14 replies to this topic

[StevenGoodwin]

Hi all,

I have just had a very close friend who has suffered a very serious neck injury and has broken his C5,C6 and C7 and is paralised basically from the neck down from an accident that occured on his farm near Wagga NSW Australia. The accident was 12 days ago and the call from the doctors is 'mid range Quadripleqia'. The accident occured late on a Sunday afternoon where he had fallen into a gully onto his head while tending sheep on his property and he was not found until 2 am the following morning with quite severe hypothermia and the neck injury. I assume it was a few hours later that he would have made it to hospitable and from there he was air lifted to Sydney to intensive care at Royal North shore hospitable and will be transfered to their spinal unit later this week once they stablise his breathing (he is not on a respirator).. Since then he has had an opperation to 'fuse' his spine at the point of injury.(apparently the spinal cord was not severed)

I visited him for the first time a couple of days ago and to say that it was confronting is a gross understatement, naturally he is still in shock with his condition and very depressed. Personally I found it difficult to try and be upbeat and talk about anything other than the injury and looking into his eyes I could see the fear, anger and resentment of his sitution, he felt that his life was virtually over, that he is a 'vegeitable' and would have been better off dead. The same guy a couple of weeks ago was a keen golfer, worked 10-12 hours a day on his farm, was very involved with Rugby, his community, family and friends and just a bloody good bloke..who would be first to help anyone with anything and was optomistic about life and that the rain had finally come and was having a great year with his farm, crops and stock. Sadly due to the fact that we have just come off 10 years of drought down here and he has done it pretty tough financially during this time there was no insuance and now besides his injury he is very concerned about his family (wife and 3 children) financial situation. The extended family, friends, Rugby Club and neigbours have all pitched in and the farm is being taken care of and we are already working on ways of raising funds to assist and get the things that he will need once he is out of rehab (6 - 9 months). He will require intensive care once he is out and the farm is about 30 kilometers out of town, he is a big bear of a man and therefore it will be difficult for his wife pysically to manage his needs of moving him, toiletry and bathing and the thought of him having to move into town away from his land would be even more devistating.

I guess my question is what do I say to him about long term prospects, should I talk about possible 'cures' and radical treatments.. it is hard to say 'things will me right mate'.. cause they are not and at the moment things actually look pretty grim. Im based in Sydney and will be the one out of his many friends that will be seeing him the most.. and I want to see him and want to support him and his family by being there. Is there any real hope of him 'getting better'? Is there things that can be done now .. early into the injury that can improve his long term function. He has a little movement in his right arm below the elbow and can move it but is unable to move his fingers he has slight movement in his left arm as well.. is this a positive sign? and will this function improve?

I want to be able to support my mate and be a good friend and visit him often..and be supportive to his family but I also dont want to say the wrong thing or say things that would be incorrect or give false hope..I know we cant turnn back the clock and the cards have been delt.. now they just have to be played as best you can.. I dont want to sit there saying nothing and feeling sorry for him... (but I really ,really do)He is a very proud and independent type of guy..and I could not begin to imagine what is going through his mind right now.. Is there anything positive on the horizon that I can say to boost his spirit and hope ?

Please excuse my poor spelling.. I have been spoiled with spell check for too long..

Regards: Steve

[edlee]

Hi Steve,,,, First,, it's really great that he has so much support from friends and family.

Now the questions,,, well,, the big one, really,,, will he get better??? Well,,hell,, yeah he'll get better,, but that doesn't mean he'll get back to the way he was before,, just that his condition will improve. Just how much is really a crap shoot,, especially at twelve days post injury.

There are those who, from your friend's present condition,, made complete recoveries,,,, and those who got nothing more back,,, the vast majority fall somewhere in the middle.

One thing that CAN be said,, is that you do have to WORK at recovery. Rehab is important,, as is the temperment to be able to "work through the pain". There are, of course, all the "stem cell cures" you read about,,,, but they are as far in the future as they were ten years ago ( when they said they were only five years away).

There IS life after SCI,, getting him to grasp that will be the hard part. No matter what degree of recovery he gets,, or doesn't get,, HE CAN ENJOY LIFE,,, as long as he allows himself to.

Tell him about us,, and bring him round,, we would love to meet him.
ed

[Oldsparkie]

G'day mate!!

You sure are in the right place Steve for help and information and your friend is in the right place at the RNS as it is the best Spinal Unit in Australia.

I agree with everything that Edlee has said. You have to realise that every spinal injury is different and it is impossible 12 days since the accident to make any predictions at all about future recovery.

