[Cayls]

So a couple of months ago my brother was involved in a car accident. He is paralyzed from the neck down and is still really down about it. Whenever i come back from college i try to get him to do something with me like go see a movie or something. He doesn't ever seem like he wants to leave the house. I heard him telling my mom that it was because he felt embarrassed. I'm not suew what to do or say because i feel like i should try to help him in some way but i can't figure out how?? Any suggestions about what i could do or say?

[juls]

Hi Cayls

I was wandering how old your brother was?
I was the same after my accident....it actually took me quite a while to get back out into the public again..about 2 yrs..i bacame a real hermit and was quite depressed.
It's hard to go out when everyone is staring at you.....i started working on my confidence and self esteem...i read lots of self help books, although they're not for everyone
When i go out now, i dress nicely, wear make-up and smile alot...if i'm feeling good about myself i can handle everyone and the day ahead of me, not sure if it's the same with guys though.

Hopefully one of the guys will answer and shed some more light on it, for you

[cvelusc]

juls, on Nov 13 2006, 06:36 AM, said:

Hopefully one of the guys will answer and shed some more light on it, for you

Be very, very patient. Took me the better part of 2 years to get over how I appear in a wheelchair. Before the accident, I was the guy that would catch women staring; quick, bashful glances away when I noticed their attention. My appearance was also meticulous: hair was just right, cleanly shaven, clothes (including regular blue-jeans) were freshly ironed, etc.

And then my appearance totally became disheveled because all of the health concerns, not to mention the wheelchair. I hated the attention I would now receive. Wasn't because of "me," but more due to the wheelchair I was rolling around in. I can remember the stares being really, really painful. Painful to the point that staying locked inside was far preferable than going anywhere.

So again, just give him time. He needs to know that you support him regardless, and love him for exactly who he is. If I were you, I'd bring entertainment to him. Movies, games, whatever you can think of that he may enjoy. His home is a sanctuary right now.

[Mary]

[/quote]
Before the accident, I was the guy that would catch women staring; quick, bashful glances away when I noticed their attention. My appearance was also meticulous: hair was just right, cleanly shaven, clothes (including regular blue-jeans) were freshly ironed, etc.
[/quote]

Cvelusc - I just looked at ur profile and indeed am staring shamelessly, u look awesome and to say you looked even betta before the accident? wow.....


Caylis, what ur brother needs is time and all the help he can get at assuring him everything is normal regardless of the stares/chair attention he will get. And within no time, he will be the one askin to take you to the movies....

[gsp23]

Continue to be there for your brother and help him out as he needs it but allow him to do things for himself if he is able. I found what was very helpful to me was the people who pushed me when I didnt think I could do anything. As optimisitic as I was, I got into the rut of how I couldnt do anything, then people started pushing me with small things that they knew I could do but I didnt think I could. Having people challenge me and then just stand there and wait while I struggled actually helped. I was very frustrated at the time because it seemed like it took forever to do some thing but they always knew what my limitations were it seemed and never really challenged me for things I couldnt do.

Anyways be there for him, help as needed, and offer to go out with him. One of these days, it may be a long ways down the road or it may not... he will surprise you and take you up on the offer. Maybe even just a walk/roll around the block.

[Cayls]

Thanks for all the advice. I'll take it all into consideration!

[cvelusc]

Mary, on Nov 13 2006, 07:55 AM, said:

Cvelusc - I just looked at ur profile and indeed am staring shamelessly, u look awesome and to say you looked even betta before the accident? wow.....

Thanks Mary, you made my day Now where's your profile picture?

[PetitMortVampyre]

cvelusc, on Nov 15 2006, 10:24 AM, said:

Mary, on Nov 13 2006, 07:55 AM, said:

Cvelusc - I just looked at ur profile and indeed am staring shamelessly, u look awesome and to say you looked even betta before the accident? wow.....

Thanks Mary, you made my day Now where's your profile picture?

Its his eyes, I tell ya, those eyes!!!!