26 replies to this topic

[Lucydog]

Yesterday I spent the day in a small town in Cumbria doing an access audit of the local amenities. Needless to say they were very poor from a wheelchair point of view. Anyway I was out with my boss who is an A1 guy who has a long standing friend with SCI so hes pretty clued up. We go into the Post Office of all places where I would have expected to have had probably better service, as youd think a public service like that would know what they were doing. So I wait at the counter, and I wait and Im completly ignored for about a minute. Then when they do notice me they actually talk to him as they seem to think hes my 'carer' or something, even though hes hovering in the background doing something else.

So its nice to know such service and attitudes are still alive and well in this country.... not! My boss felt pretty embarrassed by it as well but if anything it showed him that such treatment is still not that uncommon. Did someone say Royston Vasey..........

[In The Wind]

Oh man, have I been through this one.

Sitting in the parking lot one day after just getting into my truck, a lady with a daughter in a wheelchair getting into a van parked next to me comes up ands starts asking my mother all sorts of questions about me and how I was hurt and the mods on my truck. I had to yell at her "I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE" before she seemed to grasp that I'm quite capable of answering her questions....

I felt sorry for her daughter, which seemed to be more of an accessory for her....

[Avocado Baby]

This annoys the hell out of me! I'll be sitting waiting in a queue waiting to pay for something at the cash register and the sales person turns their attention straight to the person behind me in the queue and then when I point out that I was next, they say 'Oh sorry, I thought you were together.'

I am a person in my own right y'know!!!!

[Ana]

Yea, it's annoying. It's amazing this kind of attitude still exists. It annoys me when I go for a coffee with my b/f and the people at the counter only look at me and ask me what he would like... duh! This happened to me on various occasions. I usually just don't answer their question and let him take over and tell the person at the counter what he would like.

[Jilly]

I know the feeling...this happens to us all the time at nearly every place we go to. I usually just turn and look the other way and pretend im not there, so they have to talk to him.

[John Anderson]

Totally with you on that. Mostly happen to me in school and what not, people don't realize I'm there (or choice not to realize) until I actually say something, I mean how hard it is to miss these wheels? Pisses me off sometimes, hate it.

[Ana]

Yea... and why do people act like that? Fear of the unknown? Does seeing a person in a wheelchair make them feel uncomfortable? Let alone talk to them? So they turn to the AB companion who is there? It can be numerous of things. The next time it happens to me, I will confront them with it and just ask them straight out why they don't ask him. What the reason is they turn to me. I thought about doing that before... but didn't want to ruin our outing. Because after all... we usually have a good laugh about it once we have our coffee and are settled at a table. LOL.

[knightrider]

This does my head in. Even if you buy some clothes and put them on the counter they would still ask your companion do you want the reciept in the bag. So i just say what you asking her for im the one buying the clothes. Stupid!!!! Or you buy some thing and the give the change to your friend, now that pisses me off.
If it happens to you just tell them straight, i do, Makes them feel stupid and i laugh at them and say Stupid people.

[xMaddiex]

to be totally honest i love it when this happens because it results in the cash register people looking stupid and me and jason in fits of giggles. when they ask me stuff for jason, he either butts in and tells them what he wants, or i ask him and then he'll tell me and then i'll tell the person asking. jason doesnt really have the problem of being ignored because hes really quite loud and outgoing and so people tend to notice hes there lol. it does get on my nerves when people ask me stuff about jason when hes right there, especially when its personal stuff that you dont want to be shouting about in public or to a stranger anyways.

[In The Wind]

I think the key is in ^^ post. When I speak I use what is called a “command voice”. It is a very clear, articulate, and powerful technique. I find that it also causes the wheelchair to evaporate and brings the listeners attention to me.

[Philip]

Yeah I live in a city of 150,000 very isolated from the nearest city. I get that alot when Deb and I go out we get people asking her questions. A few times while ordering at restuarant the waitperson waits for my girlfrend to repeat the order. Here is something to remember and I don't know if it's good or bad. people with disability vary widely in capiblities. People in an effort to deal with a person in a wheelchair will look at disabled person companion for cues on how to interact. The do one faux pas to keep from making a bigger more embassasing faux pas.

