23 replies to this topic

[butterflyloop]

Although I've been ill and disabled for a long time now it's only recently that I've used a wheelchair all the time. I've just been Christmas shopping with my children and was enjoying a good old browse along the shelves at things to buy when the next thing I know I'm suddenly over the other side of the aisles!!!! It turns out I must have been in somebodys' way and he just literally pushed me out across the floor so he could get to the shelves I was at!!! I know this probably isn't anything new to many of you but as a new christened chair user I was horrified! I don't think I handled the situation very well at all but I wheeled myself back over to the guy (who had huge rippling muscles and a not so friendly demeanor) and said "excuse me, but I think I was here looking at these and how would you feel if I picked you up and moved you?!" to which the reply was "well youre in a wheelchair and were in my way" I must confess that I still quite haven't got to grips with steering and unfortunately ran over his feet lol How should I deal with things like this? I feel so vulnerable in my chair right now, particuarly as it's a rubbish chair. Your advice would be great.

[Califanna]

 butterflyloop, on 10 December 2011 - 06:00 PM, said:

Although I've been ill and disabled for a long time now it's only recently that I've used a wheelchair all the time. I've just been Christmas shopping with my children and was enjoying a good old browse along the shelves at things to buy when the next thing I know I'm suddenly over the other side of the aisles!!!! It turns out I must have been in somebodys' way and he just literally pushed me out across the floor so he could get to the shelves I was at!!! I know this probably isn't anything new to many of you but as a new christened chair user I was horrified! I don't think I handled the situation very well at all but I wheeled myself back over to the guy (who had huge rippling muscles and a not so friendly demeanor) and said "excuse me, but I think I was here looking at these and how would you feel if I picked you up and moved you?!" to which the reply was "well youre in a wheelchair and were in my way" I must confess that I still quite haven't got to grips with steering and unfortunately ran over his feet lol How should I deal with things like this? I feel so vulnerable in my chair right now, particuarly as it's a rubbish chair. Your advice would be great.

I have been a wheelchair user for over 17 years now and yes people often treat us as we are just things and push us aside. I am glad you spoke up for yourself. Ignorant people like him need to be educated that we are people too and even though we are movable, they must still respect the personal space zone and not touch our wheelchairs.

I think you dealt with it well. We must all politely educate the able-bodied community that we too have personal space that must be respected at all times, which includes touching our wheelchair.

FYI, you will probably even get those eager beavers who will come up behind you and start pushing you without even asking. I simply ask them to stop unless they want to pay a toll for pushing me.

[wheeliebear75]

Well keep TRYING to educate people, "Um excuse YOU! But you wouldn't like being picked up & put somewhere so don't just push someone who is in a wheelchair out of the way!" OR "I'm sorry I didn't realize you were mentally disabled.....so I'll explain this to you. I am A PERSON, I have wants just like everyone else, & my want is for you to keep your hands to yourself (pushing your chair is = not keeping one's hands to themselves) oh that & for you to not only grow a brain but to start using it.".

This guy was just a T.A.B.! Everyone (well all of US know what A.B. stands for)who is currently AB is a Temporarily Able Bodied! Now for those ABs who are not pricks.....sorry it's just a sad fact of life....live a long enough life & odds are if you don't join our ranks by way of accident then there is always illness & if you miss THOSE TWO entry forms into our club there is always OLD AGE! To those AB's who ARE pricks.....NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH!

[scatty14]

 butterflyloop, on 10 December 2011 - 06:00 PM, said:

Although I've been ill and disabled for a long time now it's only recently that I've used a wheelchair all the time. I've just been Christmas shopping with my children and was enjoying a good old browse along the shelves at things to buy when the next thing I know I'm suddenly over the other side of the aisles!!!! It turns out I must have been in somebodys' way and he just literally pushed me out across the floor so he could get to the shelves I was at!!! I know this probably isn't anything new to many of you but as a new christened chair user I was horrified! I don't think I handled the situation very well at all but I wheeled myself back over to the guy (who had huge rippling muscles and a not so friendly demeanor) and said "excuse me, but I think I was here looking at these and how would you feel if I picked you up and moved you?!" to which the reply was "well youre in a wheelchair and were in my way" I must confess that I still quite haven't got to grips with steering and unfortunately ran over his feet lol How should I deal with things like this? I feel so vulnerable in my chair right now, particuarly as it's a rubbish chair. Your advice would be great.

Oh my, I am really just adjusting to using a wheelchair just like you. I find your experience so offensive I just cant say. I feel vulnerble as a disabled person where I dint when I was AB if that makes sense. I think you were right in yu response. Its so sad that there are such ignorant people out there. Chin up. Well done you. Pls excuse spelling errors etc I cant seem to spell check.

