112 replies to this topic

[htwhlz97]

This has come up several times with friends and family members and their thought of other people and sometimes kids in my wheelchair when I'm not in it. What are your thoughts, does this happen to you all, does it bother you more than your family or your family more than you?

[bigsmiles]

Well not sure about the kids but i often sit in my boyfriends chair when hes not in. Why, do you find this annoying then?

[Joed]

My family occasionally sits in my chair when I'm on the couch, etc. If anyone else did, I'd be slightly annoyed, I think, if they didn't ask first. To me, it's just a courtesy...like asking for a light, instead of just grabbing up your lighter.

My son will ask first if he can take it for a spin...which is a rare occurance...as I have a hard time getting it back then.

Kids love my cane...I have a rule that they must ask first, as "I don't go around taking your legs from under you, do I?" Then I always make a big effort of trying to remove their legs. I also expect them to bring it back when they're finished, or if I need it. All in all, probably not a good practice, and I used to not let them, but I've found that children who aren't familiar with disability, will relax almost immediately when given the chance to examine this strange curiosity, and it opens up dialogue.

[Tinbasher]

htwhlz97, on Sep 26 2006, 05:35 PM, said:

This has come up several times with friends and family members and their thought of other people and sometimes kids in my wheelchair when I'm not in it. What are your thoughts, does this happen to you all, does it bother you more than your family or your family more than you?

Do you let people wear your shoes?

T

[russ1]

My kids regularly play in my chair (or more commonly my spare chair), my 10yr old son is way better at back wheelbalancing and spinning than I am. My wife isn't keen it but that's more to do with the kids getting in the way than being in the chair - or at least that's what she says it is. I've also been known to jump out to let mates (usually a bit the worse for a couple of pints) try back wheel balancing as that can be a real laugh to watch. If I'm on the sofa I'm happy for someone to sit in the chair next to me to talk to me - somehow it sort of signals their acceptance of the chair but I don't think anyone has ever even tried to do it without asking unless they're family or close friends who know it's ok.

Funnyest thing was when a friend let an AB use his chair on a dance floor in a club where we were with a group of disabled skiers - she (the AB) managed for a couple of minutes on her back wheels before tipping over - lay on her back laughing for a moment until all the AB's on the dance floor rushed to her aid at which point she had to sheepishly stand up and admit she didn't actually need any help.

.

[jane]

all the young people in my youth club have had a go in my NHS chair - they all found it difficult which was interesting. Im not letting them in my new chair though - don't want it broke.

no one else has ever really wanted too.

[john d]

when i'm not in my chair,everybody sits in mine.the only thing that really bothers me is i set my wheelchair at an angle so it is easy for me to get in it.and then somebody comes by and moves my wheelchair.

[htwhlz97]

russ1, on Sep 26 2006, 01:36 PM, said:

If I'm on the sofa I'm happy for someone to sit in the chair next to me to talk to me - somehow it sort of signals their acceptance of the chair but I don't think anyone has ever even tried to do it without asking unless they're family or close friends who know it's ok.

That has happened to me also and somehow there is a sense of connection, or feeling of "So this is what its like from this point of view". My daughters have used it to do chores around the house to experience what's its like for me of course they know that they cant (not) make their muscles move on command or to exactly know what it feels have the muscle loss. They did get a sense of how much the house can be rearranged to aid in the little things and suffice to say they dont like for me to sweep and mop because they tried it and seen the struggle they had to endure. (I dont exper the struggle cause its all natural for me now).

Joed I see the tension and the curiosity disappear also.

But it seems like the people that I know who are around me and happend to see someone else in it have more a problem, they happen to be AB's that might only know 1 person in a chair so it seems wrong or I get a sense that they see it as a taboo or something.

Edited by htwhlz97, 26 September 2006 - 10:57 PM.

[cvelusc]

Initially (after my accident) I was insulted if anyone with perfectly functioning legs sat in my chair. I sure as hell didn't want to use the wc, and here they were taking the wc for a spin. But, after time went on I realized (just like some of the others have said) is that mostly they sat in the chair out of convenience or curiousity.

No real harm done.

[Alin Steglinski]

i usually say if you want a wheelchair GET YOUR OWN!!! seriously anyone can get a wheelchair or powerchair... as long as you have the cash. ive seen people with working legs riding around in high end power rigs why because they finally learned that life on wheels is better than life on legs.

[cvelusc]

Alin Steglinski, on Sep 27 2006, 02:51 AM, said:

[snip]...because they finally learned that life on wheels is better than life on legs.

Nice perspective Alin!

