10 replies to this topic

[Irenec]

Anyone,have a member of family or friends, who cannot cope, or try to understand the fact that you are disabled.

Irenec

[crash]

I don't have anyone specific but I know that it makes me very uncomfortable when I am around someone who is obiously unsettled because of my disability. It makes me very sad when other people are emotionally hurt because of my condition. They think it is so terrible that I am disabled. Yes, it can suck, but I am the one learning to adjust and I can see that I am going to make it. Can someone close to you not deal?

[Joed]

Quote

Anyone,have a member of family or friends, who cannot cope, or try to understand the fact that you are disabled

My husband still doesn't get it. Even though I've been disabled from birth and he was fully aware when we met (18 yrs. ago), my recent paralysis ('03) seems to be beyond his ability to understand. I'm constantly having to explain/defend why I do (or don't do) the things I do. I guess I'll just have to make a big sign and plaster it on my forehead.

[hisamsmith]

I was injured 16 years ago when I was 6. My 15 year old (at the time of my injury) uncle was never able to fully make it into my hospital room without losing it. He finally decided after a month of showing up everyday and losing his control of his emotions that he would never visit me in a hospital. After I got out of the hospital he would be in tears everytime he spoke to me. This went on until I was 17! It was horrible spending every Christmas, Easter, birthday, etc. with the crying man. I finally got the guts to talk to him my junior year of high school. He was afraid I'd end up like the handicap kids he went to school with in the eighties', alone, no friends, unhappy. I laughed!! I told him about my life, friends, boyfriend (now an ex), and let him know I was happy and as "normal" as any red head in a wheelchair could be. Now he can talk to me during Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc. without tears or drama.

[juls]

Last night my boyfriend of 10 years, fiance of 9 years..told me that he hasn't actually accepted 'the whole wheelchair thing' and if i asked him in another 9 years he'd still feel the same way! I've been in the wheelchair since 99 so i was pretty shocked. He still wants to make it work but do i try and make it work knowing how he feels about the wheelchair Please, any advice would be much appreciated

[LadyPilot]

juls, on Sep 14 2006, 03:25 AM, said:

Last night my boyfriend told me that he hasn't actually accepted 'the whole wheelchair thing'.

He still wants to make it work but do i try and make it work knowing how he feels about the wheelchair Please, any advice would be much appreciated

Hi Juls, sounds as though he's the one with the problem, not you. He should be the one trying to sort whatever's bothering him . If you don't have a problem with accepting "the whole wheelchair thing" then perhaps it's time to say and find someone who is worthy of your love and affection.

Sending you a cyber hug

[juls]

You always bring a smile to my face

[bigsmiles]

juls, on Sep 14 2006, 03:25 AM, said:

Last night my boyfriend of 10 years, fiance of 9 years..told me that he hasn't actually accepted 'the whole wheelchair thing' and if i asked him in another 9 years he'd still feel the same way! I've been in the wheelchair since 99 so i was pretty shocked. He still wants to make it work but do i try and make it work knowing how he feels about the wheelchair Please, any advice would be much appreciated

Do you think he may be feeling a little bitter looking back on what happened? I should imagine he thinks the world of you, you have been together such a long time now Sometimes things that are said really hurt don they. I know at times things can be hard for both in a relationship and a little strained. Just look at all the positive things and talk things through. Try not to dwell on what he said too much......men ay!!!

[dom]

hi juls,sorry to hear that! must have come as a bit of a shock,after ten years you must feel as if you knew him inside out? but there are always surprises,good and bad,maybe have a talk about it to get to the bottom of how he feels when you are both calm and relaxed,ten years is a lot to throw away and hopefully this can be resolved
nothing in life is perfect as we get to realise as we grow older and [hopefully] wiser nowadays everyones trying to 'fix' things whether its looks,weight,finances etc etc the list is endless,we have to realse that things don't have to be perfect and we can still find fulfillment in life,if this is the thin end of the wedge and he will grow to resent you only you can be the judge but its better to finish now than regret it later along the line as i once found out to my cost
i read a car sticker once that said 'a perfect husband is one that does'nt expect a perfect wife' [this obviously works vice versa] maybe don't be too hard on him at least he was being honest,but acceptance takes different times for different people, chin up we all love ya

[juls]

Thankyou so much dom and bigsmiles and yes i would much rather know how he feels now...we get along so well in every other aspect though that i though that it might just be enough
I love that quote on the sticker dom, how very true