10 replies to this topic

[rue2you]

"Disabled Mothers"

A mother....
Two eyes
Two ears
A mouth
Two hands
Two legs

The eyes of a mother - to look at the beauty of her child.

The ears of a mother - to hear the giggles, the cries and the desires of her child.

The mouth of a mother - to speak words of love, comfort and wisdom to her child.

The hands of a mother - to wipe the fevered brow, brush away the tears and care for the needs of her child.

The legs of a mother - to play tag, ride bikes, run on the beach, take nature walks discovering all of God's awesome creation and chase giggling children across playgrounds.

What happens to a woman, a mother, when she loses one of these things? When she can no longer see those faces, hear the voices, speak the words of love, wipe away a tear or simply take a stroll while holding her child's hand?

This description I have just given you is the life of a mother with a disability. Yes, we do exist and these details make up very important parts of our lives.

We mingle well with other mother's but we fight a private war within our minds comparing ourselves with the mom who has no physical deficiency.

I have been a mom in both of these worlds and it is a very different world I live in now. Oh, maybe not so much on the outside apart from the obvious wheelchair I now occupy full time. But there are feelings and emotions that surface often and that must be caged, for if we ever let loose of them, they would surely damage us!

I can only speak as one who has lost my legs, but for me, it is not big obvious things that cause my caged emotions to roar. It is little things like being outside with my precious 2 yr. old and him reaching out that adorable chubby little hand for me to hold and I can't because I have to keep control of my wheelchair. Or watching my children play in the yard and other adults playing with them and I want to play so bad but my chair won't roll across grass very easy. Or my children crying out in the night from a bad dream for Mommy and I can't get out of my bed and into my chair fast enough to reach them. Or they are on a slide and want Mommy to catch them or to swing them and I can't get through the thick little gravels or over the landscaping timbers. Or the baby is headed toward the open stairway and I can't reach him fast enough and terror fills your heart as you pray he will obey you and stop!

The list could go on and on with real life scenarios that happen every day in the home of Mommies. Most of us don't even think about 99% of them, but when you have a disability, life sends you daily reminders of your deficiency and it can take a toll if you are not careful.

So, how do we handle this? We put on our brace faces, cage our monster and try to be thankful for what we have. Because we truly are thankful that we are honored and blessed to be Mommies. We aren't perfect and may have to do things is "unorthodox" ways, but as we try to put the pieces together in our lives, we are doing the best we can. As those pieces come together, it starts to make a beautiful picture?

That mother that cannot see the beauty of her child's face, learns that she doesn't need her eyes to see the beauty of her child.

That mother that cannot hear her child's voice, learns that she does not need her ears to understand what her child needs and desires.

That mother that cannot speak words of love to her child, learns she does not need a tongue to express what her love exclaims.

That mother that cannot use her hands to caress her child, learns that you do not need hands to hold your child's heart.

That mother that cannot use her legs to enjoy many aspects of life, learns that she can still walk her child through a wonderful adventure called life.

Sometimes I think a mother with a disability may have a small advantage. We must reach deeper, because of our deficiencies, into the resources of our heart and pull out all we can for our children. It is in the love of that heart, not in the physical ability of a parent, that a precious child finds it's security, confidence and the sweet contentment of knowing he is loved. What childhood could ever suffer from that?

Hooray for Mommy's and especially for those who wear the extra hat called "disability".

[Asparagus925]

Powerful.

[wheeliebear75]

How very VERY TRUE!

I only know "mommy" from the disabled standpoint but I do find that I have compared my disabled motherhood to how things were when I babysat (I was only 14 when I got hurt).

I USED TO feel like "a bad mommy" when I had my girls bring me their sippy cups & then get the apple juice out of the fridge for me to pour & then put the juice back in the fridge. But by the time my son came along I saw that my girls were far more independent & self-reliant than were the other children their same age. So when my son came along I didn't feel the same level of guilt for having him bring the juice to me, he was learning to put back what we take out.

Mommies often spend their day picking up after the whole family...my family learned if they don't pick it up mommy is going to roll over it or smush it with a crutch...so pick it up!

I'm glad you started this...it is an additional dilemma for us mommies & I'm sure the daddies aren't too different with their own set of "issues" & inner-turmoil.

[mcferguson]

wheeliebear75, on 04 January 2012 - 08:56 PM, said:

I'm glad you started this...it is an additional dilemma for us mommies & I'm sure the daddies aren't too different with their own set of "issues" & inner-turmoil.

Nope, we're not that different.

[rue2you]

Thank you for your replies! I love hearing your perspectives and thoughts about this subject in your lives as well (daddy's too!!

[Aparr]

How beautiful, thank you very much for sharing!

[isobar]

Rue your posts are many times touching , moving and i love the way you finish them with a hint of beauty............. not with lost but with strength of reasoning and resolve. Keep doing your thing " Sunshine." Oh as like Al Green's song Simply Beautiful this post is just that.

Edited by isobar, 05 January 2012 - 02:57 PM.

[rue2you]

isobar, on 05 January 2012 - 01:01 PM, said:

Rue your posts are many times touching , moving and i love the way you finish them with a hint of beauty............. not with lost but with strength of reasoning and resolve. Keep doing your thing " Sunshine." Oh as like Al Green's song Simply Beautiful this post is just that.

Thank you Isobar. What you just wrote was beautiful and very encouraging!

[Edinburgh Colin]

Rue, as a Dad that was lovey, I also have been both and u do compensate and I think appreciate more somehow.
EC

[McTavish]

I too have been a Mom in both these worlds, and I feel I am just as good a Mom now as I was before.

[Tetracyclone]

wheeliebear75, on 04 January 2012 - 08:56 PM, said:

Mommies often spend their day picking up after the whole family...my family learned if they don't pick it up mommy is going to roll over it or smush it with a crutch...so pick it up!