[Lucydog]

Since I became disabled I have become increasingly lonely. I dont know what it is but I find I have no friends to talk to, and no family within 200 miles. We moved here quite recently which doesnt help, and its bad enough making new friends when you are AB'd let alone use a wheelchair. Ive tried all methods to meet people and while everyone is friendly and nice to me I have yet to make a friend.
Since becoming SCI of course some friends have vanished and most just dont get it. I feel as if my own personal points of referance have changed completly, perhaps I just dont have much in common with people anymore.

So anyway I dont know why I posted this, there isnt an answer, Ive tried all the usual joining stuff but to no avail. Its not like Im after thousands of friends, its just Id like one or 2 I could meet for a chat and coffee once a month, thats all. Anyone out there in the north who would like to make a date?

[itsjustme]

Well, Lucydog, I feel the same way a lot of the time and the big difference between the two of us is that I live in the same small town that I was born in, grew up in, went to school in, married and divorced in, raised my daughter in...you get the idea. It's not like I don't know anyone or need to make new friends.

The fact remains that I have dozens of "Hi how are you" friends but no one that I spend any time with and I think that it does have to do with how I relate to people now and how they relate to me.
I think it would be easier for people who didn't know me before to get to know me now rather than trying to relate to the before and after, one reason being, all that people who know me talk to me about is my situation because.....when they see me, that's all they they see now, me in this chair, not at all who I was.

And, when I need to talk to someone who "gets it", I come here. Just like now. You and I know exactly how we are feeling and what the chair has to do with it.

Sure wish I could come have a cup of coffee with you!

[spinesong]

i think you could retitle this as the loneliness of the human condition. really, everyone feels a sense of loneliness at some time, or alot of the time. we all have something in our lives that few, if any, can really relate to and meet us in. whether it be a physical disability, private struggle, emotional trauma, ect. i think most people are just not honest in admitting their loneliness and risk reaching out. i think that people have a basic selfish streak and that they are afraid someone with a disability will need too much from them if they become friends. i know i would feel that way with someone who is more emotional than i am...i would think, gosh, is she going to suck the life out of me or is the friendship going to be a healthy give and take? i think we consider those things subconsciously. i think the best way to make a connection with others is to offer yourself to them in THEIR needs FIRST. i think the biggest door opener is showing that i am interested in meeting the desires/needs of a potential friend and not looking for a relationship to only get my needs met.
that's hard to do because, of course i have needs i want met in a friendship. but those will hopefully come if a real friendship develops. of course, we have to be alert to not get trapped in friendships that are all about one person and totally disregard the needs of the other.

maybe being disabled means you have to over compensate to show others that, yes, you have alot to OFFER as a friend. meet people at their need first and then your needs will be met.
i think being someone who has gone through some pretty heavy life challenges like injuries (or birth defects), makes a person stand out more than just physically. we've seen life from a different angle and dealt with stuff most people avoid or are afraid of. i think that can be intimidating to many but awesome and inspiring to others. i like to think that the people who have stepped out and become my friend are really special people because they are willing to appreciate my experiences and perspective in life.

developing and maintaining friendships is alot of work!

[rkzenrage]

Old friends... you would think wheelchairs and pain were contagious.

[Batman47]

Lucydog you got some friends now. My best time I had was driving my speedboat many years ago now, but it was cool.

Don't worry you will find some buddies but must be out going and never say never.

[wriggley]

hi lucy,

where abouts do you live anyway? im heading up to see a mate soon and i might have an hour or spare if its not too far

[Scotsgal]

Hi Luce,
At least you and your hubby live in the same place !!!!!!! I'm in Glasgow and lonely cos my sweetheart lives up in the north of Scotland.....going up at new year, all being well !
Anyway, how is the pregnancy going ? And how is your little boy ? Do you buy him Xmas presents despite being Jewish ?!! I don't have kids, don't keep well enough to have more than a cat but do enjoy hearing all about the adventures of my boyfriend's 3 yr old grandson !!!!
Not meaning to be nosey, just friendly !!
Lots of luv,
Scotsgal xxx.

