13 replies to this topic

[A trophy guy]

The very personal, very lonely, very indescribable journey that has been the suffering, grief, pain and loss of my spinal cord injury has opened my eyes and opened my heart to the understanding that pain and suffering cannot be quantified or objectified. I am the only one who knows what it is like to live as me; I am the only one who knows my pain, my suffering. So every other person deserves the same respect, as far as I'm concerned.

Sure, someone may not have suffered as severe (or any) of an injury as I have in my life, but that by no means is any indication that this person's life has been any easier than my own. Or any more absent of pain and suffering. And likewise, I think the same is true for those that have suffered more, or worse, injuries than myself.

I think there was a study done somewhere (I'll try finding it) that looked at the quality of life, as reported by the person with SCI. Surprisingly, the group with the highest satisfaction with life was the high-quad group; the group that had lost the most physical function. The group with the most depression and quality of life issues was the low-level paraplegics; the group that had lost the least. There are a few reasons one could speculate here as to why this is, but that is for another time. My point is just that everyone goes through this journey individually and without a manual. Everyone's pain is equally valid. After all, we are the only ones living as us.

[mcjane]

This is very poignant. Thank you. I'd be interested in learning more about that study. Someone told me that when you are seriously incapacitated as in a stroke or Alzheimers, the brain changes and you have a kind of "tripping" experience, a euphoria of sorts. Or maybe high quads have more contentment since they aren't expected to be able to do things, no pressure, unlike us paras who are told "At your level of injury you are expected to be independent." It's hard sometimes ! And most often very frustrating. Still, the chair is better than a puppy for getting attention. Paraplegics STAND...out in a crowd.

Edited by mcjane, 27 December 2011 - 01:00 PM.

[Vanessamaee]

I don't thing the happiness of a quad is from not expected to be able to do things... Some quads (c6, possibly c5) can live and do live independently. I saw the same study, I agree with atg too.

I personally think it's just the higher the level the less you care and the more you find humour in things. Ive met totally depressed quads before but at the same time I met one who asked if he could go skydiving with me! lol

All in all it's just what you make of your life and what you have. If you want to focus on what you've lost and your disability, then your not going to move forward, atleast not very fast. If you "accept" (to the best you can) your disability and move on and focus on what you still can do (which is pretty much anything) you're bond to live a more happy life.

A guy who became paralyzed a couple years before myself came and visited me in the hospital and what he told me as advice was "Don't Let Your Disability Define You" and thats what I've gone off since.

[Charlie-boi]

i agree atg....feelings and how powerful emotions are... are not classified by situations but simply that persons mind. Otherwise why would able bodied people with a high standard of livving commit suicide when a high quadraplegic wouldnt. I know life throws all sorts or variables to complicate the theory but the main conclusion as you said is everybodys pain is equally valid to them....

[Soryfam]

I agree. Everyone confronts their injury/illness in their own way. The best we can hope for is that we find a way that brings us peace and a love for lfe. Sometimes I am so filled with anger at what I can't do, or that I have to ask for help, or that I have to be so careful not to injure myself worse, or that my family worries about me so much, that I have to find a way to let it go. One strategy is to go and do something that I CAN do. He gives me a great feeling of accomplishment. Another is to give in and ask for that bit of help. When something has been needed to be done for a long time, and yet I can't do it, having someone else do it and having a wonderful end product can be very satisfying, especially when the helpers are learning something new from me (like totally dismantling and redoing my 50 gallon aquarium).
Still, it is something that we all have to deal with. With respect to Bev, I often quote her tag/Signature line: "A wild patience has taken me this far..."


Sandy S

[Tatiana]

Yes, very true TG..no one can ever know, only you, yourself..It certainly isnt the path i would have opted to travel and i wouldnt wish it on my enemy (though i dont have any).

It is a lonely journey, without a doubt.

I am not a lonely person but the thought processes i go through dealing with my SCI and it's physical/emotional effects are lonely as only i can deal with them.

Drawing on strength can only come from within so it is very insular.

As vanessa also touched on,i soon learnt to accept my injury and my present physical state so i could then get on with my life again.

[nomis]

Yep, we don't really know anyones' experience except our own. We tend to imagine what it is like for the other person by relating to our own experience (which may be radically different).

Every individual has a very private world that is theirs only. You experience that on your own but what you choose to do with it can be shared with others, as in laugh or cry together. We wouldn't have it any other way.

Some people find their own private world intolerable but their reasoning is also private so we'll never truely know their reason to take such drastic action as taking their life.

I don't belief that that private world is controlled by SCI or any other injury. It is a deeper, more central part of us that makes decisions...or maybe 'determines' our actions.

[Tetracyclone]

it has been said that the capacity for joy is deepened only by the experience of pain. The two ends of the spectrum widen our feeling for life.

So suffer and enjoy, my friends.

Can we get a meditation posture icon, Simon?

