30 replies to this topic

[25femalepara]

Please anyone who knows nj state laws help me (i will get a lawyer if I have to !) I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl Savannah 11/9/11 9 lbs 21 1/2 inches . As I was recovering from my c-section yesterday a case worker from dyfs (divison of youth and family services) came to my hospital. I was shocked ! She informed me that someone had called them to say I was not capable of raising a child because I am a paraplegic ! Now there is an open case and she says my baby is not allowed to leave the hospital with me on sunday !!!! I told her my boyfriend(who was sitting right next to me) lives with me and he would be there! Well then she say I need proof from the apartment as well as my section 8 housing that he is allowed to live with me ! Which would be fine but he is not really allowed to live there because of section 8 the apartment are aware he is there and I spoke to them today and they faxed a letter to her office saying he can be there , but im not sure section 8 will do the same I spent all day trying to get a hold of my section 8 case worker he never answers what if I cant get a hold of him for a week?! Then what ?? She sais the baby can live with family but I CANT LEAVE HER I NEED HER AND SHE NEEDS ME ! I cant believe this I cant leave her here in the hospital sunday . She wants to come inspect my house as well which is fine but she cant do it till monday !! Why is this happening ,,can they do this ? I dont need legs to love my child ! She will be by myself and her father will ne there we even told her we are willing to hire a nanny . I cant believe this is happening its so scary people can call and say that im not capable of raising her ?! I have seen so many deatbeat parents and I just feel like this is wrong . They told when I was first injuried to live a normal life , have kids be happy. I am just so upset . Should I get a lawyer ? I refuse to leave her on sunday I just cant ! Why is this happening , who would call them.and get them involved? Thats such a horrible thing to do !

[Irish Wheelz]

This is soooo f*@ked up. That's total discrimination right there. Have you told your family or have some friends to help you. I would go down to the section 8 office personally to get some answers. They say a loving mom who happen to be a para can't raise a child yet they let a women give birth to 8 childrens or put a kid in foster care and they end up either abuse in any way or dead. I hope you get a good lawyer and win the case. I will say a prayer for you.

[wheeliebear75]

Get a hold of

National Spinal Cord Injury Association
http://www.spinalcord.org/

Christopher Reeve foundation
http://www.christoph...MrHeJNLSOzFoLZE

I Googled advocacy in PA & these guys came up.....you ARE being discriminated against & what should be a dream come true is being turned into a nightmare.
http://drnpa.org/

I'm not sure if groups like ACLU would be able to help but it's worth a try since they're supposed to be there to make sure that minorities are not discriminated against including in the courts & your being a paraplegic does make you a "minority".

I hope this all gets cleared up ASAP! I fear that this being the weekend that the majority of agencies will be closed. Is it possible for the hospital to "keep you & the baby for an addition day or 2 of observation"? Play up the possible complications of SCI & C'section? They're threatening to not allow the baby to leave the hospital with you but if they are not preventing you from being with the baby at the moment while still in the hospital maybe this could buy you some valuable time so that the baby doesn't have to go through even a single moment with a "foster child" label. Please please PLEASE keep us informed.

[switney]

This is too much, i can't even hold bk my fury as i write. This is so unfair to anyone much more to people like us. What are they implying, that we hav no rght to even breath!. How can they deny you such a beautiful rght of enjoying yo baby. I am praying to God to intevene as He's the one who blessed you with that baby and that the worst never hapens. My heart is bleeding rght nw to bcoz of this. Pray and fght till you win. We are with you.

[dreamerr]

That can't be legal. NJ is always messed up but this goes beyond. Drug addicts can have as many babies as they want but a para can't...how ridiculous. Fight those bastards. We need a wheelchair brigade to protest those idiots. I am so surprised with there reduction in work force they are concentrating on something so dumb. They sound like the cops...take the easy people out instead of the real criminals or child abusers.

[guyd]

Absolutely no use whatsoever as Im in the UK - but my heart skipped a beat when I read that. How dare 'someone call to say you cant care for a child' and the state to act on that premise? Its a mad mad world - and you ARE capable of looking after a child, probably better than most parents as (e.g.) you know what hygene means....

[qbounce]

How about attempting to get the local news involved?

This type of discrimination case is just the thing that pulls on the heartstrings of the public at large!

Good luck to you. I hope you get something resolved ASAP!!

[greybeard]

qbounce, on 13 November 2011 - 12:45 AM, said:

How about attempting to get the local news involved?

This type of discrimination case is just the thing that pulls on the heartstrings of the public at large!

Good luck to you. I hope you get something resolved ASAP!!

I agree. Inexcusable bureaucratic behaviour like this deserves to have the media spotlight directed towards it. Hang the bastards out to dry. Good luck with the fight.

