23 replies to this topic

[Gunnslinger8]

I debated about this particular subject for quite some time, and I realized that it's now or never. I have made many friends on these forums and they know about certain portions of my past, but one thing they have no idea about is what occurred that evening when my life changed unexpectedly. I only spoke of this incident once, when a member asked me in a PM, but I left out a significant part in that message, so I will add what was purposely avoided.

This subject carries MUCH EMOTION for the victims it has touched. Drinking and driving disfigures, disables, and kills individuals, not to mention shatters families.

MY STORY

The evening started like most I took a shower got dressed and left home to head towards my close friends house. I arrived and we all discussed the plans for the night, as usual there was the "LET'S GO GET BEER" and we called up everyone to meet at a park by the university. We all were drinking and I was on the swing set "talking" to one of my best friends ex (they just broke up) and I felt guilty cause we were flirting with one another, JUST FLIRTING. The night was getting late and we all decided to go to one another's place, and my friends ex asked me if I wanted to go back to her place with a couple others and stay the night, because I had been drinking throughout that evening, BUT I refused, one because I wanted to go home and also IT WAS MY CLOSE FRIENDS EX...friendship and loyalty is very important to me, so I leave, because it's late and I'm cruising down the road with the window rolled down and the breeze blowing in my face also the radio had a great song playing, I remember thinking life doesn't get any better than this. I come up to an intersection that is like a mile from home, and then SMASH! Before I could react I slammed into a truck, it happened SO FAST! I recall leaping forward and feeling something weird in my neck, like when you hit the funny bone in your arm, and that's when EVERYTHING WENT NUMB...I knew instantly what happened, and I thought GODDAMMIT I BROKE MY NECK I have heard many people speak of their life flashing before their eyes but all I thought was my life is OVER NOW CAUSE I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME. This part I remember vividly, someone came up to the drivers side door and said "Are you alright" and I said I can't move, and the next thing I hear is "That's Jay in the car" because the person that was across the intersection that came to my window knew me, and still to this day I have no clue who it was cause I was slouched over and couldn't see. I was not wearing my seatbelt and the force propelled me into the steering wheel and windshield. 

I then recall bright lights, then I remember opening my eyes and watching a guy in a white hospital uniform walk in the room jabbering really fast about some stupid ass lottery ticket he had in his hands saying I got a lottery ticket you wanna a lottery ticket, my thought was OH NO I'm in the insane asylum and the reason I can't move is I'm in a straight jacket (I guess cause I had a concussion and the drugs had me confused) and I started FLIPPING OUT, the guy come to find out later was a jokester that liked to calm your nerves by being funny (LOL!) and he saw the look of panic in my face says hey buddy it's okay your in the hospital because you were in an accident and we're going to take good care of you, and I thought I'm not in the insane asylum, I'm in the hospital cause of an accident that's good wheww...WAIT! THAT'S NOT GOOD THAT'S f*@king WORSE!  I then kept asking what happened and they said you were involved in an auto accident and you hit another vehicle, and I thought ON NO and I asked did I hurt anyone please tell me the truth, they said no because you hit a truck and their alright...I thought to myself if I had killed anyone that I couldn't and wouldn't want to exist, I can't imagine the guilt and pain that would feel like if I had ended someone's life. 

I realized that I was paralyzed, but I didn't quite understand how bad I appeared until my mother and friends started arriving, the looks on their faces I'll never forget, friends that I've never seen shed a tear had to exit the room. I lost it every time someone arrived and they began to cry, I just kept asking them to hold my hand...I was in UNSPEAKABLE PSYHCHOLOGICAL PAIN EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING SCREAMED HELP ME! My mother and friends saved my life...NO DOUBT. 

The tracheotomy and feeding tubes, and all the other crap was hooked up everywhere I had space on my body. That DAMN TRACH was horrible cause I couldn't do nothing but click, and my best friends were the ones that could read lips, because there's nothing more frustrating than having to word something over and over again, til finally you look at the person with a dirty look and saying NEVERMIND! BTW Why in the hell do they put their ear up to your mouth, YOUR NOT WHISPERING, YOU CAN'T SPEAK! That is just a tiny portion of what quads go through, I truly know the meaning of the word insanity, my brain felt like it was eating itself, I guess because of sensory deprivation. I don't want to spend too much time on the other obstacles I faced in ICU...let's say I'm glad I did not watch the movie Million Dollar Baby because I would have tried biting my tongue off also. You know you're in bad shape when you can't even commit suicide. I honestly lost my mind while I was in ICU. TOO MANY times to count when I pleaded for death.

