23 replies to this topic

[Lucky]

Its all about confidence my friend. And it took me nearly 2 years to regain mine and that was on crutches.
It will come with time.
Just go where you feel comfortable and with whom you feel comfortable too.
If this is what you're problem is?
All the best.

[itsjustme]

Hi paddyfireman,

For me it was so important to know that the wheelchair wasn't going to keep me in and change my life that much as far as going places and doing things was concerned that I begged for passes from rehab and was allowed to leave for a few hours on the weekend with my family. They took me out to eat a couple of times. Before we had any transportation they rolled me across town in my wheelchair and took me home for the first time in weeks when I was able.

The fairgrounds is right across the street from the hospital and they hold auctions there. I attended auctions regularly before my SCI so first chance I got when they were having an auction over there and I got a pass out from rehab over we went and I was so happy to be back someplace normal with my friends.

I find that people are quite rude to me here in the States when I go out unless they are drinking (Ha!Ha!) but I don't really care. I mean I'm certainly not going to let them discourage me.

We have a very popular T.V. psychologist here in the States name of Dr. Phil and he says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." You aren't exactly telling us "why" you don't want to go out. Is there a particular reason that you don't want to go out? The answer could be hidden in the reason fear, embarrassment, depression?

[LadyPilot]

paddydfireman, on Mar 18 2007, 12:44 PM, said:

ok need help hope it dosent sounld silly but i hate going out in public i dont know why but i hate it

Oh Paddy I know exactly how you are feeling right now.

When I had my accident 25 years ago, it wasn't usual to see young disabled people out and about in wheelchairs. Also the only wheelchairs available were the heavy geriatric wheelchairs.
When I was allowed out of hospital for a few hours I refused to get out of the car, not wanting to be seen in public. I felt like a freak if I did get out of the car into the chair and I hated being stared at.
My self perception was that I'd gone from a respected member of the community (a District Nurse) to second rate nobody and I was full of self loathing. Is that how you feel? Having been a fireman?

Two people really helped me start to overcome my 'fear', the ward Sister (Sister Charlesworth) and my Physio (Libby). I was due to get married and they took me wedding dress shopping! I was still acutely uncomfortable about going out but it got easier after that.

I was given two bits of advice when I left hospital. The first from the Consultant, "Go home and learn to knit, because it's the only thing you'll ever be able to do" A truly stupid thing to say to a quad.
The second from a fellow 'wheelie' (who also showed me it was possible for me to drive a car) who said, " Find something you can't do, not only do it, but do it better than everyone else" guess whose advice I followed?

Paddy, What I'm trying to tell you, is do something to make yourself feel proud. Have you started to drive again? If not then get started and that will be your first achievment. Not everyone can drive a car!

I hope what I've said helps, because it would be very sad to think that you've stopped living your life to the full, because of what strangers might think of you in public.

[Bulky]

LadyPilot, on Mar 19 2007, 05:56 PM, said:

The second from a fellow 'wheelie' (who also showed me it was possible for me to drive a car) who said, " Find something you can't do, not only do it, but do it better than everyone else" guess whose advice I followed?

Pure gold LadyPilot!

It took me about a year to sort out "going out in public." My trigger was a young guy (he's 22, I'm 38) that I went through rehab with. He was getting everything done for him (catheters, turns, showering, pushed when out in public etc) with far more function & strength that me. I said to myself "drop the chocolates, stop watching daytime soaps, and get out and enjoy life 'cause you ain't lazy like junior!"

There are triggers to getting over everything. The catch is: you got to find or recognise those triggers and use them to your advantage.

[KimAndSophie]

Lady Pilot, no affense, but my mouth just dropped open when I read this part of your response!

LadyPilot, on Mar 19 2007, 02:56 AM, said:

My self perception was that I'd gone from a respected member of the community (a District Nurse) to second rate nobody and I was full of self loathing. Is that how you feel? Having been a fireman?

I sincerely hope that you really didn't think that way when you were a nurse if you had a patient with a sci!



