25 replies to this topic

[The Wife]

This was a thread in another forum, but I thought it might get more of a response here...

My husband and I still share the same bed we did before his stroke. It's a california king, since anything smaller means that Chris's feet hang off the end.

Most of our nurses were amazed that he doesn't sleep in a reclining bed, but he wouldn't be able to adjust the bed himself anyway (at least not one we could actually afford) and honestly the longest time he's been bed-ridden -in bed more than 75% of the day-, while at home, was right after he broke his ribs, because it was too painful for me to transfer him to his chair. Barring any pain, or exhaustion, Chris would rather be where I am, than in bed.

We do his bowel program and cath'ing in bed, because it's more comfortable for him, but we also lay down a piece of plastic bedsheet that my mother sewed onto the back of an old quilt to help it lay flat. This means even if things don't go as planned we have a 4x4 square of safety net.

At night, he wears a brief, just in case, but he will usually wake me up if he feels like he has to go.

We definitely don't cuddle like we used to, but at the same time I don't think I'd be able to sleep without his big, snoring self next to me. As an added plus, if he needs anything I'm right next to him and I can help him immediately.

One of our, earlier, PTists reccomended I get a baby monitor so I'd be able to hear him call for me at night. Chris looked at me and said, "Or I could blow in your ear, which would you prefer..."



Sorry if my posts are everywhere guys, the only time I get to post is when Chris is asleep, so usually about 2am here.

[wheeliebear75]

Same as you guys....California king sized temperpedic.

[Clive]

From what you say it's not about the bed or the sleeping arrangements, it's about your life and how it changed. No one can give you advice on that you're going to have to figure it out between you and your husband.

[Bethann]

I have seen advertisments on t.v. for queen or king beds that have reclining sides. Each side has it's own remote.

[jscott92064]

We have a queen temperpedic that can adjust. It's the whole bed that adjusts versus each side adjusting on its own. I did not feel it was "good energy" to have this line in the middle of us. I also hear when you do get close, one of you can get stuck in the crack between the two mattresses - hence why we stuck with one regular mattress. Sometimes if he needs to be sitting up, it can be hard to sleep with him because I want to lay flat and he needs to be sitting up. Those are the times I head to the couch if I need to be up working the next day. I just keep my mobile next to me then and he calls me if he needs me.

[Asparagus925]

My situation is very different. My boyfriend and I don't live together yet, but I spend a lot of time at his house. He has an air loss mattress that's the size of a hospital bed. Most nights we get in and I scooch him over so we can hang out, watch TV, all that fun stuff. Then, most nights, I'll fall asleep with him in bed for an hour or two until it's time for him to be turned by the nurse. Then I make my way over to the couch in his room. I'd much rather be on the couch in his room nice and close then upstairs in a bed far away. Call me crazy. Eventually, when we move in together there's been talks of sleep number beds that have backs that go up and down, and things like that. We'll figure it out - there are different options. Of course I'd LOVE to sleep next to him every night, but him being comfortable and all is more important.

[mcwriter]

We share the same bed also. Most of the time I don't get very good extended sleep because he is awake a lot during the night, but still, I'd rather be right there by him than anywhere else. Besides, our bed doubles as the game table, the desk, the dinner table, the picnic area, the project spot, the theatre seats, the backseat of his car---oops! Did I say that out loud?

[qbounce]

I too have a regular king bed, the same as before my SCI.
The only adjustments I did to it were: taking out the box spring which dropped the bed to a manageable transfer height that I can do solo, and an added 2" memory foam top cushion.
There's nothing wrong with using a regular bed if you can make due.
And, I really don't get where your PT got the idea for a baby monitor if you're both sleeping together. I mean, how big IS a Cal King, anyway? lol

[Wheels08]

My wife and I share an adjustable queen bed. It works, but we really look forward to a king!

[greybeard]

King sized bed with 10" Tempur mattress..........And it's all mine.

[GavWilson]

Me and the missus share a Queen sized bed with adjustable recliners on either side. Lovely stuff.

[The Wife]

qbounce, on 27 December 2011 - 07:35 PM, said:

And, I really don't get where your PT got the idea for a baby monitor if you're both sleeping together. I mean, how big IS a Cal King, anyway? lol

I think it was her understanding that we wouldn't even be in the same room, much less the same bed.