[Jodie Lynn]

Hey all i just had to post when I seen this topic, Not to too long ago I was out for a day of shopping with my Daoghter, sister-in-law and her mother , we stopped at this place for some chinese food and as we pulled into park all the handicap spots were taken so we pulled into a regular spot , I get out of the car using my walking sticks to walk with which at first was difficultfor me but I do it anyways, this gentleman comes up to me and lets me know he doen't think it is right for the peole parked in the handicapp spot were not handicapped as he put it and then he procedded to tel me how proud he was of me for trying so hard , said he would keep me in his prayers and I thanked him.... We went into the resturant and as I walked in slowly everyone got quiet, we preceeded to sit down and eat our dinner, when we were finished we were walking back to the car and as we got closer this man had placed a little hersheys' kiss at each of our tires I felt very touched just knowing that there are still some kind and considerate people out there in this world, I felt a difference that day and it al came from a stranger so peeps there are still some nice peole in this world , it just is hard to find them at times.......




JodieLynn

[lune14]

Philip, on Jul 29 2006, 02:22 PM, said:

Yeah I live in a city of 150,000 very isolated from the nearest city. I get that alot when Deb and I go out we get people asking her questions. A few times while ordering at restuarant the waitperson waits for my girlfrend to repeat the order. Here is something to remember and I don't know if it's good or bad. people with disability vary widely in capiblities. People in an effort to deal with a person in a wheelchair will look at disabled person companion for cues on how to interact. The do one faux pas to keep from making a bigger more embassasing faux pas.

I think this makes a lot of sense in many cases. I do honestly feel that people without any exposure to disabilities are often not comfortable with an approach to someone with a disability. It surely doesn't explain everyone's behavior but it is indeed something to keep in mind. Even those WITH exposure to [us] (ie.: disabled/wheelchair users/etc) still can not always find the right stance.

I recall a few years ago I was out with 3 friends strolling through a shopping mall. We had all been friends for at least 5-10 years collectively and they were all used to my "situation" and level of independence. As we strolled through the mall it was bothering me that all 3 of them were walking behind me vs along side of me. I would slow down or even stop, pretending to look in a shop window just so they would be in front of me or even along side of me but they just kept letting me get in front. I finally spoke up and said "you know I'd appreciate if you would all walk WITH me vs making me feel like a 4th wheel". I figured that took care of the problem indefinately however they did it again many times after that day. I've since discussed it with all of them and it doesn't happen any more. Granted I have always been very outgoing and usually the one in a group who would speak up when approached but I truly felt a bit out-casted by that 'walking behind" me stuff. Again these were all very good friends with no intentions of making me feel unwanted or outcasted but even knowing me as long as they did (one guy was even my roomate) they never considered it made me feel different. Maybe in my mind I figure I'm alwasy the one drawing attention and being in the shadows so to speak left THEM at first glance.

I'm over it now, I just move along at my own pace and if people tag along behind I just may move too fast for them to catch up with!!

[BrokenAquarian22]

I have seen a lot of instances where the person or checker thinks the person in the wheelchair is ALSO mentally handicapped - I don't know why but they do.

I saw it before I was injured sometimes and I always thought it was stupid to assume something like that.
I haven't had this happen to me yet, but I am sure it will. Oh well some people are ignorant.

[In The Wind]

BrokenAquarian22, on Jul 30 2006, 02:35 AM, said:

I have seen a lot of instances where the person or checker thinks the person in the wheelchair is ALSO mentally handicapped - I don't know why but they do.

This was absolutely my biggest fear as I started to go out and about in a wheelchair; it’s also why I learned to speak the way I do sometimes….

[4estGimp]

In The Wind, on Jul 30 2006, 08:14 AM, said:

BrokenAquarian22, on Jul 30 2006, 02:35 AM, said:

I have seen a lot of instances where the person or checker thinks the person in the wheelchair is ALSO mentally handicapped - I don't know why but they do.

This was absolutely my biggest fear as I started to go out and about in a wheelchair; it’s also why I learned to speak the way I do sometimes….

Heh... A co-worker is legally blind. Recently, I suggested that since he is disabled I need to speak to him as such. Now A typical morning's exchange is:

* Speaking loudly and with a lot of pauses*

Me: HELLO SIR.... HOW.... ARE ... YOU... TO DAY?

Him: I'M FINE. *he then places a hand on my shoulder* MAY I ASSIST .... YOU... WITH ... SOME .. THING?

Me: NO THANK... YOU. I'M FINE.... DO YOU NEED.. ME.... TO LEAD ... YOU.. SOME.. WHERE?

Him: NO THANK.. YOU SIR.


We still crack up every time.

[John Anderson]

4estGimp, on Aug 2 2006, 08:02 PM, said:

In The Wind, on Jul 30 2006, 08:14 AM, said:

BrokenAquarian22, on Jul 30 2006, 02:35 AM, said:

I have seen a lot of instances where the person or checker thinks the person in the wheelchair is ALSO mentally handicapped - I don't know why but they do.