Padyfireman, I think you should start with "baby steps" and take your time and go where you are comfortable. Work your way from there. Maybe even go to places where you know there wont be a lot of people at first if that will make you more comfortable. But just make sure you understand that you are just as good as anyone else and there is no reason why you should feel uncomfortable around people. If people stare, stare back then they might understand how it makes people feel when they do that.



When I was in the hospital and rehab I was fighting to get out for awhile whenever I could. At first it felt a little "strange" not "walking" in the familiar places I use to, but people still treated me the same as before. You just have to be confident. If you act like you are affraid, uncomfortable, ashamed etc. people will know that. You have to act confident and show that your a contributing member of society just like everyone else. If you show your confident, then people will see this and treat you with respect and even look past the chair. If you don't bring attention to yourself by showing your affraid etc. people wont even notice you anymore than the next person.

[LadyPilot]

~lilnewfie~, on Mar 19 2007, 07:33 AM, said:

Lady Pilot, no affense, but my mouth just dropped open when I read this part of your response!

LadyPilot, on Mar 19 2007, 02:56 AM, said:

My self perception was that I'd gone from a respected member of the community (a District Nurse) to second rate nobody and I was full of self loathing. Is that how you feel? Having been a fireman?

I sincerely hope that you really didn't think that way when you were a nurse if you had a patient with a sci!

OMG put like that I feel terrible for having written that!! No I certainly did not think of any of my wheelchair patients as worthless etc. Perhaps I meant going from loving to help people to having to be helped.
I apologise for any offence caused by my inapt remark!

[DarkAgdistis]

Going out is just a matter of will ( and organisation )

Some people are not disabled at all and prefer to stay in. Now if you want to get out, you should totally leave the shame behind and move your *ss !!

Personnaly, not only of being paraplegic, I can also be categorized in the "small people" side so I add a layer in attracting people attention and sometimes unpleasant remarks.

Or maybe it's because in addition I'm very much into wearing black and also wear leather ? or because I use to wear 6 earings ...
so can you imagine the show I'm giving everytime I go out ? ( even though I'm dressing in a much more conventional way when I go to work, I am still in black )

Oh yes, and also I went few times to business trips alone from Europe to the US ... yes you read it : with my size AND alone ... and I'm not fishing for compliments here, I'm just stating that a wheelchair is NOT an excuse for shame, staying home or anything like those self pittyness ( not sure about the word ... ) ...

EXCEPT ...

... except if you're amongst the stupid people covering 99 % of the earth ...

... but don't we all agree that most of the disabled people are intelligent and never react in inapropriate ways

The world is out there, if you feel like seeing it, just meet there.

DA

[wheeliebear75]

Hey did U know our chairs R made of an occular magnetic alloy (a.k.a. eyeball magnet)? Oh and crutches and walkers are treated with it......sort of like a base paint. LOL People will stare, it's inevitable. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with you not wanting to go out or not. Something to keep in mind however is that if going out was something that you and your family did together....than your not wanting to come along may be puzzling/troubling to them. I'm not saying to jump out there and be a social butterfly again....just to maybe start off with a drive and stopping for some lunch (you might even try drivethrough @ 1st). Just so you are giving your family the gift of your company....it seems like what they're missing the most is you.

[MX Crash]

paddydfireman, on Mar 18 2007, 01:44 PM, said:

ok need help hope it dosent sounld silly but i hate going out in public i dont know why but i hate it the only time im outside is if i have to go the the hospital now the kids are given out and the rest of my famil i just dont know what to say to them bcause i dont want them to think its silly i just want to know did this happen to anyone else and what can be done about it

