100 replies to this topic

[A trophy guy]

Another common occurrence that I find disagreeable is when someone tells me "you had what happened to you happen for a reason". A reason. Really? Who's reason? God's reason? How curious for someone to presume to know anything at all about my relationship with God (or lack thereof).



There is no ultimate reason behind my accident. It was an ACCIDENT. Followed by serious, complicated, urgent events that that accident itself brought about. This is part of the sobering reality of life. IT JUST HAPPENED. Life itself exists only in such a fragile, delicate "just-right" balancing act, if one were to really examine all that COULD go wrong, madness would practically be guaranteed. "Blessed but Cursed" is so apt not because it refers to any higher deity bestowing these characteristics but because it captures so well the inherent dichotomy that is humanity. And I feel that I identify with and understand, on a much stronger and deeper level, those three words now more than I ever could have if my life hadn't taken such an unexpected turn. I feel both sides of the coin deep in my bones.

[Kaylee]

I have always believed that all things for happen for a reason, and a part of me still does. When Hunter had his accident it did very much make me think about it, but as time went on I got back to my belief of it being true. Since our beautiful little girl Trinity passed away i'm again shaken, I don't see the reason we have to go visit our daughters grave instead of holding her in our arms. What's the reason our daughter Eden won't get a chance to know her baby sister? I have such a hard time understanding this. I hope with time I will understand this more, only time will tell.

Sorry if this a little off topic.

[lavenderthistle]

playing devil's advocate...(would you honestly expect anything less from me?)

Everything DOES happen for a reason...

My son is doing poorly in Algebra....reason...he isn't studying

My neck got screwed up.....reason (a few) mainly the sofa vs railing as fulcrum law failed due to gravity and the sofa landed with a crunch....I was too stupid to check it out properly....reason, I was stupid

My pie burned.....reason....i misread the directions for heating the oven

I have drool on my hand.....reason....my cat fell asleep on my arm


Everything happens for a reason.....you were in an accident.....however that happened there was a reason.....tree jumped out, other car swerved....etc

Everything happens because of something....good and bad. When you start trying to assign deeper meaning to bad things in order to rationalize them, or make them appear less irritating, that's when the hair splitting starts. I can't and won't try to convince someone that some cosmic bully is whacking people for fun and games, nor will I say a deity is thoughtfully giving us stumbling blocks to overcome. We deal with things as best we can and soothe ourselves with comfort...we seek solace in bad times in search of meaning and understanding. However one chooses to do that is his or her own business.

If you choose to believe things just randomly happen and no reason is to be found anywhere...no argument, however Vulcan-like in rebuttal will sway you.

I choose to believe the darn pie burned because evil house elves turned the darn timer off when I wasn't looking...that's my reason

Edited by lavenderthistle, 15 December 2011 - 04:19 AM.

[pistol_pete]

I agree, "it happened for a reason" is just a platitude that I think helps people cope with situations they can't explain or control.
It helps them to try and identify the positive aspects of a bad situation, and they do exist.

[StillFingers]

Happens, happened in this context is about the past, something we cannot change.

Why studied/lived to long is but wishing...wasted time/breath....everyone has their own pace.

Reason is a person's rationale for understanding life...thus interrupted differently by all.

Be my guest live in that hell...this moment is fine by me...oops it's gone...another now!

ATG, your posts are mostly about how others see you...is life that disabling, your focus so pointed at wrongs...what do you love, enjoy, we like sharing that also...or is that none of our business.

I'm gonna rest, listen to some tunes...

Hope life gets better for you bro...but then that's just my wish!

Edited by StillFingers, 15 December 2011 - 05:41 AM.

[A trophy guy]

StillFingers, on 15 December 2011 - 05:37 AM, said:

Happens, happened in this context is about the past, something we cannot change.

Why studied/lived to long is but wishing...wasted time/breath....everyone has their own pace.

Reason is a person's rationale for understanding life...thus interrupted differently by all.

Be my guest live in that hell...this moment is fine by me...oops it's gone...another now!

ATG, your posts are mostly about how others see you...is life that disabling, your focus so pointed at wrongs...what do you love, enjoy, we like sharing that also...or is that none of our business.