I drank and drove that night and did not wear a seatbelt, and that's a deadly combination, as a result I'm an incomplete quad C2 C3 that requires the use of a wheelchair. I also lost one of my best friends in a drinking and driving accident while recovering in outpatient therapy, he was the passenger and the driver was intoxicated. 

I wanted to post this to give a glimpse into what I went through in that period of my life for my friends, BUT MOST OF ALL I WANTED ANYONE THAT READS THIS TO PLEASE THINK ABOUT MY MISTAKE BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR OWN. 

GUNNSLINGER8

[Beautiful]

Thank you for posting your story. Drunk driving is a horrible thing. I was hit by a drunk driver when I was only three years old. The lady was perfectly fine. I, on the other hand, died once at the scene of the accident, and one more time on the table. My mother was very badly injured, but my sister was okay, thank God. My mother had a TBI and her head was very messed up and her face was a mess (nearly every bone on the right side of her body was broken too). I always remember hearing the story about her nephew (my cousin, who was also 3 at the time) was running into the room to see her, and he was so excited. He stopped dead in his tracks once he saw her and flipped out, like he was seeing a monster. I can't imagine the pain my mother felt.

16 years later and we're both okay. My mother's physical wounds have healed and she looks great. I look pretty grand as well... besides the whole wheelchair part. Ha.

Again, thank you for sharing. Some people just don't understand how it takes a split second to change a life forever.

Edited by Beautiful, 24 December 2011 - 03:10 AM.

[A trophy guy]

I am humbled to have been able to read this. Thank you.

[Zack]

Thank you Gunns for sharing your story!

I hope some day to get the strength and courage that you have shown in order to share mine!

God Bless you this Holiday season, and through out the rest of your life!

[goose]

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure it wasn't easy to relive that night. Facts are facts and can't be changed however someone may rethink their behavior thus preventing something tragic happening to them or someone else. Something good can come out of your story if enough people hear it and realize the choices we make can have a hugh impact on self ,family and even friends.

It takes courage to admitt our mistakes. We have to learn from them and hopefully not make them twice.

[Edinburgh Colin]

Thank you Jay, I'm sure that was very hard to do and I hope it helped you to chase away a few demons too.
Well done,
EC

[dom]

Yes thanks very straightforward story, i bet it took a lot of courage to write it best for the future mate

[Tatiana]

Thanks for sharing GS....it isnt easy to be open about such a devastating and life changing event.
It was a priveledge to read.

[Stand]

I was incredibly stupid and had a really bad drunk driving accident. Fortunately I was only driving myself. I was ejected from the driver's side window and landed in the median on the highway. I spend a day and 1/2 in a hospital with a concussion, stitches and some scratches and bruising. I probably should have died. That was 2005.

2009 while vacationing at the beach, I do something as simple as jumping into the water and now I'm a quadriplegic. Go figure. Life is weird and it really doesn't make too much sense lately but it is what it is. We have to live with it and roll with it.

[Gunnslinger8]

Thank You All, I know there are members that have lost loved ones or have been affected in some way by drunk drivers, and I'm sorry. I will understand if anyone has issues with the way I became injured, I'm pretty sure there are members that are SCI because of an intoxicated driver. I decided to post this after reading another members story. I too had been drinking and driving for a couple years, I was nineteen and in my mind was invincible, and I did not think about other drivers I could be endangering. I had never even had a ticket or been pulled over before my accident. I found out your luck will run out sooner or later. 

Beautiful and Stand117711 thank you for sharing that, and Zack I look forward to hearing your story in the future.

Thanks again everyone.

[Terrible Texan]

I understand your story way to well. I couldnt live w/ myself either if i would've hurt someone, as well as thinking about suicide daily. Now i take it one day at a time & seed what the day holds for me.


HERE IS MY STORY!