Paddyfireman,
I hear you about going out in public its a tough thing to get used to. I know when i was in the hospital it didnt bother me as much , but when i came home it was a totally differt deal. All of a sudden your surronded by normal body people, well guess what your nomal also. now your just a little differt, your the same person in side and when you relize that you'll be ready to move on. I'm not saying your not going to have bad days ,but dont give up on life .My kids race motorcross and some kids were makeing fun of me,my son wanted to kick some ass ,but i told him its part of life. There is always going to be people like that out there,oh well thats life. I got the last laugh becuase my son beat him in the next race. well all i can say is when its time you'll know your a great person and never think of your self as less. And if you didnt want to go out in public you wouldn't have asked your ? .....Best of luck,talk to you latter
Mxcrash

[gsp23]

I guess I am one of the lucky ones because when I was in rehab I was also happy to get out and move around... a month in the hospital before that of laying in a bed probably had a bit to do with it. The first day I was in rehab I thought... things are better already I get to wear real clothes, even if I do have to have someone help me put them on! Well, I got to rehab and wen through their introduction of how I would learn to do everything for myself, get some day passes, blah, blah blah. So I thought I felt better than I had in a while I wanted to go across the street to McDonalds for lunch that day. My sister had made the 3hr trip down with her kids, my boyfriend was there and he would push me over there, it was perfect! My answer... NO. Even though I was at that same hospital for 3 weeks already THEY didnt have me in rehab for a day yet and wanted me in THEIR section for at least a day. I told them my sister and neice and nephew wouldnt be there the next day and they said they needed to know I was stable first. What ticked me off about that was that if I wasnt stable then the docs in neuro sure shouldnt have transfered me to rehab yet! I told them to talk to the docs in neuro, read my chart, anything and again I got a NO you cant leave the grounds for a day. Well, I followed the rules but as close to the border as I could... I went on a walk with my boyfriend, sister, neice and nephew and we went right to the border of the grounds. McDonalds was kiddy-corner from there. So, my sister ran across the street and got us all McDonalds and the rest of us waited there. Then we had lunch outside on a bench nearby.

The next day I was determined to hold them up to their end of the deal (I had a nurse there feeling bad for me and she was totally on my side with getting me the day pass). I requested the pass and was told no again because I hadnt been there long enough and they wanted me in rehab for a few more days! I was ticked because starting the next day I had a full rehab schedule and wouldnt have much time to leave during the day (I was transfered to rehab on a Saturday). I told the docs as there had been 2 teaming up on me the previous day, that I was promised that pass and I wanted it. My nurse started arguing on my side as well and she got me a pass... A stinkin one hour pass. The nurse said that if I "forgot" to tell her that I returned or when I left then there was nothing she could do about it and would just assume I was back but on the building grounds. So my boyfriend brough me out to stores, etc and sure I noticed people looking but I got out and that was the hole point. So I think I can partially thank the stupid 2 docs for being such jerks that I wanted to leave ground to prove a point!

I guess when I go out now, I dont worry enough about other people and I just do my thing. I dont notice that people are looking at me so I dont get uncomfortable and if kids stare, I dont care because its all just new to them a lot of the time. My boyfriend notices staring more than me because he will on occasion mention it but I couldnt care less. I guess I am still just happy to be out moving around and not stuck in a hospital or that rehab room!

[itsjustme]

gsp23 are we such the minority here?

First of all I just figure when the kids are looking at me they just want to ride too. I mean that's what my caregiver's grandkids want. When the little one stands on the back I turn circles and tell him to quit making us do that and he gets a kick out of it telling me that he's not doing it. My purple wheelchair just looks like a big toy to them.

There was one woman who was horribly rude to me and my mother in Wal-Mart muttering to us about blocking the isles with our chairs. I told her that until she was paralyzed or until she'd had a stroke and couldn't walk through the isles then she had no business judging. She said that she didn't care for us just to stay out of her way. So, there are always going to be those people and I just don't care. I have just as much right to be there as they do and when they are rude to me I'll go after them and face them down every time especially if they treat my mother badly. I didn't drop it there. I went on to write a letter to the editor in the local paper hopefully to bring some awareness to the subject.

Sometimes I see people looking at my feet. My feet are always strapped to my footplate because of my spasms. I think that they are looking to see if something is "legitimately" wrong with me or if I'm just too fat and lazy to walk which I think is their perseption. And it is a totally different thing if you are in a manual chair rather than an electric chair. Trust me. You aren't judged in a manual chair the way that you are if your ride is an electric chair.

