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#1 HereForHer

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Posted 27 December 2011 - 04:20 AM

Hi Apparelyzed

My name is Scott, I am a 22 year old med student living in Australia.

On Christmas night, my Partner of 4 years, Cobie, Suffered a 3 Meter fall from a balcony whilst having her picture taken by her Mum. The railing she was leaning against collapsed when her brother and mothers partner Rick put too much pressure on it. she fell badly, and as we waited for the ambulance to arrive she cried and screamed, as she could feel nothing below her neck. She was then choppered to the Royal North Shore Hospital in Sydney.

Cobie's mum and I drove from where we were to the hospital straight away and after 7 hours arrived to see her in traction. she was still paralyzed from the shoulders down but could feel some touch and pain in her arms and around the top of her sternum. After scans it was revealed she had broken her C5 and C6 vertebrae. She went into surgery and had the vertebral bodies of C5 and 6 removed and replaced with metal plates and a bone graft. after the surgery she was able to breath without the aid of a tracheotomy which was such a relief to her and all who we spoke to about it. the next day she was very drugged up and not able to talk very much but her mum and i stayed with her as much as we could and told her we loved her and that we would be with her through everything. this morning she was better, able to talk and seemed fairly calm and glad that we were there. she has regained slightly more feeling in her torso, able to feel down to mid sternum, and can move her thumb slightly. she has pins and needles in her fingers. i have been keeping all her friends informed of the progress and passing on their love to her, but she currently doesn't want to know what they have said for her and for obvious reasons does not want to see anyone.

The Doctors have not discussed with any of us yet the nature of her paralysis, whether is is complete or incomplete, which level the damage begins/ends and what her future might hold in terms of movement and sensation. As i understand it the damage is localized somewhere between C4 and C7, and while it was a bad injury, there is less bleeding and swelling than the doctors had expected. I know that it will take weeks-months for the inflammation to settle, and am dreading the waiting.

Cobie is currently studying design and art education at a university in Sydney. she wants to be a jeweler and designer. obviously this accident is going to heavily impact these goals and whilst with swelling bleeding and bruising to still go down the doctors are confident she will regain more function, they feel it is unlikely she will ever have more than gross motor control of her hands and arms, and the chance of her being able to control anything below that including bowels, bladder etc is virtually nil. I do not know how much of this she has been told, and feel that it is not my place to discuss these things with her at this point.

Before her accident Cobie was a fairly physical girl and used her hands for fine work often. she was strong and maintained her independence as much as possible. we have lived together for over 18 months, and have grown even closer during that time, but in the last few months our relationship has been somewhat rocky, nearly ending a couple of weeks ago due to differences in our life plans, but since then has been OK.

I love Cobie very much and want to do everything in my power to not only aid her recovery but also make sure that she knows that this is not the end of the world, that she is still the same wonderful person that she was before and that regardless of what happens, She will always be my princess in my eyes.

Many people who are close to Cobie and were involved in the incident are blaming themselves for what has happened, myself included. i can't help but wonder if i had let her go when she wanted to leave, or hadn't been with her that day, that none of this would have happened. i know these feelings are unhelpful but we cannot help but search for some reason why such a life changing event has occurred. Cobie does not blame herself in any way for what happened though which is great. I am working hard to stay positive with Cobie, as i know she needs positivity at them moment, but I feel my strength failing, as i have lost alot this year from my best mate to my cousin to my dog and so am fairly emotionally unstable as it is. Additionally i suffer from chronic back pain myself, which I have often relied on cobie to come to terms with and survive.

As far as the doctors are concerned she will be in the ICU for at least another week, then be transferred to the spinal unit for rehabilitation etc. she will be in this hospital for around 6 weeks or so and then transferred to another one close by where she will be for another 4-6 depending on her recovery. Currently Myself, Her mother Leanne and my mother Julie are all staying in the accommodation at the hospital so that we can be with her as much as possible. Her mum plans to be with her throughout the whole process, and though I will probably have to go back to uni in February (because Cobie will NOT let me quit) i will also be with her as much as i can be.