[butterflyloop]

I know it sounds really daft but living life down at chair level still kind of makes me feel a bit vulnerable, and I find that most people ( probably untentionally a lot of the time) stand right over me, and I HATE people leaning on my chair or resting their hand on it, feels like an outrageous violation of my new personal space. Guess this is all normal? Come on guys please tell me I'm not going crazy lol

[sherbs]

Butterflyloop

You are not crazy, I haven't been in a wheelchair long myself, and lack confidence, so every little stare makes me paranoid, i can walk using a stick, but wobble and sort of lurch forward, but as i have been walking like this for near on 19 yrs, its normal to me, and i often wonder why i am being stared at, going past a shop window the other day, i suddenly realised gosh i do look odd when i walk, no wonder people stare,!!!. It will get better, well one hopes it will

[mellowgator]

butterflyloop,

i would of been mortified if someone moved my chair. i love it that you ran over this guys foot. good move!



mellowgator

[wheeliebear75]

 butterflyloop, on 11 December 2011 - 07:44 PM, said:

I know it sounds really daft but living life down at chair level still kind of makes me feel a bit vulnerable, and I find that most people ( probably untentionally a lot of the time) stand right over me, and I HATE people leaning on my chair or resting their hand on it, feels like an outrageous violation of my new personal space. Guess this is all normal? Come on guys please tell me I'm not going crazy lol

No U R NOT crazy. I bit nuts maybe.

Edited by wheeliebear75, 12 December 2011 - 02:06 PM.

[nomis]

Sometimes we crips have to stand up for ourselves. Next time scream and accuse the guy of assault. It's never happened to me and is never going to. But maybe as a male I'm a less likely target. I guess the weak have to be especially strong. (Also, the guy was obviously an anal oriface.)

[Kwag_Myers]

 butterflyloop, on 11 December 2011 - 07:44 PM, said:

I know it sounds really daft but living life down at chair level still kind of makes me feel a bit vulnerable, and I find that most people ( probably untentionally a lot of the time) stand right over me, and I HATE people leaning on my chair or resting their hand on it, feels like an outrageous violation of my new personal space. Guess this is all normal? Come on guys please tell me I'm not going crazy lol

tbh, I've never had to deal with this kind of behavior from ABs. Not that I doubt it happens - people always amaze me at how insensitive they can be. I think if it ever does (and I'm sure it will eventually) I'd be offended, too. Like we don't have enough to deal without people treating us like furniture?

[butterflyloop]

I'm able to laugh about it luckily but it's great to be able to talk to people that understand! Been out with a friend today that is a close protection operator -( a bodyguard) and it was a much better experience as NO ONE got near enough to lean on me or look down at me and I didn't have to fight through the crowds! Bliss! That said people probably thought that I was some kind of celebrity as they were herded out of the way!!!!! Don't know why I didn't think of it sooner ;)

[McTavish]

Hi B/L nothing like that has ever happened to me, but if it did I would be extremely upset, it's bad enough going through the shops and when people see you coming towards them they scatter and a clear path opens up like the red sea. Suppose it is one of the downsides of being in a wheelchair.

[rollingtrouble]

I've never had anyone "move" me, well....maybe the police a time or two. But I have rammed idiots that wouldn't move for me on many an occasion. I never allowed anyone to intimidate me before my injury, and I'll be damned if I will allow it now. You were assaulted, and he had no right to do that. Personally, I would have floor plated his ankles and gone from there. I'm no bad ass, but I'm not afraid to get my ass wooped if it comes down to "standing" (no pun intended) up for myself. Experience has shown me that most people don't want to "look" like a low life fighting a "helpless" cripple. You are not helpless, and you can be just as much of an ass as anybody if you need to be. You don't have to take crap from anyone if you don't want to, remember that!

[qbounce]

For god sakes . . . . . NO! This is unequivocally NOT okay. In fact, it's down right demoralizing! That big meat head shoulda been taken outside the back alley of the store, blindfolded, given a last cigarette . . . . . . then SHOT!

This is the kind of example that IS worth a HARSH confrontation over. I would've HOUNDED him all through the store until he apologized, AND ended up buying me COOKIES for his transgression!

Kudos to you for gettin' his toes. Next time someone grabs your chair, though . . . . . swing around and sock him in the JUNK!!! It's okay, I said so!

[plank]

 butterflyloop, on 13 December 2011 - 09:05 PM, said:

close protection operator

I love this site - Always something to learn.