[Joed]

Quote

russ1 wrote: Funnyest thing was when a friend let an AB use his chair on a dance floor in a club where we were with a group of disabled skiers - she (the AB) managed for a couple of minutes on her back wheels before tipping over - lay on her back laughing for a moment until all the AB's on the dance floor rushed to her aid at which point she had to sheepishly stand up and admit she didn't actually need any help.

Great story....I truly was LOL. I'll be giggling about that one for the rest of the night.

Quote

htwhlz97 wrote: My daughters have used it to do chores around the house to experience what's its like for me

I keep asking my husband to sit in my chair and cook supper, just once, in my 'accessibility-hostile' kitchen. He has no idea. I can hear him cussin' already.

Btw, how great is that, that your daughters made that effort on your behalf? What a blessing. And they're right, the sweeping/mopping/vacuuming is the most difficult/frustrating for me too.

[juls]

I don't mind friends and family taking my wheelchair for a spin but only if they're not too heavy!! I only weigh 44 kilograms so i worry about my cushion

[LadyPilot]

I'm a bit sensitive about this.

I don't mind children sitting in it because they're curious but anyone who asks if they have a go at doing wheelies I say no. Its sort of superstitious for me that being in a wheelchair is not something that is "fun" and therefore if they go overbackwards and hurt themselves Id be upset.

I know of a case where a para was showing off doing wheelies and he went over backwards breaking his neck. Very sad.

[miss piggy]

My brother-in-law lets me sit in his chair . He wonted me to try to understand what it is like for him everyday.What a eye opener for me it was hard work .All his brother's have been in it too and friends . I think it's a personal choice as long as they don't joke about in it

[DaveP]

I don't mind people sitting in or trying out my chair - I think it's all part of the process of "educating" others. Kids love it! When I take my step-daughter and nephew to the cinema, they always want to mess around in my chair during the intervals and I get them to do wheelies etc. They're getting so good they can go down a few steps!

People see them playing around and having fun, and this provokes new thoughts (I think...) Rather than a wheelchair being something "so serious", it's a source of fun and laughter.

[htwhlz97]

cvelusc, on Sep 26 2006, 06:02 PM, said:

Initially (after my accident) I was insulted if anyone with perfectly functioning legs sat in my chair. I sure as hell didn't want to use the wc, and here they were taking the wc for a spin. But, after time went on I realized (just like some of the others have said) is that mostly they sat in the chair out of convenience or curiousity.

No real harm done.

I think I felt alot like you at first also. Then I think as I my comfort level in the chair became better those feeling started to disappear, and there was a no harm no foul type attitude.

But I think other people had a problem with it. They were like you really shouldnt let people in your chair its not a toy or something to play around, or pretend (even if they were not playing in & they were just sitting in it) so I started to feel like I was wrong.

I really dont mind it. I guess it goes along with my kinda laid back attidute I tend not to sweat the small stuff. I will let someone in it if I happen to be on the couch and theres no more seating around like fight nights, (boxing) for example. I will tell certain kids (except ones that have more experience like mine) that I would prefer that they not try not to do wheelies because it does hurt when you fall and you can really hurt your head. I've fallen backwards before and its no fun., I let the little ones because I think they really cant do a wheelie any way and its kinda of an education for them.

I see so many kids not exposed to the disabled and that exposure just helps them our overall. They tend not to stare and be a bit more friendly.

LadyPilot your example just reinforced that for me (especially with the wrong kids like daredevils) Thanks. Did that give him additional cord injuries or is he still a para?

Edited by htwhlz97, 27 September 2006 - 05:10 PM.

[Avocado Baby]

When I was a kid, loads of people wanted to have a go in my chair. I only used to let people if I trusted them and knew I'd get it back. Some people just didn't seem to realise how frustrating it was and that I was completely screwed if they wouldn't let me have it back! I don't so much have that problem now I'm older but I am careful who I let have a go!

I really like it when my brother gets in my chair and wheels around and does wheelies in it! I feel a sense of pride that he's so cool and accepting. Kinda difficult to explain. It is also a bonding thing, definitely cos it's a shared experience

[htwhlz97]

Pink Ali, on Sep 27 2006, 10:09 AM, said:

Kinda difficult to explain. It is also a bonding thing, definitely cos it's a shared experience

I definitly feel you!

[wheeels]

I let people sit in and use my chair all the time, as long as they ask or I offer it up first.
At work I transfer into a regular chair with my seat cushion and leave my chair for other to use if they want to sit.
I let my kids use the chair when I'm not in it.
My wife doesn't like to use it.

