40 replies to this topic

[tomsov]

I am going to call this an open discussion. To write down the ridiculous comments and questions that ab's say to someone in a wheelchair. My annoyance is "you are good with that chair" well no shit sherlock. how else am i going to use it.

[Vanessamaee]

Theres a post similar to this called "Stupid Things People Say" if you wanna check it out too. I get compared to grandmas a lot. Like people will flip me up into a wheelie and start pushing me and say "Don't worry my grandma is in a wheelchiar!" My dad makes fun of me for this, I just LOVE being compared to peoples grandmothers.

Edited by Vanessamaee, 09 December 2011 - 03:15 AM.

[evilmac64]

How about saying i have a grandson that acts like an ass to

[pistol_pete]

When I start to move backwards for some reason... " Ha, you need a reverse beeper on that thing ".

I reckon if I had a dollar for every time I heard that one I would have $143.50.

How the 50 cents you ask? Thats for the last person who started to say it but got cut short by a footplate in the shins.

[ClaraTaylor]

My current favourite quotes:

"What have you done to your leg?"

"But you were walking last time I saw you"

(In the pub) "You brought your own chair then"

"Can't you get up so I can have a go?"

Edited by ClaraTaylor, 09 December 2011 - 07:34 AM.

[Priority Seatin]

This isn't my own example but Tiffany Carlson said on Twitter that a nurse asked her, "So is your boyfriend paralyzed too?" Her answer was, "Is your brain paralyzed?"

Edited by Priority Seatin, 18 December 2011 - 10:04 PM.

[A trophy guy]

I tried starting a thread like this a while back.

[Chococat]

pistol_pete, on 09 December 2011 - 05:51 AM, said:

When I start to move backwards for some reason... " Ha, you need a reverse beeper on that thing ".

i hear this all the time BUT i really do need a bleeper/warning thing!!! have been using my w/chair in the office for just over a year now and STILL forget to check before i push back.

[A trophy guy]

"Hey, whoa, they outta hand out speeding tickets for those things!"

[edlee]

I think the ones that bother me most are:

" Oh, You're so brave." This for being out of the house, I guess.and
"Can I/we pray for you?" I mean,,, do I look like that much of a sinner?? And if they wanted to pray for me,, why did they have to ask? Maybe they wanted to be sure I knew the real reason when I suddenly was able to stand up.

I smile and nod to both. Neither the statement nor the question were made with ill intent,,,, just a lack of understanding,,,,
ed

[rue2you]

edlee, on 25 December 2011 - 07:35 PM, said:

I think the ones that bother me most are:

" Oh, You're so brave." This for being out of the house, I guess.and
"Can I/we pray for you?" I mean,,, do I look like that much of a sinner?? And if they wanted to pray for me,, why did they have to ask? Maybe they wanted to be sure I knew the real reason when I suddenly was able to stand up.

I smile and nod to both. Neither the statement nor the question were made with ill intent,,,, just a lack of understanding,,,,
ed

I get the prayer thing a lot too Ed and I am the preacher's wife so it can't be the sinner reason!! Cause you know I'm a saint!!

I seem to meet up with other wheelchair users and if we are talking I always get the "oh, is this a wheelchair convention" or "you all going to race" and then they always laugh like they were the first person to ever think of that joke!

The one I hate the most is "I wish I could sit down all the time!" That one makes me real mad and real devious things go through my head like, "Keep saying stupid things like that and I will arrange it!!" See, I told you I was saintly!!

[Chococat]

This is a twist on the opening post but i work in a small office occupied by two companies, my employers and another one. The disabled access toilet is situated in the floor which is occupied by the other company and it is regularly used by a few AB males....i know cos the toilet seat is left up afterwards!!! They do that even though their own toilet is situated right next door anyway i'm pretty sure none of those men are disabled though you can never tell can you? Whenever i see the toilet engaged i slink away and return later....i'm such a coward.....what i really want to do is wait outside for them and make some kind of comment when they come out. What would you do???

[A trophy guy]

Chococat, on 26 December 2011 - 02:56 PM, said:

This is a twist on the opening post but i work in a small office occupied by two companies, my employers and another one. The disabled access toilet is situated in the floor which is occupied by the other company and it is regularly used by a few AB males....i know cos the toilet seat is left up afterwards!!! They do that even though their own toilet is situated right next door anyway i'm pretty sure none of those men are disabled though you can never tell can you? Whenever i see the toilet engaged i slink away and return later....i'm such a coward.....what i really want to do is wait outside for them and make some kind of comment when they come out. What would you do???

Well at my gym (since it is the place I spend the most time) when I know it's someone who is not disabled who is coming out of a disabled toilet stall when I am waiting (and both of the other non-accessible stalls are empty) I politely ask the guy as he is exiting the stall if both of the non-accessible stalls were occupied when he chose the handicapped stall.

Most times they just say, "Oh, yeah, yeah, they were full", even though half the time I watched the guy going in to the stall from across the dressing room and no one was in the stalls. But when they say "No", I simply ask them (politely, again) to please reserve use of this handicap stall for times when the non-handicap stalls are occupied.

