27 replies to this topic

[laverne72]

I've been with my husband for 20 years and in june 08 he fell at home and severed his spine leaving him a T11 complete paraplegic. He/we went through the 4 months inhouse reahbiliation came home and the first few months were fine and we were adjusting and then....he was introduced to CRACK cocaine and it has spiraled out of control these past 3 years. I've had everything of value stolen and sold and now it's at the point where I have crack dealers/crack whores/addicts in my home while I am at work or while I am asleep and I have a 10yr old and 20 year old children at home who can't take it no more. My 20 yr old son is so fed up that he has started acting violently with whomever is in the house when he gets home and my husband just doesn't care. He is recieivng a settlement from the fall in which he has been running his mouth about to his *friends* and we are fearful that it will only get worst. I've tried over and over again to make him see the brighter side of things like his life but all he focuses on is what he can't do anymore and I'm not throwing any more pity parties I just want OUT and move on with my life.

[Zack]

I'm Very sorry to hear this.
Enough is Enough for me when children are being exposed to the environment of Crack Cocaine and the types of people you mentioned. I would already be gone for my children's safety!
I'm sorry if what I'm saying isn't what you or others would agree with. But to me, the Safety of the children is in danger with these people coming and going.
I'd be gone already! And I don't believe you'd want child protective services deciding where your kids go, and when you can visit them.

I have to stop here before I say too much!

Praying you put your children first!

[jscott92064]

I'd also invite the police over. Crack cocaine is bad news and we all need to do our part to eradicate it. Sure, it's tough love and sometimes that is what's called for.

[Denna]

Im sorry this is happening to you. I wish I could tell you something good. But unless he is willing to change than all he cares about is the next score. My brother in law stills anything from that isnt bolted down at anyones house he is invited into and its only getting worse. My father in law has finally said its enough and called the cops on him. Mother in law isnt happy about it but theres nothing else to do. As you already know he isnt the man you married anymore and your children need to get away from that before something serious happens to them. I hope you get out soon.

[Lou05]

im so sorry for your situation but i agree with what everyone is saying. do whatever you must to keep your kids safe. i lost one of my yonger nephews to that drug and kids have no business being exposed to it. please do something quick. i know it must be hard but right now youre really asking for something really bad to happen by not taking them out of that situation. i hope everything works out in the end.

[Scrappy]

laverne72, on 16 January 2012 - 03:30 AM, said:

I've been with my husband for 20 years and in june 08 he fell at home and severed his spine leaving him a T11 complete paraplegic. He/we went through the 4 months inhouse reahbiliation came home and the first few months were fine and we were adjusting and then....he was introduced to CRACK cocaine and it has spiraled out of control these past 3 years. I've had everything of value stolen and sold and now it's at the point where I have crack dealers/crack whores/addicts in my home while I am at work or while I am asleep and I have a 10yr old and 20 year old children at home who can't take it no more. My 20 yr old son is so fed up that he has started acting violently with whomever is in the house when he gets home and my husband just doesn't care. He is recieivng a settlement from the fall in which he has been running his mouth about to his *friends* and we are fearful that it will only get worst. I've tried over and over again to make him see the brighter side of things like his life but all he focuses on is what he can't do anymore and I'm not throwing any more pity parties I just want OUT and move on with my life.

Crack is no joke you shouldn't have allowed it in the 1st place.. u need to help him see he's ruining your life/relationship n get him to rehab or at least hav his family help

[paraguy1]

laverne72, on 16 January 2012 - 03:30 AM, said:

I've been with my husband for 20 years and in june 08 he fell at home and severed his spine leaving him a T11 complete paraplegic. He/we went through the 4 months inhouse reahbiliation came home and the first few months were fine and we were adjusting and then....he was introduced to CRACK cocaine and it has spiraled out of control these past 3 years. I've had everything of value stolen and sold and now it's at the point where I have crack dealers/crack whores/addicts in my home while I am at work or while I am asleep and I have a 10yr old and 20 year old children at home who can't take it no more. My 20 yr old son is so fed up that he has started acting violently with whomever is in the house when he gets home and my husband just doesn't care. He is recieivng a settlement from the fall in which he has been running his mouth about to his *friends* and we are fearful that it will only get worst. I've tried over and over again to make him see the brighter side of things like his life but all he focuses on is what he can't do anymore and I'm not throwing any more pity parties I just want OUT and move on with my life.