[twisted_ophelia]

This sounds extremely bizarre.... it's against the law in the United States to discriminate against someone based on disability (I'm sure you are aware of the Americans with Disabilities Act) and common knowledge among health care professionals (in fact, for most every day citizens it's common knowledge) and the ADA is heavily enforced. I'm finding it difficult to believe that this is something a social worker would do because you say you are a paraplegic.

[Tetracyclone]

Odd post, 25femalepara. You state you are from Philadelphia, but seem to think that is in New Jersey, unless you have moved. Probably moved. True, boyfriends are illegal in Section 8 housing. Yet if that is your situation, how is it you might afford a nanny?

You need not respond to this threat saying your BF will help with your child, you need only inform the social worker her position is against the law and demand her paperwork. If the nurses station has it, get a copy. If the complaint is stated as you say, call the police and report a social worker making an illegal case. If no one has paperwork, call the police quicker.

Edited by Tetracyclone, 13 November 2011 - 06:57 AM.

[A trophy guy]

Um, what? This is not computing with me.

[edlee]

What makes you think so, TO??? I haven't read a lot of her posts,, but her most recent ones talk about being at week 38,, sometime in Oct.,, which sounds about right. I'd hate to think that anyone would bash her right now,, especially if what she is saying is true,,, without some pretty solid evidence.

For now,, she has my sympathy, and any emotional support I can give. If I'm wrong,, I've lost nothing.

25,,,, it doesn't matter who made the call,, there will always be those in our society that believe we are helpless. You have to prove them wrong,, by doing as was suggestted above,, demanding what ever paperwork they have that states that you cannot take your baby home. If they have none,, make sure there is a police officer with you when you want to leave,, along with your doctor. If they have the papers,, demand to see them,, and look for the reasons they claim. It would have to be " unfit mother" , but then they would have to define why you are unfit,, and the ADA doesn't allow them to use your diaility as a reason.

The problem ti, of course,, it's the weekend,, and NOONE's office is open today. Can you get your family to be with you when you have to leave the hospital? If one of them stays with you,, or SAYS that they will be staying with you, to help,, that might satisfy the social worker enough to get you through tommorrow,, when you can contact someone for legal help.

Sorry I can't help, more.
ed

[Snakeye]

Her story does sound a bit out of sorts but I suspect it's cause she hasn't given us all the facts in the case...But, unless there is evidence suggesting she is blowing smoke up my ass I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and wish her the best..Perhaps she should contact the state att. generals office since ADA usually falls under their domain, even tho it is actually a federal program..Like to hear the outcome of this case...Sounds plum tragic taken at face value...

[Tetracyclone]

Ophelia,

We know you are all crazed by those new Mom hormones.

[twisted_ophelia]

Tetracyclone, on 14 November 2011 - 02:37 PM, said:

Ophelia,

We know you are all crazed by those new Mom hormones.

No, I really am! I think they're worse now than when I was pregnant! I just find it extremely offensive that someone would imply that a paraplegic/quadriplegic could not be a fit parent SIMPLY because of paralysis. It's a disgusting thing to say if the original post is BS. There are many parents in chairs here on the forum, both with new babies and older children (some grown up kids) and implying that we cannot raise children properly because we can't walk is just pathetic.

Grrr baby hormones!
;-)

[pistol_pete]

This is wrong. I am really angry. I want these people to suffer.
I can't do anything for you, as I'm on the other side of the planet, but I will be watching this post. Please keep us updated.

Is it just me, or is the Idiot factor in this world getting larger?

I agree with past posts, get Police and get Media.

[Illinois Boy]

This is BULLSHIT.......
Contact everyone you can think of, the local news was a good idea.....

I know plenty of useless bitches collecting food stamps to pay for drugs
while their kids go hungry and are left alone while mommy is out partying..

Jim

[Snakeye]

Looks like someone has deleted several recent posts off this thread..Why?..At least three I know of were not offensive in the least...whats up?

[A trophy guy]

I really think we should all just try to reserve our judgments on this matter, whatever they may be, until we hear more from the OP. There has simply been too little divulged at this point to really make sense of what has been said. Hopefully 25femalepara will chime in sometime soon to clarify matters a bit. That being said, of course I hope she is doing ok.

[Taylor818]

A trophy guy, on 15 November 2011 - 01:09 AM, said:

I really think we should all just try to reserve our judgments on this matter, whatever they may be, until we hear more from the OP. There has simply been too little divulged at this point to really make sense of what has been said. Hopefully 25femalepara will chime in sometime soon to clarify matters a bit. That being said, of course I hope she is doing ok.