This was absolutely my biggest fear as I started to go out and about in a wheelchair; it’s also why I learned to speak the way I do sometimes….

Heh... A co-worker is legally blind. Recently, I suggested that since he is disabled I need to speak to him as such. Now A typical morning's exchange is:

* Speaking loudly and with a lot of pauses*

Me: HELLO SIR.... HOW.... ARE ... YOU... TO DAY?

Him: I'M FINE. *he then places a hand on my shoulder* MAY I ASSIST .... YOU... WITH ... SOME .. THING?

Me: NO THANK... YOU. I'M FINE.... DO YOU NEED.. ME.... TO LEAD ... YOU.. SOME.. WHERE?

Him: NO THANK.. YOU SIR.


We still crack up every time.

I should do that with my friend, he's also leagally blind, lol, man I can see it now, haha.

[Avocado Baby]

Hahaha! That is so funny! You could make a sketch show about it!

[Carly/Kevin]

well yesterday, kevin and i was at chilis and we were waiting to get a table.. and while we were this lady comes up to us out of the blue and says, 'you look too young to be his carer, so are you guys family or dating?' and i said, 'dating' and she precedes to say, 'i admire people like you.' and i was like 'umm.. okay' and then she says, 'there isnt many people out there that would go out with someone that is disabled. and that to me shows that you are very special girl.' and then she turns to kevin and says 'god bless you, god will help you walk again, dont give up' and kevin and i both said, thank you and turned away. that was a VERY odd conversation! haha! what people say somedays!

Edited by Carly/Kevin, 04 August 2006 - 02:23 PM.

[Avocado Baby]

Carly/Kevin, on Aug 4 2006, 12:45 AM, said:

well yesterday, kevin and i was at chilis and we were waiting to get a table.. and while we were this lady comes up to us out of the blue and says, 'you look too young to be his carer, so are you guys family or dating?' and i said, 'dating' and she precedes to say, 'i admire people like you.' and i was like 'umm.. okay' and then she says, 'there isnt many people out there that would go out with someone that is disabled. and that to me shows that you are very special girl.' and then she turns to kevin and says 'god bless you, god will help you walk again, dont give up' and kevin and i both said, thank you and turned away. that was a VERY odd conversation! haha! what people say somedays!

It drives me CRAZY when people say things like that...and to do it in front of Kevin!!! How patronizing!!!

Like people who say thanks on my behalf. I was going through a door and a nearby lady asked on of the shop staff to open the door for me. I said 'Thanks', but as soon as I'd moved away, the lady said 'Bless you my dear!' I know she was only trying to help, but is there really any need for someone to say thanks for me?!

To me it makes me feel like what I say isn't valid or enough so it needs to come from her. Do these people not think about what they're doing and how it makes the disabled person feel?!

[Carly/Kevin]

Pink Ali, on Aug 4 2006, 05:30 PM, said:

Carly/Kevin, on Aug 4 2006, 12:45 AM, said:

well yesterday, kevin and i was at chilis and we were waiting to get a table.. and while we were this lady comes up to us out of the blue and says, 'you look too young to be his carer, so are you guys family or dating?' and i said, 'dating' and she precedes to say, 'i admire people like you.' and i was like 'umm.. okay' and then she says, 'there isnt many people out there that would go out with someone that is disabled. and that to me shows that you are very special girl.' and then she turns to kevin and says 'god bless you, god will help you walk again, dont give up' and kevin and i both said, thank you and turned away. that was a VERY odd conversation! haha! what people say somedays!

It drives me CRAZY when people say things like that...and to do it in front of Kevin!!! How patronizing!!!

Like people who say thanks on my behalf. I was going through a door and a nearby lady asked on of the shop staff to open the door for me. I said 'Thanks', but as soon as I'd moved away, the lady said 'Bless you my dear!' I know she was only trying to help, but is there really any need for someone to say thanks for me?!

To me it makes me feel like what I say isn't valid or enough so it needs to come from her. Do these people not think about what they're doing and how it makes the disabled person feel?!

well, what can i say about what people say sometimes.. i think that they really care, but just don't know how to show it.. so they make these comments that come out sounding bad, but they really mean it from the goodness of their hearts.. well ... NOT all comments are that way, but i do really think most are.. or maybe its just a guilt they have.. because there really was NO reason for that lady to come up to us.. but i don't know..

and about the 'thanks' part.. i never said 'thanks' on the behalf of kevin.. he's a big boy and he can speak for his own .. but i said 'thanks' for what she said to me.. and we just so happen to say it at the same time.. we just both wanted out of that conversation as soon as we could!