Im so sorry crack and meth are 2 of the worst drugs ever invented. Before my accident I knew some people that did crack and it completley ruined their lives. It changes a person til its the only thing they care about. Not to mention what it does to ones health. My only advise is try a intervention and if he refuses rehab then you may have to really think about removing him from your life. But I would try my best to help first. Good Luck to you.

[Spinner]

It is time to take your kids and leave. Your responsibility first and foremost is to protect your children. This is no atmosphere for a ten year-old to be in. Take them both, get out, and don't look back. Good luck to you.

[qbounce]

Yup, get a divorce and a lawyer.
At least half his settlement will go to good use . . . the children!

[Tetracyclone]

I would add one point: as the wife you have a right to half of everything. Call the cops first and get HIM out. Being in jail might possible protect his settlement, at least for awhile. Meanwhile, launch divorce proceedings.

You know it is time to act, so do so decisively.

My "strong woman" thoughts go with you.

[Edinburgh Colin]

Act quickly and make sure that you look out for the safety of the kids and yourself.
Presumably he has some less than savory friends and acquaintances who would like to get their hands on anything if value he may have.

Good Luck.
EC

[Pete Anderson]

Its time for "tough love" to come into play if you and you children are to survive. Plain and simple. Your survival instincts need to kick in and take control, regardless of your husband. Save Yourself!

Pete

[edlee]

If you own your own home,, you have only one realistic choice. Tuen him in to the police,, along with anyone in the house with him, who is using. If he is caught with too much in the house,,, and it wasn't YOU who turned him in,,, you may be found liable, also.

You better protect yourself and your children,,, before one or more of you end up dead. This is serious s##t,,, don't wait any longer,, he isn't going to cure himself. Time to srep away.

I would also council you to start divorce proceedings IMMEDIATLY,,,, you can always call them off at the last minute,,,, and get all the money out of his name as soon as you can. Checking,, savings,, whatever has both your names on it,, get it out of his reach. Crack friends only stay around if you have crack, money for crack, or something they can steal and sell to get crack,, in that order. You get rid of those things,, and the crack ho's will leave.

Sorry if I seem abrupt,,, but it's not just YOUR life,,,, it's that of your kids.
ed

[LeahC]

That's one expensive hobby. And some turn to heroin to 'come down' from the crack buzz. I can only say what's already been said! Thinking of you xx hugs xx

[kathy.k]

I agree with edlee, make sure you have access to enough money to take care of yourself and your kids, if you don't the CRACK will get it all. Take the kids and call the police, you don't want them to see daddy go to jail. If you are done then the divorce is next, and start a new life keeping the children first. Everyone is in agreement here, and you know what you need to do, be strong and do it.....for the kids they need you. I think almost all of us know that you always have friends when you have something they want, once the CRACK is gone all of the trash will go with it.

Prayers are being sent up for you.

Kathy

[wheeliebear75]

Many people have opted to live what remainder of their lives looking through beer goggles on OR drugs because of "bad things" that happen. BUT it's up to that person to fix themselves not for you to fix everything that's not gone OK for them.

Having these sort of "people" around your 10yr old? That would make me want to pack my bags & bail too. The SCI didn't "do THIS" "to HIM", this just happened to happen to him & a bunch of other folks. But thankfully the majority of us don't turn to substances to escape.

Don't let him make you feel guilty pulling "the cripple sympathy card" on you! You're not leaving him because he's paralyzed....you're leaving for the protection of your children & your own sanity.....because you don't want the drugs & filth that goes with it NOT because you don't want HIM or his disability.

[laverne72]

Scrappy, on 16 January 2012 - 11:10 AM, said:

laverne72, on 16 January 2012 - 03:30 AM, said:

I've been with my husband for 20 years and in june 08 he fell at home and severed his spine leaving him a T11 complete paraplegic. He/we went through the 4 months inhouse reahbiliation came home and the first few months were fine and we were adjusting and then....he was introduced to CRACK cocaine and it has spiraled out of control these past 3 years. I've had everything of value stolen and sold and now it's at the point where I have crack dealers/crack whores/addicts in my home while I am at work or while I am asleep and I have a 10yr old and 20 year old children at home who can't take it no more. My 20 yr old son is so fed up that he has started acting violently with whomever is in the house when he gets home and my husband just doesn't care. He is recieivng a settlement from the fall in which he has been running his mouth about to his *friends* and we are fearful that it will only get worst. I've tried over and over again to make him see the brighter side of things like his life but all he focuses on is what he can't do anymore and I'm not throwing any more pity parties I just want OUT and move on with my life.