[Spinner]

We share a king size Tempur-pedic. We snuggle together and with him I sleep better than I ever have. He has a suprapubic cath so that isn't an issue and he stays on the same side all night so doesn't need to turn; if he did he would do it himself.

[Slipjig]

We share a full size Craftmatic. I'd love to get something bigger as our two kids frequently find their way into bed with us during the night! The only time we haven't shared a bed was for a few months this year when my husband required a special pressure relief bed in the living room.

[kathy.k]

Originally when I first married my husband he slept in a hospital bed and I slept on an air mattress on the floor beside him. Nights that I needed to feel close to him I would scoot him over and snuggle with him then get back onto my air mattress. We bought a tempurpedic so we could sleep side by side and I love love love it. He needs to be able to raise his head up sometimes to get a good breath so we needed something that adjusts. Sometimes when he is sleeping really good he snores and I will go into the living room and sleep in the old hospital bed. Believe me if you ever feel like you need to go into the other room and sleep, go, I promise you, you will hear him if he needs you. I always here Roger and we both sleep just fine. You need to do what is best for you both!!

[Painted Daisy]

Lol, I had to chuckle when I read this topic.

You see, my husband & I were sleeping in separate rooms for years before I became paralyzed. He on a comfy pillowtop full size bed and I on a lumpy old twin mattress on the floor. So my adjustment to a hospital bed was actually an improvement, lol.

After many years of sleeping apart, we are trying to decide what is the best way to "merge" the two beds, or just buy something new. I don't want to fall thru the crack!

I will be checking back in to read how those of you have dealt with this. Are any reclining "beds" better than others?

Painted Daisy

[Carolyn Kane]

The Wife, on 27 December 2011 - 07:39 AM, said:

This was a thread in another forum, but I thought it might get more of a response here...

My husband and I still share the same bed we did before his stroke. It's a california king, since anything smaller means that Chris's feet hang off the end.

Most of our nurses were amazed that he doesn't sleep in a reclining bed, but he wouldn't be able to adjust the bed himself anyway (at least not one we could actually afford) and honestly the longest time he's been bed-ridden -in bed more than 75% of the day-, while at home, was right after he broke his ribs, because it was too painful for me to transfer him to his chair. Barring any pain, or exhaustion, Chris would rather be where I am, than in bed.

We do his bowel program and cath'ing in bed, because it's more comfortable for him, but we also lay down a piece of plastic bedsheet that my mother sewed onto the back of an old quilt to help it lay flat. This means even if things don't go as planned we have a 4x4 square of safety net.

At night, he wears a brief, just in case, but he will usually wake me up if he feels like he has to go.

We definitely don't cuddle like we used to, but at the same time I don't think I'd be able to sleep without his big, snoring self next to me. As an added plus, if he needs anything I'm right next to him and I can help him immediately.

One of our, earlier, PTists reccomended I get a baby monitor so I'd be able to hear him call for me at night. Chris looked at me and said, "Or I could blow in your ear, which would you prefer..."



Sorry if my posts are everywhere guys, the only time I get to post is when Chris is asleep, so usually about 2am here.

Hi,
When my husband came home after a year in hospital I thought it was important for both of us to have as close to possible what was the norm before he became ill so we got two single beds that are able to be pushed together and locked so as to be like one king size so I could cuddle up but also my bed is on wheels so when the carers and myself are attending to Martin we can wheel my bed out the way to get access to Martin. As it turns out there's not a lot of cuddling as his mattress is a different height due to pressure mattress there's a dip in the middle and Martin spasms when I touch him causing an alarm blah blah but I still sleep next to him and hold on to his hand. We have a baby monitor as Martin has no speech but can make a noise alerting a carer who will come and attend to him. He sometimes needs a suction of his ventilator during the night but most nights we have an OK sleep, in fact after two years I don't think I could get to sleep easily without the noise of the ventilator breathing!