[juls]

This happened to me a while ago and really pissed me off...i still don't think i've gotten over it!
We were having a barbecue and i had just finished saying hello/ meeting the new people when i went inside to brush my hair. While i was in the bedroom i heard a group of guys that i had just met, come into the kitchen. They were saying how good looking i was, which was nice, until i heard them say....'and she's not even f----d in the head!' I was so upset i didn't go back out thier for the rest of the night. It's so sad that people assume that just because you're in a wheelchair you must be mentally disabled as well. I know i shouldn't have let it upset me as they were the ignorrant ones but sometimes it's hard not to let things get to you!!
By the way..my Pa was blind and the amount of people that talked to him like he was deaf as well was amazing, luckily he had a sense of humour

[Carly/Kevin]

juls, on Aug 5 2006, 02:28 AM, said:

This happened to me a while ago and really pissed me off...i still don't think i've gotten over it!
We were having a barbecue and i had just finished saying hello/ meeting the new people when i went inside to brush my hair. While i was in the bedroom i heard a group of guys that i had just met, come into the kitchen. They were saying how good looking i was, which was nice, until i heard them say....'and she's not even f----d in the head!' I was so upset i didn't go back out thier for the rest of the night. It's so sad that people assume that just because you're in a wheelchair you must be mentally disabled as well. I know i shouldn't have let it upset me as they were the ignorrant ones but sometimes it's hard not to let things get to you!!
By the way..my Pa was blind and the amount of people that talked to him like he was deaf as well was amazing, luckily he had a sense of humour

see that's what i meant about.. NOT all comments are nice.. oh, yes kevin has already had his share of comments and grips to me about them ALL! haha .. i know he has to vent soo i listen like a good little girlfriend..

but some just piss me off... well, the other day i was with him and we were in starbucks and the guy asked me what i wanted.. so i preceded to tell him.. then he turned to kevin and goes..'WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?' and he said it loud and slow! i just looked at him and kevin then tells him and then says, 'you didn't have to yell it at me!' and he turned red! and said, 'oh, sorry i didn't know'.. and kevin just laughs and said, 'its okay'.. haha.. sometimes you have to laugh at that stuff..

but even if some of the stuff, like that comment they made.. yes, i know its wrong, VERY wrong.. and i just don't understand why they say that stuff.. but you have to let that go, even if its hard.. those people REALLY do not matter.. and they are going to say what they are going to say.. nobody can change that..

i'm sure your VERY pretty and NOT f*****d up in the head! so, i guess i am trying to get at.. that comment wasn't right.. but you have to try to let that go.. and hey, now they know that you are not stupid like they must have thought at the begining !!

[xMaddiex]

i cant believe someone really said that juls...thats just plain off.

well, here's something...i was at work earlier today, and Kevin came to meet me as we were going back to his house. i was running late, so he came into the shop to find me. he came up to the cash register i was working on, and my colleague, who is very self-important and likes to think he knows everything, said to me, "speak slowly and clearly, and ask if they need any assistance", i gave him a weird look but asked jason is he needed any help, in the most 'slow and clear' voice i could come up with, and when i'd finished jason turned to my co-worker and said, "thanks mate, but i'm just here to pick up my girlfriend..." i had to pick up my bag and dash to the staffroom before i collapsed in giggles, the guys face as priceless! hehe.

[John Anderson]

xMaddiex, on Aug 5 2006, 11:43 AM, said:

i cant believe someone really said that juls...thats just plain off.

well, here's something...i was at work earlier today, and Kevin came to meet me as we were going back to his house. i was running late, so he came into the shop to find me. he came up to the cash register i was working on, and my colleague, who is very self-important and likes to think he knows everything, said to me, "speak slowly and clearly, and ask if they need any assistance", i gave him a weird look but asked jason is he needed any help, in the most 'slow and clear' voice i could come up with, and when i'd finished jason turned to my co-worker and said, "thanks mate, but i'm just here to pick up my girlfriend..." i had to pick up my bag and dash to the staffroom before i collapsed in giggles, the guys face as priceless! hehe.

That's nuts,

[dom]

read the comments and they are very enlightening! i mainly hate the disparaging looks i get in the car parks
i can only say i'm glad i'm not a mind reader, if i was i'm sure there would be a lot of false smiles and comments but the thinking would be negative,its best to try not to worry and analyse everything thats said or done or else you would go mad
my aunt god rest her soul used to say 'treat people the way they treat you'sounds like a good life lesson to me

[jane]

yep, yesterday i was waiting paitently in a que to pick up my photos with my kids and then it was my turn, this man just walked up, slapped his ticket on the desk and asked for his photos. - I glared at him. I don't know if i was more annoyed with him, or the girl who served him!!.