I'm gonna rest, listen to some tunes...

Hope life gets better for you bro...but then that's just my wish!

I am saddened that you read what I post and come away feeling the need to "hope life gets better for me". Many of the things you, and others, see as negative or complaining posts, I simply do not.

This is a prime example. See how I ended the post: " "Blessed but Cursed" is so apt not because it refers to any higher deity bestowing these characteristics but because it captures so well the inherent dichotomy that is humanity. And I feel that I identify with and understand, on a much stronger and deeper level, those three words now more than I ever could have if my life hadn't taken such an unexpected turn. I feel both sides of the coin deep in my bones."

This is anything but negative; anything but a complaint. It details the growth and wisdom I have (and will continue) reaped as a human being as a result of becoming a paraplegic. So I feel I must somehow do a better job transmitting what it is that I have to say; because I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. Not for a second.

Edited by A trophy guy, 15 December 2011 - 06:54 AM.

[StillFingers]

My reference was to your posts, being older, having endured more than half my life, body crippled, my edges have softened...my wish for you was not to damn you for your feelings...I've been there, walking/rolling with my own demons.

My poking, jousting with you is only to fire you up, perhaps let you let go a bit. I'm, and I imagine others are interested in knowing more about you, it's why I asked what do you love, like to do also...so you focused on the negative, not attempting to acknowledge my interest in your joys...when my intent was not to attack...provoke, yes...it was just an aging man who knows little, but feels a bit more...trying what appears to be a "lame" attempt to say howdy...so, be well ATG.

I've posted other such non-sense on this forum...if it offends you...my apologies for my prose, lack of clarity, no apologies otherwise.

With regards to the no reason thing, my answer. Things happen for a reason, yeah I think so, maybe, IDK, perhaps not some divine plan or such non-sense. I was tired, had worked a 70 plus hr week, loved to surf, so that sunday I did so, 6am morning break, sloppy, small, by noon I was beat, took one last ride, instead of getting lunch...a broken neck wasn't in my plans...but shit happens...for a reason? I met a beautiful woman, 2 decades we've been dancing, we're both techies...would we have met if not for my broken neck, me having to change professions

Jerry

Edited by StillFingers, 15 December 2011 - 08:42 AM.

[ClaraTaylor]

You'd make quite the interesting blogger.

[Tatiana]

Well I for one also believe that everything does happen for a reason. I dont believe that our journey in life presents us with incidents that just occurr. This would be pointless.

I know i have SCI for a reason, it may be that i do not fully know why yet but if i look at the bigger picture, over time it will come to me and i will see it.

For me, some good things have certainly come out of this and of course the not so good.

My belief system guides me in the understanding that this is my journey and nothing would have changed it or can change it. Yes, how i became injured was through an accident but im certain that i could not have avoided the accident i had.

Im not going to bibe bash but......'By the grace of God go I'

this sums it up for me.

[wheeliebear75]

I know why it happened to ME....to keep me from taking over the world!

OK in all seriousness I have heard LOADS of AB's pop off with that type of comment. Part of it I think is just our need/desire as a species to make "sense" of the zingers LIFE can throw at us sometimes. And then of course there are those who will think "Eh they got what they deserved for drinking & driving!", even though that's only how a small portion of us got the cool parking(when ya can find an empty one TO USE).

In MY case sure things would have been MUCH better had the sign fallen to the floor instead of on my HEAD. But on the other hand that same sign could have just as easily come down on my 6yr old sister which would have killed her (that's what Children's said), & had it come down on my mother or aunt they would not have been able to heal/recover as well as I did. So REASON? The idiots didn't use strong enough anchors to mount the sign. But since there is no time-machine that I can use & suggest we go eat somewhere ANYWHERE ELSE....but there isn't so I just worry about the road ahead.

Edited by wheeliebear75, 15 December 2011 - 09:14 AM.

