5 replies to this topic

[Muskie]

Just ever have a day, when nothing went wrong but you still feel down. Today Nick went to therapy, before that I spent the day with what I love to do most cook. I really didn't feel fulfillment like I usually do. I went out to the yard it was a beautiful spring day low 80's nice breeze no humidity. I sat in a chair to read among the flowers and pool with my dog and I felt empty. The things that have brought me so much joy before Nick's injury have left me feeling hollow, soul less. I am angry, I hate the life I have now, yet my worst day could never equal my son's best day since he has been injured. I am embarrassed even writing this but I guess sometimes you need to vent.

[Stand]

Take advantage of what your son cannot. Include him as much as possible. If that doesn't give you joy...

As far as things not being the same for you, that is definitely something I'm sure that is hard to deal with. I cannot imagine that just like you cannot imagine what your son goes through. It must be horrible. I know I think about that regarding my family quite a bit. I know it affects them in one way or another. It's not easy for anyone, that's for sure.

I hope you start feeling better. I'm sure you do a fine job. Everybody is entitled to a bad day. Good luck!

[Tetracyclone]

Muskie,
Understood. The world turned upside down for you when Nick got hurt. We parents are genetically programmed to find our satisfaction in life in the success of our offspring, so all your hopes for the future got uprooted and tossed aside.

Maybe because your life is so different now you might feel detached from ways you used to see things? Whatever the cause, just take time to sit with these thoughts and eventually you will emerge like the butterfly- healed.

[Spinner]

I have those days. I think everyone has those days.

I can relate as a wife watching my husband struggle with things that I take for granted every single day, like taking the lid off of a jar or even just getting out of bed by myself. I can also relate as a parent who wants to pick my kids up and put them down on the other side of the things that are painful for them. The thing is that, while your pain is different than your son's pain, it is just as valid. A bad day for you is still a bad day. Don't discount your pain or pretend it isn't important.

Now for a little pep talk! My husband is 22 years post - living with a C5 complete injury. Since his accident he has had a very full life. He raised his three kids as a single father, went back to college, met the love of his life (that would be me), and now we are raising another set of kids together. Nick can and will have a good life. I know that as parents we want nothing but the best for our kids and want to settle for nothing less. I also know that hardest lesson to learn is that we have to let them go and they are going to make mistakes. Sometimes they make real doozies! But they have our support, they are strong, they are loved, they are growing, they are learning, and ultimately we have to trust that we did the best we could and that they really are going to be just fine in the face of whatever obstacles life throws at them.

Here is an essay I read a long time ago that your post made me think of, take a look: http://www.our-kids....es/Holland.html

Edited by Spinner, 30 May 2012 - 11:12 PM.

[edlee]

No one can say it better than another in a similar place,, so I won't try. All I want you to know, my friend, is that I see your pain,, and I'm thinking about you. I hope you find ways to regain the peace you have lost.
ed

[goose]

Everybody has bad days. You are no exception. You probably feel guilty for being able to do things in which your son can't. I'm sure your son wouldn't want you to feel that way. I find joy in watching other people do the things that makes them happy. Don't beat yourself up for having a bad day. Without those days, we would never appreciate the good ones.