From this forum I am hoping to get Advice, stories from people who have been through similar events, guidance, reality checks, and most of all friendships with people who understand what I, and most importantly, Cobie, are going through. I will be encouraging all who are close to her to make full use of this site or one similar because knowing all we can will let us help Cobie as best we can. so please, jump in, tell me what i should do, tell me what i shouldn't do. tell me your stories and I will tell you hers and ours.

This whole situation feels completely unreal. I only hope I am strong enough, and her family is strong enough, and even more that she is strong enough, to get through this and move on with life.

Edited by HereForHer, 27 December 2011 - 04:38 AM.


#2 ramma7

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Posted 27 December 2011 - 04:36 AM

Hi Scott
Welcome to another Aussie. I too was told the way I am would most likely be the way I will stay post op. The worst thing i did was listen to that and sort of give up any hope of improving.
Too quickly I excepted the fact of never being the same again without really having a red hot go at getting any sort of improvement.
I have since learned that it's easy for a doctor to say you wont get better rather than give you false hope by saying yes you will.
Stay positive as much as you can and get Cobie in the same frame of mind also.
Don't give up and keep checking in here as you will gain heaps of advise as I have. My walking has improved in the last month just by taking advise of people on the forum.
Good luck mate

#3 Lou05

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Posted 27 December 2011 - 05:06 AM

Hey buddy my heart goes out for Colbie, im 22 as well and got injured when i was 21. Just keep her positive with her level injury she is still going to be able to do a ton of stuff trust me, im a c5c6 injury as well. Its going to be tough at first but keep pushing her through her therapy its really important. At first its going to seem like too much but as she learns to do mre things by herself things will get better. If you have any questions for someone near the age that just went through it please feel free to message me.

#4 wheeliebear75

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Posted 27 December 2011 - 06:53 AM

This place is very unique; here you'll undoubtedly find friendship, and you can all learn from the stories of others.....but this place is quite special in that there is a good balance between allowing people to vent & giving people a shoulder to cry on but at the same time not allowing people to have private pity parties. Some sites ALL YOU HERE are the "woe is me" stories. Here you'll find some of our members make a lot of AB's (able-bodied people) envious of their accomplishments.

I am very sorry that such a bad accident has happened to her & to all of you. But I encourage all those who love HER to come HERE. :hug:
*Enjoy every sunset, but be grateful for every dawn.*
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#5 D. Smith

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Posted 27 December 2011 - 07:02 AM

Hello there Scott. There is so much I want to say, but rather than bombard you with things I will just say a couple of things from personal experience. First off, there is no way to predict exactly what she will and won't get back. As you can see by reading around every case of SCI can be dramatically different. So don't write off any hopes and dreams cause right now is WAY too soon. Secondly, you can't blame yourself. There are a 1000 different scenarios that could have played out. Blaming yourself will only put more stress on you and then undoubtedly her. That is just my two cents though. My prayers go out to her and everyone involved.

Edited by D. Smith, 27 December 2011 - 07:04 AM.

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-- You have to crawl before you walk; You have to slide before you depress; You have to love before you live. --

#6 HereForHer

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Posted 27 December 2011 - 10:02 AM

Thanks for all the quick replies guys. I am sure now that this is the right place for me to be to help Cobie and I through this tough time. it is night here now and we are not allowed to visit cobie till tomorrow morning. i finished reading her a book that she had been reading just before I left. even though i can't do anything to fix her it was nice to read to her (as i do that often) and regain a sense of normality as well as helping to relax her. She spoke about her night last night today. she said that she kept falling asleep and dreaming normally, then waking up and thinking that she was waking up in a nightmare. I have never seen her so afraid and vulnerable.
She came to understand that she might need to wear a catheter for the rest of her life and need help with bowel movements. she seemed to take it well and accept it but i am concerned that she might be accepting it because she has given up. she spends her time along trying to move her fingers though and always comments when she thinks she feels something in her legs or back so i think she still has hope.
All who are here with her are doing what we can with her but when away from her it is obvious that Julie Leanne and I all have serious doubts about her ability to recover and her will. but we all keep reminding each other that we are doing the right thing and to not give up. even though we don't really believe it strongly ourselves it helps to hear it when one of us says it and gives us the strength to believe when we are with Cobie. Hopefully that is enough to get us through this initial period.

