18 replies to this topic

[alysha]

Im new here and very glad i found this place. My name is Alysha and i have been married 12 years to my amazing husband Uriel. We meet in high school and have been together sense. We have 3 beautiful children two girls and a boy. Life has been amazing for us until Spt. 8, 2011 i have been living in a nightmare, i feel as if im drowning and i just need someone to grab my hand, all i do is cry. So this is our story Uriel Castillo has been working as a tree trimmer for 14 years (sense he was 18 years old, he is now 33 years old). For the last 7 years he has been working for Upright Tree Specialist as the Forman/ Tree Trimmer. He loved his job. On Sept. 8, 2011 are life changed forever. He was up in a tree and was in all his equipment and safety gear, was up 40-45 feet high and was almost done with the tree. From this point my husband does not remember but he fell from the tree all the way down onto his back. We don't know what happened because the paramedics had to cut him out of all the equipment and ropes and his cloths. He was taken  in ambulance to a near by school where he was airlifted from Dinuba to Fresno Community Trauma Center. Uriel remembers pieces of the helicopter ride. 

I Alysha Castillo was at work I'm a hair dresser, when I got a phone call from my husbands boss telling me that there was a terrible accident and my husband was being airlifted to trauma center and to get there ASAP. I have never been so scared in my life, my heart was just breaking. When I got there they put me in a private room by myself and told me to wait for doctor to come and left me there with no information. I was in that room for 40 minutes and didn't even know if he was alive. The worst 40 minutes of my life. Doctor came in and said that my husband was alive but had several vertebras in his back that shattered and he was not moving his legs. Doctor said he needs surgery immediately. He took me to my husband and I just held onto him and told him how much I love him. He was in surgery for 7 hours, there was a team of sergeants that worked on him and when it was done they told me that T11, T12, L3, L4 all shifted and L1, and L2 bursted and punctured into his spinal cord. Uriel now has cages and rods and screws in his back and he is paralyzed from waist down. He was in the hospital  for a total of 2 months and was in rehab in patient for 6 weeks. He is in horrible pain all the time. He can't pee on his own and has to empty his bladder ever 4 hours. He can't poop anymore so I have to dig it out every morning for him. He can't get an erection anymore. He can't couch his sons soccer team anymore (he has done that for the last 4 years). My children have had to stop all sports because he can't drive. We are struggling with money because he gets 2/3 of what he was and I had to take time off. Our lives are in complete mess. Everything in our lives has changed. Everyday is a struggle for us. I love my husband so much and it is so hard to see him this way. I do know as time passes things will get easier but my heart is braking. I
guess I just need advise and some love right now. Thanks








Disregard that first paragraph sorry

Edited by alysha, 31 December 2011 - 08:34 PM.

[edlee]

I am so very sorry that this has happened to your family. You can feel free to come here and ask anything you like.

Being new at this is,, of course,, difficult,,, and will get easier, in the sense that you will learn what to expect on a daily basis. Uriel WILL get stronger,, and more capable of independence, as he learns the ropes of this SCI life. He is still early in his recovery,, and the possibility of more return is there. But even if he regains no more,, he will learn that his life didn't end,, it merely changed,, and that if he chooses to LIVE his new life,,, there can still be great joy in it.

If you or he have specific questions,, ask away,,, or if you like,, the search feature can find past discussions of almost any thing you can think to ask.
ed

[Soryfam]

Hi Alysha. So sorry about your husband. Worker's comp should be paying all the medical bills. As for what he can and can't do, time will be the determining factor. It is still pretty early on. Most of us have seen changes in the first year or two. I know this is so very hard to endure and to see your and your family's lives changed forever. My best advice is to allow yourself a pity party, then take the situation head on and include everyone in the family in understanding the changes and what your "new" life may look like. In time he may be able to coach again-- in time he may regain some bowel function. In a year you'll have a much better idea of what life will be like.
If he'll be applying for SSDI I would start the paperwork now, even though he won't qualify for several more months. Did his work have seperate disability insurance? If so, it can help make up that one third difference. I'm not sure, but perhaps SSDI and worker's comp can also be combined.
Do you have any support groups? Having someone to talk to who has an idea of what you're going through will help a lot. And continue to come here. There are lots of answers to be found on this forum.