[Lee]

Hi Lo. I feel very similar to you. I have friends that dont include me in there plans even though we have the same hobbies, landrovers and hotrods. Everytime i arrange to go ofroading (5 times in the last year) they always drop me in it and my other hotrod mates dont include me in anything or ask me to go anywhere because i am an "inconvience" and "let down the street cred" and basically need a little more consideration in waking etc which they cant be arsed to do and dont even put my scooter in and out of the car for me so i cango out anywhere to do with cars. I wouldnt say i actually have friends more people that share the same interests as me. As my health is getting worse no one ever calls to the house now and no one bothers with me either which in itself causes bouts of very bad depression. No its not just me feeling cheesed of with myself before anyone says it is as these so called friends used to bother with me alot but since my health is getting alot worse and i cant get out and about as easily they dont bother with me hardly at all. I used to see them nearly everyday or every other day with them coming to my house and garage and me to them. Now i see some of them, well, to be honest 1 of them maybe 1 every 2-3 month. I dont have alot to do with my family and have never been close to them either. So you have my sympathy Lo as it makes you feel very depressed and no one gives a shit basically. Im more than willing to meet up anytime you fancy if you ever just want to have a really big twist and a moan an someone. we are probably the closest living together on this forum, lol. If you ever want to chat or owt then im here all the time. Feel free to pester me,lol. Take care.

lee

This post has been edited by Lee: 14 December 2006 - 05:05 PM

[Avocado Baby]

I'd love to come and visit you but I'm all the way down near Oxford. Where is it you live? If I'm ever in your neck of the woods, I'd love to meet up with you.

I know that being SCI can feel extremely lonely at times, regardless of how many friends you have as it can feel like people just don't understand no matter how hard they try.


Keep smiling and remember we're all here for you!

[HollieIzzo]

I know exactly where everyone is coming from, and Lucydog it can be so difficult to make new friends because it seems like it takes so much more effort to get people to see you sometimes

I have a wondeful family and a large extended family but sometimes its weird because I can be at a massive family do like a wedding, and be in a room full of 150 people and still feel like I'm on the outside looking in, as if I am a million miles away

I also think when you are in pain and when your perspectives and priorities change so much, which I think happens naturally when you are dealing with a physical restriction and have been through trauma, it is harder to relate to people. I often find myself wondering what the hell people are talking about when they are having a 'normal' conversation, and think to myself - why on earth are they even wasting time think ing about what they are discussing? When I am on top of things I am good company, but I feel I withdraw a bit when I am up against it, and find things considered 'normal' to be trivial.

It is easy to feel lonely when you have a disability. Even the people closest to you don't fully understand, even if they try really hard, and that leaves you vulnerable to feelings of isolation.

Just concentrate on the good things in life, no matter how small, and remember there are places like here where people know exactly how you feel

Some of the posts that other people have put on here could have been written by me, word for word, as they are exactly what is in my head. That is so comforting.

[Anniebean]

Lucy,

Good support here as always. I'm AB, but did feel lonely when we moved to an area far removed from friends and family about 10 years ago. Our son was 3 at the time and I remember wondering if I would ever meet anyone who was not from work. But I did, and mostly through his school friends. I suppose it doesn't always happen, but he happened to make friends, mostly, with kids whose parents I liked.

I'd like to bet that as your little one(s) progresses through school you will find some mothers/fathers with whom you have things in common - most of all - the kids! And the great thing is you can get to know the parents (and more importantly they can get to know you) by inviting them in for a coffee/tea (or better still - if the sun is over the yardarm - a glass of wine) when they pick their children up from playing. It worked for me, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Keep smiling.

Annie

[DaveP]

It's too easy just to point the finger of blame for being lonely, friends drifting away etc on being SCI. We are the ones that are responsible for our actions and it's consequences, so if we decide to sit at home all day every day, moap & moan until our family & friends can take no more, and then wonder why we are lonely... You won't meet new people staying at home!