The reality of my paralyzation is that there are some things that I'd hoped to do before I die that I just won't be able to do for various reasons however I will not let people's stares or rudeness stop me from enjoying the life that I do have left and going the places that I can with the family and friends that I love.

[elisabeth]

I was scared silly going out the first time, I did so when I was still in rehab and it was not a pleasant experience. I guess I was still in shock, and it did not help that I had one of those huge wheelchairs which was just massive and ugly and really difficult to navigate. It also didn't help that my rehab centre was a taxi drive away from everywhere, you couldn't really just roll down the street for a coffee or a bit of shopping because even though this rehab centre was in the middle of a bustling suburb it was surrounded by bushland and you seriously needed taxis to go anywhere. Initially I felt like everyone would be staring at me and I didn't have the confidence, but then I told a couple of people how I felt eventually and some of my friends really shone through and I started going out to pubs and a few parties when I was still in rehab (which the night staff did not like because I came back late half tanked!).

The best thing for me, and I worked this out without the help of any psychiatry or psychology (which wasn't very private at my rehab centre), was working out what my "triggers" were, what my fears were and as soon as I identified them it was easier for me to push forward and ignore the world around me. It's hard to start going out in public again after a spinal cord injury, and it takes everyone a different amount of time and different triggers, I guess my main triggers were that I didn't care what people thought of me before my injury, so I wasn't going to begin caring after my injury. It did help talking to my close friends as well as some of my best rehab buddies. So I guess the best thing is coming here and hearing everyone else's story, which means you are much closer to resolving the situation than others who hide away up to more than a decade after their injury.

I guess another thing is finding, or getting your friends and family to find, things that you are interested in and just can't resist going to. Like the first time I went out was to attend a gallery exhibition of an artist I had been dying to see since I was 13, and the second time I went out was to an international beer Festival. The second time I went out I was still almost too scared to go out, but who could resist nearly 100 types of beer?!!!

I feel like I've just been pointlessly ranting, so I hope my words were at least of some help!

[Coach]

Paddy, Lady Pilot and Lilnewife,

Going out is fraught. I didn't for seven years, a luxury you likely can't afford, but my reason--I thought and think--was that I lacked a decent power chair and couldn't propel a manual one. I didn't want to be out and utterly dependent for a thing so simple as to move from sun to shade or shade to sun. I was functional indoors sitting at a table with liquid, book, and typewriter in reach. I also couldn't comfortably imagine getting a job and needing help emptying my drainage bag, but somehow I never did quite go back to work, another rare option you may not have.)

I think Lady Pilot's point is absolutely central and lilnewife's shock risky. Lady Pilot, when an able-bodied nurse, very likely related directly and effectively with persons in chairs. But being chairbound oneself is, emotionally, utterly different. When an able-bodied person is--more commonly than not unconsciously--repulsed by a chair-bound person there is ample reason to fight through and even effectively deny the repulsion. It is, after all, largely a prejudice, and many of us, happily, conceal our bigotry even from ourselves. But when one goes from able-bodied to quad, it becomes very difficult to recognize our latent, denied bigotry that is now unconsciously self-directed. Of course some of us don't experience this, but I think many do, and it complicatesthe unspeakable adjustment we'd best make if we can.

I don't like how the angle I sit at makes me look. I also, truth to tell, would prefer it if I didn't wear my 2000 cc urine drainage bag in plain sight off my raised leg rests. Occasionally I even drape something over it, but rarely. We are what we are. I certainly don't counsel you to flaunt your drainage bag. But for the most part you should know that once you start going out, it will get first easier, then merely normal. In a way, of course, that's horrible. You very possibly don't want to accept that the new you is you. But the more you do accept it, the easier it will be to be the man you were, are, and are becoming.