Crack is no joke you shouldn't have allowed it in the 1st place.. u need to help him see he's ruining your life/relationship n get him to rehab or at least hav his family help

Let me clarify something...I did NOT ALLOW this to take place/happen. I work crazy hours and did not have *eyes* on him 24/7..with his new found friends that came along while I was at work the crack made it's way into HIS life and he kept it a secret until he couldn't afford it and things started missing and then it spiraled out of control and started ruining OUR life. I've never seen him smoke it but I know when he has. He's been pretty clever with the times when he gets high..but now he's getting sloppy with it and just has the I DON"T CARE attitude. His family knows all about it but him being a crack addict along with a paraplegic they say is too much to handle. And I understand to a point because he is a handful with the pressure sores on his ass and foot and his bathroom routine is something they don't want to think about. Him being a para is NOT a problem for me because I was learning to live with his dissability and did all I could do and learn about how to make it work between us.

paraguy1, on 16 January 2012 - 01:12 PM, said:

laverne72, on 16 January 2012 - 03:30 AM, said:

I've been with my husband for 20 years and in june 08 he fell at home and severed his spine leaving him a T11 complete paraplegic. He/we went through the 4 months inhouse reahbiliation came home and the first few months were fine and we were adjusting and then....he was introduced to CRACK cocaine and it has spiraled out of control these past 3 years. I've had everything of value stolen and sold and now it's at the point where I have crack dealers/crack whores/addicts in my home while I am at work or while I am asleep and I have a 10yr old and 20 year old children at home who can't take it no more. My 20 yr old son is so fed up that he has started acting violently with whomever is in the house when he gets home and my husband just doesn't care. He is recieivng a settlement from the fall in which he has been running his mouth about to his *friends* and we are fearful that it will only get worst. I've tried over and over again to make him see the brighter side of things like his life but all he focuses on is what he can't do anymore and I'm not throwing any more pity parties I just want OUT and move on with my life.

Im so sorry crack and meth are 2 of the worst drugs ever invented. Before my accident I knew some people that did crack and it completley ruined their lives. It changes a person til its the only thing they care about. Not to mention what it does to ones health. My only advise is try a intervention and if he refuses rehab then you may have to really think about removing him from your life. But I would try my best to help first. Good Luck to you.

May i ask how are you coping with your injury and limitations? What is your inspiration? I just don't know what more can i do for this man except divorce him and move on. He doesn't thing there is anything he can possibly do as a T11 Para...I try to prove him wrong by showing him other para's even some quads, who are making strides, and are doing things, going places and not letting their injury stop them for doing what they enjoy.

[laverne72]

Denna, on 16 January 2012 - 04:38 AM, said:

Im sorry this is happening to you. I wish I could tell you something good. But unless he is willing to change than all he cares about is the next score. My brother in law stills anything from that isnt bolted down at anyones house he is invited into and its only getting worse. My father in law has finally said its enough and called the cops on him. Mother in law isnt happy about it but theres nothing else to do. As you already know he isnt the man you married anymore and your children need to get away from that before something serious happens to them. I hope you get out soon.

Yes I know unfortunately the man I married is long gone and I will be too! It just kills me that I stuck by him for 3 yrs since his accident and invested blood sweat and tears trying to help him deal with his injury. I even went back to school to get my degree in nursing because he suffered(s) from so many pressure sores and I treat them and am/was very involved in his healthcare and recovery and this is the thanks I get...

kathy.k, on 17 January 2012 - 12:36 AM, said:

I agree with edlee, make sure you have access to enough money to take care of yourself and your kids, if you don't the CRACK will get it all. Take the kids and call the police, you don't want them to see daddy go to jail. If you are done then the divorce is next, and start a new life keeping the children first. Everyone is in agreement here, and you know what you need to do, be strong and do it.....for the kids they need you. I think almost all of us know that you always have friends when you have something they want, once the CRACK is gone all of the trash will go with it.

Prayers are being sent up for you.

Kathy

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers! I will do what i have to do for the sake of me and my kids before anything tragic happens.