Best wishes.

Sandy

Edited by Soryfam, 31 December 2011 - 08:55 PM.

[Tatiana]

Alysha, welcome to the forum.

Oh i so feel for you i do....your life and your family have been turned around 360 degree with no warning. No wonder you are in a bad way.

But its good that you are here now to get advice and support.

firtsly i know how you must be feeling..its tough and there isnt an easy answer ....... because you have to just take one day at a time, as it comes.

Just surround yourself with as much support as you can and take some time out for yourself to keep your mind healthy.

Its so good that you are here and can at least share your feelings and unburden a little.

take care and all the best for 2012

xx

[alysha]

edlee, on 31 December 2011 - 08:53 PM, said:

I am so very sorry that this has happened to your family. You can feel free to come here and ask anything you like.

Being new at this is,, of course,, difficult,,, and will get easier, in the sense that you will learn what to expect on a daily basis. Uriel WILL get stronger,, and more capable of independence, as he learns the ropes of this SCI life. He is still early in his recovery,, and the possibility of more return is there. But even if he regains no more,, he will learn that his life didn't end,, it merely changed,, and that if he chooses to LIVE his new life,,, there can still be great joy in it.

If you or he have specific questions,, ask away,,, or if you like,, the search feature can find past discussions of almost any thing you can think to ask.
ed

Thank you so much.

[alysha]

Soryfam, on 31 December 2011 - 08:54 PM, said:

Hi Alysha. So sorry about your husband. Worker's comp should be paying all the medical bills. As for what he can and can't do, time will be the determining factor. It is still pretty early on. Most of us have seen changes in the first year or two. I know this is so very hard to endure and to see your and your family's lives changed forever. My best advice is to allow yourself a pity party, then take the situation head on and include everyone in the family in understanding the changes and what your "new" life may look like. In time he may be able to coach again-- in time he may regain some bowel function. In a year you'll have a much better idea of what life will be like.
If he'll be applying for SSDI I would start the paperwork now, even though he won't qualify for several more months. Did his work have seperate disability insurance? If so, it can help make up that one third difference. I'm not sure, but perhaps SSDI and worker's comp can also be combined.
Do you have any support groups? Having someone to talk to who has an idea of what you're going through will help a lot. And continue to come here. There are lots of answers to be found on this forum.

Best wishes.

Sandy

We did start the paper work for SSDI. Yes we do have support groups 2 that we go to and I love them they are alot of help. Thank you for the love

[Priscilla]

Dearest Alysha, I am so sorry for all you are suffering through. Does he qualify for workman's comp. at all? You should be allowed to throw yourself a pity party every now and then, as long as you are treating it with counseling by a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. In fact, if he is out of the hospital you may need to go to counseling together in order to get help. My T11-L3 was fractured in a motor vehicle accident, however the vertebrae never punctured my spinal cord. I still to this day have no control of my bladder/bowels. My bladder muscle is gradually getting stronger and I straight cath myself at most 3-4 times a day. I participate in a bowel program each night for 45 minutes to an hour.

There is no way to know how much feeling he will regain, and doctors may not be able to answer any questions at this point. Is he learning some independence at home and/or working with an occupational therapist? That will be the first step to gradually learning how to get along by himself at home. That way you may eventually be able to go back to work at some point. I do not drive at this point, forcing my husband to take time off work and run me everywhere. Are there any friends you can call to sit with him and run him to follow-up appointments? Good luck to you and your husband and family all the way around! You are doing everything you can for him at this point.

[Mrs Wisteria]

Oh Alysha I am so sorry for your problems - I know that isn't going to solve all of the things that have turned upside down right now. Right now, you are the most important person in your husbands life. Please try to find out as much as you can, ask questions then keep asking and checking and making sure he has all of the medical / rehab help he needs. I don't know how the systems work in the States but there are others on here who do. I have learned that as much as I hated it at the time, all of the physio I had at the hospital and from the rehab physio team when I went home, was really, really valuable. Their hard work helped me get back on my feet. It never goes away, we get up with our various sci problems each day - but it is very easy to forget that my condition has also had an impact on my husband's life too. We are now a well-oiled team. He helps without asking because he knows so well what needs to be done... and I am only just 1 year post injury. Things will start to become ordinary every day needs in your team too - it will happen in time.