[biggdoggpa]

Well from an AB perspective, most of the time people say things like that because its an uncomfortable situation and they really don't know what to say. Public in general are terrible councilors lol and they think they are helping by staying positive and maybe giving you hope instead of walking up to you and saying oh my what are you gonna do now? how will you live? People are poorly educated on SCI's I too until my friend was injured I didn't know the half of it, I was under the impression that the legs just didn't work, I knew nothing about the bladder the bowel cathing digital stimulation for bowel movements UTI's physical therapy bladder spasms that make you piss yourself and on and on and on!!!!!! i believe there was a post before about ab people offering to help in a grocery store.... at least people are attempting to be positive i think? how would you feel if some one walked up to you and said "dude your f*@ked" lol I'm not even going to cross the religious path and i will leave it at it's probably a nice gesture maybe if people dont want to be bothered get a t-shirt or a sign on your chair that says please don't ask!! or please don't talk to me!! Hell I'd probably like a t shirt like that!! do you get upset when AB girl's approach you and start asking questions and want to hook up with you? It's so weird how those chairs are chick magnets (no disrespect to any women here but I've seen it and it's just my observation)for whatever its worth!!!!!

Kaylee you and your family have my deepest sympathy!!! I couldn't even imagine a loss like that, god bless you and your family for being strong and going through so much!!

[Tetracyclone]

I think when people confront paralysis (or death- any terrible loss), even for a moment, they peer through a crevice of reality into The Great Black Hole . The vision is unbearable to most humans, so we zip up the crevice with some lame remark about meaning.

[bongorum]

I agree with lavender, that everything is a product of cause and effect, and that whenever we can’t see the necessary connection between the one and the other it’s usually because of an error of perception that contaminates our understanding of the event we’re observing. I also agree with trophyguy, that those condoling little platitudes communicated with patronizing airs in an attempt to tie invisible threads of divine purpose to our compromised conditions really amount to so much nonsense. Much like those abhorrent phrases which get bandied about at funerals, like: ‘It was God’s will,’ or ‘Heaven was ready for him.’ But while I agree that they are in no small measure annoying, I don’t think we should let them excite our repugnance, as I think they originate from no place of malice, but from the mysterious, semi-imbecilic, semi-conscious depths to which we all can descend when placed in the awkward situation of requiring of our wits something to say in the presence of an incomprehensible tragedy. I suppose it’s just a failing inherent in our nature that when we can’t find the right words with which to express ourselves as we would like in an extraordinary situation, in an act of desperation we resort to the trite absurdities we’ve heard repeated a hundred times over in similar situations. An entirely forgivable failing though, in my opinion.

Edited by bongorum, 15 December 2011 - 02:06 PM.

[isobar]

I came to the conclusion that in their on way people try to justify things that happen and it's usually the bad stuff they have the strongest opinions about. I've been told by some it was my destiny but the strangest one i was told came from a deacon from my aunt's church. He told me if you're in the way of a person trying to get to know God then the you will be removed from that person' s path in their quest to find God. The man never met or knew anything about me or my relationships with anyone. I started to curse him out but i just listened and thanked him for visiting me. In some strange way people think they are offering you help by trying to help you understand why this misfortune has fell upon you. I would have preferred them to keep their infinite wisdom to themselves ........ none of it gave me any peace , deeper understanding or answered the why me. We"re all people living and going about our lives trying to live many of us will have something bad happen at some point along this journey it could be a minor set back , severe or life altering and none of us are exempt from the pitfalls or hardships that can occur in life. Life is its own master and in many or somethings we have no power but we do have will and can determine how we'll live our lives from that point forward. After -all there are no guarantees.

Edited by isobar, 15 December 2011 - 04:24 PM.

[Vanessamaee]

I too believe everything happens for a reason.
Reason I'm paralyzed - I was a rodeo bullfighter and just too damn good looking the bull couldnt leave me alone (:
I'm not specifically going to bring in about what my life was like before my accident... but it was far from ideal. I believe that having this accident and becoming paralyzed (although yes, paralysis sucks and is not something I would EVER wish on anybody) has actually made me stronger. It has taught me never to take anything for granted, it's shown me that all though you may think your life sucks, there is someone out there who is worse off.

