[spinesong]

as you know, my friend is a c4 quad...no arm movement, drives his chair with the headrest, ect. i'm still learning what he can and cannot do. i thought of some things we could do together but would love to hear more ideas. it's important for couples to experience things together, that's part of how you get to know one another. here are the few things i've thought of...although we have yet to spend any actual time together doing these things.

* hang out and take turns reading a favorite book to each other
* go to the zoo
* outdoor concert
* show him my photo albums and talk about life experiences
*practice my guitar and make up silly songs with him
*study together (both are taking classes online)

please add more!

This post has been edited by spinesong: 14 November 2006 - 01:24 AM

[brookelynn628]

Hey, O! Sounds like you've got some good ideas so far. What about making him his favorite dish, or relaxing to a custom made (by you) CD of his favorite songs/artists? You could do something that entices all the senses and add candles - maybe gingerbread-scented, to get in the festive mood? When it gets closer, you could decorate his tree, guided by his direction. Maybe he has a few special ornaments that will remind him of stories to open up through. Oooh, the new UOP stadium is an incredible sight, you could find out about their guided tours. If you like movies, you could each pick one to watch that the other hasn't seen before, or pick something neither of you has seen and see it together, at home or at the theater. Building on your idea, you could read the book version of a movie together and then watch it and talk about them. That's something my mom and I like to do, as we both enjoy reading and movies. My coworker is in the Phoenix Symphony chorus - they'll be doing a number of concerts in December, I'm definitely bringing my guy. If you can't go out, bring his interests to him with something as simple as a coffee table book on art or sports or classic cars, or yummy take-out.

This post has been edited by brookelynn628: 13 November 2006 - 11:28 PM

[milosh]

if he can go out, there are truly plenty of options. going out for a walk along lakeside/riverside/seaside is what i truly enjoy.... especially along the danube's banks. ;) going out to a restaurant/pub, museum, concert, party, ... is a great thing to do together as well.

fortunately i can go out and am very outgoing person... really can't help much with indoors activities, beside what's already told.

[milosh]

some great advices! ;)

what's fun with karaoke? i was present at a few parties [even in asia] and was bored like an elephant.

[Texaswheelz]

milosh, on Nov 13 2006, 07:50 PM, said:

some great advices! ;)

what's fun with karaoke? i was present at a few parties [even in asia] and was bored like an elephant.

LOL, never heard that before...do elephants get easly get bored?

[milosh]

ask 'em... i think they do. ;)

[cvelusc]

spinesong, on Nov 13 2006, 10:54 PM, said:

* show him my photo albums and talk about life experiences

I would caution you on sharing photos with him. While I know you mean well, seeing someone able-bodied and enjoying life would be difficult if I were in his circumstances. I could absolutely be wrong though.

Laughter is a wonderful medicine! Really like the idea of you composing music with him. Depending on how cheery his mood is at the moment.

[spinesong]

MountainMama, on Nov 13 2006, 06:39 PM, said:

How about the following:
#Help him with his range of motion excersises
#Story share. think of sosmething and tell him the first few sentences or a paragraph about your thought, then let him pick up the story and run with the story line for a while then he will pass it back of to you and so on. I find this one can be very romantic and can help you learn about each other should the story turn in that direction, and if that is where you want it then point it in that direction when he hands it back off to you but see where he takes it first. This story can last all night, it can make you laugh or get silly or get affectionate or more...
#go sing karaoke (or get a machine and have your own karaoke party)
#see if his rehab place has aqua activities for him and suggest that they implement partner activities if they have not already done so so that you can go with him I am sure he would love to see you in a swim suit
#go buy some new clothes and prepare a fashion show with him
#get as many photos of some place you would like to go to as you can plaster the room with them and prepare a meal with same theme. Get some books or movies about place and learn about other parts of the world by taking a mini vacation in your own livingroom. find one you really like and plan a vacation to go see for real
#plan a progressive dinner with friends

Okay thats it for now....

MMM

what lovely ideas!! thank you!! i sure hope i get the chance to do some of those things!
those are definately c4 quad appropriate ideas!

[spinesong]

lots of view but only 4 people gave ideas. i thought there would be more responses.

help me out here, surely there are more ideas of stuff to do with people that are quads. very little response makes it look like there are very few things they can do and i refuse to believe that. even if you just have one idea, let's hear it. i'm totally new to having a quad as a friend and really, really want to enjoy doing things with him/ being with him. you guys are the only input i am getting on this subject so i'm depending on your responses more than you realize. if you have tried some of the previously listed ideas, let us know how it went. please, please, please, please, please.
and THANK YOU!

[itsjustme]

Help him get involved with the Apparelyzed forum. Let him express his feelings, thoughts, ideas or questions and you type for him.

I say it over and over that no one understands any of us, not a doctor, a therapist, a family member, a significant other, or a best friend, like us. We are all different sizes, shapes, ages, from different countries and one single common demonimator makes us a community of friends.

So, spend some time with him getting to know all of us. Take him in the Cafe for everything from jokes to which movie people are seeing to timely greetings. Then there's the General Forum for just that a variety of topics from Lucky's request for our pictures to more serious topics.

Then be sure to get on here and tell us about what you guys are doing. Share what you do come up with for the rest of us.

[milosh]

itsjustme... i think you should invoice your services to simon. ;)

spinesong... i think there are some guys here like your mate... or... friends/girlfriends/boyfriends of such people... just look around and eventually invite them to contribute here... like you've invited me to contribute in your previous thread.