Most people are nice about this and say "Sure, no problem." (or something similar)

[wheeliebear75]

A trophy guy, on 27 December 2011 - 02:34 AM, said:

Chococat, on 26 December 2011 - 02:56 PM, said:

This is a twist on the opening post but i work in a small office occupied by two companies, my employers and another one. The disabled access toilet is situated in the floor which is occupied by the other company and it is regularly used by a few AB males....i know cos the toilet seat is left up afterwards!!! They do that even though their own toilet is situated right next door anyway i'm pretty sure none of those men are disabled though you can never tell can you? Whenever i see the toilet engaged i slink away and return later....i'm such a coward.....what i really want to do is wait outside for them and make some kind of comment when they come out. What would you do???

Well at my gym (since it is the place I spend the most time) when I know it's someone who is not disabled who is coming out of a disabled toilet stall when I am waiting (and both of the other non-accessible stalls are empty) I politely ask the guy as he is exiting the stall if both of the non-accessible stalls were occupied when he chose the handicapped stall.

Most times they just say, "Oh, yeah, yeah, they were full", even though half the time I watched the guy going in to the stall from across the dressing room and no one was in the stalls. But when they say "No", I simply ask them (politely, again) to please reserve use of this handicap stall for times when the non-handicap stalls are occupied.

Most people are nice about this and say "Sure, no problem." (or something similar)

DUDE! That is soooo....AN APPROPRIATE REACTION & NICELY HANDLED! I mean if someone is using a bathroom stall clearly marked with a disabled emblem even when other stalls are available that shows at least some disregard for our even being able to take a yet you managed to politely ask them to just refrain from using it next time. The guy you politely ask not to keep using the disabled stall when others ARE available may or may not do as you requested.....but at least he'll be more LIKELY TO than had ya just ripped him a new one.

(FYI NO this was NOT written with any sarcasm intended...I really am glad to see how you handled this situation...it goes a long way in not building walls with AB's. How you handled THIS situation is the difference between someone going back to their buddies at the bar or their coworkers "Wow you should have seen the chip on this guy's shoulder." & quietly feeling like a heal for having used it. )

[coloradogal]

how about, "well how about that!? you're making it around just fine!" duh, thanks i know!

[tomsov]

really at 7 in the morning rereading this post just made my day. It makes me want to go roll over stupid people

[wiggy]

Chococat, on 26 December 2011 - 02:56 PM, said:

This is a twist on the opening post but i work in a small office occupied by two companies, my employers and another one. The disabled access toilet is situated in the floor which is occupied by the other company and it is regularly used by a few AB males....i know cos the toilet seat is left up afterwards!!! They do that even though their own toilet is situated right next door anyway i'm pretty sure none of those men are disabled though you can never tell can you? Whenever i see the toilet engaged i slink away and return later....i'm such a coward.....what i really want to do is wait outside for them and make some kind of comment when they come out. What would you do???

Unless I am having an emergency I will wait outside the stall. When the dood comes out (yeah, i look for wheels, canes and crutches) I remind them that they are AB and should use the other toilets. I guess I'm not as nice as others, but dammit I can't fit in the other stalls and I'd rather not have to go to another floor because of some insensitive person.

[wheelie182]

Chococat, on 26 December 2011 - 02:56 PM, said:

This is a twist on the opening post but i work in a small office occupied by two companies, my employers and another one. The disabled access toilet is situated in the floor which is occupied by the other company and it is regularly used by a few AB males....i know cos the toilet seat is left up afterwards!!! They do that even though their own toilet is situated right next door anyway i'm pretty sure none of those men are disabled though you can never tell can you? Whenever i see the toilet engaged i slink away and return later....i'm such a coward.....what i really want to do is wait outside for them and make some kind of comment when they come out. What would you do???

I'd say -

"Oh hi, seeing as you're disabled too, I wondered if you wanted to come to my disabled group meeting club. We don't have a fixed day or time, and seeing as it will be your first session with us, we'll arrange a time around you, so when are you available?"

And the moment they start coming up with an excuse, .. burst into tears and call them a bastard at the top of your voice.

[LeahC]

Well the disabled toilet is for all to use, it just has disabled facilities. It's not 'disabled only'.

Oh but I have waited outside and actually said 'you're not disabled, you're just ugly' a few times.

[A trophy guy]

LeahC, on 14 January 2012 - 01:50 AM, said:

Well the disabled toilet is for all to use, it just has disabled facilities. It's not 'disabled only'.

Oh but I have waited outside and actually said 'you're not disabled, you're just ugly' a few times.

It's for all to use, but common sense (and courtesy) dictates that someone who can use the non-accessible toilet do so before using the handicap accessible one. They should be viewed as "stalls of necessity" for everyone; AB or not. For the ABs, they are necessary because all the other nonaccessible stalls are occupied. For the disabled, they are necessary because the nonaccessible stalls cannot be used in the first place.

*ETA: That is why I only say something to a person when there are multiple non-accessible stalls un-occupied when they are in the handicapped stall. This makes it virtually guaranteed that at least one of those stalls was available when that person instead chose the disabled stall.

