[rkzenrage]

Ok, I can walk with some help, a cane or walker, for short distances. So, sometimes, I go to a store or my local tobacco lounge without my chair.
Yesterday I went out to a couple of places after leaving my chair at home; I was having a “good day”… I am not now.
The last couple of tests I have gotten back from my Dr. for some of my conditions have not been good. I am getting worse and know it, but have not been acting like it.
The days of going out, or even doing much around here, out of the chair are over.
I knew this day was coming, we have talked about it, my Drs. and I, my wife and I, my parents and I… why do I feel so numb?
I’m not really upset, not in disbelief, but it is all happening much faster than I thought… all of it.
I guess this means I have to deal with other aspects of my illness, things I normally don’t deal with… I’m not sure.

[cvelusc]

Hey... Saddening to hear your situation has not improved. Forgive my ignorance (as I do not know exactly what resources you have exhausted) but have you checked on the Clinical Trials government website? I searched by "stenosis" and came up with the following list. I don't know if your situation applies to any of the 79 studies currently being conducted, but there's always a chance.

As far as why you're feeling numb... My immediate feeling is just as you stated: you knew this day was coming and wasn't a surprise. How could you feel otherwise, as you've already been through the current situation countless times in your mind.

I will continue to keep you (and everyone in this forum) in my prayers. I hope you find some sort of solace in the immediate future.

Sincerely,


Christopher

[rkzenrage]

A lot of it is just the amount of pain I'm in today too... I'm sure I'll digest this just like every other step down this slope I'm on.

Thank you all for your kindness and support.

This post has been edited by rkzenrage: 20 October 2006 - 05:08 AM

[Joed]

FWIW, rkzenrage, I can relate to your frustration and sense of despair. My condition is progressively getting worse too, and I also wonder how much time I have left to be able to function out of my w/c. Walking takes such a huge effort and toll, sometimes I worry if I'll be able to make it to my car. I've had to leave a cart full of groceries in the store more than a couple of times, when an electric cart wasn't available, because I didn't have any vinegar left in me.

I'm currently in the second-stage process of applying for an assistance dog to help alleviate the stresses on my spinal cord when bending to pick up things, opening cabinet doors, and to help provide momentum while ambulating (my feet will sometimes forget what to do...it's weird ). Maybe this is something you might consider?

[gsp23]

We are all thinking of you and hope you feel better. Like someone said, there is a lot of living to be done even if you cant go out without the chair. At least there are devices and options available these days to help all of us who need it. It all in the outlook...

anyways I can totally understand about the pain and certain days being worse. I can walk short distances with my crutches and a couple days ago I had such horrible pain that I couldnt even get around my house with my crutches (normally I use a chair outside the house and crutches in the house) I had to use my chair in the house, I didnt get out of it all day/night because the pain was so bad. Those days are difficult to get through and having a positive outlook on those days can be next to impossible.

[rkzenrage]

Thank you all for your support... every day is better. Just needed to adjust.