I hope you find some peace for you and your children and of course your husband.
And whatever happens don't worry about coming onto this forum and asking questions, don't worry about venting and of course you MUST come here and tell us every milestone that has been reached.
Take care of yourself too Alysha
Best wishes

Vicki
aka Mrs Wisteria

[greybeard]

Hi Alysha,
Welcome to the best place you are likely to find to get answers. Just ask away. Plenty of helpful, knowledgeable folk here.

[StillFingers]

Hi Alysha,

First, my sympathies for you all, life changes in an instant with SCI, everything seems upside down and in chaos..but as others have said, life can get better, given time to adjust, life gets much better for all. If you need any help/advice with SSDI and any other issues just ask, there are many folks that understand government red tape/paperwork, etc. that can help.

I've been in a wheelchair for over 3 decades, live in the orange county area of southern california, ask any question you want/need. Even from a wheelchair your husband can coach soccer, still enjoy sports with your children, will be able to drive by himself, retrain/find work. Given time you all can adjust to this 'new' lifestyle, even the intimacy you both shared as husband and wife can return; with some new exploration, understanding, love, you can be happy again...

My best wishes to you all, stay strong, this is a great place to share, learn, laugh and cry...there are wonderful, caring, knowledgeable folks here...welcome to the Apparelyzed family!

Jerry

[Painted Daisy]

Dear Alysha,

I feel for you and you husband. You are embarking on a new journey in this life, and you will come out a stronger person than you ever thought you could be. And you are going to have all kinds of offers of help from friends and family. My advice to you is to let them help with food, chauffeuring the kids, cleaning the house, letting out the dog, whatever you need.

Your husband will be dealing with the pain and the loss of the use of his legs. He will be in rehabilitation to a learn that he can do things on his own. If you can manage the household bills, keep a journal of the dates of his accident, hospital stays, rehabilitation and subsequent office visits. If you have to go back to work, do so. He will need you most when he first comes home from rehabilitation. If he knows things are running smoothly at home he will be able to put his full effort into recovery.

I am the wife with a spinal cord tumor and it just so happened that my husband retired a month before I became paralyzed and was thrown into the caretaker role. He was my voice when I could not comprehend what was being said by the doctors. He kept friends and relatives informed of my progress via mass texts. And when I came home he limited the amount of visitors as I adjusted to my new way of life in a wheelchair. Just a heads up, it is normal for both of you to have an occasional melt down, it's okay to vent.

I hope you can gather something useful from this, and just know that we are here for you. I have found this site to be the best on the web.

My prayers go out to you,

Painted Daisy

[alysha]

Thank you so much EVERYONE. the advice and love is amazing here. Again thank you.

[jscott92064]

Hi Alysha:

I know a bit about Work Comp in CA. Do you have a worker's comp attorney? If not, you need one.

Here's what you need to ask the work comp carrier:

• They should be providing a caregiver to help out at home. It's early in his recovery. Ask for an attendant -- see if his doctor will provide a prescription for one. You may even be able to get a nurse to do his bowel program until he is ready. (My husband had a nasty pressure sore which is why he had a nurse for awhile.) During the first 6 months, we had 16 hours of care per day and that helped alot. The care ranged from helping him with his needs (bowel program, showering, etc.) to doing light housekeeping such as laundry, grocery shopping, etc. I was able to work knowing he had someone at home with he and our young child.
• Do you own your own home? Work Comp will come and make all the improvements so it's easy to get around.
• Go ahead and apply for Social Security Benefits.
• Ask for occupational therapy at home.
• Work Comp will pay for a van, with hand controls, for him to drive to medical appointments by himself. It's probably too early for that, but when he's ready, let me know. I can help you there too. Same with all the equipment.

I'm so sorry for the struggles you two are having. It does get better and at 2 years things will look completely different. You will be surprised how much progress you make.

You are going to get a very good settlement from Work Comp once he is what is called "permenant and stationary", but go get yourself a lawyer to be your advocate. Trust me on this one.

Please feel free to ask me anything or to just vent. Many, many hugs to you!