Thanks again for the quick replies. i know that what i learn and read here will give me Leanne and Julie the strength to persevere and give cobie the best possible chance.

Edited by HereForHer, 27 December 2011 - 10:03 AM.


#7 isobar

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Posted 27 December 2011 - 03:32 PM

Welcome aboard a lot of these things will be answered in time. Knowing that people love and care goes a long way but many things will have to be done by Cobie in her own time when she's able , willing and capable of seeing herself doing them. So many times this life change to one's physical abilities also causes mental limitations. Everyone copes with adversity differently and there's no benchmark as to when a person gets on with living life to the best of their ability and finding a level of normalcy to which they deem a necessary measure of doing so. Usually when life altering things happen people have a tendency to search for fault within themselves sometimes it's just what happened we wish we could have done something that led to a different set of circumstances which caused the one we care for no injury. I wish you all well and i hope at some point Cobie is at a better place in her life's journey.
LITUT = "Life Is The Ultimate Teacher"

#8 Ginny

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Posted 27 December 2011 - 05:19 PM

I'm so sorry to hear of Cobie's accident. Most people on this site are very aware the mess that a sudden SCI can make of a person's immediate life. It's like a 1,000 piece puzzle is dumped in front of you and you feel you need to put it together immediately.

The puzzle will come together, piece by piece. It's way too early for anyone to give up. In fact, as a med student, you probably are aware that spinal shock needs to settle down considerably before anyone can make firm prediction as to what will happen with Cobie. While I'd love for everyone to remain positive, I know how hard that can be. Waiting to have a clear picture of the future can be a form of torture all on its own.

So..... don't let it own you. Here are some things I can recommend:

Start keeping a journal. Include happenings of the day, improvements or concerns that come up, a list of questions for the medical or therapy staff, a brief statement to capsule the day. You may have to keep this for Cobie right now, but she can certainly verbalize what to include in it. This may not seem like critical advice right now, but believe me, while the road ahead can seem so confusing, you will soon value looking at the road already traveled and how far she's come. This activity is something you or her loved ones can accomplish with her. It will also be a good form of head therapy and you'll maybe get a better idea of where she's at, emotionally. Keep the journal in book form or look for an online solution.

Make a plan. I'm sure Cobie feels totally out of control of her situation. Allow her to control what she can. Each day, make a plan for the next day. Decide what range-of-motion exercises you will do with her, what chapters you will read in a book, what TV show will be watched. Even small choices like those can give a person a sense of empowerment. As she recovers, she will take on more decisions. That's a natural progression back to independence, even if it begins with very small steps.

As soon as possible, get Cobie out of her room. Take her for trips to other parts of the hospital or outside, if your weather allows. Each day, find something new to show her or for her to experience. It will make the situation less isolating for her and give her something to focus on other than her condition.

I have tons of other advice, but this will do for now. These are the things that I think will help the most in these early days.

She's lucky to have such a great support system. Unfortunately, that support system is wrestling with a lot of guilt and regrets right now. Yep, this site is peppered with people who wish they hadn't turned right onto a busy street, hadn't gone dirt biking, hadn't tried to carry a big box down the stairs. Most of us are here because of random accidents. I know you will not be successful in this right away, but you need to leave the guilt behind. No one planned for her to be injured and accidents do happen.

I wish the best for Cobie and for all who hold her dear. Please keep us posted on how she does.

#9 Priscilla

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Posted 27 December 2011 - 07:58 PM

Hi Scott, having gone through this as recently as this summer I hope I can give you some advice. I am now six months removed from the car accident that fractured my T11-L3 vertebrae with a swollen spinal cord. My doctor still has no idea how much recovery I will have, and how my crushed pelvis plays into this general weakness on my left side. However, I have heard from others that where you are in recovery 2 years from the date of the accident is likely how you will end up. It has only been a few days for Cobie.

She will go through different stages: grief, hatred and denial before possibly coming to grips with it. I went through those countless times but feel that I have come out on the other side. I cried for weeks and pushed my husband away in anger and then denied that this was such a horrible injury. The best thing my husband ever did was stay with me the entire way and reassure me. Of course he suffered tremendously as well, and I was clear-headed enough to realize it. I made him do what he needed for himself. Cobie may eventually come to this realization as she sees you suffering. Do not be afraid to let her see this part of you. Most of us know that the caregiver suffers terribly mentally and can only take so much.

