mind right now anyone that says otherwise is lying. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but every day i wake up i plan to dig to find it. you are young. i am young. there is a lot of other people on this site that are young. there is plenty of time to figure shit out. you just gotta ask the right people. I spend more time on this site then i do with my friends. I can't relate to them anymore. I will still chill. I don't know what is going to happen. Just start reading. start writing. just for yourself. really right now my idea of not playing mind games with myself is music and a notebook. hit me up anytime dude. I check this site abot 4 times a day.

[wheeliebear75]

I think we all go through certain "stages" & for me at least the "angry stage" didn't just flip one day to "Okie dokie". I know for me in the beginning some of the anger was compounded by the head-injury. But for the 1st few years the lack of ADA implementation was a real issue with trying to go anywhere (it wasn't til the early to mid 90's that anything aside from Dr.s' offices & government buildings were TRULY "ADA"). Aside from that though......I didn't stop wishing that I could give my kids a piggy back ride, what I stopped being was angry that everyone else wasn't stuck on the sidelines too. I eventually realized that being angry did nothing to make the situation "better" & if anything allowing myself to be angry or upset over things only ruined MY day. When my girls were little I had to choke back tears when aunts & uncles would spin them around or give them a piggy-back ride because all I could think about was how unfair it was that I got to give my sister piggy-back rides when she was little (when I was hurt & was 14 & she was 6) but not my OWN girls. By the time my son came around 7&1/2 yrs after I got hurt.....I was able to "let go" of those negative thoughts & feelings. So by the time HE was old enough to being swung around & given piggy-back rides around the back-yard corral by the galloping aunties & uncles & could sit back & enjoy the moment of my son's happiness & joy that he was getting to be Cowboy Johnathan.

Oddly enough the one who had the "guilt" was my aunt. She had to go through counseling.....she had a form of "survivor's guilt"; it was HER belated birthday dinner, SHE chose where we went & even the date.....nobody else blamed her. It was just a case of "wrong place at the wrong time"

This is just something that helps ME. Sure I'd MUCH RATHER the sign just fell to the ground & not hurt anyone or better yet not have fallen at all.....however it did. My mom & Aunt were standing to one side of me, & my 6yr old sister to the other side of me.....had the sign fallen on my Aunt or mother they wouldn't have recovered as well because of being 14 I had youth on my side & BECAUSE OF that my brain was able to "re-route itself" much better than an adult's could have.....and Children's said that impact would have killed my sister if not instantly she likely wouldn't have survived the night (I took a MAJOR whack to the head). Had it been any other teenager what are the odds that they would have had an OT for a mother & their Godfather be a surgical nurse for the U.S. NAVY? I was an ambulance drive away from Children's hospital which is a part of SHARP rehab & so I was able to be in one of THE BETS places of Southern California! Had my mother not been trained as an OT she may not have been able to keep things together & keep my head & neck steady(she could feel my neck & skull crunching in her hands through the skin as they got me ready to start CPR)....I VERY EASILY could have been a high level quad having dislocated C2-3 & C6-7. This wasn't nearly all that comforting in the beginning but as I said it does bring me some comfort NOW which I think is the important thing.

I'd encourage you to talk with a counselor & at some point to perhaps bring in your family for a session or 2. I wish you PEACE!

[Tetracyclone]

Lucid Dreamer, on 02 November 2011 - 04:18 AM, said:

Tetracyclone, on 02 November 2011 - 03:37 AM, said:

Meanwhile people, remember that ugly things happen to ugly people!

What do you mean by that? I know people that have done worse than me and they don't have a SCI.

Meaning? It was just an invitation to laugh at ourselves and take life less seriously. No real meaning whatsoever.