Break the old bad habits of sitting around doing nothing... don't get into routines like watching series on TV, etc... Start creating new habits and routines, so you get out and about, where you're going to bump in to people all the time. It starts off with a "hello", then "it's nice to see you again", and so on.

OK, many AB's seem to be stand-off-ish because of disabilities, but this is normally because they've not had any experiences with disabled people - before becoming SCI I'd never met any disabled person, nor had most of my family and friends. Yeap, many AB's in this situation make comments and remarks that could be taken the wrong way (and are often taken badly!) but this is only out of naiivity - it makes them look stupid, in actual fact - but if we react and kick-off at these all the time, it only works against us as we end up looking like "whinging crips that think the world owes them something", and that doesn't help create or encourage the development of new friendships.

Get out and about, and you will meet new people. Read a book in a park... have a coffee every day in a local cafe... go to the pub... Start creating new routines and habits - break the old ones, as they're not working!

[Lee]

DaveP, on Dec 15 2006, 11:44 AM, said:

It's too easy just to point the finger of blame for being lonely, friends drifting away etc on being SCI. We are the ones that are responsible for our actions and it's consequences, so if we decide to sit at home all day every day, moap & moan until our family & friends can take no more, and then wonder why we are lonely... You won't meet new people staying at home!

Sorry dave but i dont agree. I dont sit at home feeling sorry for myself and point the finger. Im out and about everyday and dont mope. I was rather pissed off at my so call mates dropping me like a ton of shit because of my health getting worse when at one time they were around me all the time. Everytime i see them them brush me aside and very rarely have time for me if they are in a group, its only wen they are by themselves they can be arsed, so sorry i dont mope and feel sorry for myself, get depressed yes about health problems, but dont mope cause my mates are a bunch of wankers.

[icarus_melt76]

HollieIzzo...."I can be at a massive family do like a wedding, and be in a room full of 150 people and still feel like I'm on the outside looking in, as if I am a million miles away".

You stopped me in my tracks with that line. I really hate being dragged to a large function only to spend the time gazing about and trying to match the occassional sheepish grin received from someone who accidentally met with me.....eye to eye. I don't know if there's a good answer to this predicament.

It brought to mind the awful times being at house parties. After being carried up a flight of stairs and placed in a spot in the living room with 'the gang', I realize that moving much is not an option. Coffee tables and furniture block me in! That's when I find 'the party' has moved up or down stairs. There was no warning....just left like a herd, usually to a location not W/C accessible even if you could get around the coffee table things. Time passes slowly when staring at a cat or some inanimate object.

Besides feeling ostracized the most awkward is when someone you know, or knew, tries to talk to you. An uneasy feeling hits you smack in the face. From there it's a staggeringly slow series of questions and attempts at jokes...from both parties. Once it's clear that neither had any idea of what to say, there's usually a fumbling for parting words followed by that distant feeling of being 'on the outside looking in....alone in a crowd'.

This post has been edited by icarus_melt76: 18 December 2006 - 04:18 AM

[RYAN68]

Lee, on Dec 14 2006, 10:04 AM, said:

Hi Lo. I feel very similar to you. I have friends that dont include me in there plans even though we have the same hobbies, landrovers and hotrods. Everytime i arrange to go ofroading (5 times in the last year) they always drop me in it and my other hotrod mates dont include me in anything or ask me to go anywhere because i am an "inconvience" and "let down the street cred" and basically need a little more consideration in waking etc which they cant be arsed to do and dont even put my scooter in and out of the car for me so i cango out anywhere to do with cars. I wouldnt say i actually have friends more people that share the same interests as me. As my health is getting worse no one ever calls to the house now and no one bothers with me either which in itself causes bouts of very bad depression. No its not just me feeling cheesed of with myself before anyone says it is as these so called friends used to bother with me alot but since my health is getting alot worse and i cant get out and about as easily they dont bother with me hardly at all. I used to see them nearly everyday or every other day with them coming to my house and garage and me to them. Now i see some of them, well, to be honest 1 of them maybe 1 every 2-3 month. I dont have alot to do with my family and have never been close to them either. So you have my sympathy Lo as it makes you feel very depressed and no one gives a shit basically. Im more than willing to meet up anytime you fancy if you ever just want to have a really big twist and a moan an someone. we are probably the closest living together on this forum, lol. If you ever want to chat or owt then im here all the time. Feel free to pester me,lol. Take care.