[qbounce]

There is also state medical insurance through MEDI-CAL to help subsidize other costs. You should look into that as well.
Good luck to you both and your family, and I'm glad you've found this site so soon.

Edited by qbounce, 01 January 2012 - 04:16 AM.

[wheeliebear75]

Truly sorry to hear of your husband's accident. I know I'm probably just repeating what others have said with some of this but....

He has a "lower level injury" meaning that he has full use of his hands & arms allowing him (in time) to learn how to drive a car using hand controls for the gas & brake (I live in CA but since I don't drive I'm not sure IF CA allows those who use hand-controls to use a manual transmission or if they require an automatic.) so that he can still take the kids to school & practices & such.

He should be capable of coaching the team once again. Others have gotten back into coaching. Since my own kids have been in soccer I'm pretty sure that his only trouble with their games would be getting around on grassy park type surfaces, but with a bit of ; practice at wheelies (some people HAVE gotten so good at them they can go over all sorts of obstacles) or some help from another parent or even the kids, also there is a device called "the Free Wheel" that snaps onto the front footplate of a rigid wheelchair for about $400 it turns standard rigid wheelchairs into a "trike".

http://www.gofreewheel.com/

Until he IS able to drive the kids around again....what about asking some of the other parents who's kids are on your kids' teams if they could help take them to games?

SCI doesn't JUST effect the one who was injured/got sick...it effects the whole family in varying degrees....but you'll all get through it as a family. Don't forget to take time out for yourself; take the time for a long soak in bubble bath or hot shower, take a morning run just by yourself to clear your mind. As others said it is "OK" to have times where you break down in tears...it's just a matter of when & where & how much....not enough allowing yourself to "let it all out" & you'll find yourself suffering in other ways, allowing yourself to breakdown too frequently can be just as bad....you NEED TO find an appropriate "medium" so that you're not bottling in your emotions but not allowing THEM to be in control either. Come back here anytime to learn & ask questions or even just to have a good cry/venting session.

There is a lot of valuable info on many of these forums; but specifically I'd suggest looking in the pain management section of this forum for help with his pain, & for the intimacy issues there is also a relationships/sexuality section you may want to look through.

Things WILL get easier as the weeks, months & years roll on. I'm now almost 22 yrs post injury.

[plank]

Hi Alysha
Welcome to Apparalyzed. As I am sure you now realise, you have found a very valuable resource and an instant worldwide group of friends who know and understand what you and Uriel are going through. They also know something that you currently cannot see, and that is that things will get better. Sure, life has dealt your family a nasty blow, however you must believe that your new life will be one of quality.
Hang around here as much as possible. Go over all the old threads. Read up on spinal chord injury until you are the expert and can match it with the medicos who pretend to know but are really just scratching around. Get Uriel on here as soon as feels able. Keep posting and asking questions - there are no stupid questions just stupid answers.
Most of all, look after yourself. His recovery will be made easier if he is not worried about you and the kids. Stay strong for him and them - a big task I know!

Plank

[TJT]

Alysha, I truly understand what you and your family are going through as I am just 14 months into this new life. I have a C4 injury so that's pretty bad, especially at 25. I have found a lot of inspiration from 2 things I never expected. I was amazed that I had more good friends and family support than I realized so I was in no way alone having to deal with this. You quickly see another side of their lives and we are more connected than I could have imagined. I was also amazed at the quality of life people with worse injuries than mine have put together. In a way I was more disabled then those with worse injuries until I learned from them and got my attitude straight.
I do believe your family and I will still have a great life and probably one with more depth than most. I am new to APPARALYSED but these are powerful websites with veterans that will help in so many ways. Welcome to the club (I mean that in a sincerely good way).

[Dean1978]

Hello I hait to hear what you are going through it has to be hard but it does get easier, his body will heal and he will get better you just have to be there to give him support and show him. try to get him to do therapy and try and get some muscle back that he isn't useing. It's hard to adapt to the bathroom thing. But once he starts to learn his body over again things will fall into place. Just show him you can live like this and your life isn't over.

[alysha]

To everyone who replied. Thank you so much!!!! I have got so much info and you all gave me the love I really needed. You have all touched my heart. Again thank you and I send you all my love.