Supportive friends are very important as so often after an injury like your friends people walk away as they can't stand the pain.

Just hang in there there's a long road ahead.

[StevenGoodwin]

Oldsparkie, on 13 December 2011 - 10:36 PM, said:

G'day mate!!

You sure are in the right place Steve for help and information and your friend is in the right place at the RNS as it is the best Spinal Unit in Australia.

I agree with everything that Edlee has said. You have to realise that every spinal injury is different and it is impossible 12 days since the accident to make any predictions at all about future recovery.

Supportive friends are very important as so often after an injury like your friends people walk away as they can't stand the pain.

Just hang in there there's a long road ahead.

Thanks mate.. funny that you should say that.. because I was dreading going to the hospitable and seeing my mate like that..afterward I just headed to the nearest pub and got S##T faced.. and I am normally a light and casual drinker... I guess things will settle down after time.. and I will most certinally stick in there.. they say about 6 - 8 weeks before swelling and bruising abate.. and the picture will be clearer then.. I just dont know what to expect or what I should say to him.. as I would hate to build him up.. and what he has now is as good as it gets.. hard to imagine the prospect of being like that.. I almost felt guilty about "walking" around the room.. we were meant to be going fishing together next week.. will have to devise a way to fit a chair into our other mates boat..for later on.. lol

[greybeard]

Get hold of a DVD called MURDERBALL and play it for him when he gets down in the dumps. It will show him what some determined young quads have managed to achieve. You will find it entertaining - and funny - as well (specially the EXTRAS).

Here's a clip:

Edited by greybeard, 14 December 2011 - 12:04 AM.

[Tetracyclone]

Steven-
It is unfortunate that he lay about so long before he received treatment. The hypothermia could actually have helped limit the swelling. That is one new treatment!
See the next year as an interim period. No one knows what abilities he may recover. He may get some use of his arms, which would be a great help. He may also drop some weight!
Many of us do.

Don't look too far ahead: it is too scary right now, with all the unknowns, and no help at all. You CAN reassure that somehow he will cope. He did through the long drought, didn't he?!
The family will cope. Confidence does not need details. You can be confident because you know HIM, and you know his circle of support.

[goose]

He already has 1 positive and that's you and that you care enough to seek advice. First, remember he's still the same person so treat him the same. Share with him the fact that you found this forumn and show him the site if possible.

Encourage him to work his tail off while in rehab. The first 2 years are crucial in gaining return. He sounds like he is a hard worker and very determined which will be to his advantage. He may not see the small improvements once rehab begins so if you notice them let him know.

He needs to feel needed. This may be alittle tricky....I'll try to explain. As humans, we all thrive on knowing we are needed by others. Males have large egos that need stroking by being able to provide and care for their families. I know his work reguired physical labor so you'll have to down play that aspect somewhat. He'll still be able to manage things but it may require a different approach. I'm not doing very well explaining. Let me try this....when someone feels helpless they don't feel worthy but if they feel connected or needed their self esteem improves vastly. The way you feel affects attitude...attitude is the key to improvement. Hope you can see my point. If you feel like there is no hope you tend to give up...now, is the biggest fight of his life. He needs reasons for fighting...to keep pushing even when he thinks he has reached his limit
to give it just alittle more.

At his level, there are good chances that he can be independent. Wait before you try to figure out what he may need. Getting into the house will be the first thing and seeing if the doors are wide enough for a wheelchair to go thru...the other stuff will be determined later. It's really too early for all that...who knows he may not need a wheelchair.

[Oldsparkie]

StevenGoodwin, on 13 December 2011 - 10:51 PM, said:

Oldsparkie, on 13 December 2011 - 10:36 PM, said:

G'day mate!!

You sure are in the right place Steve for help and information and your friend is in the right place at the RNS as it is the best Spinal Unit in Australia.

I agree with everything that Edlee has said. You have to realise that every spinal injury is different and it is impossible 12 days since the accident to make any predictions at all about future recovery.

Supportive friends are very important as so often after an injury like your friends people walk away as they can't stand the pain.

Just hang in there there's a long road ahead.