There is no way to know how much she will gain back. My bladder and bowels still have not come back and I straight cath myself and do a bowel program each night. I was horrified at the thought when my second rehab center first proposed it to me but I have gradually learned to accept it. She will too. Do not take her mood as "giving up." She may be in denial at this stage. Show her support as often as possible. And good luck to you and her!
A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.
-Christopher Reeve

#10 HereForHer

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Posted 28 December 2011 - 03:56 AM

Thank you Ginny for all your advice. Her mum and I have already started to think about alot of it and we will both start a journal soon. to everyone else, thanks for the help and advice. it has already helped all of us to feel more positive.
Cobie is feeling a bit better today although she is in more pain than yesterday. she got a more comfortable neck brace on too which is good and she is getting her surgical drains out shortly. her appetite is good too. Occupational Therapists showed her dad and I how to do exercises on her hands to keep the muscles and joints active and prevent spasticity which we have done whenever we see her. Leanne is a Reflexologist among other things so she has been working with Cobie's hands and feet as well which the staff says is good.
Cobie seems to be coming to terms with things, and i think that all of our presences are helping her feel better. she smiles whenever we come in which makes us all feel like we are doing good.

#11 goose

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Posted 28 December 2011 - 04:47 AM

Everyone has given some great advice. I remember that scared feeling all too well. If all possible , get her to join the forum too. She'll get a real sense of not being alone. I know she has you guys but she really needs to feel that she isn't the only SCI person on the planet. Try to find people around her level. I remember my sister introducing me to some paras but they could use their hands and I could not. I felt totally unconnected to them even though they were in chairs. I wanted to see what other quads could do and how they managed. I needed to know how life was for them and that it did not end.

Female quads are rare but they do exsist. I'm one of them. I'd be happy to share with her the knowledge I've acquired over the last 25 years.

Take clues from her as to how things are going. Most importantly...treat her as a person not a baby. She is still the same inside even if the outside has changed alittle.

Time will tell but don't give up!

She is welcomed to PM me.

#12 Tetracyclone

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Posted 28 December 2011 - 03:32 PM

Sorry you had to come here. To add to the comments of others, tell Cobie the meds you get in ICU often cause hallucinations, including psychotic ones. Just reassure her they will go away and everything is ok. no one can really say what she will learn to do.


will someone chime in with a link to Scribblers Youtube video of him painting? I did not find it, but it is a great encouragement for how to do great things with gimpy hands.

As to the relationship issues- they will go on a back burner for now. Be clear you all can deal with them later, and you will have to, but for now your only concern is that she get better.
Look! It's a snail! It's a sloth! Able to creep short distances before lunch!

#13 HereForHer

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Posted 29 December 2011 - 03:02 AM

Cobie is much better today. she got a good nights sleep last night and when we went to see her this morning she was all smiles. it was very good to see. she's got a little more feeling back in her hands now too (she can feel all her fingers to some degree) and feeling is moving down her chest a little further too. fed her some delicious mango for breakfast today too which she enjoyed muchly. She is so amazing. this morning i was feeling like i wasn't going to be able to be there for her much but as soon as i saw her smile and talked to her, her attitude gave ME the strength i needed to get through today. She continues to amaze me with her positivity and progress.

#14 keiranjump99

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Posted 29 December 2011 - 05:17 PM

hi there scott,ever so glad that things are looking up today never ever give up as madder things have happened before. seems like cobie is in good hands, try not to worry and focus on the possibilities.

#15 Ginny

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Posted 29 December 2011 - 06:05 PM

Sounds like a good day! It's great that she's feeling her fingers. I noticed that sensation came back first, followed by motor capabilities. I hope this is a whisper of possibilities coming for her. I echo Tetracyclone's comment about ICU drugs. When I was in ICU, I was convinced that, at night, the hospital morphed into a torture facility for young children. Other days, we were being taken over by aliens. Very weird. She'll feel much better when they can reduce her pain medication and she's able to think clearly.