[flowergirl]

 plank, on 15 December 2011 - 11:45 AM, said:

 butterflyloop, on 13 December 2011 - 09:05 PM, said:

close protection operator

I love this site - Always something to learn.

I can't believe someone would be so rude and insenstive. Obviously the guy who did it has way more muscles than brains, he is a complete idiot.. that's all there is to it... if I were you I would have wanted to "you are a ..... idiot" but of course we always try to be diplomatic and polite and reason with people. Obviously this man doesnt have a reasonable bone in his body... makes my blood boil

[Zack]

butterflyloop,

I'm Toatally with qbounce on this! I cant think of changing a word he said!

Running over his toes I take off my hat to you for. Excellent! I can only wish you hand an arm spasm provoked by his ignorance, that caused you hand to accidentally Hit him wear it hurts!

[randomryan007]

I was out getting my hair cut yesterday and I was opening the door not so gracefully , but the less I was opening it. and this guy grabs the door with me still holding on to it and up dumps me. OMG did I come unglued. I said look here A$$ hole I don't know what planet you came off of but I am disabled and in a chair. and you just with out warning dumped me over by jerking that door all the way open when I had ahold of it. how would you like it if you were in a chair and some A$$ hole did that to you? now this guy already feeling bad because he dumped me over by jerking the door alllllllll the way open. just stood there. his friends laughing while I put my chair back up and get myself back in it. I am back in my chair curseing them out. My best friend see's whats going on comes out and says WTF??? don't you see he's in a chair? now the guy who was all ready dumb founded stands there looking like he just killed me studders and says finaly after about 15 minutes Omg I am sooooooo sorry! What can I do to make it better? Me: Really ? Are You really asking me this? as I roll off ( because I roll) I deside to turn around and say this ; You really want to know what you can do to make it up to me? He says yes man! I said remember this the next time you want to help someone who's disabled! And before you just help them maybe you should ask if they need the help! he just looks at me. walks up to me and writes his number on a piece of paper and says Man I really am sorry. if you ever just want to hang out just give me a call.

Now after that I felt like the A$$ hole for cursing him out.

You did what you had to do. And you did it a hell of alot better than me. So be proud of yourself.

sorry if you think I jacked your thread. I just wanted you to know that your not alone!

Edited by randomryan007, 18 December 2011 - 03:08 AM.

[wheeliebear75]

 randomryan007, on 18 December 2011 - 03:05 AM, said:

I was out getting my hair cut yesterday and I was opening the door not so gracefully , but the less I was opening it. and this guy grabs the door with me still holding on to it and up dumps me. OMG did I come unglued. I said look here A$$ hole I don't know what planet you came off of but I am disabled and in a chair. and you just with out warning dumped me over by jerking that door all the way open when I had ahold of it. how would you like it if you were in a chair and some A$$ hole did that to you? now this guy already feeling bad because he dumped me over by jerking the door alllllllll the way open. just stood there. his friends laughing while I put my chair back up and get myself back in it. I am back in my chair curseing them out. My best friend see's whats going on comes out and says WTF??? don't you see he's in a chair? now the guy who was all ready dumb founded stands there looking like he just killed me studders and says finaly after about 15 minutes Omg I am sooooooo sorry! What can I do to make it better? Me: Really ? Are You really asking me this? as I roll off ( because I roll) I deside to turn around and say this ; You really want to know what you can do to make it up to me? He says yes man! I said remember this the next time you want to help someone who's disabled! And before you just help them maybe you should ask if they need the help! he just looks at me. walks up to me and writes his number on a piece of paper and says Man I really am sorry. if you ever just want to hang out just give me a call.

Now after that I felt like the A$$ hole for cursing him out.

You did what you had to do. And you did it a hell of alot better than me. So be proud of yourself.

sorry if you think I jacked your thread. I just wanted you to know that your not alone!

I mixed up my crystal ball with my bowling ball again, so nobody can say for sure....but dds are.....NOW....if he DOES see someone who is disabled & struggling, rather than running over.....he'll just keep on walking. But at least he won't dump anyone out of their chairs.

Edited by wheeliebear75, 18 December 2011 - 03:13 AM.

