3 replies to this topic

[Tropickel]

Hello everyone. My father in law was in a very bad car accident on the 1st of February. He fractured c3 and c4, and almost severed between c5/c6. At this point he only has his gross motor skills, meaning he can shrug his shoulders and can move his hands up along his belly in a very uncontrolled way. He is still on the feeding tube, and treach. But things are looking good right now, and they believe he'll be off the treach soon.
I call him my father in law, but truthfully he's just my boyfriends father. We've been together for 7 years and plan to marry one day. Anyway, my boyfriend and I built a new home and have only been living in it for 2 months. We have wood floors in every room but the bedrooms, and it's very spacious. The chair could easily maneuver between the sun-room, kitchen, family, dining room, and laundry room. The dining room is not closed in yet, and we could close it in w/ french doors and make it my father in laws bedroom. Sounds pretty perfect for a quad right??? Well his father isn't sure if he wants to live w/ us or not. He's so concerned w/ being a burden. We have no children yet, and he feels he could ruin our family by him moving in. He's scared he'll ruin our lives because we're so young. My boyfriend is 27 and I'm 24.
I want my father in law to be comfortable. I don't want him feeling like a burden at our home, but I also want him to be as comfortable as possible w/ his living space. There aren't really many other options on where he could live. He does have a girlfriend w/ a very small home, and carpet everywhere. Plus her home is rented. He could feel comfortable w/ her doing private things, bath bathroom, but I think her home would make it difficult on him. My boyfriend says he wont let him live w/ her, and wont put him in assisted living either. Do we have to practically force him to live w/ us??? I don't know what to do here. Has anyone else gone through a similar situation?

[miss piggy]

Hi Tropickel
Sorry can't offer any advise but i wont to wish you luck and welcome you

[ziggy]

Will you be getting home health aids to come in and do his cares?

That would greatly help so he wouldn't be somewhat of a burden and he wouldn't feel so much like one.

[lofaso48]

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I am the sole caregiver to my father who is a C4 incomplete. He has been with us almost 2 months. It is exhausting and I didn't think I would have to change him, or bathe him, or dress him, but I do. There is no one else to do it, we really can't afford to pay someone to come in a do it. We had to practically beg him to come to our house, but like your situation really there is nowhere else for him to go. I will be honest, it is exhausting especially if it is you who has to keep getting up with him in the middle of the night to roll him, I get up at 4:30 am every night to roll, change and administer meds. I know that I can't just get up and leave my house, I have to make sure that someone is with him at all times, whether it be my husband or my daughter she is 15. I have to make sure I am not gone over 3 hours, or I can be home in a flash. That really limits my social life. You have to look into all of that and really make sure that is something you can handle. I know my life has changed dramatically.

Good luck and God Bless,

Jen