lee

Yup thats exactly what I'm going through right now, then they wonder why I never call them or talk to them. Well all summer long I sat at home while they went to concerts/parties, never once was I invited, unless I planned it, Then it was like they were going clear outta of there way just to take me, even though they benifetted by getting front row seats to a kenny chesney concert and close parking. When I tried talking to them about this stuff, they ignore it, put it off or find somthing else to do when I bring it all up. Now their getting all defensive because I've posted a note on myspace and facebook, like its all my fault why they never talk to me.

Oh well, I know its my fault why I had an SCI, but it's still just as much their fault, cause they were in the passenger seat drinkin just as much as I was. But that shouldn't be a reason to forget about me.

[gsp23]

Hey there, I have recently met quite a few people and it wasnt by joining any types of organizations like Recreational Therapy encouraged.

I live in a small town, actuall I live about 8 miles outside of a small town in a very rural area. I have to drive 8 miles to get to the closes store, gas station, etc and all you can find in that small town is a gas station, small town grocery store, motel, post office and a fast food place. Anyways, I still go to rehab 3x a week and I need to drive 40 miles to get there. Once I am done with rehab I figure I drove all the way up there for an hour I dont want to go home right away and would rather get out to do something, anything. So I head over to the mall or other store and go shopping. I may not actually buy anything but just browsing gets me out of the house. I go to restaurants and movies by myself and at the mall I may stop for a quick snack while shopping. Anyways, I have had a lot of people talk to me while out and about. Some clearly just to pass the time and no more, but others looking to make a friend. I have found that as much as there are people who want to avoid me and just stare, there are just as many people who want to talk to me and hang around me. I guess I dont worry much about what drew them to me in the first place, weather it was interest in me because I am in a wheelchair or not, because people are all drawn to other people for some reason and Im a good person. If I were to obsess about why a person wanted to talk to me then I could have done the same thing as an AB by thinking they just came to talk to me because I was a brunette... I figure it doesnt really matter WHY they want to start up a conversation but weather or not you want to continue that friendship or not.

[Survivor35]

I think that the holidays elevated feelings of loneliness for me this year. I, too, went through being in a room full of people, family and friends, and still feeling like I was sitting there all by myself. And its hard to tell what is worse, really, because I feel lonely when they are there, but at least they ARE THERE, and there are people talking, and distractions and what have you, and then they are all gone, and my kids are at thier father's house, and I am just sitting here... its a horrible feeling, and no matter what I do, or try to entertain myself with, I still have this wierd empty feeling. Of course, I'm still not back to driving yet, and maybe this will get better when I can at the very least go somewhere when I start to feel like this. The hard part about that is, even then, I cant just go and drop by a friends house, as I cant get IN their houses... except for my best friend, her husband actually comes out and carries me in, which is so nice, but somewhat embarrassing... so, will being able to drive really help? I'm sure it will, but I worry.
Anyway, back to the original point. The holidays have made it more obvious to me... and not just because of the SCI, I think, but being single on top of all of it, ya know? I watch my brothers with their wives, and my parents and aunts and uncles, and married friends, and what not, and I think it would all be easier if I had someone other then my parents to lean on. Dont get me wrong, my parents are wonderful people, but I miss having a significant other to confide in, its a different sort of support, I think.
Not that that has anything to do with this thread, I think I'm just venting and maybe whining a bit. After all, I have my kids, and that is truly what keeps me treading as hard as I do, but then they leave, and I'm here and there is no one to take care of, and the feeling of being lonely gets so intense and disheartening. I'm so glad I found this forum. At least when I get really bored to tears, I can log onto here and read about others that feel some of the same things.

