13 replies to this topic

[MX Crash]

I dont know if any of you are going threw this . But my 8 year old son comes home ever day telling me other kids pick on him because his dad is handicap. Itell him to not let it bother him but i know it still does.I wish the school system would educate these other kids that we are not freaks and most of us were just like them before are accidents.I guess the real point is were all human beings and parents need to reducate their kids on respect for their elders. I know if i did something like that i get a good whac on the bottom. (oh ya spanking not allowed in the us any more). Well if you have any ideals give me a yell .take care mxcrash

[KimAndSophie]

MX Crash, on Mar 9 2007, 01:24 PM, said:

I dont know if any of you are going threw this . But my 8 year old son comes home ever day telling me other kids pick on him because his dad is handicap. Itell him to not let it bother him but i know it still does.I wish the school system would educate these other kids that we are not freaks and most of us were just like them before are accidents.I guess the real point is were all human beings and parents need to reducate their kids on respect for their elders. I know if i did something like that i get a good whac on the bottom. (oh ya spanking not allowed in the us any more). Well if you have any ideals give me a yell .take care mxcrash

Have you thought about talking to the principal about this and maybe giving a talk at the school? Maybe this would help the students that are picking on your son realize that his dad is just like any other dad.

[sandyrun]

MX Crash, I was thinking along the lines with ~lilnewfie~. The school system might not be aware (and probably are not if they have not been spoken with) of this situation. Education is more than books. If they have a "show and tell" day, perhaps you could be your son's "show and tell" and you could speak to the children and show them you are, despite it all, a "normal" father. Also, if any of these kids are friends enough to have a sleep over, or just an afternoon visit, with your son at your home, then they would be able to "observe" through your everyday life and "going about" that you are not a freak and might even be fun to be around. I've heard that we fear (which is not the correct word usage here, but you'll get the jest) what we do not understand. It has to hurt your son. Children, as well as even adults, can be so cruel. I don't believe, for the most part, that children realize just how cruel they are. I'll give you an example.....when I was in fourth grade we had reading groups where you sit around in a circle and read. Well one of the girls decided she'd trip me as I was trying to get to my chair. I'll never forget it, and I thought....she knows I have on a leg brace, why did she do that? It upset me, as well as embarrassed me. You might even want to talk to some of the parents. Are you on "friend" terms with any of these children's parents? Anyway, just some thoughts. Hope you can come up with some solutions, as I know it is hurtful to your son, and yourself. If it's any consolation, you can rest assured that your son will probably grow up understanding, and having a deep respect for the handicapped, as well as his elders.

[juls]

Hi MX Crash,

My niece and nephew in primary school, got picked on for having a gay mum, a dad that was killed, and having an Aunty in a wheelchair...now they're in highschool, these same kids come over for sleep overs etc..I get along really well with them now that they've talked to me and sussed the whole chair 'thing' out, they also love going for rides on my lap (short ones..they're in yr8 and already bigger then me!)..I think a little education would go ALONG way..on a wide range of topics that kids don't understand alot about.
Maybe you could give a talk at your sons school/class...I think the kids would think you were pretty cool, once they got to know you

[bigsmiles]

kids can be really cruel at times about most things but only because the don't understand or know a person. My friend who suffers with MS who has two children went through this a couple of years ago ...similar thing kids kept coming home upset, others saying cruel things about their mum as they had heard she couldn't walk and never seen her at school...so hurtful. When it was time for the school fate we all went up together and yes there were many stares at Mandy in her wheelchair but by the end of the day she had met and chatted to all their mates no problem. Next day kids came home with a different story...how they thought their mum was great...result! We can't expect kids to be born with empathy and understanding it has to be fed ...kind of drip fed over time, you have given yours knowledge with your situation now so that your kids will have a natural understanding with people...true? Great idea Juls about giving a talk to the class or what about inviting one/ two over after school for tea?....they will soon think differently about you and although you feel they need a good spanking you would soon feel differently im sure.
All the best

[Survivor35]

I worry about my daughters going through this. However, I have been into her class and (scary as that was, class full of 7 year olds..... scariest thing I've ever done) I think it helped. The kids requested wheelies more than anything else, but hey, whatever makes it seem a bit more fun for them. She has (as she is quite a bit like her mom) told off children in stores before for staring (embarrassing for me, I can handle kids staring, they dont know any better, its the parents that p*ss me off), and she doesn't like to hear any negative about my handicap at all, and will rapidly correct people for their miscontrued opinions. But, like I said, broaching her friends and classmates personally and opening it all up to be questioned and viewed I think helped.

