18 replies to this topic

[Norsegoddess]

Hey there! My name is Kimi I'm a t3/t4 incomplete para.

When I was 12 my family and I were driving home from the movies when a stranger started driving aggressively towards our car. The car tried to run us off the road, played chicken with us, and then drove off. Scared and uncertain what to do my step mom called the police and reported the driver as a drunk. We were advised to go to a well lit parking lot behind our house and wait for a squad car to take our report. While we waited the stranger had gone home, changed cars, gotten a gun, and found us in the parking lot. My step mom saw the man roll down his car window and shoot at us. The man shot to kill all three of us, but the car stopped two bullets.

The third bullet entered my right shoulder and ricocheted and fragmented. The tiniest sliver sliced between my t3 and t4 vertebrae severing my spine 95%. The larger piece ripped through my lungs and tissue finally lodging itself into my left pec muscle. I suffered many collapsed lungs, spinal fluids going everywhere but my spine and brain, pneumonia, ect during my months in the Icu. I even had a tracheotomy for a while. In the beginning I had no idea what paralysis really meant and coped amazingly well as far as people could tell. I spent a lot of my first year in the press, doing telethons, and being the perfect paralyzed happy person everyone expected. I've never had more than 3 therapy sessions to deal with everything and my friends, family, and acquaintances seem to think my life is exactly the same as an able persons and don't bother to learn more.

For a long time I've tried to do this alone with no support system, doctors that don't give a shit about me, and no clue where to find help. I hate being the angry, bitter, and depressed person I've become. I'm really hoping to make friends here and learn more about the Sci community I belong to. I really hope to find other people that are innocent victims of violent crimes that can relate to my story and the feeling of being raped of a healthy able life through no fault of their own.

[The Black Sheep]

Norsegoddess, on 29 November 2011 - 03:23 AM, said:

Hey there! My name is Kimi I'm a t3/t4 incomplete para.

When I was 12 my family and I were driving home from the movies when a stranger started driving aggressively towards our car. The car tried to run us off the road, played chicken with us, and then drove off. Scared and uncertain what to do my step mom called the police and reported the driver as a drunk. We were advised to go to a well lit parking lot behind our house and wait for a squad car to take our report. While we waited the stranger had gone home, changed cars, gotten a gun, and found us in the parking lot. My step mom saw the man roll down his car window and shoot at us. The man shot to kill all three of us, but the car stopped two bullets.

The third bullet entered my right shoulder and ricocheted and fragmented. The tiniest sliver sliced between my t3 and t4 vertebrae severing my spine 95%. The larger piece ripped through my lungs and tissue finally lodging itself into my left pec muscle. I suffered many collapsed lungs, spinal fluids going everywhere but my spine and brain, pneumonia, ect during my months in the Icu. I even had a tracheotomy for a while. In the beginning I had no idea what paralysis really meant and coped amazingly well as far as people could tell. I spent a lot of my first year in the press, doing telethons, and being the perfect paralyzed happy person everyone expected. I've never had more than 3 therapy sessions to deal with everything and my friends, family, and acquaintances seem to think my life is exactly the same as an able persons and don't bother to learn more.

For a long time I've tried to do this alone with no support system, doctors that don't give a shit about me, and no clue where to find help. I hate being the angry, bitter, and depressed person I've become. I'm really hoping to make friends here and learn more about the Sci community I belong to. I really hope to find other people that are innocent victims of violent crimes that can relate to my story and the feeling of being raped of a healthy able life through no fault of their own.

Firstly, welcome! You're definitely not going to feel unwelcomed here. I'm not entirely able to relate to being a victim, as I brought this on myself, but nonetheless, we all have something in common.

I'm a bit curious after reading your story, how are things going now? How long ago did these things happen? Were the others in the car alright? Was the man who attempted to murder you ever caught?

Scuze my nosiness. Please feel free to use this place to vent, ask questions, reseach, yadda yadda yadda. Although most of us have different circumstances, you wont find a more understanding bunch. Or at least that's been my experience.