[cprahl]

Hey Lucy, You got a friend in Maryland give me a shout sometime...Ok
www.chesapeakelife.com

[CJ Allen]

onion, on Dec 13 2006, 08:08 PM, said:

no, no longer from the north....what i have to say might mean, and some will say should mean nothing to you...but as long as you feel disabled....the world treats you that way....stick you're head out there.....let you....hard to do...give you a chance.
onion

Very well put... I agree...just got to make yourself known.. be a sqeaky wheel...guess I am one that cannot be ignored...

[itsjustme]

Hey Lucydog,

I saw a lady on a television show today who had moved into a new neighborhood not knowing anyone and having a difficult time making new friends so she got creative about meeting the neighbors. She baked cookies and she and her son took them to the neighbors on a plate or in a container that had to be returned so she could invite them in for a cup of coffee when they returned it. I thought that was a pretty cool way to say hello.

[bambam]

Lots of interesting comments. For me, as I age a bit (38), my friendships and relationships in general have changed. All my friends have mortgages, kids, wives, careers, etcetera. I miss being young and having more time for things that friends do together. It is very rare that anyone calls and wants (or has/makes time) to go out anymore, which may seem sad, but for me it has a lot to do with the stage of life I am in. As I think about it, if I had more time, I am not even sure who I would call and what I would want to do... weird for me to realize this. I am generally pretty busy myself doing all the normal eat sleep work, eat sleep work, ... I guess I am lucky that I have a decent job that I enjoy, nevertheless life is pretty monotonous.

Some of my favorite pick-me-up-when-I'm-feeling-down activities are:
1. Taking classes (non-credit, no pressure) at the local University. I have met several neat people my age that are doing the same thing, escaping the rat race in an interesting "young" environment.
2. Exercise to a set schedule (especially with a buddy, got to find one first)
3. Art - paint, draw, whatever - I'm not very good, but it is a wonderful escape.
4. Karaoke - again, not very good, but it's fun to try.
5. Reading - can indirectly meet and read what interesting people have to say.

But that's just me ....

Maybe you could join a coffee club if you want to hang out with folks and drink coffee...? Getting out of an lonely rut just takes a little creative action.

A girl once told me "You are boring." It really bugged me and made me feel like, "Oh, and you are sooo interesting?!" Sometime later I read a quote somewhere that I loved and dedicated to her, "If you are bored then you are boring." Through her I learned a good lesson from that. It is nobodies responsibility to entertain my boredom, only mine.

Anyway, just started rambling.... helped me write this down for my own self realizations. So, thanks for helping me!

Good luck finding "it".

[cprahl]

Geez , Remember 38 wow good year.. I was dating 2-3 different ladies every week back then, To be 38 again hmmmmmm........ Don't let the rust settle in always look for something new to do... I wish some of you guys were interested in chasing Tornados with me...LOL

This post has been edited by cprahl: 13 January 2007 - 07:57 PM

[wheeliebear75]

Hey there. I'm an incomplete L2. I can use crutches for very short distances. (so 4give me) I think in some ways we do live in a world that the AB population will never know. We seem strange and different to the ABs and often feel that way ourseves. I don't have any other SCI friends at the moment. Even though you may not have gone to the rehab in your area...you may still be able to go and see if there are any ex-patients that do outings or have groups of some kind. I live in So. CA and at least around here there are some sports clubs specifically 4 chairs. Big cities do have some perks.

Lucydog, on Dec 13 2006, 06:44 PM, said:

Since I became disabled I have become increasingly lonely. I dont know what it is but I find I have no friends to talk to, and no family within 200 miles. We moved here quite recently which doesnt help, and its bad enough making new friends when you are AB'd let alone use a wheelchair. Ive tried all methods to meet people and while everyone is friendly and nice to me I have yet to make a friend.
Since becoming SCI of course some friends have vanished and most just dont get it. I feel as if my own personal points of referance have changed completly, perhaps I just dont have much in common with people anymore.