I think that part of breaking down barriers is allowing others to experience it first hand, I would rather have someone get an idea of what I go through then just stare and wonder.

[htwhlz97]

wheeels, on Sep 27 2006, 10:20 AM, said:

I let people sit in and use my chair all the time, as long as they ask or I offer it up first.
At work I transfer into a regular chair with my seat cushion and leave my chair for other to use if they want to sit.
I let my kids use the chair when I'm not in it.
My wife doesn't like to use it.

I think that part of breaking down barriers is allowing others to experience it first hand, I would rather have someone get an idea of what I go through then just stare and wonder.

My sentiments exactly

[xMaddiex]

mine and jasons family spend more time in jasons chair than he does! he's never a problem with other people going in it, as lond as it doesnt get scratched! i tend to sit in his chair a lot, either on his lap, or, as we both have big families, its usually the last seat left in the house!

[LadyPilot]

htwhlz97, on Sep 27 2006, 05:57 PM, said:

LadyPilot your example just reinforced that for me (especially with the wrong kids like daredevils) Thanks. Did that give him additional cord injuries or is he still a para?

He's now a quad.

[htwhlz97]

LadyPilot, on Sep 27 2006, 01:29 PM, said:

htwhlz97, on Sep 27 2006, 05:57 PM, said:

LadyPilot your example just reinforced that for me (especially with the wrong kids like daredevils) Thanks. Did that give him additional cord injuries or is he still a para?

He's now a quad.

Oh my gosh that is devastating. I just might rethink that whole thing that is extremely sad. Who would've thought uh? Just when you think that the worst has already happened to you, then came that.

[cvelusc]

LadyPilot, on Sep 27 2006, 09:29 PM, said:

[snip]
He's now a quad.

That's really sad, LadyPilot. Wheelies are probably the only thing that keep me sane when I'm following the misses around hunting for clothes/shoes.

[gsp23]

I'm pretty new to a wheelchair but it doesnt bother me for my nieces and nephews, etc to use it as I instruct them to not try doing any tricks just to roll around and not rough housing with it. My boyfriend on the other hand could have been an issue but luckily will not be...

When I was in the hospital they started me with a 20" chair then they changed me to an 18" chair and then the inpatient rehab finally got me to a 16" chair (which is my correct size) The 20" chair was comfortable for him and the 18" was a bit snug, the 16" he couldnt fit in. Also he weighs approx 300lbs and since the chairs are only rated for 250 lbs I don't want him wrecking anything. When I was in the hospital, my boyfriend sat in a wheelchair and kept trying to do wheelies every time he was at the hospital, I don't think he ever even sat in a regular chair there. Just glad he is a bigger guy otherwise he would probably hurt himself in my chair and I would have to argue with him to get it back so I could move around!

[sandyrun]

Initially I would sit in my b/f's w/c to watch tv with him when he was in bed (he can only get up couple times a day for @ 2 hrs. each). He didn't have a problem with it but he checked with the "cushion ppl" (it's one with the "air cells") and they advised that no one other than he should be sitting in it. I guess my sitting in it would disrupt his "booty impression" (for lack of better way to say it). Anyway, depending on the type of cushion you have, might be something to think about.

[Colleen]

My husband is very comfortable with allowing others- family and friends sit in his chair. His sons and nephews have all taken turns over the years learning wheelies and taking a spill or two when learning.

When we first met and starting dating, I had way more of a problem with others sitting in his chair(s) then he did. With time and discussions, I have eased off on my annoyment with it. He has made me realize that it is about acceptance and understanding for AB's and what he goes through daily, just as so many of you have mentioned.

My kids and our grandkids are now learning what its like to sit in it and tool around the house with his spare chair.

[mrsE]

My neices had a great time in my chair when I am not in it - we used to have to time them or they would start arguing about who had had the longest go. They even tried to take the dog for a walk with the chair and found out how tiring it is. They took turns at pushing each other. Even my dog used to sit in m chair when I transferred to the sunlounger or bed or bath. I don't care who uses it as long as I get it back when I want it back. I now have a spare chair which they still like to play with when they come over. When my husband broke his ankle and had a big opp on it, he used my spare chair to get around and found out just how hard it is to do the housework (especially hoovering) from a chair.

I know my chair is very personnal and set up for my own comfort and also know I would be lost without it, but it is just a chair and not my legs.

[htwhlz97]

mrsE, on Sep 28 2006, 09:30 AM, said:

but it is just a chair and not my legs.

Very good point!

Edited by htwhlz97, 28 September 2006 - 04:46 PM.