It started on Fathers Day, June 21st 1998, Me & some friends decided to go to a keg party in town. We started drinking around noon. We would drink a little there & then leave & go for a ride, but would always stop at the store first. I had been drinking & driving for many years, since my teens, so I thought nothing of it. We went back & forth to the party all day & all evening, till late at night. Sometime before midnight, I stopped & picked up a 12 pack of beer on my way to take my friend home. I had planned on dropping him off & leaving to go meet a girl at the club, instead I had to go tell my friends wife to get him out of my car bcuz he was passed out, she wouldnt bcuz he was drunk. She wanted me to stay w/ her & drink the beer w/ her I just bought. We argued briefly till she finally threw her keys to me. I went to the club & drank a beer, unfortunately the girl wasn’t there. By then it was after midnight & on my way back to my friends house, I was in a car wreck where I broke my neck & died. It was the worst day of my life. On my way home that night, i passed out behind the wheel. I remember nothing from the accident except waking up not being able to move. From what i was told, i hit the bumper of a pickup truck which was loaded w/ car parts, no one was injured, & i ricochet & hit a wall at this storage facility. My head went in the windshield & i scalped my head & had to have 8 staples. My 4th & 5th vertebrae slipped pinched my spinal chord, paralyzing me from shoulders down. I have minimal use of my arms, no use of hands or legs. It has been 13 1/2 yrs now & it doesnt get any easier. I wanted to write this to maybe reach some1 & save a life. I had been drinking & driving for many yrs & thought it would never happen to me, I just wouldnt learn, well now its to late. I cant blame anyone but myself & i find it hard to forgive myself. Unless your willing to live like me or worse, or even kill someone, do me & u a favor, call someone or get a cab. The life u save may be your own

[KK*]

I admire you for sharing your deepest emotional turmoil and I pray this is the beginning of finally finding peace and forgiving yourself. I, like Zack, will hopefully become strong enough to share my complete story. You inspire me and I can only pray that I am able to gain the courage to share my innermost painful, shameful, regretful actions that lead me to be paralysed for the rest of my life. I don't go into detail but I tell my family and close friends to not pity me for I, and I alone, am in the shape that I am in because of my own choices and actions. Thank you for being such an inspiration to me and others. Let the healing begin my friend - Godspeed. KK


In 1910 Roosevelt sums it up:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

If you ever need or want to talk, I am here.

Kisha

[Gunnslinger8]

TT you were the member I was speaking of, I viewed your story on a mutual friends profile. I appreciate your candidness and honesty.

EC is correct when he says chasing away a few demons. It took some time after my accident and recovery to say I had been drinking that night, my family and friends knew, but there was some shame and embarrassment that prevented me from telling strangers. After the first time sharing my WHOLE story with a group of people it became easier each instance after and I found it to be therapeutic, because you can learn from others mistakes...if you choose to listen, Unfortunately my close friend decided not to. I live with my mistakes (drinking and not wearing a seatbelt) everyday I open and close my eyes, but I tell myself not to dwell on it or I'd be stuck in gear.

I feel relieved that my story is out in the open now, normally I would have shared this long ago, but I guess I thought I would be judged solely on my actions that night. I understand if there is some hesitation about something so personal being put out in public, but it was time for me, New Years is Saturday night. I hope someone will read this and think twice about making the decision to drink too much and drive, I am always concerned about loved ones when there are so many drivers under the influence on the roads. Listen to TT "call someone or get a cab"

Thanks to all my friends here, I appreciate the PMs.

Zack and KK share when and only when you're ready, pity is the last thing anyone on this forum wants, I think as a matter of fact I know you will receive nothing but support here.

Edited by Gunnslinger8, 30 December 2011 - 09:23 AM.

[Tetracyclone]

Kisha, thank you for that quote. somewhere there is an old thread with lots of confessions- I think it is in the very long "How did it happen" type thread. There is no end of people who have hurt themselves and others through stupid mistakes. What takes tremendous courage is to move on and live well, to give back, and to accept that to err is basic to being human. Gunslinger, find that thread. it is really healing.

To borrow Roosevelt's words, we err, we come up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming..

One thing to remember is that everyone is making errors in judgement every day, but the price is often small or invisible.

I was checking cross streets as I rode the day I was hurt, but failed to check the turn lanes on my own street. After all, if I had the green they would stay put, right? Wrong.

I do blame myself, but that is a useless waste of energy. Better to move one and live some more, flaws and all.

[jscott92064]

Thanks for sharing the quote, Kisha.

And thanks for all who shared their stories - I found myself in tears.

I can't give you the details of my husband's story as we are at the home stretch of a medical malpractice suit.

But we both have a regret that we have had to work on from time to time and that is not following our instincts. We should have listened to our gut and not gone into the hospital that day for the surgery.

That's part of life, though, isn't it --having the ability to forgive yourself and move on. And to forgive others for what they have done to you. Some days are good and some are bad. I think once our lawsuit is over, more peace will come to us.

Just as Tetracyclone says, one has to move on and live more.

Happy New Year and wishing a wonderful 2012 to all!

[Hikkakaru]

I appreciate you posting this story as a warning to others to avoid the stupidity that landed you in this condition.

However, being the victim of a drunk driver, and being put into the condition I am in now at a young age due to the same stupid mistake of another totally jades me, and affords me no pity for you. My sincere hope is that someone will read this and be so terrified of drunk driving as to avoid it all together, but the very nature of this website makes that pretty unlikely -- if they're reading this here, it's likely too late.