So, another thing to think about. Take a little time for yourself. It sounds as if she has a great support group. Take turns being there so you can get back into life. It won't do anyone any good if the carers get worn out. Take a long walk, go out for coffee, do something normal. She'll be grateful that you did and you will, too.

#16 HereForHer

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Posted 30 December 2011 - 10:27 PM

Another good day yesterday. Cobie is still improving well and keeping her chin up. her ability to cope with this and stay the same wonderful girl is an inspiration to me. she has soft touch in all her fingers now (though she still can't differentiate between fingers) and can feel down her chest to around her 8th rib.... corresponding to the nerve roots from t6... we are all hoping that she will start to get motor control back in her arms soon... next muscle group to come back should be her triceps. Have been talking to her about the spinal cord and nerves and all because i am hoping that if she can understand the significance of her current level of improvement it will help her stay positive and push forward.

#17 mellowgator

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 04:17 AM

hi scott,

i'm a c6-7 quad and have been injured for 25 years. since my injury i have gone on the have children and a full and happy life.

your post brought back the memory of when i was first injured and i had the exact feeling of waking up and feeling as if i were in a nightmare. i was terrified and i vividly remember that first horrible night in traction. as bad and scary as it all is now it will get better.

i drive, scuba dive and mono ski. i have come a long way and if i can do it so can colby. in time you get used to it all and it becomes the new normal.

i'm glad you found us. you're not alone.
hi fellow gimps! i'm a c 6/7 quad and have been injured since 1986. i was in a roll over hydroplane accident and it took hours for the paramedics to get me out of the car in the pouring rain. that definately wasn't my day. but alas life goes on!

#18 HereForHer

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Posted 23 January 2012 - 01:46 PM

Hi all. it's been a while since my last post i know but it's been a busy time... moving wards, moving house and heading back to uni to get on with my med degree. things are looking good with Cobie still. she regains more strength every day, has sensation almost body wide (still patchy in legs and around hips but has touch all the way to s5) but only touch and pressure, no pain, temp etc. she has regained control of her triceps now which greatly extends her range of motion abilities. she has begun to draw with the aid of a specially made splint for her right hand, which is great and makes her feel good, she feeds herself (though she gets tired quickly) and she is getting pretty good at driving her electric wheelchair about too! lots of friends and family visiting which has been a bit tiring for us all and has disrupted the treatment that Leanne and I were delivering, but mental recuperation is important too and she has always been a very social girl. I am looking forward to getting her onto this site (I installed voice recognition and a program to control mouse with her head on her PC) because i think that she will find here people and stories to inspire her and give her hope. I have sorted all my accommodation etc for the semester and the uni is aware of the added burden to my schedule so shouldn't run into any issues there. She has been assessed by a psych and he seems happy with her progress. we have had a fair few serious conversations about what she is afraid of, what she is hopeful about, and what i keep telling her at the moment is that though there are things she is afraid of, and though there are some negative repercussions from this tragedy, all the known so far have been positive, every step has been towards recovery, and all the negatives are unknowns, not to be ignored, but not barriers that need be faced at this time.

#19 Edinburgh Colin

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Posted 23 January 2012 - 03:04 PM

Good to hear you are making progress, keep looking forwards and upwards and don't let the fear of negatives not present hinder your journey.
EC
Impossible only describes a problem that needs viewed from a different perspective

#20 D. Smith

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Posted 23 January 2012 - 05:08 PM

I second EC's comments. It is great to hear that she is recovering as well as she is. It's a difficult journey that has to be undertaken a day at a time.
When in Rome, go naked!
-- You have to crawl before you walk; You have to slide before you depress; You have to love before you live. --

#21 Tetracyclone

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 02:58 PM

You are being a good friend.
Look! It's a snail! It's a sloth! Able to creep short distances before lunch!

#22 wheeliebear75

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Posted 30 January 2012 - 05:46 AM

Thank you for updating us! :specool:

Good to hear that she's making improvements. :cheers: We've got the welcome wagon all ready for her, for when she does come on-board. :hug:
*Enjoy every sunset, but be grateful for every dawn.*
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