[Tetracyclone]

Norsegoddess,

I can see by your choice of forum name that there is another side to you beside the "angry, bitter, and depressed person" person you became.
It is more than justified to be angry at health care people who do not seem to care about you becoming more able and, well, goddess-like.

I have been fortunate to meet a number of MDs and nurses who cared deeply for my learning, and 2 PTs out of many.

The folks here have been a great support group. Over the past 18 months (I am 3.5 yers from getting hit by a stupid driver) I have discovered that I am the best movement coach available. Once I got settled into the notion of self-reliance I have developed many new muscles and changed my walker-assisted walking to leg-based instead of torso-based. You know the style- where a person hauls their legs about using torso strength, like a puppet.

A big welcome to you, and as Black Sheep suggested, take time to tell us a lot more about yourself.

[Norsegoddess]

Thanks for the warm welcome, and beware inviting me to rant, it could get ugly. LOL.

I was shot in August of 1999, so its been 12 years. My dad and step mom were uninjured physically. My dad doesn't really show emotions so I don't know if he's dealt with it, and my step mom still suffers puts from it and milks every dramatic moment she can get out of it. As far as I'm doing I'd rather be dead then paralyzed, I don't thank anyone for reviving me and have often cursed being a minor at the time of the shooting. I now have a dnr form filled out though since I'm old enough for people to care about my decision now.

For the most part I feel like I was raped and then punished for surviving against my own will. I'm angry at how ignorant people are to paralysis, how afraid people are to learn or even be associated with someone in a wheelchair. I'm angry that its so hard to go to college, get a job, find parking, grocery shop, ect. Everything I do, I do alone and I'm so exhausted trying so hard at everything and having everything still be so difficult. I hate that I can't be spontaneous, that I can't go anywhere I want whenever I want. I want my childhood back, I want a family that cares, and I desperately want to not be alone anymore.

[wheeliebear75]

1st off....a big warm WELCOME! And I know I speak for many when I say "This place has become a lifeline in so many ways!". I got hurt in 1990 but finally started to feel "non-abnormal" in 2006.....2006 is when I joined Apparelyzed.

I can't relate with the violence portion...although I also felt robbed & imprisoned.....I got hurt back in 1990 when I was 14 but along with the SCI I got a TBI. Mom started jokingly referring to it as "the CNS combo package" (CNS being Central nervous System...a sign hit me in the head causing Traumatic Brain Injury, dislocating a bunch of vertebra including my neck & broke L2 causing Spinal Cord Injury). Like you I felt robbed. I had even had some scholarships lined up & had it all set to graduate 2-3 semesters early. I had lots of "friends" but they weren't really my FRIENDS seeing as they all bailed when I didn't return to being fully normal....85% recovery with the CNS BS was apparently too slow + not good enough. I've never found any magic happy pills...it's just that eventually I realized that being angry didn't make the situation any easier...so although it has been a hard lesson to learn but eventually I did learn to just "let go" of things that are out of my control & just to make the best of it that I possibly can. Rant, vent, cry, or scream....we've all done it.

Edited by wheeliebear75, 29 November 2011 - 07:13 AM.

[Kayak Girl]

Hi Kimi! I live in the area and remember your story as big news at the time. I am glad that you found this site. You are sure to find people to relate to and have definetly found a place to where you can be free to vent. I hope you find what you are needing here. Welcome!

Edited by Kayak Girl, 29 November 2011 - 09:18 AM.

[JaneC]

Hi there Norse goddess

I cannot really relate to the terrible circumstances of your injury but in some way we can all relate to the difficulties you now face in your life everyday.

I do hope that through this site you make friends and feel you can moan, rant and share any good moments that come along !

[bongorum]

Almost two decades ago I was in a supermarket just browsing the snacks section looking for something to satisfy my sweet tooth, when two thugs burst in and declared that they were robbing the place. In a moment when I thought I wasn’t being watched by them, I made a run for the door in an attempt to escape. One observed my flight and fired a shot behind me. By all accounts he should have missed so swiftly moving a target, but lucky me, the bullet severed my cord. All I can recall is slumping to the floor and waking up in the hospital after that. The animal who shot me was never apprehended.