[orangejello]

Hi spinesong
I just found this thread. I am a very high quad and me and my partner are just at the stage where we are looking for things we can do as a couple. I don't know that I can offer you any specific ideas on what you could do, because this is something we are struggling with ourselves. There was a time where we were both really quite discouraged by the prospects of ever again doing the things we enjoyed as a couple. It is difficult, but we are learning that the most important thing is to have a flexible outlook. We can still potentially do many of the things we loved doing before. It just takes more patience, careful planning, and a whole lot of creative thinking and improvising. I guess the question is what do you and your friend enjoy doing?

I am not really at the stage where I can go out a lot yet. But we enjoy things like concerts, plays, book readings, museums, and hockey games. Those are all things we are hoping to get back into as a couple. Some thing that we also enjoy are playing board games and going out for coffee. He is a very talented artist, so he has been teaching me about painting and drawing. Something I always wanted to learn but never had the time or patience for before. We also love to travel so we are hoping to resume that too, starting off with short day trips. Our biggest challenge right now is that we are in different cities. I am still in the learning stage and I get discouraged quite easily myself, but there are many things a person can do without the use of their hands and arms. It just takes a lot of "thinking outside the box." Good luck.

Good luck

This post has been edited by orangejello: 22 November 2006 - 07:28 PM

[SarahR]

orangejello, on Nov 22 2006, 11:26 AM, said:

He is a very talented artist, so he has been teaching me about painting and drawing. Something I always wanted to learn but never had the time or patience for before. We also love to travel so we are hoping to resume that too, starting off with short day trips. Our biggest challenge right now is that we are in different cities. I am still in the learning stage and I get discouraged quite easily myself, but there are many things a person can do without the use of their hands and arms. It just takes a lot of "thinking outside the box." Good luck.

How are you learning to paint and draw? I've wondered about that for myself.

Here's another idea for something to do in the winter: a sleigh ride!!!



Sarah

[Captain Pike]

spinesong, on Nov 13 2006, 04:54 PM, said:

as you know, my friend is a c4 quad...no arm movement, drives his chair with the headrest, ect. i'm still learning what he can and cannot do. i thought of some things we could do together but would love to hear more ideas.

It's a real tough situation to be in. You've gotten a lot of good input from people who really know what they're talking about. I've only been injured about a year and a half, and my level is C5 -- I can flail my arms around. There is one thing that I have found that no one else has mentioned yet which has provided all lot of functionality to me. I'm talking about the use of voice recognition software. For example, right now, I'm alone at home (with my dog, and the Canary and a bunch of tropical fish) and I am using the computer. Using a fairly inexpensive program called Dragon NaturallySpeaking, I am able to keep up with my correspondence, surf the Web, manipulate digital photographs and movies, shop online, payment of bills etc. etc..

It takes a little time to get used to it -- you have to be patient, but the program learns how to adapt to your particular voice and continues to improve its recognition quality over time. My computer is nothing special -- it's like five years old, but it works pretty well. I used to be a computer jock -- a software engineer (among other things) before my accident. The loss of my ability to type (and play the piano, ha ha) was one of the more surprisingly significant issues I faced after recovering from the initial trauma of an injury of this magnitude.

I would be happy to provide more information about this directly to you and your friend if you would like. You can find out yourself about Dragon NaturallySpeaking and possibly other speech recognition software programs out there just by searching around. If there's any way I can help further please feel free to e-mail.

-- Phil Oliver no_leak@yahoo.com

[spinesong]

there are some wonderful ideas.

he already has all and more of the assistive devices out there for him to function.

i'm just looking for things that 2 people can do together...fun stuff, hanging out type stuff.

SarahR, on Nov 22 2006, 02:41 PM, said:

How are you learning to paint and draw? I've wondered about that for myself.

Here's another idea for something to do in the winter: a sleigh ride!!!



Sarah

how does a c4 quad go on a sleigh ride? sounds dangerous.

but it did make me think of something else....taking a drive up into the mountains when it snows...which may not sound special unless you live in the desert like we do!

[Kit]

Not really sure what suggestions I can make, what I would say is don't rule anything out, from sleigh rides to themes parks, it just takes a little advance planning...
The cinema, drives in the country, eating out, listening to music, visiting art galleries, going to concerts, sporting events, seminars on subjects that interest you both, start up a webpage together, visit tourist attractions, take a boat trip, spend a day at the races, go to the theatre....
Most of the usual date type activities are fine, just check out the accessibility before hand, ring places you'd both like to visit, you'd be surprised at how helpful people are

[milosh]

a great advice, kit! if he's able to go out, sure, the more options are available than not available.

[Captain Pike]

I thought of another thing that we used to do that I can still do in a wheelchair. Pick out a good play, make some copies of the script, get some friends together and all read a part. You can just sit in a circle and read through the play together. It's a great thing you can do in a hospital setting too. Some people's creative energies really start flowing if they happen upon the right part.

I thought I'd never be able to act again after my accident -- if you've ever been backstage at a theater production you know that one thing it isn't, is accessible. But, I found myself at an audition for a show that was to be staged outside -- the stage area was on a flat surface. I found it a real challenge trying to project my voice with a diminished diaphragm capacity. When they brought me into intensive care from the accident, I was bagged the whole way in the life flight helicopter -- I couldn't breathe at all! So it was quite a feat to sing two songs on stage with no amplification at all. The headset in this picture is only part of my costume: I was halfway between the angel of death and the guest speaker in my role of "The Man in Black and White". I only brag on here about this to make the point that: you are only limited by your ability to imagine doing something. My wife and a couple of my friends kept hounding me to audition and then they, along with the director, would let me bow out when I was feeling scared. I had a great time and I know it helped some of the other folks with handicaps that I saw at the play -- in the audience.

[spinesong]

captain pike,
that is so cool that you did that!
i'll bet it really pushed and challenged you...in a good way?

thanks for telling us about it.