If people can't feel comfortable expressing their concerns, frustrations, or opinions here, then where are they supposed to go.

[A trophy guy]

Taylor818, on 15 November 2011 - 03:03 AM, said:

A trophy guy, on 15 November 2011 - 01:09 AM, said:

I really think we should all just try to reserve our judgments on this matter, whatever they may be, until we hear more from the OP. There has simply been too little divulged at this point to really make sense of what has been said. Hopefully 25femalepara will chime in sometime soon to clarify matters a bit. That being said, of course I hope she is doing ok.

If people can't feel comfortable expressing their concerns, frustrations, or opinions here, then where are they supposed to go.

I'm definitely not saying people shouldn't feel comfortable saying anything that's on their minds here (as long as it's respectful of course). All I'm saying is those concerns, frustrations and opinions that are formed based on her one vague, confusing post alone may very well be completely baseless.

[Apparelyzed]

Hi Snake,

Yes, several posts were moderated due to unsubstantiated claims, and some of the replies to those claims were also removed to help with the continuity of the thread.

I've now gone through the thread again, and re-instated several replies, as they can be read without reference to the original claim.

Simon

[dreamerr]

Maybe the social worker was new and this is all solved hence us not hearing anything. Also for the PA-NJ thing the states are right next to each other so going to a hospital in NJ is not a stretch. Maybe parents or relatives live there who knows. I hope it all worked out for the best.

[qbounce]

It's been almost a week since the original post. What's going on, 25femalepara???

[25femalepara]

Update !
I refused to leave the hospital without my daughter. Monday I was able to speak to the case worker who handles my housing once I told him the situation I believe he felt bad for me and faxed a letter to the dyfs( division of youth and family services ) worker. He told her he was aware that my boyfriend was living with me and it was ok . BIG RELIEF !! next the social worker said she needs proof for the apartment building itself so I spoke to a women in the office she made it seem like it wasnt a problem. The social worker than said before my daughter could leave with me she had to inspect the apartment!! No biggy nothing to hide but just seems to be a bit much, so we past the inspection and my beautiful baby girl was allowed to come home. The next morning she calls to say that the apartments have changed their story and said my boyfriend is not allowed to live here and since I am not capable of taking care of a child in her eyes because I am in a wheelchair this is a big problem! So basically I have till next week when she comes back (since the case will be open for 60 days) to somehow get him on the lease . Which may not be possible at all. I just don't understand why they are involved at all! I am afraid to tell the women how angry I am because she is in control right now. I do everything for my daughter clean feed care for and most importantly love her.
For those who were worried about where I live I USED to live in philly I now live in NJ I don't see why that matters but anyway THANK YOU EVERYONE THAT IS FOLLOWING ME ON THIS THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT !!

[dreamerr]

You need help from some kind of advocate. This is totally wrong period.....

[edlee]

25,,,, you are a T7,,,, what seems to be the problem with this social worker? It sounds very much like discrimination. I don't know what else to call it. There is no doubt that there will be dificulties that will arise,, but your SCI isn't supposed to be used as a reason for your not keeping your child,, by yourself.

First, I guess,, YOU have to believe that you can do it,, ON YOUR OWN,,, without the boyfriend in the picture. If YOU don't beleive it,, how do you think you can convince her? So there it is,,,, Can you do everything needed,, without help??? If so,, TELL HER THAT.

As for getting permission for a boyfriend to live with you in sec 8 housing,,,, well,,, you will never get them to put that on paper. It would open them up to a whole lot of problems they don't want. But there is a difference between living there,, and visiting. If you emphasize the aspect of him "visiting" every day,, and that he is " on call" in case of emergencies,, that might be enough.

Can you SPEAK to this case worker? Can you ask her what,, exactly,, you have to do for her to see you as fit? If she comes out and tells you that there is no way for you to do that,, at least you'll know where you stand.

I can only wish you luck,, but know that I'm thinking about you.
ed

[randomryan007]

any one got an update on this?

[lkb2399]

Ony then I can tell you were lawyers only ever going what you think about it evidence and then have no evidence against u forever pain the pain and suffering I have pay u

[jayinva]

im so sorry to hear this 25. I would call Statewide Parent Advocacy Network (SPAN). as well as legal aid. there was a case from illnois a few years back were a man made a argument that his quadriplegic ex was not able to care for there child. i am not sure what happend in that case i have looked cant seem to find out what happend. but here is a legal quote from the ca supreme court. "essence of parenting is not to be found in the harried rounds of daily carpooling" but rather "in the ethical, emotional and intellectual guidance the parent gives the child throughout his formative years.". so i believe the social worker has no legal standing. i wish i could be more help but you have my prayers