I understand what you mean when you say you’d rather be dead, which of course doesn’t mean you’re suicidal, but that you have a strong ‘death instinct.’ In my own dark moments I, too, often wish I could escape this world, even if it is to become nothing at all.

I won’t foist platitude after platitude upon you in an effort to make you feel that in time life will somehow assume some semblance of what it used to be, because you already seem to know that it won’t. Nevertheless, you will find a way to cope, it’s what we humans do. And, unfortunately, we do it too well.

You should try your best to become a part of a community like this one. Whenever I feel the fog of depression descending on me, I come here and read about so many others like myself who have persevered and triumphed in the face of trials similar to those confronting me. And I take heart from their strength.

This is something that is always easier when you don't attempt to do it alone, and there are good people here who are eager to assist you in whatever way they can. You should take advantage of that.

Edited by bongorum, 29 November 2011 - 09:10 PM.

[Norsegoddess]

Kayak Girl, on 29 November 2011 - 09:17 AM, said:

Hi Kimi! I live in the area and remember your story as big news at the time. I am glad that you found this site. You are sure to find people to relate to and have definetly found a place to where you can be free to vent. I hope you find what you are needing here. Welcome!

Thanks for being so welcoming. It's always weird when people remember me from the news I feel like I haven't met the expectations of the public. I'm really interested in getting to know everything you know about the wheelchair community in the area. Do you still kayak? I went once before my injury and would like to do it again. Well I hope to get to know you better and thanks again for the welcome.

[Norsegoddess]

wheeliebear75, on 29 November 2011 - 07:06 AM, said:

1st off....a big warm WELCOME! And I know I speak for many when I say "This place has become a lifeline in so many ways!". I got hurt in 1990 but finally started to feel "non-abnormal" in 2006.....2006 is when I joined Apparelyzed.

I can't relate with the violence portion...although I also felt robbed & imprisoned.....I got hurt back in 1990 when I was 14 but along with the SCI I got a TBI. Mom started jokingly referring to it as "the CNS combo package" (CNS being Central nervous System...a sign hit me in the head causing Traumatic Brain Injury, dislocating a bunch of vertebra including my neck & broke L2 causing Spinal Cord Injury). Like you I felt robbed. I had even had some scholarships lined up & had it all set to graduate 2-3 semesters early. I had lots of "friends" but they weren't really my FRIENDS seeing as they all bailed when I didn't return to being fully normal....85% recovery with the CNS BS was apparently too slow + not good enough. I've never found any magic happy pills...it's just that eventually I realized that being angry didn't make the situation any easier...so although it has been a hard lesson to learn but eventually I did learn to just "let go" of things that are out of my control & just to make the best of it that I possibly can. Rant, vent, cry, or scream....we've all done it.

Thanks. These past two years have been full of a lot of emotional growth and sorting feelings that had been buried and I'm really excited to try and learn from this community. If nothing else it'll be nice to have people to commiserate with.

That's wild about your injuries and your friends, my friends have been much more helpful and active than my family in my new lifestyle. I'm trying my best to not be angry but lately it feels like my only fuel.

I hope to get to know you better through the forums and learn from your experiences.

[Norsegoddess]

Tetracyclone, on 29 November 2011 - 03:54 AM, said:

Norsegoddess,

I can see by your choice of forum name that there is another side to you beside the "angry, bitter, and depressed person" person you became.
It is more than justified to be angry at health care people who do not seem to care about you becoming more able and, well, goddess-like.

I have been fortunate to meet a number of MDs and nurses who cared deeply for my learning, and 2 PTs out of many.

The folks here have been a great support group. Over the past 18 months (I am 3.5 yers from getting hit by a stupid driver) I have discovered that I am the best movement coach available. Once I got settled into the notion of self-reliance I have developed many new muscles and changed my walker-assisted walking to leg-based instead of torso-based. You know the style- where a person hauls their legs about using torso strength, like a puppet.