Thanks mate.. funny that you should say that.. because I was dreading going to the hospitable and seeing my mate like that..afterward I just headed to the nearest pub and got S##T faced.. and I am normally a light and casual drinker... I guess things will settle down after time.. and I will most certinally stick in there.. they say about 6 - 8 weeks before swelling and bruising abate.. and the picture will be clearer then.. I just dont know what to expect or what I should say to him.. as I would hate to build him up.. and what he has now is as good as it gets.. hard to imagine the prospect of being like that.. I almost felt guilty about "walking" around the room.. we were meant to be going fishing together next week.. will have to devise a way to fit a chair into our other mates boat..for later on.. lol

The weekend might be hard as there's no fishing trip however in my book it's important that you go and see him at the weekend. Be strong while your there and just try and talk and act as you would normally have before his accident. Leave the pub till later..not that it helps much. They are right about the 6-8 weeks to let the swelling go down, it would seem like an eternity at the moment.

One of the guys here has a great series of videos on Youtube you should try and look at http://www.youtube.c...er/blackpearlv6 he is an incomplete quad andis able to do most things even to changing the tyres on his car.

[plank]

G'day Steve

Thanks for being a great mate.

I can't add anything to the good advice above, just hope that his recovery goes well.

I take it that his wife has plenty of support. It is important to him and his state of mind (and thus his recovery) that she is seen to be coping with the new situation. If she falls apart he's buggered. Make sure her family and friends put the time and effort into her and the kids so she presents to him as calm and composed as possible. If he thinks she and the kids are OK he can concentrate on his own recovery and put the time and effort required into that.
I feel I cut my own inpatient rehab short because I could see my wife crumbling under the weight of trying to be with me as much as possible, overseeing modifications to the home, closing down my business, taking over the household finances, dealing with Centrelink (now there's an experience), etc... I felt I had to get home and start pulling my weight. Of course coming home before the home mods were done was stupid and rehab went backwards pretty quickly.

It's early days yet Steve, and the road is long and hard. Stay with your cobber, he needs you.

Plank

[StevenGoodwin]

Thanks Plank,

The support is going to be where the biggest challenges will lie.. as the Rehab will be in Sydney and the farm is near Wagga NSW (about a 5 hour drive) The family are all down here in Sydney at the moment but I guess people will have to take care of their own commitments as well.. Im not far from the Hospitable.. and will be going there today.. future challenges will be that the farm is about 30 kilometers out of Wagga.. on a pretty ordinary road.. and organising care to come out and assist the wife could be difficult and costly.. they are not really in a position to call soomeone over .. just to have a break.. that I am sure will be needed at times..but one step at a time.. main thing is to get the rehab started and the spirits up..

ps: Im looking forward to seeing him today to share all that I have learnt on here.. thank you all for your imput

Edited by StevenGoodwin, 14 December 2011 - 09:30 PM.

[Izziwhizzi]

Hi Steve

It looks like you've got some good Ozzies appear here, and there are more on here - their experience will be invaluable when living back at home comes about.

Its a waiting game now to see if he will be able to walk again, or if he will be chair bound, need care or be able to do it himself. If carers are needed then some (especially the young ones, maybe students who fancy a gap year in Oz) will live in. Like wise there are some good uber fit quads on here who can give tips and tricks to future life. I can't remember any chair bound quads wrestling a sheep though although some do drive tractors and quad bikes.

And yes its a total pants place you find yourselves in your lives at the moment. But we all get through it, some better than others. Sounds like he is a really good guy and I'm sure he'll face it head on. And it sounds like your shoulders are broad too - him and his family will need them to lean on, cry on, shout at and confide with. Just be there for them all.

Good luck

Izzi x

[Oldsparkie]

StevenGoodwin, on 14 December 2011 - 09:24 PM, said:

Thanks Plank,

The support is going to be where the biggest challenges will lie.. as the Rehab will be in Sydney and the farm is near Wagga NSW (about a 5 hour drive) The family are all down here in Sydney at the moment but I guess people will have to take care of their own commitments as well.. Im not far from the Hospitable.. and will be going there today.. future challenges will be that the farm is about 30 kilometers out of Wagga.. on a pretty ordinary road.. and organising care to come out and assist the wife could be difficult and costly.. they are not really in a position to call soomeone over .. just to have a break.. that I am sure will be needed at times..but one step at a time.. main thing is to get the rehab started and the spirits up..

ps: Im looking forward to seeing him today to share all that I have learnt on here.. thank you all for your imput

Hi again Steve

Say hi to your Wagga Wagga mate from the most livable city in the world Melbourne. The family and friends sure have some working out to do but best not worry too much about all that at the moment. While most SCI's are caused by car/truck/morocycle accidents there are a reasonable proportion that are from work injuries and farming comes close to the top of the list. All is certainly not lost for your friend. I was an electrician and fell three metres from a ladder and landed with my back on my toolbox completely severing my cord at T8. Something I had done thousands of times without any probs.

