16 replies to this topic

[bambam]

Hi everyone I am a "newbie". I enjoy reading everyones stories! I am just curious to hear how people feel about playing the handicapped card, similar to how other minorities worry about playing the "race" card. Or in other words, when do you say to someone "I can't because I am disabled." I am not looking for the obvious "climb stairs" answers, but more like when you tell the boss, "I can't/shouldn't because ... [I am disabled]".

Personally I rarely, if ever, do. But sometimes I feel like I should. How do guys feel?

[In The Wind]

I never do. I've always tried to find ways around whatever the obstacle or task is. I could see where there might come a time, because there are somethings I just can't do very well, but that hasn't happened yet

[DaveP]

Interesting question... but my reply is more to do with "abusing the disabled card"...

In my line of business (accessible travel) I get all sorts of problems to sort on a daily basis. I must admit, that it really pisses me off when "the disabled card" is pulled out - as I'm "more" disabled than most of the clients!

Let me give you the most recent example... that only happened a few days ago. A tetra/quad had booked a holiday, and went to enormous lengths (understandably) to make sure all was OK, which included a small adapted van that was only able to transport 3 people (the original size of the group was 3 people). He arrived with 4 people and started shouting and screaming, and then pulled the "disabled card", demanding that we sort this problem. His friend got on the phone saying, "We have a severley disabled person here...", which happened to be the person that organised and booked everything!

Why "pull the card", when they know I'm also disabled? Why "pull the card" at all! I'm of the opinion that when we encounter problems (access, etc) we have to be more tolerant and flexible, use humour and charm to over come the situation. Protesting and "pulling the disabled card" to staff that have no input in decision-making is a waste of time, and generally, feeds anti-disabled sentiments.

I met a guy that was caught up in a road block organised by wheelchair users in London, many years ago. This guy was on his was to a job interview, which he had worked extremely hard to get - just the interview! The protest was about making London more accessible and wheelchair users had handcuffed themselves to buses etc (I suppose they didn't realise than when public transport is accessible, Mobility Allowances will be scrapped!) This guy was late for his interview and never got his dream job - he was furious and, quite rightly, blamed it on these disabled people. He hates disabled people now! Interesting message there...

If we continue to demand equal treatment, then this has got to stop - we can't have it both ways. Far too often, the "poor little victim syndrome" is applied in the hope of getting what we want - like up-grades on aeroplanes, more leg room, etc... This is abuse and in the long-run, the ones to suffer will be all of us.

If you want to be treated as an equal, act like an equal!

[Dancingdolphin]

If you want to be treated as an equal, act like an equal!
[/quote]


Hear Hear....

[Lucydog]

NEVER NEVER EVER.


JUST DONT GET ME STARTED ON THIS ONE!




Gosh I seem a little bit cross there dont I!!?

[Tinbasher]

bambam, on Sep 5 2006, 03:06 PM, said:

Hi everyone I am a "newbie". I enjoy reading everyones stories! I am just curious to hear how people feel about playing the handicapped card, similar to how other minorities worry about playing the "race" card. Or in other words, when do you say to someone "I can't because I am disabled." I am not looking for the obvious "climb stairs" answers, but more like when you tell the boss, "I can't/shouldn't because ... [I am disabled]".

Personally I rarely, if ever, do. But sometimes I feel like I should. How do guys feel?

Really depends what you mean. There is a huge difference between "playing the disabled card" and being confident about your needs.

For example I work for large UK County and I live at the opposite end from the Headquarters. Its a two hour drive if I go to Carlisle. At one point I found that I (and my collegues) were being invited to more and more 9.00am meetings in Carlisle. Now my non disabled collegues can get up have shower etc and leave the house in say 30 mins? So they were getting up at 6.30 to get to the meetings. I on the other hand need about two hours on a good day to get ready if all goes well.

Was I "playing the disabled card" when I told my bosses that I wasnt prepared to get up at 5 am?

Tin

[russ1]

Yep - been there done that and don't feel guilty.

Got planning permission on an extension that I would have had much more difficulty getting without the disabled card. However it's a fact (and one accepted by planners) that as a wheelchair user I do need more space and it certainly would be nice to have that home gym as the local one is no use to me and the new garage so I can get in and out of the car without getting wet would be great but I've managed without for 3 years now. So I used the 'disabled card'. Was it abuse? Maybe as the house is not exactly small to start with and I don't have to have a home gym and garage. (The garage I'd have got planning for - probably would have had to accepted a slightly smaller one though).

On a plane I always ask for a bulkhead seat for the extra legroom on the basis that I can't get up to stretch my legs. Is that abuse? I don't think so as I certainly wouldn't have objected to a person in my position being allocated that seat when I was able bodied as there is a very good reason for it.

When I ring up the RAC I always pull the disabled card to get a faster response - do I need it? Probably not, until someone ploughs into the back of me because I can't get out of the car and wait on the verge. Abuse?