So anyway I dont know why I posted this, there isnt an answer, Ive tried all the usual joining stuff but to no avail. Its not like Im after thousands of friends, its just Id like one or 2 I could meet for a chat and coffee once a month, thats all. Anyone out there in the north who would like to make a date?

[Juggalette720]

Lucydog, on Dec 13 2006, 06:44 PM, said:

Since I became disabled I have become increasingly lonely. I dont know what it is but I find I have no friends to talk to, and no family within 200 miles. We moved here quite recently which doesnt help, and its bad enough making new friends when you are AB'd let alone use a wheelchair. Ive tried all methods to meet people and while everyone is friendly and nice to me I have yet to make a friend.
Since becoming SCI of course some friends have vanished and most just dont get it. I feel as if my own personal points of referance have changed completly, perhaps I just dont have much in common with people anymore.

So anyway I dont know why I posted this, there isnt an answer, Ive tried all the usual joining stuff but to no avail. Its not like Im after thousands of friends, its just Id like one or 2 I could meet for a chat and coffee once a month, thats all. Anyone out there in the north who would like to make a date?

Well hmmm. When my brother first got in his accident, his girlfriend dumped him . He still hang's out with his friend's alot, but sometime's he can't because they are out doing thing's that he just can't do, at least not yet.

[ParaforGod]

Hi Lucydog,
If I lived up North Id come and have coffee with you. I had a thought to be best friend. We went everwhere together laughed, talked, had coffee together and when my acciedent happened she came to the hospital the night of the accident and when they transfered me to rehab she came right before I was to come home. The only reason she came to see me at rehab was because she had a fight with her boyfriend. After I came home she didn't call or come to see me. After a few weeks I called her and she said she was going to come and see me but never did. The sad part is she is a nurse. I have gone into Dysreflexia several times and saw her at the hospital and if she wasn't the nurse to take care of me she wouldn't speak and I would be right beside her. Then I got real sick and was in and out of it. Someone had told her how hurt I was at how she was acting so I remember her sitting by my bed and telling me she was sorry but she just couldn't handle it. I remember looking at her and telling her that was a cop out. She said she would be back the next day and never came. I know she didn't because I was in a regular room and my daughter or Mom stayed with me and said she never came back. Shes transfered hospitals but lives 30 mins. away from where I live. I haven't talked to her in 3rs. I was hurt more than I can say but I came to the decission I can't help how she and others act. Im just me and I like who I am. Lucy I have friends at church and a few friends from before and have met new friends at church. Is there a group there that you can get involved in. I have been in the hospital 10 times sense spring. Before that I was voluntering for Alzheimer's organization. I would put stamps on envelopes or put letters into the envelopes or other things I could do. Maybe that would be a way for you to meet others. Wish I was close by. Your friend ParaForGod

[GreenwoodSC]

I know how you all feel.I used to have a girfriend after my accident after a year all my friends including her not my girfriend no more just visit once in a while.And since i have my license suspended till 2009 i cant drive till then and thats sucks even more having to stay in my apartment all the time.So i started exercising more and taking online classess so maybe one day i hope i will get to work again.

[edlee]

This thread started just before Christmas. A time when a lot of people feel a bit lonely, ab's and us. Personally, I have always been pretty much a loner. I hunted and fished alone. Rode my bikes and quads alone. Before I married I went clubbing alone. In all these cases I might meet some people fairly regularly, but I never really thought of them as FREINDS ( I capitalize the word to mark the difference from aquaintances who while we may enjoy their company, we won't miss them long when they are gone). I worked as an Ironworker in the construction field. Since I was in a union, I worked for a great number of different companies. Sometimes with people I knew and liked and sometimes not. There have been those I would have liked to called friend and those who may have liked to call me that, but , as it seems, none that do so now. I blame noone for that, tho it often saddens me now.