[elisabeth]

A very close friend of mine who I met in rehab went and visited his son's kindergarten and the kids ended up loving it, I thought it was a brilliant idea of his and if I recall correctly he brought his quad rugby chair along and the kids loved that as well. Maybe something like that could be a good idea, to let them know that you were "just like them once" and that even though you are in a wheelchair that you are the same person. I don't know, it seemed to work for my friend.

I also remember a guy with a spinal cord injury coming to my grade school to talk about spinal injury, that really left a lasting impression on me and that would have been 15-16 years ago.

[gsp23]

I think calling the school about this like others have mentioned is a good idea. The younger the kids are educated about disabled people the better off they will be. If this is brought up when you kid gets too old then they will pick on him about going to his "daddy" about being picked on. At this younger age though that normally isnt as big of a problem. As for offering to go to the school that would be a good idea as well but make sure you talk to your son about it first and find out how he feels about it and make sure he is comfortable with it.

[wheeliebear75]

I've got 4 kids of my own. We went through it at least once with each one. We did show and tells in their classes and in the end the kids were fascinated and suprised by what they learned. If you talk to the staff there may be interested in the chance to enlighten their students. I live in CA, the San Diego area....here October is disabilities awarness month.

[brackman22]

I agree with the others who have said not to sweat this too much. Kids at that age naturally compare themselves and their family with other kids' situations. When I was a kid it was the old "my dad can beat up your dad" routine. There are other kids that are being picked on because their mom is overweight, parents are divorced or whatever. Kids are taught not to judge others for any reason and to be nice to all people beginning in pre-school. It is really pushed these days. But, it still happens. If you believe the professionals, kids do it because they are not really happy with some aspect their lives. In a lot of situations that is actually the case.

It would be great if this kind of thing didn't happen but it is a normal part of child development. As long as you're confident your boy knows that the things being said are not true I wouldn't worry. Have your boy invite the other kids over for sleep-overs or to spend the day. Try offering to take your son's friends to the movies or to play put-put or something. They'll be able to see you're just a normal dad with some cool toys. You could ask to speak to your son's class or try volunteering at one of the functions at the school. If the kids can see you in action they will be more comfortable and open than if you just "addres the class".

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and success.

BRETT

[Bulky]

MX Crash, my son is only six but copped some grief over the fact that his dad is in a wheelchair. My son is an extrovert, just like me, and tells these people "my daddy gets around in his day chair and smashes into people in his rugby chair." It shuts them up pretty quickly.

We have a program here where the state wheelchair sport organisation visits schools and conduct disability awareness lectures. The big drawcard is that they tow a trailer containing 10 wheelchair basketball chairs. After the lectures, the kids get to play wheelchair basketball. Is there anything like that around where you live?

I am all for "wheelchair awareness" education. MX Crash, if you have the opportunity to educate others, take it!

[Andrew Meddings]

hi mx crash do you know your sons friends & do they come over to your house. you sound pretty cool & most kids love that . it sounds like you get out ther with your son bike riding ect. maybe take one or 2 of his friends so he will have some allies. i find the oppisite with my kids friends they love checking out my toys & want the invite to get out & have fun

[edlee]

It was said before, but it bears repeating. Some children ( and adults) feel the need to make themselves feel better about their own situation by ridiculing or demeaning others. It's unfortunate but true. If it wasn't your handicap it would be someone else's hair color, or complexion, or religion. Once your boy learns to not show any reaction to their words, they will find someone else to pick on. Education won't change these people. I have known college professors who acted out in this way. Tenure isn't always a good thing.

[Big Valley]

edlee, on Apr 1 2007, 06:43 PM, said:

If it wasn't your handicap it would be someone else's hair color, or complexion, or religion.

This was going to be my reply. Southpark is more realistic then other shows in that it shows elementary kids are not the sweet innocent little people we hold them up to be. They are mean little bastards who group together and pick on those not in the group. Usually it is 1 or 2 kids (probably being abused themselves at home) actually doing the harassing and all the other sheep standing with them just glad they are not the one being picked on at the moment.

If it wasn't this it would be something else. Tell your kids to not let it bother them because it doesn't bother you. But do talk to them about not doing the same thing to others because this is how it makes them feel. Learning to not let others get under your skin is a valuable life lesson. The sooner learned the better.