9 replies to this topic

[Erica]

I recently visited a friend who was injured at the same time and has the same injury that I do(c-5). When I saw her for the first time I was shocked... She has not progressed since leaving our rehab hospital, she just stopped, and it's almost been two years.
When I asked her about things she had been doing when she was in rehab, such as cooking and using a manual chair she simply said, "I don't do that anymore"...
This makes me sad because she has stopped doing so much and she is not taking care of herself... She eats terribly,drinks nothing throughout the day and already has a lot of skin issues. I dont want to see my friend in an early grave

How can I give her a push in the right direction without upsetting her?
While I was there with her I definitely tried to set a good example but I didn't want to really address it because her family already was comparing us and I could tell she was super annoyed by it...

[Salih]

Erica, I'm not a professinal in these situation, but perhaps u could do a ' mirroring ' concept that i learned in peer counseling class:
Spimply talk to her as a friend, for example, "How r u doing?"
friend, 'I'm okay, i just have a hedache'
"You just have a headache. what's giving u a headache?"
FR, 'Not being able to go where I would like to go.'
"I see, I use to get bothered by not going where I wanted to go also. After I finished rehab and got out, the stress was practically gone."
and so on
Be a friend without being bossy/controlling. Now if she mentions suicide/ death call a doctor!

I'm a c4+c5,

hope this helps

[Stand]

To me, it sounds like she's depressed. Either that or she truly doesn't believe in herself or she is just content the way she is. It's unfortunate she's letting time and opportunities pass her by, but what can you really do? Besides being brutally honest with her and expressing your concerns, I would not imagine that dropping little hints is going to do the job. Hopefully you can figure something out or someone comes up with a better suggestion. Good luck to both of you!

[joesstone]

Has she accepted her injury? Accepting what happened is the only way to truly move on. What did she live for before her accident? Is there any way that she can get back to what she used to love. I know for me, once I got on a hand cycle, I started finding the same highs I got from my other hobbies before my accident. When I set a goal for a ride and accomplish it, I feel the exact same way as before, if not better. I have a good friend that is a c5, after his accident doctors told him he would never push a manual chair, sing, or play the guitar. Now he does all of that and more and he is a happy person because of it. Finding purpose in life is the key. Even if it is as simple as feeding your cat. People want to help others and after an injury like that you can't even help yourself. Being able to help someone or some animal can be very therapeutic. So in my opinion, finding purpose, accepting what happened, and setting new goals can go a huge distance for a higher quality of life, and peace of mind. I hope this helps in some way. Best of luck to your friend.

[Tetracyclone]

What if her family is the problem?

[Scottyblaze]

It's a difficult thing, acceptance is. Not everyone can just forget about their life before and push forward with their shitty new one. I'm 6+ years post and I don't think I have accepted my injury yet, nor do I think I will... maybe one day

[KK*]

I think everyone comes to a crossroad in our lives after SCI and we can reach down deep to the most inner depth of our soul and find strength to take the path no one would wish on their worst enemy and recover as much as possible and learn to live again and make the most of our life or there those that would had rather they would have died in their accident than continue life in their particular condition and never find the strength to want to learn to live again. I know personally I have been at that cross road and I was very close to giving up and just exist, praying for the day I die.

Nothing anyone said or did that made me choose the path I chose nor could there have been, it was a decision I had to make but watching those around me in rehab make each seperate choices and what differences the outcome of each choice made on them did help.

Spend as much time around your friend and maybe it will help but by no means let this person drag you down. I wish you the best my friend.


KK

[goose]

Does she live close enough that you could invite her over to come cook together or do something that would get her to want to do again? Maybe seeing you enjoying life would motivate her to try again.


I had a friend who was a lower level than me but depended on someone else for everything. She did give up and died . I would show her things I could do and I knew she could as well (plus more) but she just wasn't interested in fighting back. Her marriage ended just a year after her SCI and she just didn't want to cope any more despite a world of friends who tried to help.

You have to have a reason or will to live. You also need to feel needed.


Sometimes you just have to be a friend and listen !

I hope your friend won't give up.

[qbounce]

Have you suggested some kind of peer support, like checking this site out?

Some how it's really made a difference with me in connecting with others who are in like minded situations.

[Tetracyclone]

goose, on 15 January 2012 - 05:16 AM, said:

Does she live close enough that you could invite her over to come cook together or do something that would get her to want to do again? Maybe seeing you enjoying life would motivate her to try again.


I had a friend who was a lower level than me but depended on someone else for everything. She did give up and died . I would show her things I could do and I knew she could as well (plus more) but she just wasn't interested in fighting back. Her marriage ended just a year after her SCI and she just didn't want to cope any more despite a world of friends who tried to help.

You have to have a reason or will to live. You also need to feel needed.


Sometimes you just have to be a friend and listen !

I hope your friend won't give up.

Goose,
There is beauty in your post.