Brave talk. I still--I've been a quad 44 years and very active and visible 30 years--tend to avoid going into strange restaurants and stores. But it can be done and you will almost certainly come to be comfortable on the street, as it were. With luck, you'll even come not to notice you are paralyzed. Gary, a man I admire and listen to, never has, I think, but perseveres. Either way, it's the only life you're living, and I hope that soon you'll find yourself able to go wherever you wish. And it might be worth considering that there are tens of thousands of able-bodied persons who find themselves unable to venture from their homes. Your disability complicates your relationship with the outside world but at least it's not all (just partly) in your head. You can identify it and deal with it.

(And by the bye, I've very very rarely run into the problem itsjustme has. People are with rare exceptions helpful and polite, though there are some stares. Mind, I've entered a bar and had a waitress tell the woman with me--not tell me but tell her--I mustn't stay because of the drainage bag--not because it was exposed but because it existed--, but that, like the time a guy through an empty beer can at me from a passing car, was exceptional. I stayed in the bar and the beer can missed by a mile.) People, especially kids, are curious, and kids want rides and some have asked if I have legs (I routinely wear a lap blanket), but most reactions seem innocent and the occasional rudeness is, to me, usually a source of glee and the stuff of story.

Good luck!

Edited by Coach, 01 April 2007 - 04:56 PM.

[Survivor35]

I went through this, briefly... luckily enough I have two brothers who were having no parts of letting me feel like this for very long... within about 6 months, they got tired of it and started dragging me out with them... I hated it at first, the stares from adults, children dont bother me, as they are just figuring it out for themselves, but the stupid adults that seem like they have never seen anyone on wheels.... the sympathetic stares, like, poor girl....

But, I got tired of staying in... I missed playing billiards, so my brothers found a local pool hall that was a bit accessible, even going down into the lowered rooms, there are no steps at all, just ramps. Learning how to cath from the chair, as a female was a bit hard, i cried a lot when trying to master that, I didn't see how it was ever going to happen... cried on a few people from this forum, actually, who convinced me that it was possible, and that it would get easier... I kept thinking, there is no way in hell I am ever going to have a normal social life again....

Now? A little over a year later, when people stare, I react depending on my mood. Again, with children, I smile and try to seem approachable, and have actually had a few ask questions, which I've welcomed and tried to answer as best as possible... I figure helping kids understand it a bit more will help the next generations be a bit more tolerable.... When it comes to the older people? It still bothers me, but I just laugh and smile again... make it obvious that my life is great and I dont need their sympathy on any level... joking is how I've squandered my way as far as I have in this situation... then, there are the times I feel like a complete smartass, and if the older person is a gentleman staring at me?? Well, I just blow kisses at him.

It did get easier with time, but it took awhile... I'm just not capable of staying at home. Of course, at 25, and very social and active, it wasn't going to work for me, I just had to get over everyone elses lame ass view on the disabled community. I go shoot pool at least once a week now, I drink my drinks and smile my smile and play my game, and it actually helps others relax around me, I think. If not? Screw 'em.

[Lucydog]

The main things I found about going out is that firstly I felt as if I had a flashing light on the top of my head as if to say 'look at me!'. Secondly I ws ok until I saw the refection of myself in shop windows and then that rather took the wind out of me for a minute. I sort of felt 'is this what I have become?'

So I found the best places to go were ones where I could find anonymity to start with. Large stores such as Tesco and Sainsburys are great because you are just one in the crowd and you can practice things like going to the cafe and stuff. Then I progressed to shopping malls which again offer great anonymity and you are bound to see plenty of other wheelchair users as well. I mean the Metro Centre in Gateshead is cripple city, I love it!!!

So a few suggestions that worked for me and now Im fine with going anywhere mostly.
cheers
L

[Big Valley]

First I have to wonder does it hurt when someone stares at you? I don't think it does. So they looked at you. How did you know unless you were looking at them? You are all up in your head that people are going to stare at you so you are already on the lookout, searching for people who are looking at you.

