16 replies to this topic

[Charlie-boi]

If im honest i have quite bad depression, in hospital i was thrown plenty of anti depressents and also phsycologist. Problem was if i took the ati-depressents i would feel a feelings of euphoria and happyness but i would then realise ...''why am i feeling happy i dont have any reason to... this is false'' and back again comes the dark cloud and feeling of sickness would come. I new psychiatrist wouldnt be ablr to help. I would be able to predict each question they would ask me and also their answer and logics. ''how they get paid so well i dont know lol''..... so I know this is a problem only yoou i can contol.

I stoped all my anti-deppresents, i had some verry bad badddddd times just after being let from hospital, if im honest again I had planned to end my life when i left, i made sure i was rehoused away from my family and well the plan was simple. I then got hope of a stem cell therapy which put all that stuff to the back of my mind. That ended up not going ahead after a journey to the trial in zurich. So once again i was hit hard by deppression.

Since then ive attempted some money makeing scheemes which i enjoy and of late caliper training and gym... So my mood can be ok when buisy and i feel progression is happening. However I realy FEAR when another dark time is going to come along. When it does i feel like pure dread like theres no hope and no matter what nothing can help and i mean nothing, it makes me feel ill and i will shut myself off from everything.

Just feels out of my control and i would like a more consistant mood. I was wondering if anybody can give some tips of how they deal with this type of thing when those bad days come... thank c-boi

[Boudica]

I think you have taken a very positive step by starting this post.

When I have bad days all I want to do is hide from the world and talk to no one. Now, I force myself to talk to someone even though talking is the last thing I want to do.

I have found the more open I am and talk about things, the more I find out that other people are going through tough times also and at times are going through much worse than myself.

Talking about how you are feeling or discussing your concerns may relieves some of the stress which is building up. Being on the correct medication that suits, keeping busy, getting out in the fresh may help too.

I accept I will have bad days but I know that good days will definitely follow.

[wheeliebear75]

Ya know Charlie....you may get this idea from some of us who have rolled around the block a few dozen times that we just "ARE happy" & just rolled on out of the hospital ready to take on the world. And I can say at least for myself that is so NOT how things happened.

There have been some pretty dark times in my life & even a few times where I have considered just how to "end things". But those "DARK times" were fewer in fewer as the years rolled on & I got more & more "used to" life as it is. As the years rolled on I started thinking about how things WERE less & less.

When I was 1st injured it felt like I was in some sort of private Twilight Zone; everyone else seemed to live life at warp speed & I was permanently stuck in slow mo., other students would swarm around me when the aid would bring me from the school bus into the school but I couldn't remember who they were even though the aid & my teachers knew who my "friends" were I rarely could place a name with the face/voice. I used to be angry about having gone from honors classes to classes where my classmates went to day programs in summer because they were all "special". And I went from typical teen of being able to go where I wanted when I wanted with a simple "Hey Mom can I _____? I promise to be back before my curfew." to not being able to go ANYWHERE without mommy or another adult to go with me....so my 6 yr old sister now had more independence than I did.

I saw the glass as being 1/2 EMPTY for some time. But after a while I decided that my glass was no fuller for all my anger & sadness. Now my glass may have the same amount IN IT but I can view it in a different way & be content to enjoy what I do have. I'm not sure that there is any way to give you the directions.....it's not like directions on how to get to a pub/bar..."Turn left at the 2nd stop light...." but I can tell you that you never seem to find where you're going if you're only looking at where you WERE....you only find it if you look to where you might be able to go.

I hope that in a few years you too will have found your own personal "happy place"....or at least have found CONTENTMENT CIRCLE.

[Stand]

The doctors put you on medication for a reason. Completely quitting that, which I think is a bad idea to begin with, without weaning can take you into the deepest and darkest depression. Been there done that. The situations that we are in are very difficult. Sometimes help in the form of medication is needed. Maybe what ever you were on was not the correct drug or dosage. Again, I would definitely continue taking your medicine.

Also, I do not like being like this but, be thankful for what you have and that you are not a higher injury like myself and many others. Keep in mind most of us would probably do practically anything to have what you have. I know I would. Nothing personal against you but maybe you have more to look forward to then you realize.

Either way, I hope your situation improves and you find happiness somewhere. Best of luck!

[A trophy guy]

I have been on a relatively low-dose (50mg) of the antidepressant Zoloft for more-or-less the whole span of my life in a wheelchair. I, like you, was very resistant to the idea of it in the beginning, and I have stopped the medication (both slowly and all-of-a-sudden) on a few occassions in the 11 years or so I have been prescribed it. And I have realized that it is something that helps me. So I choose to take it.