I often pull the disabled card to park close to where my son is playing football as I really don't enjoy wheeling across wet soggy grass. Again I could just park with everyone else and struggle the extra distance but why the hell should I when there's no need. The only comments I ever get is when I don't do it!

If I need to pick up something from somewhere I'll often ring and pull the disabled card to get them to bring whatever out to me rather than getting out of the car - it's a lot easier for them and as they're providing a service.....

How many of us always get our own petrol or do we pull the disabled card and get someone to do it for us? Again although often as not I do get out I don't feel guilty about using service call or otherwise attracting attention to get someone to do it for me.

I can't think of any other examples but as a wheelchair user society places a huge number of barriers in the way of my taking a full part in society so using the disabled card to level the playing field just a little is no bad thing.

Of course it can be over done and badly abused and I hate that as much as the next wheelie but can any of us really say we never ever ask for adjustments to be made by others to account for our disability, isn't that the whole point of the DDA and getting access adjustments and the like?

[Lucydog]

I think its all about "reasonableness". If we dont have a choice as such then there is no reason not to ask for certain help, concessions etc. My main gripe and Ive seen it done, is someone having a total tantrum over something and shouting loudly to the whole world that they are disabled. Like Dave said I think ABs like to pull the card and use it when they have a disabled person with them. Personally I like to be treated like everyone else most of the time, and only ask for something when I really really need that extra bit of consideration.

[livewriter]

I gotta agree on equality but disagree on using it..

If I'm going out to dinner and have to wait more than 30 minutes I'll say "Sure you can't get me in sooner so people don't bump me or my chair" Gotta eat.

[Philip]

Interesting question. . . I have bee asking this question of myself. For the 1st time in my life I'm living by myself. I'm living in a dorms which are studio apartments. When i put my request in for a single room. I didn't want to share a room with a 19 year old. yeah i could share a room or is it no? yeah it take me 2 hours to get ready to go to class. I need the access to the bathroom when i need the access. The rooms for 2 are cracker boxes and having to share the room means I'd have to set limits on the other person above and beyond fairness to them. . . am i rationilizing to fit my preferance to have a single room. so i question did I use the disable card?

I tend to feel guilty to have people change things around so it's easier for me.

[CaptDave4499]

I never have as of yet

[juls]

As for me, i don't use the 'disabled card'. I try to blend in as much as possile and don't ask for special treatment. I find people go out of thier way to be as helpful as possile without me asking and i would certainly never kick up a stink about something..being rude will get you no where

[bigsmiles]

juls, on Sep 26 2006, 03:40 AM, said:

As for me, i don't use the 'disabled card'. I try to blend in as much as possile and don't ask for special treatment. I find people go out of thier way to be as helpful as possile without me asking and i would certainly never kick up a stink about something..being rude will get you no where

This is sooooo true, in life we get so much more from people that nice,i am deaf to rudeness!

[bambam]

I tink the most irritating and uncomfortable thing for me is when others try to play the handicapped card for me, or use my disability to get special privileges for "us". There are appropriate situations like when a driver tells a parking lot attendant we have a wheelchair in car "where is the handi spot?". The more uncomfortable situation is like when friends expect to move to the front of lines when there is no real to.

[John Anderson]

It depends on how I'm feeling. When I'm feeling crappy, I would be playing that card 24/7, but I really never get far because next thing I know I got Colonel breathing down my neck about how not to be a dork. Some father eh?

[xMaddiex]

even if jason wanted to, i wouldnt let him do it! it's bad enough having people being all patronizing and weird towards him, without jason himself encouraging him!

[Texaswheelz]

xMaddiex, on Oct 7 2006, 02:52 PM, said:

even if jason wanted to, i wouldnt let him do it! it's bad enough having people being all patronizing and weird towards him, without jason himself encouraging him!

I agree, nothing worse to me then when I'm doing something and people come running over to help at the last minute after standing there watching for 10 min before hand. Prime example is getting in and out of the car. I've stopped to get gas before(many times actually), pulled up, got my chair out piece by piece, put it together, get out, pump the gas, go in and pay for the gas, get back in my car, take the chair apart, get half of it back into the car and then some one that has been getting gas beside me and watching the whole time comes over to offer help.

But when to play the disability card? That is really a tough question and completely depends on the person. For me, being as independant as I possibly can I almost never use it, but there is a time and place I will. Other then normal stuff though, such as going to an Amusement park and getting to cut in line(well normal to me) or making sure i get a good room at motel/hotel. I pretty much never do. I never ever park in handicap parking, haven't even had the card to for 4-5 years now. As I feel i can get around well enough and would rather some one that can't get around as well park there, plus it's good exercise to park in the back of parking lots. Drives my friends nuts though.

For a less dependant person though I have no problems if they use it more then I do, but as DaveP said, some people try to use it all the time, even when not needed. I've worked in customer service before for DirectTV and had people call in about their TV being out and tell me for some unknown reason they were in a wheelchair and needed the best help I could provide them, as if I was going to provide any different service over the phone for anyone who's TV channels aren't coming in.