I have been alone many times in my life, and usually I don't mind. I read once that " if you don't enjoy yor own company, why should anyone else". I couldn't agree more. I only listen politly, when someone chooses to only talk about what interests them. If all I talk about is my "condition" , I shouldn't expect others to do any more, and certainly not come back for more.

I should think that in order to attract new friends (or old ones) we need to think in terms of fishing. First you gotta go to where the fish are. Then you need the right bait ( something to say that will be interesting to them). And finially you gotta be quiet ( Most people would rather hear themselves than you). Be patient, they aren't always biting.

Well , there I go again, another rant. No wonder I have no friends.

I wish you all better luck than mine. Ed

[Big Valley]

Take your shirt off and go out for a long walk. I bet you meet some people then.

[ziggy]

icarus_melt76, on Dec 17 2006, 10:10 PM, said:

HollieIzzo...."I can be at a massive family do like a wedding, and be in a room full of 150 people and still feel like I'm on the outside looking in, as if I am a million miles away".

You stopped me in my tracks with that line. I really hate being dragged to a large function only to spend the time gazing about and trying to match the occassional sheepish grin received from someone who accidentally met with me.....eye to eye. I don't know if there's a good answer to this predicament.

It brought to mind the awful times being at house parties. After being carried up a flight of stairs and placed in a spot in the living room with 'the gang', I realize that moving much is not an option. Coffee tables and furniture block me in! That's when I find 'the party' has moved up or down stairs. There was no warning....just left like a herd, usually to a location not W/C accessible even if you could get around the coffee table things. Time passes slowly when staring at a cat or some inanimate object.

Besides feeling ostracized the most awkward is when someone you know, or knew, tries to talk to you. An uneasy feeling hits you smack in the face. From there it's a staggeringly slow series of questions and attempts at jokes...from both parties. Once it's clear that neither had any idea of what to say, there's usually a fumbling for parting words followed by that distant feeling of being 'on the outside looking in....alone in a crowd'.

God i hate that

I only have one really really close friend that i hang with very often,but we know people together that we meet up with here and there.I'm also close with my family and we do stuff together fairly often.

A problem i often find myself in is that in Wisconsin,pretty much every house has a basement.So usually whenever i'm at gathering with a group of people,they are held in a mix between the basement/fixed up party area and then upstairs.Things generally shift from where most everyone is from downstairs to upstairs.It's pretty embarrassing enough being carried downstairs once,i'm not going to ask to be carried up and down everytime the momentum of the party shifts from up or downstairs.This leads to those very awkward situations where one or two people will stay with me so i'm not alone until the party shifts back to where we are,makes me wanna crawl in a hole.

Been to many gatherings outdoors at some of great parks in Wisconsin during the summer months.Everyone will be drinking,playing volleyball,and other outdoor stuff.I'll be stuck watching and often unable to mingle around like everyone else is because it on bumpy and somewhat hilly grass that makes wheeling around very diffacult unless someone constantly pushing me around the whole time.This like the house parties to often leaves me stuck by myself if whoever i'm talking to leaves to mingle or get involved in an activity going on.So now that very awkward alone feeling hits even while surrounded by people mingling.As always in these situations,someone eventually sees and notices i'm now by myself.

He/she will meet my eyes and of course feel obligated to come by me,whether i know them well,haven't seen them in awhile,or barely know them.The forced "hi how are you,what are you up to,or anything new going on?" questions are traded and if we don't know each other really well,the fun then starts sometimes.When you both know the conversation is forced and struggling,the awkwardness is horrid for me because i've seen before how many people feel uncomfortable in that spot at just saying take care and going back to mingling.So more time is spent at uncomfortable conversation until others show up to to ease things.

Being at home alone sucks,but many party situations do also and make for wanting to be invisible.

This post has been edited by ziggy: 24 April 2007 - 10:33 AM