A big welcome to you, and as Black Sheep suggested, take time to tell us a lot more about yourself.

That's amazing that you can walk with a c injury. I'm extremely jealous. I picked the name from an ongoing joke with my roommate. I was complaining about how all the second hand wheelchair stuff listed was. For short atrophied/skinny people. We always joke about my viking lineage and how I was made to be wrestling bears in Vinland and not trying to fit in a tiny chair LOL. I am more than the bitter person but sometimes it seems fruitless to be brave and nice. I have way too much integrity to really stop trying though.
I really hope I can have the same luck as you finding doctors that care.

Thanks for the welcome, hope to see you around the forums.

[Norsegoddess]

JaneC, on 29 November 2011 - 04:16 PM, said:

Hi there Norse goddess

I cannot really relate to the terrible circumstances of your injury but in some way we can all relate to the difficulties you now face in your life everyday.

I do hope that through this site you make friends and feel you can moan, rant and share any good moments that come along !

Thanks. I hope to be able to share a lot of my stories as well as learn from everyone else. Thanks for the welcome.

[Norsegoddess]

bongorum, on 29 November 2011 - 05:26 PM, said:

Almost two decades ago I was in a supermarket just browsing the snacks section looking for something to satisfy my sweet tooth, when two thugs burst in and declared that they were robbing the place. In a moment when I thought I wasn’t being watched by them, I made a run for the door in an attempt to escape. One observed my flight and fired a shot behind me. By all accounts he should have missed so swiftly moving a target, but lucky me, the bullet severed my cord. All I can recall is slumping to the floor and waking up in the hospital after that. The animal who shot me was never apprehended.

I understand what you mean when you say you’d rather be dead, which of course doesn’t mean you’re suicidal, but that you have a strong ‘death instinct.’ In my own dark moments I, too, often wish I could escape this world, even if it is to become nothing at all.



I won’t foist platitude after platitude upon you in an effort to make you feel that in time life will somehow assume some semblance of what it used to be, because you already seem to know that it won’t. Nevertheless, you will find a way to cope, it’s what we humans do. And, unfortunately, we do it too well.

You should try your best to become a part of a community like this one. Whenever I feel the fog of depression descending on me, I come here and read about so many others like myself who have persevered and triumphed in the face of trials similar to those confronting me. And I take heart from their strength.

This is something that is always easier when you don't attempt to do it alone, and there are good people here who are eager to assist you in whatever way they can. You should take advantage of that.

Thanks for telling me your story, sometimes it sucks feeling like the only paralyzed person that wasn't doing something fun to end up this way. I'm sure you were quick as lighting the gunman just got lucky. I'm sorry they never caught him, sometimes I wish they hadn't caught mine so I could go vigilante on his ass.

Thanks for the welcome and I hope to get to know you better.

[koolkitty]

Hi Kim. Your post made me become a member. My daughter was two weeks shy of her 21st birthday when her fiance tried to kill her. He picked her up from work and as they started the ride home she realized he was drunk. She tried to get him to pull over and let her drive and he refused. They argued and he told her that he would kill them both. He intentionally wrecked the vehicle they were in. He got a bump on the head and a scraped knee. Her neck was broken in five places and a piece of broken vertabrae partially severed her spinal cord. That was in 2008. She is in the hospital as I write this on life support due to complications from pnuemonia. I often wonder if she feels the way you do? I cannot even begin to think how I would feel to be so young and have this happen. She is a single parent as well. I have pushed and pushed for her to go as far as she can but I sometimes think it is wrong or selfish for me to do so. I do know that you can get back to life. It is a tough haul and you have to let go of some of your bitterness and hate. I say this to you but myself as well. Everyone tells me I need to forgive the young man who did this, but how ? Every time I even consider it she has a major set back and I just want to get my hands on him. I watch her struggle to be a parent to her young son. He tries to act like everything is ok. The person who did this to her served a year and a half in jail. Big whoop considering she got a life sentence. I hope you find some comfort from this forum!

