[Apparelyzed]

Ten witty comebacks to some common sayings

1. "If I became disabled I think I'd kill myself."
"Why wait?"

2. "Do you really need that [prescription / assistive device / extra service]?"
"About as much as you need your sex organs. I can live without them, but it's much nicer this way."

3. "I knew somebody once who had that disability."
"Oh, that's nothing. I know lots of people like you."

4. "It must be nice to live on social services."
"I wouldn't know - being a poster child pays really well."

5. "Nobody would ever guess you're disabled."
"Nobody would ever guess you were, either."

6. "I really admire you."
"Have you considered writing a biography of me? There's good money in that, and I'd split the proceeds fifty-fifty."

7. "They can treat that these days."
"Ooh, can you? Are you a doctor? I've got this horrible boil in my nose. Could you take a look?"

8. "So why are you like that?"
"Telling the story costs twenty quid; payment in advance."

9. "I think you're really brave."
"I know. Not everybody can wear this, but I make it look smashing."

10. "You know, [vegetables / vitamins / exercise / religion] can do wonders for that."
"You heartless, insentitive jerk! That's what did this to me in the first place!" (Bonus points if your friend or carer then chews out the person for being cruel to the disabled, while you sob artistically or dart off in a huff.)

[bigsmiles]

very good, did you think these up yourself?

[Avocado Baby]

Hahahahahaha!

[dom]

GREAT! don't understand number 4 though??

[milosh]

ohhh, that great english humor!

[livewriter]

ok I have a few based on questions in a conversation:

Q: How long you been in your chair?
A:Since about 6 this morning

Q: I mean what put you in the chair?
A: My wife and a hoyer lift

Q: No, really I mean What's wrong with you?
A: Nothing why? What's wrong with you?

Q: Will you ever get better?
A: Than who? You?

Q: Do you work?
A: Yeah but I mainly sit on my ass all day

Q: Can you walk?
A: To where?
............
..........
Q: God! are all people like You an asshole:
A: Only the ones you meet and ask stupid questions.

[livewriter]

Oops forgot the most frequent leading question:

Q: Was it a car accident or something?
A: Well, it was obviously something, or someone, or somehow. What freaking difference does it make?

[Boozyuzi]

I sometimes make things up about my accident - the truth gets a bit boring after 20 years - and the best one I've came up with is that I had a parachuting accident and my parachute never opened and the only reason I survived was because I landed in my local outdoor swimming pool (in the deep end obviously ) Use it wisely and you will get a shag regularly.

BTW - sorry if this has actually happened to anyone !!

[juls]

Boozyuzi, on Sep 11 2006, 07:35 PM, said:

I sometimes make things up about my accident - the truth gets a bit boring after 20 years - and the best one I've came up with is that I had a parachuting accident and my parachute never opened and the only reason I survived was because I landed in my local outdoor swimming pool (in the deep end obviously ) Use it wisely and you will get a shag regularly.

BTW - sorry if this has actually happened to anyone !!

My boyfriend's always telling me to do this but i always chicken out! Good on you for doing it..and why not, when it gets you a shag

[Joed]

Quote

I sometimes make things up about my accident - the truth gets a bit boring after 20 years

I've told people that I was hit by a train before...that usually shuts them up.

[debs]

I've got big scars on my arms from tendon transfers, I told a guy I'd been in a shark attack.

This post has been edited by debs: 13 September 2006 - 10:50 AM

[Apparelyzed]

I tell people I was run over by a bus.

It does happen!

Simon

[crash]

lol

livewriter, on Sep 10 2006, 09:43 PM, said:

ok I have a few based on questions in a conversation:

Q: How long you been in your chair?
A:Since about 6 this morning

Q: I mean what put you in the chair?
A: My wife and a hoyer lift

Q: No, really I mean What's wrong with you?
A: Nothing why? What's wrong with you?

Q: Will you ever get better?
A: Than who? You?

Q: Do you work?
A: Yeah but I mainly sit on my ass all day

Q: Can you walk?
A: To where?
............
..........
Q: God! are all people like You an asshole:
A: Only the ones you meet and ask stupid questions.

[bambam]

Boozyuzi, on Sep 11 2006, 11:35 AM, said:

I sometimes make things up about my accident - the truth gets a bit boring after 20 years - and the best one I've came up with is that I had a parachuting accident and my parachute never opened and the only reason I survived was because I landed in my local outdoor swimming pool (in the deep end obviously ) Use it wisely and you will get a shag regularly.

BTW - sorry if this has actually happened to anyone !!

Funny, my brother told me he was sick of my story and that I needed to "beef it up." I get tired of the same old story. Sometimes I wonder if my story has changed since it happened. Have I drifted away from the truth slightly?

I need to use drop the old story and use this one . After all, we can all use a "shag" can't we?

[livewriter]

I'm not disabled, I'm just really freaking lazy.

Sure I can walk if you hold me up and have your friends move my legs.


If I believe I could be healed, why didn't it work before?

What do I miss? I miss kicking the cat that curiousity killed..

I have scars to.. I tell them I'm a bionic man and they can't do my legs cause I can't feel my feet. (that 1 is really true...)

[CaptDave4499]

very funny may I use some of them?

Attached thumbnail(s)

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[Hotrodgimp]

Boozyuzi, on Sep 11 2006, 06:35 AM, said:

I sometimes make things up about my accident - the truth gets a bit boring after 20 years - and the best one I've came up with is that I had a parachuting accident and my parachute never opened and the only reason I survived was because I landed in my local outdoor swimming pool (in the deep end obviously ) Use it wisely and you will get a shag regularly.

BTW - sorry if this has actually happened to anyone !!

Your right, the real storys can be boring.I usually use
1. My parachute didn't open
2. The bungee cord was too long
3. The training wheels fell off my motorcycle
4. I was on the bad end of some genetic testing
5. I was on the wheel chair stunt team and didn't make it over the last bus
6. I was playing with my home lobotomy kit and sneezed
7. I should have known better than get a vasectomy from a cross eyed surgeon

[PetitMortVampyre]

disabledandbored, on Oct 30 2006, 01:08 PM, said:

Boozyuzi, on Sep 11 2006, 06:35 AM, said:

I sometimes make things up about my accident - the truth gets a bit boring after 20 years - and the best one I've came up with is that I had a parachuting accident and my parachute never opened and the only reason I survived was because I landed in my local outdoor swimming pool (in the deep end obviously ) Use it wisely and you will get a shag regularly.

BTW - sorry if this has actually happened to anyone !!

Your right, the real storys can be boring.I usually use
1. My parachute didn't open
2. The bungee cord was too long
3. The training wheels fell off my motorcycle
4. I was on the bad end of some genetic testing
5. I was on the wheel chair stunt team and didn't make it over the last bus
6. I was playing with my home lobotomy kit and sneezed
7. I should have known better than get a vasectomy from a cross eyed surgeon

LOL, You just made my day, disabledandbored, thank you times infinity!

[ben_h_79]

OMG those were funny lol thank you guys you made my week :-)

[Mary]

dom, on Sep 10 2006, 08:24 PM, said:

GREAT! don't understand number 4 though??

I think he meant 'foster child'..........



very interesting, made my week

[Texaswheelz]

My dad is a teacher/coach and was when I was hurt. He had kids(well along with everyone else) asking him how I was doing in rehab and if i was walking.

He told them i was walking on my hands every day and that I had gotten up to walking 2 miles a day on my hands. The only problem was that when drinking out of a straw the water kept running back down into the cup and didn't want to run up through the straw since I was on my hands and upside down.

Guess how many people actually caught on and said that happens when drinking through a straw no matter what? Zero!