Like it or not a w/c stands out among other 5' and above people so it draws the eye. If I am out in a mall or something and I see another w/c user I look myself because it catches my eye. But I can say that is anybody is ever looking at me it is usually the chair they are looking at and not really me. Most of use are not using hospital style old man wheelchairs. So people are checking out the hardware.

Now I personally use all black on my chair. No flashy colors. I want the attention on me and not the chair. So if you have a bright yellow frame, with polished up wheels don't get mad when you attract attention.

[gsp23]

I guess I have come a long way in the past 9 months with getting out in public and not letting other people bother me, I have to share with you all something that happened to me this weekend....

I was at the annual sportsmans show, its a huge show in the area and I live in a state where everyone has at least one boat, a tent or camper (or both), hunts (or is related to someone who does), and fishes. So needless to say there are lot of people and a lot of booths there. Everything from from camping, hunting, boating, fishing supplies to resorts, cars, trucks, ATVs, boats, etc. Anyways, my boyfriend and I were looking at getting a camper so we stopped in and talked to a couple guys representing a place. He went into the camper to look around and I just pulled up in front of the doorway and looked in. We told them what we were looking for and one of my requirements is that it had to have a toilet, and a shower would be nice. The guy looks at my boyfriend like they are bonding or something and says "yeah the ladies always have to have a toilet" We dont know this guy and yet here he is picking on me for being a female (it was in the tone of the voice). I didnt tell him that I control when I go and could really go for a few days without a toilet

Then we went over to the table they had setup and were looking through their brocure at different models of campers to see what else was available. Another guy working for the same company comes over to talk to us about differen options and new campers they are expecting in the next month. Anyways, that guy tells us that we wouldnt want the camper that we were looking at because it only had a 22in wide doorway and they have a similar model comming in a couple weeks that has a 26in wide doorway. We both looked him wondering why on earth we would need the wider doorway. Well apparently the guy read the confused look on our faces and tells us that it would be easier for my boyfriend to carry me in with the wider door! My boyfriend looks at me shocked and unsure what to say... I respond to the guy that he sure as heck isnt going to be carrying me and that I could get my own a$$ in there. The other guy said "oh you must have strong arms then" and he reached forward and grabbed my arm and started to feel it! I mean WTF! would that have been acceptable for a total stranger to do that to an AB!? The guy who made the comment about my boyfriend carrying me in then said that he could get my chair in easier if it had a wider door... I told him that I could get my own chair in too and that I could do it just fine with the door we looked at. he goes on to say that I have lift it up quite a ways and was I sure I could really lift my chair? I told this guy that I get my own chair into my 4x4 pickup all the time and yes I was sure. He then looks at my boyfriend then and says "oh it must be a pretty light chair for her to lift it". He says that he doesnt think I can get my chair through a 22in door because it was wider than that. I explained that the wheels came off and it was a 16in wide chair from the one side of my seat to the other. He backs up and looks at my chair and said "no, its wider than that" I explained to him that since I ordered my chair and you order according to the seat width I was certain that it was 16in wide and he looked at me like he wasnt quite sure, he then looked at my boyfriend to see what he was going to say on the subject (sure between all of us here there are parts on the chair that stick out a bit further like the casters and brakes but I wasnt going to get into that with him, and I really didnt want to break it down that technicall its a quickie and its something like 15.5in).

Needless to say we both walked away from that place and said to each other that we definatly would not be getting anything from them. I just couldnt believe that sales people were talking that way! I mean they are the ones that are supposed to have the most discression regarless of what they say behind the potential customers backs. Oh well, it didnt ruin my day at all... my boyfriend and a few family members I talked to got a good laugh about him carrying me into the camper though!

So, its all good... just depends on if you can let stupid peoples comments like that roll off your back of if they will get to you. Because even though I hadnt dealt with anything as blatent as that before it didnt make me feel bad... just remember they are the ones who should feel bad about being out in public (being that stupid)... not us!

Edited by gsp23, 02 April 2007 - 03:42 PM.

