[Jinx]

I have been injured for about 6 1/2years. I have always had difficulty talking about it to anyone including my family because it was a suicide attempt. I was very young and stupid at the time and thought jumping out a 4th floor window would do the trick. i had just left home and was very lonely, by way of reason.

All i did was break half my bones and spend the rest of the year in hospital bed, with all the original depression plus a c7 spinal injury and an enormous amount of guilt, embarassment and mental desolation.
obviously everybody knew what had happened, but only a couple of people were willing to talk about it. this is the worst feeling in the world because you are made to feel so worthless. i suppose i deserved it.
Anyway at the spinal unit no one would talk to me, so that was like 6 months in the desert too.

I just want to say that to attempt suicide is not something that anyone takes lightly, and i had been deppressed for 3 years before i tried. i don't really care what happens now, im bored with it all.

[Kevin]

I can relate to depression very well. I was very seriously depressed for well over a decade. I absolutely hated who I was and desperately wanted to change and be someone else. I'm able bodied, so my depression wasn't caused by SCI... It just was just there and I understand your depression.

Obviously you took it a step further than I did, but now that it's over and done with you have a chance at a new life. You don't say what the reason for your depression was, but if the root of it was that you didn't like your life, why not give this new one a chance? It can be wonderful or it can be terrible depending on what you take from it.

It took me years to fight my way out of depression and to finally be happy with who I am. I won't try to condense years of insight into a few paragraphs so I'll leave you with this; you will always get what you believe you'll find. That's depressions greatest power (you always believe the worst and find it everywhere you look) and it's greatest weakness (beliefs can be changed easily).

Posting here was a good first step.

[John Anderson]

Jinx, on Aug 8 2006, 08:17 AM, said:

I have been injured for about 6 1/2years. I have always had difficulty talking about it to anyone including my family because it was a suicide attempt. I was very young and stupid at the time and thought jumping out a 4th floor window would do the trick. i had just left home and was very lonely, by way of reason.

All i did was break half my bones and spend the rest of the year in hospital bed, with all the original depression plus a c7 spinal injury and an enormous amount of guilt, embarassment and mental desolation.
obviously everybody knew what had happened, but only a couple of people were willing to talk about it. this is the worst feeling in the world because you are made to feel so worthless. i suppose i deserved it.
Anyway at the spinal unit no one would talk to me, so that was like 6 months in the desert too.

I just want to say that to attempt suicide is not something that anyone takes lightly, and i had been deppressed for 3 years before i tried. i don't really care what happens now, im bored with it all.

I'm sorry to hear about the depression that you feel, I know exactly what it's like. Posting is a good start, and all of us are here to help you.

[mttb14]

Hi,

I understand you have felt depressed in the past and that you have attempted suicide, I have also been there and know how you feel to a degree. I was going through a very messy business collapse, a husband who was carrying on and no money, plus the chance of losing my parent house and my house the banks, all because I had a husband who could not keep his prick in his trousers or the alcohol in the bottle. I was in a hell of a mess, I took a massive overdose when I was 24, but thanks to the disgusting sugar coating on brufen I was sick for days. I just constantly kept being sick, so God was obviously not ready for me or you. A few days later I found this poem and I have kept it ever since, it gave me the courage to speak to my parents and to fight against the banks and divorce the husband.

Looking back all of that seems so long ago, and another life time ago, but know I'm so glad I survived and it took me years to tell anyone what I had done. Everyone was really shocked because they assumed I was always the strong one.

If you can't talk to your family or friends contact a help line or keep in touch with people on this and similar sites, we are all here to help one another and I have gained great knowledge and the feeling of being part of a very understanding cyber community since I found it. Also give life a try, I'm really glad I had the second chance to do so. I don't think suicide is the easy way out if you are cold stone sober trying, it is a way out when you just cannot think of a way out of a very bad situation, but to my knowledge there is nothing that is really that bad, it just takes understanding. If you want to talk, contact me by personal message or here and if the people were so blind that they could not help you when they could obviously see you needed it, then they should be very ashamed of themselves.

Don't Quit helpsmilie.gif

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,

When funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don't you quit,

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out:

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow,

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint on the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far:

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

Its when things seem worst that you must not QUIT.


