[chrisnat]

hi all, i'm chris and my wife natalie was paralysed from the neck down since a parachuting accident. she's a c3 and she's coming home tomorrow, so i need abit of help with taking care of her and things like that. nat has been very depressed since she became a quad, and is especially embarrassed with wearing a diaper and being fed, she used to be really independant. as her caregiver (we have yet to find a day nurse), i want to know what i can do to make her feel not so embarrassed and more comfortable. also, is it necessary to shave her crotch if she's wearing a diaper? beacause she hates it when it's, er, hairless down there.

[sensual-soul]

hi chris, sorry to here about nat, i work as a carer and support worker and have for 5 and half years. i worked for a guy named Paddy for a year now he was c4 from bike accident in 1978, unfortunately he died last sat funeral tomor,cant help with how nat is emotionally or feeling but care wise, if i can help in anyway please ask.hair shaven is probably just for easier cleaning and hygiene,but if nat wants hair dont see why she cant. takecare Hayley

[Jilly]

Hi Chris, welcome to the board.

I have worked as a caregiver and have changed people who have been shaved, and those that havent. It is easier to clean up someone without hair, but its her body, and she should have it how she wants. My advice is if she is really uncomfortable about shaving then dont.

I suggest you make inquiries about her not wearing a diaper. I think with the proper bowel routine and a catheter of some sort she shouldnt have to......Im not sure....can anyone else out there on the forum help with advice about this????

Good luck with her coming home. I bet she will be much happier.

This post has been edited by Jilly: 12 December 2006 - 10:43 AM

[cdngrl]

hi i'm a c5 quad and i'm sorry to hear about your wife. when i came home from ther hospital it was very hard for me. i was suddenly faced with alot of old memories and the fact that i was never going to be the same. if your wife is depressed now please be sure to keep her mind busy and tv doesn't cut it... read, sing, whatever but be sure to support her wishes...as for her hair compramise.. cut it short without losing all of it. the dignity of losing your bowels was the worst for me and still is my husband reassured me that it wasn't a problem and it was part of my life now...SH *T HAPPENS it really didn't make me feel any better but i was reassured just by his love. have long talks get a nurse she is comfortable with. the first person who came into my home was male i was devasted when i lost my bowels in front of him. i got so depressed after that i didn't want anyone to touch me but my husband this put alot of strain on him and he was beginning to resent me and my accident more. so...please keep her busy thinking about other things it's important for her well being. putting on a pair of underwear may be messy but the dignity of its worth so much more.
i just thought i'd give you a heads up from the other side.

[juls]

Hi Chris

It's great that your wife is ready to come home. Hopefully she'll feel more settled at home, in her own surroundings.
If she finds being shaved to upsetting/uncomfortable maybe you could just keep it trimmed short.
That way it's nice and tidy, but she stil has hair there.

My thoughts are with you both...keep using the forum, it's a great place for help, support or just to chat to people in similar circumstances

[juless]

Chris,

Has she been to rehab? Why does her crotch need to be shaved? It's really un-neccessary. Does she have a foley? How about a bowel management program? How about a supra pubic at a later date? Have you looked at any of those options? You do need a carer because it's going to be difficult on both of you.

I suggest you start off by making small outings maybe a drive go out for coffee, places where it's not too busy and then maybe look into some kind of support group for people in similar situations. Depression is understandable it's such a huge adjustment sometimes all you can do is be patient.

Good luck
juless

[rkzenrage]

Whew... my first "accident" was rough.
If she does not want it and it is not absolutely necessary, dude, you are going to have other things to deal with.
First step, seriously, prioritize... and I will let others here, who have done this for longer than I and who have closer disabilities to hers help you with that.
But, that is the best I can help you with.
It is very easy to feel that every little thing is a fire to be put out when you are going to have to let some stuff "go". The house will not be as clean, things will not get done as quickly or thoroughly as before until you get your "legs" (no pun)... perhaps never. No biggie.
Focus on the love and getting the important stuff done. Sometimes that will be making her feel loved and spoiled again when she did not think it possible and sometimes just giving her her space when you are scared to because you don't want to leave her alone... you will have to figure it out TOGETHER.
*sending loving and healing energy to both of you*