[wheeliebear75]

Ever heard the saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink."? He's the horse & you can show him trough after trough full of water with herds of horses that have a harder time getting to that trough...but HE has to "want it".

We each struggled with our losses & with how to go about putting our lives back together. In THIS respect he is no different from the rest of us. We all struggle with those little demons that creep up to ask "Hey look at that over there. Would you just LOVE to be able to do that? Ha ha too bad...ya CAN'T!". Most of us have learned to tell that little demon to "F-off!" for the most part. Some unfortunately do turn to covering up the hurt with booze or drugs instead of dealing with the problems.

I don't think ANYONE thought you "allowed" ANYTHING.

But as happens so often in instances where one partner is disabled & the other is NOT; you do almost the work of 2 people trying to fit 48hrs of wage earning, errands, & chores into 24hrs. But WE as the disabled person have a certain amount of responsibility TOO; such as not making your job harder on you than it already is, by trying to help where we CAN, & by not acting like selfish pricks....I think he failed on all 3 counts.

BTW I'm sure his Dr. who writes him the Rx scripts would just LOVE to know that there may be something EXTRA in his system...give his Dr. a heads up to your suspicions & I bet you they'll be doing some blood tests on him ASAP...it may be the best way to get him into treatment. I know many insurance carriers will have substance abuse programs AND psychologists....which I think he could use the help of BOTH.

Keep us informed & keep in touch.

[KK*]

I am a private consultant for Homeland Security and what was stated above is correct, you will lose ur home, vehicle(s) and most importantly your children will be removed from you also and put them in "the system". Call the police and tell them what is going on (they'll probably arrange a sting operation) he will go to jail, u place a restraining order on him, and u can keep the house or sell it which ever u prefer.

Godspeed my friend.

KK

[Scrappy]

laverne72, on 18 January 2012 - 02:08 AM, said:

Scrappy, on 16 January 2012 - 11:10 AM, said:

laverne72, on 16 January 2012 - 03:30 AM, said:

I've been with my husband for 20 years and in june 08 he fell at home and severed his spine leaving him a T11 complete paraplegic. He/we went through the 4 months inhouse reahbiliation came home and the first few months were fine and we were adjusting and then....he was introduced to CRACK cocaine and it has spiraled out of control these past 3 years. I've had everything of value stolen and sold and now it's at the point where I have crack dealers/crack whores/addicts in my home while I am at work or while I am asleep and I have a 10yr old and 20 year old children at home who can't take it no more. My 20 yr old son is so fed up that he has started acting violently with whomever is in the house when he gets home and my husband just doesn't care. He is recieivng a settlement from the fall in which he has been running his mouth about to his *friends* and we are fearful that it will only get worst. I've tried over and over again to make him see the brighter side of things like his life but all he focuses on is what he can't do anymore and I'm not throwing any more pity parties I just want OUT and move on with my life.

Crack is no joke you shouldn't have allowed it in the 1st place.. u need to help him see he's ruining your life/relationship n get him to rehab or at least hav his family help

Let me clarify something...I did NOT ALLOW this to take place/happen. I work crazy hours and did not have *eyes* on him 24/7..with his new found friends that came along while I was at work the crack made it's way into HIS life and he kept it a secret until he couldn't afford it and things started missing and then it spiraled out of control and started ruining OUR life. I've never seen him smoke it but I know when he has. He's been pretty clever with the times when he gets high..but now he's getting sloppy with it and just has the I DON"T CARE attitude. His family knows all about it but him being a crack addict along with a paraplegic they say is too much to handle. And I understand to a point because he is a handful with the pressure sores on his ass and foot and his bathroom routine is something they don't want to think about. Him being a para is NOT a problem for me because I was learning to live with his dissability and did all I could do and learn about how to make it work between us.