Author unknown


God bless

Maria

[Carly/Kevin]

mttb14, on Aug 8 2006, 05:35 PM, said:

If you can't talk to your family or friends contact a help line or keep in touch with people on this and similar sites, we are all here to help one another and I have gained great knowledge and the feeling of being part of a very understanding cyber community since I found it. Also give life a try, I'm really glad I had the second chance to do so. I don't think suicide is the easy way out if you are cold stone sober trying, it is a way out when you just cannot think of a way out of a very bad situation, but to my knowledge there is nothing that is really that bad, it just takes understanding. If you want to talk, contact me by personal message or here and if the people were so blind that they could not help you when they could obviously see you needed it, then they should be very ashamed of themselves.

here is what i have to say, depression is something that seems to come easy, and its hard for it to go away. something that seems like once its there its, its always there in the back of your mind no matter what you do or think. but read my story on here about suicide.. my boyfriend very recently commited suicide and when he did, he let down A LOT of people in his life. and because you feel like no body is there, there is ALWAYS someone around to talk to.. get help, because when you hurt yourself you hurt a hundred other people and that is sooo true..

i am sorry that people seemed not to reach out the first time, but now you have came to a great sight with great people.. you can talk to them and they are very understanding. and listen to Maria (mttb14) she said some good things and so has everyone else.. if you ever want to talk, you are welcome to PM me anytime..

Carly Lynn

[kyle19]

My situation is kinda similiar to yours jinx. Although I was not depressed or anything, hell I was as happy as could be at the time. Back in October of 2005 I started to experience incontinence, and to this day it continues(it happens frequent now). I was enlisted in the army and I had to attend a drill every month where we would train and do marching and etc. Well I had went to the first drill no incontinence or anything, than I went to the 2nd drill and had incontinence, luckily no one saw it happend and I quickly went to the restroom, this drill was back in October. I than skipped the next 3 drills(got yelled at quite a bit but it was better than having incontinence in front of hundreds of kids). My recruiter told me that I had to go to the next drill or I would be disciplined, well at the time I was too embarrassed to bring it up to my family or doctor, because what kind of helathy 19 year old male would be experiencing incontinence. So I did go to the next drill in January and just stayed for half the drill (somehow I got out of it before we did all the running so no incontinence), than the next drill was approaching in February and I still hadnt brought this up yet to my familiy or doctor because like I said earlier I was just too embarrassed. So the night before drill I drank a bottle full of anti freeze. I figured commiting suicide would be better than being humilitated and embarrassed in front of about 250 kids and not too mention all the army guys who ran drill. Well here I am now and the incontience continues, I get frequent and painful urinary tract infections, and I have an enlarged bladder which could pose a threat to my kidneys. All this can be attributed to this god damn tethered cord. I only found out about the tethered cord about 10 days ago, so if I had known before I wouldnt have done what I did, I would have gotten the surgery and hopefully that would have repaired it/or made it better.

[mttb14]

Hi,

The good thing about this forum is that you can express true feelings and events, and its is accepted for what it is, whether it is a good situation or a really bad situation, you are not judged, and if possible you are helped, even if it is just by being able to express your feelings and knowing that no one here will judge you.

The weird thing in this life is that we are all concerned to a degree by what other people think of us, rather than what we actually feel ourselves. We all worry far too much about what other people will think of us, will they be disappointed in us, will they be embarressed by us, will they laugh at us?

My ex-brother in law was going through a very traumatic time, he felt he couldn't talk to anyone or tell anyone his secret. I was having my fortune told whilst I was getting divorced and he asked if he could come with me. I asked what he wanted to see a fortune teller for as it was totally out of character, he said he had something he needed to know and deal with, but he couldn't tell anyone. We had always been really close during my marriage to his brother and I kept on telling him that he could tell me anything, but he kept clamming up and getting really anxious, he said no one would understand or be able to deal with his 'problem'. After a massive amount of nagging on my behalf, he finally told me what was causing him so much anxiety. He said he though he might be GAY, but he really went around the houses before telling me. Anyway, as soon as he said it, I told him that since I was 14 (by then 28) I had always known he was GAY. He was gob smacked, he asked if him telling me had changed my feeling and opinion of him, and I said to me he was exactly the same person I had always thought he was and that for me nothing had changed.

Once, he had told me his whole frame of mind changed and he found it easier to tell other people because he knew he had support. Everyone accepted it, some slower than others, but today he has a very happy fulfilled relationship of 8 years and everyone supports him. He says he contemplated suicide as an option because he was convinced everyone would have been against him, and that really would have been a waste of a life.

The only lesson we can take from people who have attempted suicide and failed or succeeded, is that once the people who's opinions were feared, or who were thought not to be able to understand, is that normally the opposite is true. If people love you they will understand and be supportive, give your loved ones and friends a chance, 99% of the time their love will help in whatever situation you find yourself in, plus no one wants a loved one to die or attempt to kill themselves, nothing is ever really that bad.

Hope this helps, as previously mentioned from personal experience I have learnt for my self that rather that shun me or hate me, my family and friends where supportive, it was my mis conceived line of thought that was the problem, not the actual people I feared talking to.

Maria

[coolmom9396]

keep ur head up where u from? i'm in the usa , west virginia. i am a single parent of two wonderful children and it is hard if you ever want to talk email me.



sher