[randomryan007]

 wheeliebear75, on 18 December 2011 - 03:12 AM, said:

 randomryan007, on 18 December 2011 - 03:05 AM, said:

I was out getting my hair cut yesterday and I was opening the door not so gracefully , but the less I was opening it. and this guy grabs the door with me still holding on to it and up dumps me. OMG did I come unglued. I said look here A$$ hole I don't know what planet you came off of but I am disabled and in a chair. and you just with out warning dumped me over by jerking that door all the way open when I had ahold of it. how would you like it if you were in a chair and some A$$ hole did that to you? now this guy already feeling bad because he dumped me over by jerking the door alllllllll the way open. just stood there. his friends laughing while I put my chair back up and get myself back in it. I am back in my chair curseing them out. My best friend see's whats going on comes out and says WTF??? don't you see he's in a chair? now the guy who was all ready dumb founded stands there looking like he just killed me studders and says finaly after about 15 minutes Omg I am sooooooo sorry! What can I do to make it better? Me: Really ? Are You really asking me this? as I roll off ( because I roll) I deside to turn around and say this ; You really want to know what you can do to make it up to me? He says yes man! I said remember this the next time you want to help someone who's disabled! And before you just help them maybe you should ask if they need the help! he just looks at me. walks up to me and writes his number on a piece of paper and says Man I really am sorry. if you ever just want to hang out just give me a call.

Now after that I felt like the A$$ hole for cursing him out.

You did what you had to do. And you did it a hell of alot better than me. So be proud of yourself.

sorry if you think I jacked your thread. I just wanted you to know that your not alone!

I mixed up my crystal ball with my bowling ball again, so nobody can say for sure....but dds are.....NOW....if he DOES see someone who is disabled & struggling, rather than running over.....he'll just keep on walking. But at least he won't dump anyone out of their chairs.

LOL! he should have asked! I'll call him and chat with him.

[Chococat]

 McTavish, on 13 December 2011 - 10:19 PM, said:

it's bad enough going through the shops and when people see you coming towards them they scatter and a clear path opens up like the red sea. Suppose it is one of the downsides of being in a wheelchair.

I'd have thought that was a bonus!

[gimpguy]

 butterflyloop, on 10 December 2011 - 06:00 PM, said:

Although I've been ill and disabled for a long time now it's only recently that I've used a wheelchair all the time. I've just been Christmas shopping with my children and was enjoying a good old browse along the shelves at things to buy when the next thing I know I'm suddenly over the other side of the aisles!!!! It turns out I must have been in somebodys' way and he just literally pushed me out across the floor so he could get to the shelves I was at!!! I know this probably isn't anything new to many of you but as a new christened chair user I was horrified! I don't think I handled the situation very well at all but I wheeled myself back over to the guy (who had huge rippling muscles and a not so friendly demeanor) and said "excuse me, but I think I was here looking at these and how would you feel if I picked you up and moved you?!" to which the reply was "well youre in a wheelchair and were in my way" I must confess that I still quite haven't got to grips with steering and unfortunately ran over his feet lol How should I deal with things like this? I feel so vulnerable in my chair right now, particuarly as it's a rubbish chair. Your advice would be great.

It is truly amazing how some view the gimp in the wheelchair as we push our way back into the world. I have been a para for 35 years now and most of it today just amuses me. I still have to smile each time I go out to dinner with my wife and the waitress or waiter looks to my wife to make the decision on what I will order. It amuses my wife too. On the other hand, I have many people in my life that don't include the wheelchair in any accessment of who or what I am. In life, there are just rude people and these people would be just as rude to a biped if they were in their way.

[Magicisnotreal]

sorry you had to deal with that guy, how unbelievably rude of him. Good for you for going right back and saying something to him. I actually find it kind of funny you ran over his feet. He probably thought you did it on purpose, but who cares. He was wrong and you were in the right. Maybe he will think next time before acting like a complete jerk.

my sister-in-law's dad was poking fun about making one of my wheels stationary and then putting me in full throttle so I would spin frantically in a circle… He did not realize I could hear him and I said loudly, you try that with me and you will have tracks up your back. He laughed as well as everyone, but I was actually quite serious LOL

some of these people are completely clueless and even though ignorance can be annoying, you still handled the situation really good.

[LeviM]

IMO your response was justified and then some! That dude was being disrespectful in a big way. I hope you bruised the hell out of his toes lol.

I've not experienced exactly what that guy did to you, but I have experienced people blocking a main path and saying excuse me several times, only for them to to never even look at me. I've came up with a general rule I follow when it comes to that. I say excuse me once in a normal tone. If I have to say it again I say it loud enough it surely can't be ignored. If the person/persons still don't acknowledge me and let me by I force my way through... you know, as if they aren't even there..lol


I know it's not nearly the same situation but. There are times when I'm at the doctor and the nurse will come out to get me, walk up to me and my Gf without saying a word, unlock my brakes and take off with me lol. I'm not too fond of this at all and it really irks my gf.