Edited by A trophy guy, 14 January 2012 - 02:25 AM.

[ebeth]

What I don't understand is when I'm out running errands or grocery shopping, etc, why do people stop and congratulate me for being so strong, tenacious, or brave? (Those are actual words that have been used.) Is it really that strange for them to see someone in a chair living a normal life? I wonder what people actually think of me when they see me...

[Stand]

I always like, 'Do you mind if I ask what happened?'.

You just did.

Sex. It was all of the rough sex I was having. Totally worth it.

[kiwiquad]

"You gotta licence for that? hehee" is the most common remark I get.
After 28yrs, I rarely verbalize my answer....the eyes do all the talking now.

[Tim13]

"Looks like you got that down to a science" usually by an older person watching me get out of the car.

I just laugh and say "yup, been doing it awhile" and hope they go away.

They usually do.

[shawn b]

I tend to say comments before people get the chance to. The backup beeper,speeding, and the good parking are usually the favorites. It tends to lighten the mood for people that are obviously uncomfortable.

[LeviM]

Two very similar situations come to mind. Every time I have to see a doctor I haven't seen before or there's a new nurse at one of them I get asked something in the lines of "Can ya stand up and get up on the scale so I can weigh ya?" My responce: Umm No I can not. Nurse: are you sure? It won't take but just a second. My responce: I'm paralyzed from my upper chest down. Nurse: Oh, I'm sorry!

A couple months ago I had to get a MRI of my shoulder. The Orthopedics office had a mobile MRI set up behind the office. I kid you not it was inside a 18 wheeler tailor. So they have steps and the tech asked me if I could make it up the steps. I explained that I could not stand. So there was this lift on the side of the thing that they rolled me up onto. The lift took us up to a side entry door. She rolls me in. She parks me next to the door leading into this very cramped up room where the actual MRI machine was. She proceeds to ask me for information and put it into her computer and then she starts to push me into the area. She stopped abruptly and tells me that my chair can not go into the little room because of the magnetic something or another from the machine. I asked her if it could go in there just long enough for me to transfer to the table. She says no. She then informs me I have to stand up and walk into the room and get on the table. Again I tell her that I can not stand or walk.

She then tries to convince me that I should be able to get there (5-6 feet away) with her helping lol. Finally I got pissy and asked her what part of "I can not walk" can you not understand? She acted really offended and told me she would take me back to the waiting room and inform the doctor that I refused the Mri.

I informed the doctor what had happened and he apologized and had his nurse called over to the imaging place to book me for an Mri there.

[A trophy guy]

LeviM, on 31 January 2012 - 06:29 PM, said:

Two very similar situations come to mind. Every time I have to see a doctor I haven't seen before or there's a new nurse at one of them I get asked something in the lines of "Can ya stand up and get up on the scale so I can weigh ya?" My responce: Umm No I can not. Nurse: are you sure? It won't take but just a second. My responce: I'm paralyzed from my upper chest down. Nurse: Oh, I'm sorry!

A couple months ago I had to get a MRI of my shoulder. The Orthopedics office had a mobile MRI set up behind the office. I kid you not it was inside a 18 wheeler tailor. So they have steps and the tech asked me if I could make it up the steps. I explained that I could not stand. So there was this lift on the side of the thing that they rolled me up onto. The lift took us up to a side entry door. She rolls me in. She parks me next to the door leading into this very cramped up room where the actual MRI machine was. She proceeds to ask me for information and put it into her computer and then she starts to push me into the area. She stopped abruptly and tells me that my chair can not go into the little room because of the magnetic something or another from the machine. I asked her if it could go in there just long enough for me to transfer to the table. She says no. She then informs me I have to stand up and walk into the room and get on the table. Again I tell her that I can not stand or walk.

She then tries to convince me that I should be able to get there (5-6 feet away) with her helping lol. Finally I got pissy and asked her what part of "I can not walk" can you not understand? She acted really offended and told me she would take me back to the waiting room and inform the doctor that I refused the Mri.

I informed the doctor what had happened and he apologized and had his nurse called over to the imaging place to book me for an Mri there.

Wow.

[edlee]

And that's from NURSES,,, is it any wonder that the rest of the world is in ignorance of the meaning of the word "paralyzed"?

In similar situations, I have simply told them that I was more than willing,, but that once my 230 pounds left the chair,, gravity would take over,, and THEY would have to deal with getting me back into it. That has always been enough to get the idea across,,,, but this nurse did sound a bit thick.
ed

[cbb1990]

I get "what did you do to your self" a lot. So one time i teared up and said my dad shot me that shut them up!

[Tetracyclone]

cbb1990, on 19 February 2012 - 04:20 AM, said:

I get "what did you do to your self" a lot. So one time i teared up and said my dad shot me that shut them up!

30 years ago I was carer for a quad who's dad really did shoot her, so I cannot use that one. i like the rough sex idea though.

yesterday I was in a new health club and 2 women had to tell me how courageous I am. I agree: i am the very picturew of courage, bravery, and BS.