Well if he decides crack is mor important than a family thers not much u can do.. u can try making him switch to marijuana I'm sure that would be a lot better than crack.. and if he gets a lot of pressure sores he should get a roho cushion if he doesn't already hav 1.. there's not much mor advice I have for you but sometimes you have to decide what's mor important for you kids

paraguy1, on 16 January 2012 - 01:12 PM, said:

laverne72, on 16 January 2012 - 03:30 AM, said:

I've been with my husband for 20 years and in june 08 he fell at home and severed his spine leaving him a T11 complete paraplegic. He/we went through the 4 months inhouse reahbiliation came home and the first few months were fine and we were adjusting and then....he was introduced to CRACK cocaine and it has spiraled out of control these past 3 years. I've had everything of value stolen and sold and now it's at the point where I have crack dealers/crack whores/addicts in my home while I am at work or while I am asleep and I have a 10yr old and 20 year old children at home who can't take it no more. My 20 yr old son is so fed up that he has started acting violently with whomever is in the house when he gets home and my husband just doesn't care. He is recieivng a settlement from the fall in which he has been running his mouth about to his *friends* and we are fearful that it will only get worst. I've tried over and over again to make him see the brighter side of things like his life but all he focuses on is what he can't do anymore and I'm not throwing any more pity parties I just want OUT and move on with my life.

Im so sorry crack and meth are 2 of the worst drugs ever invented. Before my accident I knew some people that did crack and it completley ruined their lives. It changes a person til its the only thing they care about. Not to mention what it does to ones health. My only advise is try a intervention and if he refuses rehab then you may have to really think about removing him from your life. But I would try my best to help first. Good Luck to you.

May i ask how are you coping with your injury and limitations? What is your inspiration? I just don't know what more can i do for this man except divorce him and move on. He doesn't thing there is anything he can possibly do as a T11 Para...I try to prove him wrong by showing him other para's even some quads, who are making strides, and are doing things, going places and not letting their injury stop them for doing what they enjoy.

[Wynter]

I am sorry to hear about this. Sounds difficult. Good Luck

[Clive]

from what you say it appears you have no choice, self-pity is dangerous debilitating thing (I know I've been there) combine this with drugs and it's only going to go one way. You obviously love your husband maybe when he sees what he still has to lose he will see the light.

[julibugs]

You MUST find the inner strength to do what you can to save your children before they get sucked in to their fathers world of drugs and self pity. I was faced with leaving my family home in the dead of night with three young children to escape their drunken violent father - yes I lost lots of stuff, by the time the legal system kicked in a lot of things had been sold or given away. In the end it didn't matter at all, it took time to make sense of the loss of my dream of a family with two parents and happy children but given time and the healing of living without fear it was really for the best. There are people out thier who can offer help - I found a church run project that gave us the refuge of a 1 bed appartment. When I chat to my now adult kids they always talk fondly of the time when it was just the four of us sleeping in one big bed and eating from miss-matched crockery bought from a junk shop.


Stop thinking about what you won't have and start thinking about what you(all of you) will gain.

Julia

[goose]

I agree with everyone else....PLEASE act quickly. You are in no way the blame for his addiction. His way to cope with SCI may have been drugs but the trash that comes with it is NOT healthy for him, you or your children. He needs tough love help. If you have a relationship with his doctor, he may be able to get him the treatment he needs. A urine sample may be all that is needed to start the process.

If that isn't an option, talk with a drug enforcement agent. Explain your situation. They should be able to advice you on the best way to tackle the problem.

Don't assume you or the kids are safe!!!! Drugs make people do crazy things for that next fix. Please do something ASAP.

You have value! Protect your family!!! before it's too late!!!!

[Stand]

My question would be, how is it you have time to post on this wall? You already know what needs to be done so that should be your main focus. Not what anybody else thinks on here or anywhere else. Stop wasting your time on the computer and do what you know needs to be done. Get your kids out of there and never let them return. Sorry if this is probably coming off as rude by you need to take action. The sooner you do the quicker the healing begins. Good luck to you and your children! Please keep us posted, after you leave and know and what's left of your family is safe and secure.

[Hotwheelz]

well as a former crack and heroin junkie I can tell u he will not come around til he gets tired of being miserable. I lost everything (wife, kids, every single possession I had) and still kept going. After a couple years of withdrawling all the time along with all the trips to jail, court, rehabs the pain finally made me want something more. Unfortunately for him its time for u to move on (it's the best thing u can do) u deserve to be happy.........

[dreamerr]

If you love him don't call the cops but the idea of telling the doc is great. They will get him into treatment. Cops will just ruin his life more. You should do it soon cause if the cops do come you will go to jail as well and your ten year old will go to foster care which stinks. Sorry this happened but people do what they do to cope with injury. Move on with your life. You did the best you could to help him and maybe you will again when he is off drugs.

Good luck.