[greasy]

Hi folks, a very good friend of mine just had an accident and work, and is so far, they're saying he's a tetraplegic? Anyway, i've been to visit him quite a bit at the hospital, most of the time he's been out of it, and also can't talk becuase of a ventilator. He's been transferred to rehab. a couple of days ago.
We've been very good friends for a few years now, and shared our closest secrets and personal problems/triumphs. I don't know anyone with a disability, nor do I have any experience with it, and i'm looking for some insight on what to expect in the coming months, etc. as far as emotions etc., what to say,what NOT to say or do. It's very frightening on this side, i can't even begin to imagine what he must be feeling/experiencing.
I know I'm asking for some personal information, and maybe i'm asking too much, if so, I apologize, however, I want to remain a good friend, and would prefer to have some information, rather than doing things by trial and error.
thanks so much in advance
Pete.

[SpeedyBK]

Hi Pete, I'm a tetra myself. I've been in a chair on a vent since i was 2 and I'm almost 26. He might be able to talk eventully, and if so he really will need someone like you. I have friends but most come and go if you can really just stay up beat. If he trust you enough offer if you'd like to help with some of what he is going through. I'm talk things like cathing and all that but whatever you feel comfortable with. If you don't know what he will "feel" well right now it's not much some might come back some might not. Have you read and understand what most tetraplegics can do or what they can't it's on the main page. If you have questions or if he does please feel free to message me on here or in a im that I've listed.


Good luck,
SpeedyBK

[ParaforGod]

Hi Greasy,
Im a T4 para and I can only speak of how I felt when my accident happened. I went thru alot of different feelings in the beginning. While in the hospital it was good just to have friends and loved ones around and while on the vent. machine I wrote alot. so weather writing or speaking let him know your there to listen. I had all kinds of advice when all I wanted alot of the time was for someone to listen and really hear me. Let him know its ok to express his true feelings. When he's mad, afraid, unsafe, unsure, and many more. Encourage him, visit all you can Let him know and show him your going to be there but don't make promises you wont keep. They told me at rehab you find out who your true friends really are and they told the truth. My best friend we called each other sister and was together all the time she walked away and to this day hasn't told me why except she couldn't deal with it. She is a nurse. Was it because she thought I wasn't the same, I couldn't do the things I use to or she just went on with her life? Make sure you mean and plan on showing you mean what you say. With me I had great faith in God and even so it was hard so just be the friend you always have been and if there is anything I can do let me know. You and your friend are in my prayers.

[miss piggy]

Hi greasy
I can only go on how things were for us .One thing i always done was smile even though inside i was hurting so much for him. When he was sad and angry i would just sit and take what ever he threw at me he didn't mean really what he was saying he was just angry .I was there everyday for 6 months ,so when the nurse came in to do things for him i would watch and try to learn how she was doing things.You are already being a great friend and helping them no end just by being there . Don't put yourself under any pressure to do anything just take each day as it comes . There is lots of information on this site try and read up as much as you can .And always remember we all here to help with any question's you have .Don't think i have been much help .But remember you are already helping and being a amazing support by being there

[greasy]

That's some really great advise you guys, thanks so much. I'm definitely NOT going to be one of those friends who disappear, i'm in for the long haul. Our friendship is a very special one, we live up to each others expectations, and have a trust that you don't find very often. Our wives get along great also, so that makes it all the better. I'm quite sure we'll be spending a lot of time together once he's out of rehab. We met through very active Mini Cooper club several years ago, and i'm hoping he'll stay active in it, maybe just with a different car or van or whatever, but even if his interests change we'll be there.
I've been reading on this site, and there's so much information,it's really helpful, I feel a lot more at ease about things.
if you want to know who he is, we put up a website for him, a lot of his friends are leaving comments and well wishes for him. it's www.patsprogress.org

thanks so much, and also for making me feel welcome here, my wife was just reading your posts, and commented on how nice the folks on this site are !
thanks again, i'm quite sure we'll talk again soon,
Pete.

[greasy]

hey folks, I wanted to stop and and say thanks so much for the advise,I finally got to see my friend in rehab, and he's doing great. He should be out in another month or so, and is looking forward to getting back to life and hanging out again ! how exciting! He's going to be in an electric chair for now, however the doctors say he may get into a manual one as his arms get stronger.
when he's out and has a computer with the voice recognition at home, i'm surely going to turn him on to this site, I'm sure it'll be a great asset to him.......look out, he's a real firecracker..lol..
thanks so much for your advise and support.

[WJF]

greasy, on Apr 22 2007, 07:35 PM, said:

hey folks, I wanted to stop and and say thanks so much for the advise,I finally got to see my friend in rehab, and he's doing great. He should be out in another month or so, and is looking forward to getting back to life and hanging out again ! how exciting! He's going to be in an electric chair for now, however the doctors say he may get into a manual one as his arms get stronger.
when he's out and has a computer with the voice recognition at home, i'm surely going to turn him on to this site, I'm sure it'll be a great asset to him.......look out, he's a real firecracker..lol..
thanks so much for your advise and support.