[mylovesinachair]

My boyfriend is T6-T7 Complete and he has been living on his own for a couple years now, prior to meeting me, so he really doesn't need me. But when I stay over we sleep in the same bed together, it's definitely not a king, I believe it's a queen, but I don't mind being so close to him at night I place 3 caths next to his bed at night because he can "feel" when he has to go... He used to sleep with one next to him and re-use it and I told him that's GOT TO BE unsanitary so I put 3 next to him before bed just in case. The first few weeks I woke up a lot, everytime he would rock back and forth to flip from one side to another but now I sleep right through his rockin.. He cuddles with me but he has a pillow behind his back to keep him propped on one side... He's the best cuddler I have ever had <3

[Homeskillet]

we don't share a bed on a regular basis. we're a new couple and I have my kids 50% of the time and I"m just not comfortable sleeping in the same room when they are here. Newly divorced. If not for his accident he wouldn't have been living with me anyway. He just got approved for an air mattress. It hasn't come yet. I don't know how it will work since the only ones I've seen have been at the hospital and def not large enough for 2 bodies.

[BUZZ0286]

35 years of marriage.........several differant king sized beds, in 7 houses. I have an IPP matress (about 1 inch high) on my side. No need for turning anymore..I get up every morning and return every night......... Other than hospital stays, we have spent every night together. Yes I am very fortunate.

[Niceparalegs]

Dear"Wife", first please allow mee to commend you. I can only imagiine how hard it must be for a woman to take full time care of her husband and to watch him go through the challenges associated with SCI. You sound like and amazing, loving woman who takes excellent care of her spouse. iam a T-11 paraplegic. My sweet husbvand is my caregiver. He is amazing like you. We have a tempur-pedic tempur-cloud ergo adjustable king sized bed. Although it runs arounf $5,000 they offer good payment plans that won't kill your budget. We have the split king that is adjustable. That way we can both sleep at tthe level that is comfortable but we can still lean over and snuggle. I love this bed b/c it has a lifetime warranty and is amazing on my horrible back pain. Itt elevated at the head and feet to eliminate breathing problems and swelling. Also the material keeps me cool so i no longer overheat ilke i did in my last bed. Also, i have to sy. having a sci is isolating enough.. I would hate to lose being able to sleep next to the man i love on top of everything else we lose as sci survivors. Best wisshes....hope you come tto some agreement soon out the bed!:-) GOD BLESS:-)

[LiveCrazy]

We still share a twin adjustable bed 'cause we can't afford a larger one...I feel like we're back in college (and not in the good way)! 4 years post-accident, 2 business degrees from prior to injury, and he still can't seem to get hired anywhere - Side comment for another topic string!

[mellowgator]

i'm a quad and i sleep in a king bed with my husband. he's a snorer and i'm a lite sleeper, but he's out of town a lot so i deal with it.

i used to have one of those trays like in the hospital with stuff on it but it didn't look nice so i had a cabinet shop draw me a custom bed.

the switches for the lights and fans that are within reach but out of sight. and it has a place to hide my trash and urinal and tons of storage in the headboard. it also has 4 large drawers under the bed that i use for my dresser.

i have a tommy bahama duvet and a big screen tv that hangs on my wall and surround sound. i love my setup. my bedroom is my sanctuary.

Edited by mellowgator, 19 May 2012 - 08:48 PM.

[scaldedcat]

I sleep with my partner and I am known to have a snore that can wake neighbours across the street. Early on in the relationship, my darling would pat me gently to wake me and just say "you're snoring sweetheart, can you roll on your side". No problems. As time has gone on however, the nice gentle pat has become a fair sort of shove and the comment is more loud and high pitched "you're snoring"!!! I no longer need to be told to roll over. If I am woken with a pillow over my face one night, I will assume that she has reached her limit, and has decided to tackle the problem another way.

[suzyq80]

My boyfriend and I share a bed together. We sleep so good together

[Tetracyclone]

scaldedcat, on 20 May 2012 - 01:29 AM, said:

I sleep with my partner and I am known to have a snore that can wake neighbours across the street. Early on in the relationship, my darling would pat me gently to wake me and just say "you're snoring sweetheart, can you roll on your side". No problems. As time has gone on however, the nice gentle pat has become a fair sort of shove and the comment is more loud and high pitched "you're snoring"!!! I no longer need to be told to roll over. If I am woken with a pillow over my face one night, I will assume that she has reached her limit, and has decided to tackle the problem another way.

odd. The same approach trained my mate so I only have to push on him now- pretty hard, like trying to roll him myself, but he gets it in his sleep. Just retrain your subconscious to hear yourself snore, then roll! It can be done.