[StaceyB]

You were brave to come out with this. You are a good writer, too. Got anymore stories to share? (:

[Gunnslinger8]

StaceyB Thank You.

Tetra I found two of those "How did it happen" threads and the stories were short and got straight to the point, I could not find any more threads like those two. I will look under different titles next time.

Hikkakaru I appreciate your post, the public needs to here from the victims of DUI. I must say I never posted this thread looking for sympathy or pity, that's not who I am. I expressed my reasons previously and my hope is that this thread can maybe prevent a tragedy like yours, and innocent drivers with their family in the automobile.

[Apparelyzed]

This topic has been moderated and split into the members only forum.

Whilst the accusations are being dealt with, the split topic will be invisible to members.

Off topic posts will be moved from this thread.

Simon

[Niceparalegs]

Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any. The night of my accident i'd had several glasses of white wine...well under BAC legal limit, but enough to cause an angry emotional woman to drive 80 mph around a dangerous curve. I lost control and the car flipped several times, impacting twice into two separate deep irrigiation ditches in a field. The seccond impact basiccally made my spinal column into an accordion. I broke c3-4 but no cord damage, just plates replacing bones....also T-9-12 were obliterated, pinching my cord bad, leaving me a T-11 as well as a titanium rod replacing the crunched verts I knew right away that I had a broken back, but didn't know my neck was broken. What I did know was that I was dying in a field, well out of sight. 45 minutes of intense prayer, begging God to give me a second chance to atleast say goodbye to my husband and two year old child and I gave up. |As soon as I gave up, a man found me. At 11 PM in a dark field on a back road..God saved me. I asked the man to call my husband first, bc I was afraid I'd die before paramedics arrived and He did. He let my husband know that he could see that my back was severely broken and I looked critical...(at the time I was moving my neck) I begged each rescuer to hurry because I knew I was slipping away. In a million years I nevvver thought i'd live through the helicopter ride, but I did...Thanks to God's incredible mercy. I no longer touch alcohol or any mind altering substance for any reason....even though I DO NOT drive. (By choice)I was injured in Dec 12 2011. It has ultimately made me a better wife and mother and I truly appreciate my life and my family and understand just how fleeting life can be.

[Gunnslinger8]

Thank You very much for sharing your story.

I know living through your accident has made you appreciate life more and not take things for granted. I can tell you're a caring and thoughtful wife and mother.

Thanks again and I wish you joy and happiness in the future.

[Niceparalegs]

Gunslinger, thank you for sharing yours or i'd never have had the guts to share mine. God Bless.

[bantughost]

Thank you all for sharing. If even one person decides not to drink and drive anymore after reading your stories,that's a very good thing.

[munkypoop]

My story – very, very short version of just the accident –

I went to the bar after work like it did every day to get the last hour of happy hour and wind down after a day of work. Then my friend and I went back to my apartment and played PlayStation and had a beer or two. He kept begging me to go to a different bar to meet up with some of his female friends. He's super shy and had wanted me there to help talk to them, even though they were his friends and I did not know them .. So I went there and we drank a lot of beers and various shots. And my friend barely talked to the girls so it was really a waste. I don't remember leaving the bar and that's where the time traveling or blackout started. Anyways, two hours later, I was the passenger in his truck and on my side the airbag had been turned off because he had a child in a car seat in the seat earlier and never turned it back on .. We hit a brick building, going 70 mph with no signs of slowing down my head got crushed in the ceiling which caused my skull to crush on my brain. They fixed that with over 130 Staples ,as seen my profile picture. I broke my neck C-4 C 5 leaving me a quadriplegic. The driver had a mild sprain on his ankle. I never once and never will , blame him for any of that. Because I knew better than getting into the vehicle in our conditions. The paramedics were sure I would be dead before I got to the hospital. And then the paramedics that brought me to the hospital thought I would be dead in a matter of minutes. According to my medical records I was technically /actually dead multiple times for the next couple days and had to be resuscitated multiple times .

There was a lot more after that with my first neck surgery that was done wrong and being diagnosed wrong and tons of other things going wrong way . . And I think it is perfectly normal to regret or you can get mad at yourself . . I made a horrible mistake and regret it every second of my life . and sometimes I get mad at myself and hate myself for making such a stupid decisioning getting a vehicle as drunk as I was and the driver as well . . I knew better and I don't know what I was thinking that night . . Sometimes you get stupid and think you are invincible or you never think something will happen to you . , I always knew something was going to happen because I drank and drove every day , but I was just thinking I get a DUI not getting paralyzed and completely changing my life .