Let me assure you that the first twelve months are the worst. But it goes on albiet changed somewhat.

An SCI is certainly a life changing event but I assure you life goes on and the more positive attitude you friend, family and his friends can adopt the better

[wheeliebear75]

For the GOOD news; his hypothermia as said before may have helped minimize cord swelling where 6mo later & the same exact accident could have caused more damage, he hasn't gotten to the 6wk mark where cord swelling goes down it's POSSIBLE he may get vast improvements around that time, he was sent to a top notch hospital who knew how to treat SCI trauma patients, he sounds like a fighter....he just needs to get his fight back.

As goose said he is undoubtedly thinking/feeling that he'll never be able to work the farm anymore or provide for his family. He NEEDS to know that there are still reasons for you to all want him around & that he is still needed.

GB pointed out the Murder-Ball which is wheelchair rugby on steroids. Although he may have to drive to Sydney to play there are a # of other wheelchair sports that aren't quite so.....ROWDY. There are wheelchairs that are designed to go off-road through mud & some MINOR debris.....this could help him get to his tractor & farm equipment. There are transfer boards & lifts that can allow a fairly small but strong woman to maneuver even "a bear of a man". And most homes can be remodeled slightly to allow a person in a wheelchair to use the main portions of the house. But all that is FUTURE STUFF...it's just something I hope will let you, him & his wife all see that this is still possible to live at home if not fully independently than certainly for the most part.

[Oldsparkie]

Hi Steve

Since reading you rfirst post my grey cells have been trying to remember a book I heard about some time back. While maybe no appropriate for your friend just yet it might help his family understand what's possible in the future. http://www.sambailey...t.asp?PageID=22

How's things going at the RNS?

[megatrig]

Hi Steve,

Yup it sucks what has happened and talking about it rather than "the weather" is good. Although talking about Rugby would be just as good!

Sydney is a great place to be if your going to break your neck!

Murderball! Watch the DVD!

You need to forget about what will happen to an extent.

The first "few" weeks will show just how much he gets back functionally as a quad. That makes a big difference! Also he might end up incomplete. So feeling or movement lower down.

Ohhhhhh soooooooo much to take in!!!

The best thing for him is he has YOU plus friends and family too!

In 6 months when your in a bar drinking XXXX you'll look back at this and think hmmmmmm who'd a thought it!

Then say "hey you cripple its your round"

Its not THAT easy!! But you/he/everyone eventually gets there!!

Its pouring with rain and cold and horrid here!! Buy me a ticket and I'll come and sort the farm and house out "no worries mate"!!!

wheeliebear75, on 16 December 2011 - 09:07 AM, said:

For the GOOD news; his hypothermia as said before may have helped minimize cord swelling where 6mo later & the same exact accident could have caused more damage, he hasn't gotten to the 6wk mark where cord swelling goes down it's POSSIBLE he may get vast improvements around that time, he was sent to a top notch hospital who knew how to treat SCI trauma patients, he sounds like a fighter....he just needs to get his fight back.

As goose said he is undoubtedly thinking/feeling that he'll never be able to work the farm anymore or provide for his family. He NEEDS to know that there are still reasons for you to all want him around & that he is still needed.

GB pointed out the Murder-Ball which is wheelchair rugby on steroids. Although he may have to drive to Sydney to play there are a # of other wheelchair sports that aren't quite so.....ROWDY. There are wheelchairs that are designed to go off-road through mud & some MINOR debris.....this could help him get to his tractor & farm equipment. There are transfer boards & lifts that can allow a fairly small but strong woman to maneuver even "a bear of a man". And most homes can be remodeled slightly to allow a person in a wheelchair to use the main portions of the house. But all that is FUTURE STUFF...it's just something I hope will let you, him & his wife all see that this is still possible to live at home if not fully independently than certainly for the most part.

Excellent points here!


Fishing. .. ... You leave the chair and "sit" on a box/wooden chair/plastic chair and chill whilst holding the rod and being brought beers!!

Wheelchair .... Hmmm sounds like he might end up with a collection in the back of his "truck". Then when he gets to home/bar he grabs his every day light weight chair.

When going across mud/rocks, etc he uses a more rugid bit of kit!!

One "step" (no pun!) at a time!

Edited by megatrig, 20 December 2011 - 09:17 PM.