I believe everything happens for a reason. I also believe that how you react to what happened can change the reasoning... not the reason of how it happened, but why it happened. I get to publicly speak infront of people (high schools, junior highs, colleges, youth groups etc) and I dont talk about being paralyzed because, face it, not many people could relate to that. But yet I talk about taking chances, never taking anything for granted, fulfilling dreams, not being THE best but being YOUR best and never giving up and never giving in. A message many people need to be reminded of at times. And if it wasnt for my accident I wouldn't be doing this and I wouldn't have been able to help/touch as many peoples lives as I now have.

Just my 2 cents

Edited by Vanessamaee, 15 December 2011 - 07:45 PM.

[davjed]

Your 2 cents are like gold........keep up your good work.

Edited by davjed, 15 December 2011 - 07:19 PM.

[greybeard]

davjed, on 15 December 2011 - 07:19 PM, said:

Your 2 cents are like gold........keep up your good work.

X2

[paul1404]

lavenderthistle, on 15 December 2011 - 04:19 AM, said:

playing devil's advocate...(would you honestly expect anything less from me?)

Everything DOES happen for a reason...

My son is doing poorly in Algebra....reason...he isn't studying

My neck got screwed up.....reason (a few) mainly the sofa vs railing as fulcrum law failed due to gravity and the sofa landed with a crunch....I was too stupid to check it out properly....reason, I was stupid

My pie burned.....reason....i misread the directions for heating the oven

I have drool on my hand.....reason....my cat fell asleep on my arm


Everything happens for a reason.....you were in an accident.....however that happened there was a reason.....tree jumped out, other car swerved....etc

Everything happens because of something....good and bad. When you start trying to assign deeper meaning to bad things in order to rationalize them, or make them appear less irritating, that's when the hair splitting starts. I can't and won't try to convince someone that some cosmic bully is whacking people for fun and games, nor will I say a deity is thoughtfully giving us stumbling blocks to overcome. We deal with things as best we can and soothe ourselves with comfort...we seek solace in bad times in search of meaning and understanding. However one chooses to do that is his or her own business.

If you choose to believe things just randomly happen and no reason is to be found anywhere...no argument, however Vulcan-like in rebuttal will sway you.

I choose to believe the darn pie burned because evil house elves turned the darn timer off when I wasn't looking...that's my reason

As long as the pie that burnt wasent Fish all is well with the world

[lavenderthistle]

I was going to add tuna to the top of the pumpkin pie in your honour paul...then top it with coolwhip and a small Mazda, but there was no rhyme or REASON for me to do that...


Hey look I digressed and kept it on topic!

I did not cover the pie with fish ......reason.....It would have tasted like crap


I'm not dead....reason....I'm here to irritate my son into being the best he can be...thx nessa!

[allis53ca]

"I have drool on my hand.....reason....my cat fell asleep on my arm" LOVE live

"I choose to believe the darn pie burned because evil house elves turned the darn timer off when I wasn't looking...that's my reason " LOVE use

[A trophy guy]

Cause is not the same thing as reason.

[Vanessamaee]

I beg to differ.

https://www.google.c...iw=1311&bih=597

Check under the Synonyms. Reason being one of them. The first one actually

Edited by Vanessamaee, 15 December 2011 - 09:40 PM.

[greybeard]

Vanessamaee, on 15 December 2011 - 09:40 PM, said:

I beg to differ.

https://www.google.c...iw=1311&bih=597

Check under the Synonyms. Reason being one of them. The first one actually

Conversely, for reason the first synonym listed is cause. Spooky huh?

[Vanessamaee]

greybeard, on 15 December 2011 - 10:57 PM, said:

Vanessamaee, on 15 December 2011 - 09:40 PM, said:

I beg to differ.

https://www.google.c...iw=1311&bih=597

Check under the Synonyms. Reason being one of them. The first one actually

Conversely, for reason the first synonym listed is cause. Spooky huh?