Zoloft, for me, is no magic pill. It is by no means a cure for my depression. My depression is a part of me, it is something that I believe is almost built into my character; or at least wired into my brain function (or malfunction). What the antidepressant does is allow me to live; it allows me to see my depression for what it is: me perceiving myself and/or the world around me incorrectly. It keeps those unbelievable "lows" away.

My antidepressant helps keep me balanced. It helps keep the devestating lows away. That is probably the key. I don't feel "doped", I don't feel like I am using a "crutch" for my personal problems; not at all. Without my antidepressant, I wouldn't be in a position to even acknowledge, much less deal with, those problems.

Perhaps an anti-depressant can help you; if only for a period that proves to be stabilizing, then you wouldn't need it anymore. Perhaps not. I'm just saying, don't let some misconceptions about anti-depressants prevent you from something that could truly help you; even save your life. I know they saved mine.

ETA: abruptly quitting an antidepressant is really bad to do. It will plunge you into a "rebound" depression that is worse than any original depression you've EVER felt. Believe me. This could be what you've experienced. "SSRI discontinuation syndrome" is the technical name for it, I believe. You need to slowly wean off it, or "titrate".

Edited by A trophy guy, 27 December 2011 - 04:42 AM.

[Zack]

Sorry Charlie,

I believe Most people go through Dark times and just don't have the strength you do to open up about them. I Sure do too often! And I still don't have the Strength you do to open up about them.
So I'll cut to your question about Tips to dealing with them. I often close my eyes and remember some of the times in life when I was lmao, and actually seeing the faces of those I was laughing my ass off with. Remembering what we were laughing so hard about, and Find myself laughing about it all over again, just as hard as I did when it was happening. It makes me realize I'm still able to laugh until my ribs hurt.
Other times I think of my family and loved ones. How much they mean to me, and how much they'd hurt if I was to go. Because their love alone is enough reason for me to find the strength to grind my teeth until my Dark feelings and thoughts pass.
Other times I think of those I've met who I thought I'd never want to be as bad off as they are, and remember they were smiling when I saw them and thought that. If they can find the strength to carry on through their tough times, I surely have to be grateful I don't have it as bad as them and there are too many good times to come for me to sit here in my Dark thoughts! So I take a push and find anyone I can make smile or laugh, to end up feeling good I was able to make their day a little better, giving me a reason and purpose to fight through my Dark times.
I know it's a lot easier said then done, but your post here took my mind off the terrible day I had, that most likely would've left me depressed all night. So in my eyes I owe you a Big thank you for opening up!

Thank you Charlie
I hope my words help you as your opening up helped me!
Thanks again Zack

[Inkd760]

Charlie-boi all I can say is I've been at this for 6 months now so I'm still new at it. And when I first came home I went to a DARK place like u, and to be honest there still are bad days whether they be mental or physical and there still will be in the future but how I deal and what keeps me going is that there WILL be good days. Stay strong and keep fighting. 👍

[greybeard]

Hi Charlie-boi,
I think what you have to consider is that depression is usually caused by nothing more sinister than a small chemical inbalance within the brain. Unless this is corrected, no amount of positive thinking is going to change things. This is why medication is prescribed. As ATG stated, quitting the meds will only make matters worse. It may well be the cause of your depression now.

Please understand that there is nothing "unmanly" about being depressed, neither is it "unmanly" to take medication to keep the brain's chemical balance right. ATG is not alone in needing help in this way. I also take a low dose med (Citalopram) which is also a SSRI (Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor), and have been doing so for the past five or six years. Like him, I have experimented with stopping it, with the the same results.

We have both concluded that life is better with the meds than without them. (On this one occasion, we can agree that we are BOTH right ) Think of the meds as a crutch to help you get around. If you stopped using your crutch, you would probably fall over. Same with the meds your brain needs at the moment. My advice would be to see your doctor and get back on the medicine that is right for you.

[xxm]

Charlie,

CONGRATULATIONS for stopping antidepressants !

You have already found the right way and it is very simple

WORK, WORK, WORK ...

It helped me and I'm sure it will help you.

Don't give up !

Rudy

Edited by xxm, 27 December 2011 - 11:10 AM.

[scaldedcat]

xxm, you say "congratulations for stopping anti-depressants" and you have found the "right way work, work, work". Where's the red button when you need it?

I think you should be very careful posting such a one sided opinionated view of anti-depressants. It has been medically proven, and GB commented, that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and the medication is used to try and counteract that imbalance. I have been on them for over a decade and probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them.

So you might wish to reconsider your ill conceived "opinion", and that's all it can be, when it comes to depression. As people like Charlie-Boi or anyone else that has fallen pray to the "black dog", don't need to feel that there is something wrong in taking medication for this horrible condition. It is different to someone feeling a bit down or sad, this is a medical condition and needs to be treated as such. The anti-depressants are not a miracle "cure", but they certainly assist in keeping your head in a much better place.