[Cathelena]

Charlie-boi, on 01 November 2011 - 11:25 PM, said:

Hi, kinda keep finding my self getting real angry !! I repeat I'n my head the day I had my accident alot! I'm not going to go into every detail but I had a skiing accident and it happend on a day I realy did not want to go up the mountain but was kinda made to! It just makes me feel sick how different things would have been if I had just been my normal head strong self and not gone! I know I can't blame the ones who made me go but I didn't appreciate how I was made to go! I was kind of guilt triped by my mum that what if my dad had heart problems or something if he went up himself! But realy it was my mum trying to get to me as me and my parents never had a great relationship so she was trying to force me up their with my dad! My sister had ski's ready and were willing to go! I had no skis or boots and with about 2 hours worth of light left for skiing and terrible weather she just made a point that I had to go! I still said no I just wanted to spend time with my baby neice and relax as it was Xmas eve! My dad gave me a look of disgust and I knew I would not forgive my self if something happened to him so I begrudgeingly went! On the way down the mountain a freak accident occured!

I cant blame them for what happened I know! But everything inside me does! Maybe it's the bad relationship we had I don't know but I just constantly get reminded of what I'm missing and get flash backs of every detail of the events that lead to the accident! my life was litrally just starting to get amazing! I know people will say there no point dwelling and forgiveness is the way forward "even if it wasn't their fault" but I'm 21and now I see my parents who are old yet so much more able than me! I cant look at them I'n the eye and feel perthetic being so young and I'n this type of condition! I think things are going to eventually come to a point I will have nothing to do with them when I'm finantially independent! Just a messed up situation! Sorry for the essay! I live on my own n needed to get the shit off my chest

So relate to what you mean about the anger. I had my car accident on the way home from visiting family, out of a sense of duty. It was a 300 mile journey and had the accident 3 miles before I got home. The weather was icy and didnt even intend to travel that night, but leave it til the morning, but felt that Ihad done my "duty" and just wanted to get home. Its all full of "what ifs", especially as said family dont even speak to me anymore!! I try not to feel angry and bitter, but its hard sometimes. Cant offer any advice, just an acknowledgement that I so relate to what you"re saying.

Cathelena

[brockit79]

Charlie-Boi oi oi,

In my opinion all negative emotions or emotions which have a negative impact on your general well-being need a practical strategical approach to getting one back to a positive state of mind. I get angry and it is my most hated emotion because previously when I felt pissed off I'd go for a run or go out and blow of steam with my mates and do something fun. For me I find that prevention is better than cure and when I am occupied mentally or physically it helps to keep the demons at bay. An occupied brocky is a happy brocky.

This thing with your folks; it's a tough one to master the old blame game but I'm guessing in this case there isn't a claim? :/

This is how I got a grip on it; I know that I can't change the past so I stop thinking about the past. It takes a bit of practice but it is doable. The more active you are the less time for stinkin' thinkin' you will have. The more I look to the future the less I think about the past.

I really want to get in to sports when I'm fit enough and one sport I'm keen to try is swimming (you know this) and it wrecks my head at times when I think for example of getting in and out of the pool. If I think too much about it it puts me off doing it. Try and get involved with as many busy body activities as you can.

I hope this helps ye C-B
K-L'B

[Tatiana]

Charlie -boi...this is an absolutely normal and understandable way to feel.
You are going through a difficult time of adjustment and reflection.

Though in reality (deep down im sure you know this) there is no one to blame.
Your parents,im sure, will be dealing with their own 'demons' about the terrible accident you had and how it has left you physically. They would not have wished or wanted this for their lovely son.

The fact is that this is your journey, nothing i doubt could change the path that you, i and others are tavelling along.

You are young and you still have your life ahead of you....deal with these feelings and then put them aside. Write about how you feel or talk to someone and then they are out of your head because they are too negative and cannot serve any good purpose for you.

BE STRONG AND PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE....LOOK FORWARDS BECAUSE WE CANT CHANGE THE PAST BUT YOU CAN SHAPE AND PLAN YOUR FUTURE.

take care

[mitch]

my injury also happened cuz of other people sticking there nose in my business all u can do is move on. it takes time but life well b good

[Snuffycuts99]

hey,
I had some problems after my car accident too. I was so angry at everyone and it was really confusing. I couldn't get over it and couldn't straighten things out in my head on my own...I FINALLY went to see a counselor even though I didn't want to. It did help me a ton and I feel fine now. I think you should try to talk to a counselor, though you probably don't "feel" like it (I know what that's like). That's what they're trained to do, and it's good to hear what you need to hear from someone you don't know who knows what they're talking about.