Very Spooky. A mind blowing phenomenon

[dom]

yes i think everything happens for a reason, not some higher power like the mythological gods in the Sinbad films but logically cause and effect,we can't say when the tsunami broke in indonesia or the earthquake tremored in Japan etc etc that these people all had a reason [supernatural] to perish! even though we have scis we are still lucky to have life! on the flip of a coin many of us would have been brown bread i should imagine all of us typing on this forum have a modicum of comfort in our lives [it's the ones not typing that i am more concerned about] we all suffered/are suffering in varying degrees but i suppose we could say that about ABs it's how we handle it at the end of the day, they say you use less facial muscles to smile than to frown and positivity comes from within i think it should be part of the national curriculum especially with todays downbeat teens complaining about not having the latest phone or whatever for christmas and wanting to be a model/singer/famous footballer thinking their lives will be complete

[A trophy guy]

Vanessamaee, on 15 December 2011 - 09:40 PM, said:

I beg to differ.

https://www.google.c...iw=1311&bih=597

Check under the Synonyms. Reason being one of them. The first one actually

Look at it this way: A couple looking to expand their family gets pregnant. The cause of the pregnancy was obviously the insemination of the woman's egg by the man's sperm. However, the reason for the pregnancy was to bring a child into the world together.

[Vanessamaee]

A trophy guy, on 16 December 2011 - 12:44 AM, said:

Vanessamaee, on 15 December 2011 - 09:40 PM, said:

I beg to differ.

https://www.google.c...iw=1311&bih=597

Check under the Synonyms. Reason being one of them. The first one actually

Look at it this way: A couple looking to expand their family gets pregnant. The cause of the pregnancy was obviously the insemination of the woman's egg by the man's sperm. However, the reason for the pregnancy was to bring a child into the world together.

Reason and cause are the same thing. The CAUSE of them having sex was to bring a child into the world. The CAUSE of the pregnancy was sex. The REASON to have sex was to bring a child into the world. The REASON why she was pregnant was because of the sex. Same meaning, different words

[A trophy guy]

Vanessamaee, on 16 December 2011 - 12:58 AM, said:

A trophy guy, on 16 December 2011 - 12:44 AM, said:

Vanessamaee, on 15 December 2011 - 09:40 PM, said:

I beg to differ.

https://www.google.c...iw=1311&bih=597

Check under the Synonyms. Reason being one of them. The first one actually

Look at it this way: A couple looking to expand their family gets pregnant. The cause of the pregnancy was obviously the insemination of the woman's egg by the man's sperm. However, the reason for the pregnancy was to bring a child into the world together.

Reason and cause are the same thing. The CAUSE of them having sex was to bring a child into the world. The CAUSE of the pregnancy was sex. The REASON to have sex was to bring a child into the world. The REASON why she was pregnant was because of the sex. Same meaning, different words

http://www.google.co..._c9fPnbr82u6mJQ

No, my dear.

[Vanessamaee]

A trophy guy, on 16 December 2011 - 01:02 AM, said:

Vanessamaee, on 16 December 2011 - 12:58 AM, said:

A trophy guy, on 16 December 2011 - 12:44 AM, said:

Vanessamaee, on 15 December 2011 - 09:40 PM, said:

I beg to differ.

https://www.google.c...iw=1311&bih=597

Check under the Synonyms. Reason being one of them. The first one actually

Look at it this way: A couple looking to expand their family gets pregnant. The cause of the pregnancy was obviously the insemination of the woman's egg by the man's sperm. However, the reason for the pregnancy was to bring a child into the world together.

Reason and cause are the same thing. The CAUSE of them having sex was to bring a child into the world. The CAUSE of the pregnancy was sex. The REASON to have sex was to bring a child into the world. The REASON why she was pregnant was because of the sex. Same meaning, different words

http://www.google.co..._c9fPnbr82u6mJQ

No, my dear.

I feel like I am arguing with a 5 year old...

That is a reprensentation of how they incorrectly replaced the words with eachother. Yes if you were to use the EXACT same sentence, and JUST replace the words with one another, it is grammatically incorrect. However if you re word the sentance, it still has the EXACT same meaning, just different words.
By English Dictonary Definition Cause and Reason are synonyms of eachother. therefore making them have the same meaning.
The REASON we are arguing is becuase you refuse to admit you are wrong
The CAUSE of this arguement is because you refuse to admit you are wrong

Same sentence, same meaning, different words.

[Beautiful]

Vanessa!