[Soryfam]

Well said, Tetra. I have found it to be very true that suffering/loss, makes joy/thankfulness much more intense.

Sandy S

[edlee]

The same philosophical discussion has gone on,, in one language or another,, for as long as men have had the capacity for thought. Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to " walk a mile in another's moccasins" ( a part of an American Indian saying),,,, or have them walk in ours,,, but it is not to be. You are born alone,, and you will die alone. Perhaps,, and hopefully,, not in the physical sense,,, but in the existential sense.

There are wealthy, healthy, attractive, young people who are in such emotional pain that they feel the need to end their own existence. Can we really say that they were better off than we are? Can anyone make that kind of statement,,,, about anyone else.

Well,,, we all do. We may be too polite,, or too embarrassed to admit it,, but we ALL feel,, from time to time,, that " what are THEY complaining about,, look at me/us" feeling.

Sorry,, I got ahead of myself, there,, trying to define what someone else feels. But I confess to that feeling, myself, sometimes.

I guess I can use the existential excuse that allows me to see everyone and everything else as simply figments of my imagination,, and thereby subject to my interpretation,,, but I'd rather not,,, that would make it even lonelier that it already is.
ed

[A trophy guy]

 nomis, on 27 December 2011 - 10:12 PM, said:

Yep, we don't really know anyones' experience except our own. We tend to imagine what it is like for the other person by relating to our own experience (which may be radically different).

Every individual has a very private world that is theirs only. You experience that on your own but what you choose to do with it can be shared with others, as in laugh or cry together. We wouldn't have it any other way.

Some people find their own private world intolerable but their reasoning is also private so we'll never truely know their reason to take such drastic action as taking their life.

I don't belief that that private world is controlled by SCI or any other injury. It is a deeper, more central part of us that makes decisions...or maybe 'determines' our actions.

(bolding mine)

This is well said. Expanding on this, I think that SCI, at least for me, has magnified, or clarified (at least in part) the private part of myself that I have spent my life avoiding and running from. It has forced me to face myself at my lowest, and to either go one way (dark and bad) or another (sober and resilient).

[nomis]

At my lowest, I realised that it was up to me to make my way back. I was soley responsible for myself. I have benefitted from the strength that gave me ever since.

[paraguy1]

 A trophy guy, on 27 December 2011 - 07:34 AM, said:

The very personal, very lonely, very indescribable journey that has been the suffering, grief, pain and loss of my spinal cord injury has opened my eyes and opened my heart to the understanding that pain and suffering cannot be quantified or objectified. I am the only one who knows what it is like to live as me; I am the only one who knows my pain, my suffering. So every other person deserves the same respect, as far as I'm concerned.

Sure, someone may not have suffered as severe (or any) of an injury as I have in my life, but that by no means is any indication that this person's life has been any easier than my own. Or any more absent of pain and suffering. And likewise, I think the same is true for those that have suffered more, or worse, injuries than myself.

I think there was a study done somewhere (I'll try finding it) that looked at the quality of life, as reported by the person with SCI. Surprisingly, the group with the highest satisfaction with life was the high-quad group; the group that had lost the most physical function. The group with the most depression and quality of life issues was the low-level paraplegics; the group that had lost the least. There are a few reasons one could speculate here as to why this is, but that is for another time. My point is just that everyone goes through this journey individually and without a manual. Everyone's pain is equally valid. After all, we are the only ones living as us.

That is so true trophy guy. No one know what its like to be me either in regards to my suffering and pain but you have a very good idea since we both have very similiar problems. I find it interesting those who lost the least have more depression. My depression stems I think from the fact I had so much before my accident at least in my mind anyways. But I am finding ways of dealing with it like I always have. I havent been on here in awhile because my family keeps me busy during the holidays.

[Niceparalegs]

 A trophy guy, on 27 December 2011 - 07:34 AM, said:

The very personal, very lonely, very indescribable journey that has been the suffering, grief, pain and loss of my spinal cord injury has opened my eyes and opened my heart to the understanding that pain and suffering cannot be quantified or objectified. I am the only one who knows what it is like to live as me; I am the only one who knows my pain, my suffering. So every other person deserves the same respect, as far as I'm concerned.

Sure, someone may not have suffered as severe (or any) of an injury as I have in my life, but that by no means is any indication that this person's life has been any easier than my own. Or any more absent of pain and suffering. And likewise, I think the same is true for those that have suffered more, or worse, injuries than myself.

I think there was a study done somewhere (I'll try finding it) that looked at the quality of life, as reported by the person with SCI. Surprisingly, the group with the highest satisfaction with life was the high-quad group; the group that had lost the most physical function. The group with the most depression and quality of life issues was the low-level paraplegics; the group that had lost the least. There are a few reasons one could speculate here as to why this is, but that is for another time. My point is just that everyone goes through this journey individually and without a manual. Everyone's pain is equally valid. After all, we are the only ones living as us.

These are very wise words. Poetic. My father always said "its the quality of life that's important, not the quantity."