[wheeliebear75]

koolkitty, on 01 December 2011 - 04:09 PM, said:

Hi Kim. Your post made me become a member. My daughter was two weeks shy of her 21st birthday when her fiance tried to kill her. He picked her up from work and as they started the ride home she realized he was drunk. She tried to get him to pull over and let her drive and he refused. They argued and he told her that he would kill them both. He intentionally wrecked the vehicle they were in. He got a bump on the head and a scraped knee. Her neck was broken in five places and a piece of broken vertabrae partially severed her spinal cord. That was in 2008. She is in the hospital as I write this on life support due to complications from pnuemonia. I often wonder if she feels the way you do? I cannot even begin to think how I would feel to be so young and have this happen. She is a single parent as well. I have pushed and pushed for her to go as far as she can but I sometimes think it is wrong or selfish for me to do so. I do know that you can get back to life. It is a tough haul and you have to let go of some of your bitterness and hate. I say this to you but myself as well. Everyone tells me I need to forgive the young man who did this, but how ? Every time I even consider it she has a major set back and I just want to get my hands on him. I watch her struggle to be a parent to her young son. He tries to act like everything is ok. The person who did this to her served a year and a half in jail. Big whoop considering she got a life sentence. I hope you find some comfort from this forum!

Hello & a warm welcome to YOU TOO in the forum.

MOST Dr.s unless they specialize in SCI are clueless. And whether it be an injury/illness to yourself or anger towards another person or something completely different: (I won't say whether harboring anger is right or wrong) only that THIS life has taught me to step back & ask myself "IS THIS something that is I can do something about?", & "What can I DO to make this better?".....if the answers to BOTH questions are nothing then I go on to making the best of it that I can, saving my energy for those things that I CAN have an effect on. I wouldn't say to stop being angry at his selfishness or the lack of punishment given by the courts because you & your daughter & your grandson have EVERY RIGHT to be angry. I'll only ask you to ask yourself if your anger is doing anything positive for any of you.

[Beautiful]

Welcome to the forum! Your story is terrifying, and just reading it sends chills down my spine. I can kind of relate to the whole "being punished by surviving" thoughts. A drunk driver crossed over a grass median and hit our car head on. I hope you find what you need here. My accident was 16 years ago, but just the past few years is when it really caught up with me. If you ever need someone to talk to or vent to, I'm always here.

[Norsegoddess]

koolkitty, on 01 December 2011 - 04:09 PM, said:

Hi Kim. Your post made me become a member. My daughter was two weeks shy of her 21st birthday when her fiance tried to kill her. He picked her up from work and as they started the ride home she realized he was drunk. She tried to get him to pull over and let her drive and he refused. They argued and he told her that he would kill them both. He intentionally wrecked the vehicle they were in. He got a bump on the head and a scraped knee. Her neck was broken in five places and a piece of broken vertabrae partially severed her spinal cord. That was in 2008. She is in the hospital as I write this on life support due to complications from pnuemonia. I often wonder if she feels the way you do? I cannot even begin to think how I would feel to be so young and have this happen. She is a single parent as well. I have pushed and pushed for her to go as far as she can but I sometimes think it is wrong or selfish for me to do so. I do know that you can get back to life. It is a tough haul and you have to let go of some of your bitterness and hate. I say this to you but myself as well. Everyone tells me I need to forgive the young man who did this, but how ? Every time I even consider it she has a major set back and I just want to get my hands on him. I watch her struggle to be a parent to her young son. He tries to act like everything is ok. The person who did this to her served a year and a half in jail. Big whoop considering she got a life sentence. I hope you find some comfort from this forum!