A little research by yourself might prevent you from posting such rubbish as "stopping anti-depressants is the right way". Others may read it, and unfortunately believe it, causing them to fight a condition without the assistance of medication, and that just might be a fight they can't win.

And Charlie-Boi, I know what you mean when you describe the reactions you have to the medication, but it takes time to find the right one, and also the right doseage. I know I tried several before I found the one that helped me the most, so don't give up, it might just be that you haven't found the one that's right for you.

Edited by scaldedcat, 27 December 2011 - 12:06 PM.

[isobar]

First of all do you know what causes your bouts of depression? From what you've written you've thought of ending your life when your depression set in at one point but you had found a way to get past what you desired to do. I believe you've done yourself harm by not seeing a professional and also join some type of support group to help you cope, deal and maybe at some point become free of this darkness before you attempt to harm yourself or someone else. If you have a loving family by all means keep them near you there's power in love. We've all known depression at some level but if it has you wanting to end your life , that's dangerous stuff going on inside of you. You know you suffer from this why not try and get it under control no matter how long it may take ..... aren't you worth it ? Maybe it's a balance of the right meds and a good therapist whatever the case i hope you find a solution that will help you live a better life depression can be devastating.

[Kwag_Myers]

I, too, had a terrible time in rehab following my injury. However, I firmly believe my life has a purpose and I have an obligation to pursue that purpose.

Knowing that depression is generally caused by a chemical imbalance, I knew I had to work hard physically. I realize this is difficult when you're depressed because you have no motivation. But you just have to tell yourself to man-up and get moving. Try doing the things you enjoyed before, even if you have to put training wheels on your dirt bike and drive in first gear.

I'm a puzzle solver, so I enjoy the challenge of finding a way when there seems to be no way. You seem like a smart guy whose mechanically inclined, so what ever it is you enjoy doing, man-up and get to it.

[trynity7]

Charlie I absolutely feel you. Everyday is a struggle for all of us i know. but I too am on a low dose anti depressant and I think it really helps. Keeps my head in the right place. I find that just talking about whats on my mind really helps. Just letting it out. Its so soon after our injuries that we are still grieving such a great loss that we are going to have these days that we feel sad and hopeless. But as you can see we are not alone and its possible to be happy. Lifes different and its going to take a lil time but it can be done. Maybe you should give your meds another shot. thank you for posting this and I hope things get better

[greybeard]

Charlie, I've read your other threads about YouTube and training/diet, and you seem to be fairly upbeat in them. Did you get anything useful from this thread?

[Charlie-boi]

 greybeard, on 27 December 2011 - 11:15 PM, said:

Charlie, I've read your other threads about YouTube and training/diet, and you seem to be fairly upbeat in them. Did you get anything useful from this thread?

hi yes greybearsd i did get something use full from the thred. I liked the two trains of thought regarding depression. Its is true its completaly chemicaly related. and anti-d's arnt a bad thing. I never steryotyped them its just they nevery seem to out wit my brain if you understand.

Im doing well at the moment but i still do fear when times wont be so good, It comes and it goes. And can also be spontaneouse. Obvioudrly some events set it off like my sisters wedding or a friends holiday trip i couldnt make or didnt feel confident to make. Im finding setting goals helps but abut worried by atti climax results. But i GOTTA man up. People have it worse. Im looking into starting a low dose of something in time dpending how my mood goes. Realy greatfull for people shareing. C-boi

[jscott92064]

I never wanted to be on something all the time which is why I have Xanax. A month's supply lasts me several months because I don't need it that often. But when I do, I really do.

Occasionally I use a subliminal cd from this site http://www.southwestsubliminal.com/ It's like having my own little cheerleaders on demand. (So some days when I'm too tired and unmotivated, I use the "Stopping Procrastination" cd to get what I need completed. But don't listen to that one too much because then you'll be up for days trying to finish what normally should take much longer!)

Today I am tired from being up all night taking care of my guy and worrying so much about him so it's a "Positive Thinking" CD for me.

I don't need this stuff all the time - -just for like you said when times aren't so good.

As for my husband, he used these cds when he was originally injured.

Hope this helps. It's a different approach, but it works for us. (I'm not against using anti-depressants if it makes sense for the person using them. This is just an alternative suggestion and may or may not work for everyone. Really a personal choice.)

[xxm]

Charlie,

I was challenged by this discussion and spend a lot of time reading some books about depression. The one that describes my depressions most precisely is Rorothy Rowe's Depression: The Way Out of Your Prison (Third edition 2003)

Among a profound analysis of depression and the way out there is a chapter about drugs and depression.
You can find it here.

I hope it will help you find an answer to your question.

Rudy