Dear Greasy,
Please take a look at the resources available on the National Spinal Cord Injury Association (NSCIA) website and feel free to contact us. Also have your friend contact us so that we can guide him in his journey as needed.

www.spinalcord.org

Sincerely,

Bill Fertig
NSCIA Resource Center Manager
bfresource@spinalcord.org
800-962-9629 x 9-01

[wheeliebear75]

Hi greasy. I am L2 incomplete paraplegic(can move legs just not well). Well for me......I hated anybody & everbody who could still walk. @ 14 I didn't think it was fair that 18mo babies could walk and I couldn't(at the time anyway ). I can tell you that over the years I've had friends come and go.....but rarely stay. I think just being there for him is the biggest thing. For long term friendship....... he is still the same person inside. There may be some changes but once recovery is over the old self will start to come back. Kidding around with him(maybe not about his accident or injury yet) can be a good way of taking his mind off of the four walls of his hospitalroom, especially if he was a jokster prior to getting hurt. If we can help you and/or your friend out......drop another line.lol

[greasy]

wheeliebear75, on May 18 2007, 07:57 AM, said:

Hi greasy. I am L2 incomplete paraplegic(can move legs just not well). Well for me......I hated anybody & everbody who could still walk. @ 14 I didn't think it was fair that 18mo babies could walk and I couldn't(at the time anyway ). I can tell you that over the years I've had friends come and go.....but rarely stay. I think just being there for him is the biggest thing. For long term friendship....... he is still the same person inside. There may be some changes but once recovery is over the old self will start to come back. Kidding around with him(maybe not about his accident or injury yet) can be a good way of taking his mind off of the four walls of his hospitalroom, especially if he was a jokster prior to getting hurt. If we can help you and/or your friend out......drop another line.lol

The long term friendship, we've got that locked down, and truly, you're right he is the same inside. I remember going to see him for the first time in rehab, I was so scared, (i'm quite sure he was too), then he greeted me with an insult, which is him, and I started to cry, I missed him so much.
I've been talking to him about getting more involved in his care, so we can be more independent and take off on our own, not having to rely on his wife or a caregiver, soon, it looks like I'll be learning some new things, and I'm looking forward to it !!

WJF, on May 17 2007, 01:11 PM, said:

greasy, on Apr 22 2007, 07:35 PM, said:

hey folks, I wanted to stop and and say thanks so much for the advise,I finally got to see my friend in rehab, and he's doing great. He should be out in another month or so, and is looking forward to getting back to life and hanging out again ! how exciting! He's going to be in an electric chair for now, however the doctors say he may get into a manual one as his arms get stronger.
when he's out and has a computer with the voice recognition at home, i'm surely going to turn him on to this site, I'm sure it'll be a great asset to him.......look out, he's a real firecracker..lol..
thanks so much for your advise and support.

Dear Greasy,
Please take a look at the resources available on the National Spinal Cord Injury Association (NSCIA) website and feel free to contact us. Also have your friend contact us so that we can guide him in his journey as needed.

www.spinalcord.org

Sincerely,

Bill Fertig
NSCIA Resource Center Manager
bfresource@spinalcord.org
800-962-9629 x 9-01

I'll definitely read up, and I'll send him over, he's using a new software now, dragon? I think? it's a voice activated software. He doesn't get but an hour per week on it at rehab, but when he gets out, i'll turn him on to this site, I'm just warning you now though.....you don't know what you're in for He's a real rowdy one !!

[justin]

hey im 16 and had a motorcycle wreck last year on sept 24 so it not been long for me. im a paraplegic so im paralized from my abs down also have nerve damage in my left are. well truthfully its good your staying his friends i dont know wut i would do without them. but keep in mind he just disabled it dont change who he is so dont act like he some1 different treat him like u use to treat him. also dont be scared that he gonna brake if u touch him r mess with him trust me we dont brake that easy. but really just be there for him deffently through the tuff times cause trust me thatll help u grow as friends and 1 day hell be thanking u for doing it

[greasy]

justin, on May 19 2007, 04:50 AM, said:

hey im 16 and had a motorcycle wreck last year on sept 24 so it not been long for me. im a paraplegic so im paralized from my abs down also have nerve damage in my left are. well truthfully its good your staying his friends i dont know wut i would do without them. but keep in mind he just disabled it dont change who he is so dont act like he some1 different treat him like u use to treat him. also dont be scared that he gonna brake if u touch him r mess with him trust me we dont brake that easy. but really just be there for him deffently through the tuff times cause trust me thatll help u grow as friends and 1 day hell be thanking u for doing it

Sounds like your friends have been very supportive justin, we're trying to do the same. I definately don't treat him any different, there's lots of awkward moments, like the first time i fed him his dinner, i'm not sure if it was awkward for him, I imagine it was though, I just ignored the emotions and kept laughing and scratching like all was normal. Really, what the heck else are you going to do? I'm sure we'll have more like that, but when life gives me lemons.........I punch it in the face Soon, i'll be going up to learn more, the folks at the rehab are going to help me with the things like using the hoist and.......well, whatever else I need to know, and the rest, I guess like anything else,we'll learn as we go.