I'm glad that you joined, I wish my parents cared enough to look on forums or even try to understand what I go through. I would say that alone helps your daughter immensely. I do harbor a lot of anger at my parents for keeping me alive, I did feel like it was really selfish, but I was 12 my biggest responsibility was doing the dishes not raising a child. I don't know if she feels the same way but it is hard to keep the will to live in a world that isn't ready for you, accessibility wise and socially. If we had been injured in some parts of Asia we would have been left without equipment or help and shunned for being alive and crippled. I would talk to her about her wishes, sometimes problem solving makes life a little easier. If anything it puts perspective on hardships. The responsibility of having my dog has saved me from suicide and given me purpose, maybe her son does the same for her.

As for forgiving, its hard. After my injury I forgave the man who shot me because I had faith in my Christian belief and I thought God would provide and it was a waste of time to dwell on the shooter. Now, well I'm not really religious and I would like to make the shooter suffer everything I've been through. It's understandable to hate her ex, and you may never forgive him, and thats okay. Unless you're going after sainthood ;-). But I do agree with wheelie and try not to spend all your energy hating and obsessing about something you can't fix. I wish I could be more inspiring or sell paralysis better but I really hope that my honesty and what opinions I do give can help you in some small way.

[Norsegoddess]

Beautiful, on 02 December 2011 - 05:49 AM, said:

Welcome to the forum! Your story is terrifying, and just reading it sends chills down my spine. I can kind of relate to the whole "being punished by surviving" thoughts. A drunk driver crossed over a grass median and hit our car head on. I hope you find what you need here. My accident was 16 years ago, but just the past few years is when it really caught up with me. If you ever need someone to talk to or vent to, I'm always here.

I relate to the feeling of it just catching up to you. I thought paralysis sucked before but now looking for jobs, housing, dating, school, it all seems so impossible. I feel like for every thing an able person does I have to spend 100x the effort, energy, and money to only possibly achieve. How do you keep your energy level up when its depleted so quickly?

[strngink]

hi kimi,my name is steven im 31 an ive only been hurt for 1yr. ..leaving a store with a few of my friends a young kid came out of the dark an pulled a gun for really no reason.he shot me 3xs last bullet hit my L1 im incomplete ive just now started to walk with 1leg brace on my left side becuz its so weak an the knee wont lock but my right leg is strong enough to stand on however im numb all over different areas but im lucker then some ppl thats what helps me push.becuz believe u me i didnt understand why the heck they kept me alive either i have 3 kids an had a fiancee which left after injury so i blame that asshole for ruinning my whole life unlike u i was 30 yrs.old when it happen but i believe anybody that gets a sci goes through all the same things u are right now u just gotta find the power an to keep pushing forward nomatter what..i mean when i went back to take out the bullet from my spine i put on the paper not to help me if i died then right before i went in i switch it back because even though this is the hardest thing hands down that ive ever delt with i would be letting the asshole who shot me win..he was cought an is rightnow as we speak fighting it in court i still havent sen him i dont really remeber his face an to be honest i dont want to i have enough to think about now dayz an even if i shot him back or watch somebody kick the crap out of him whitch im not saying that wouldnt be fun..lol..but what would it help me?so to live with the hate is to suffer..also one last thing u said ur mad that ur parents kept u alive well look at it like if it was ur child u gotta give it a chance becuz if not then yeah nothing will ever get better..believe me i just hit 1yr. i still at times go to my room to be alone so i could say bad words an cry becuz i get so mad but this site helps me so much so give it a chance an come here when ur down ive been on all day cuz i ran out of meds so i feel like ive been hit by a truck an i cant do anything about it but read urs an others stories to take my mind off of it...sorry one more thing in the hospital i looked fine had no worries but i did have worriesan i wasnt fine i did that for my children an my fam an friends but one yr later so much has changed its crazy yeah we have to do things alittle different or take alittle more time to do other things but OR ALIVE still so plz try to live an i promise u things well get better then they are now there is a light at the end of the tunnel...kimi u just gotta let go of the past an just live for todayforget what u used to do or who u were ur a different person now an much strong an im so proud of u for making as far as u have with the hate that u carrie i pray for happiness an for life to get alot easier for u hit me up any time im here for u my new friend...sorry so freakin long...lol..