[ryan Kruse]

I guess I'll put my two cents in. (that's all I can afford right now) I had a difficult time with going out in public too at first. Being in the wheelchair, dressed funny, (pants sideways with zipper on hip, you know what I am saying) leg bag exposed, T.E.D. hose with shorts on, bad hair and dry lips, what a looker. Along with not feeling comfortable in the way I looked the feeling of people staring at me or kids saying stuff was like someone punching me in the heart. It also bothered me to see people doing everything I use to and love. Sports, hiking, playing on the beach, swimming and so forth. I quickly worked on my appearance where I felt good because I "looked good".

I also was lucky to have a great group of friends and an ex-girlfriend that I was still in love with that forced me to go out in public. I always wanted to be with her so I would tag along when she went shopping or we all go out to dinner and stuff. I wanted to impress her so I acted strong, positive and of course dressed like "normal" people. The catch was, after a while those act became real. It was her, a couple of childhood friends and a few drinks (liquid courage) that built my confidence up.

Today, I am very active in my community. I'm outside in the public’s eye a lot and even ran for public office. The more we expose the outside world of our disabilities the more people understand our issues. The best thing we can do is answer the child's questions the best way we can so he or she can understand. Funny thing with that is the parents will ask some too. I will tell the kid a brief story about my accident, what happened to me that I'm in a wheelchair and that their is hope that I will become better.

One way I explain to kids about the whole spinal cord thing is use a video game analogy. The brain, spinal cord and body are like the playstation and its controller. The controller is like the brain. It tells the guy on the TV what to do. If that controller gets unplugged then the guy can't move. Well little one. My controller got unplugged from the playstation and I cannot move some of my body. Yes, doctors are working on trying to plug that controller back in so maybe one day I will be able to move all of my body again. They usually get it and the parents are thankful.

We need not to be shy about our disabilities because the more we educate the public the more we open doors to opportunity. So don't sit at home. We need you! We need you out there helping people understand us. You’ll soon find yourself the same as you were but just sitting down. ;-)

Enjoy life as much as possible. It's too short to let pass by.

[The D]

Time is the key here, everyday u get thru is a day closer to feeling some type of normality when u r out in public. I think we all feel very self concious at first, but now I dont give a rats about going out and in fact I crave it ! I perform stand up comedy 2-3 time a week in front off 100-200 people and love it ! Sure if u asked me 3 yrs ago if I thought id be doing this i would have fallen out of my chair in shock ! But time is the key, u get used to it, and it is very important that you start making new happy memories for yourself, and its very hard to do that while you sit at home.

GET OUT THERE AND LIVE LIFE ! It keeps on ticking with or without you so dont waste 1 second!



The D

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[Big Valley]

ryan Kruse, on Apr 7 2007, 10:15 AM, said:

The best thing we can do is answer the child's questions the best way we can so he or she can understand. Funny thing with that is the parents will ask some too. I will tell the kid a brief story about my accident, what happened to me that I'm in a wheelchair and that their is hope that I will become better.

One way I explain to kids about the whole spinal cord thing is use a video game analogy. The brain, spinal cord and body are like the playstation and its controller. The controller is like the brain. It tells the guy on the TV what to do. If that controller gets unplugged then the guy can't move. Well little one. My controller got unplugged from the playstation and I cannot move some of my body. Yes, doctors are working on trying to plug that controller back in so maybe one day I will be able to move all of my body again. They usually get it and the parents are thankful.

How old of kids are you talking about? That seems like a lot on information for the ages of kids I am often asked from. Kids are curious but really don't want a detailed answer they won't remember or comprehend. I also think your detailed explanation might make some parents uncomfortable. Like if the kid asked where babies come from? They don't need the biology lesson, just a quick answer, not a lie, that satisfies them.



When a child asks me, "why do you use that chair?", I say I hurt my legs and they don't work very well now. They can understand that and it is quick. I also make sure to wave or smile at a child I see looking at me so I am not so scary. They see you as a friendly person.

The D, on Apr 7 2007, 10:37 AM, said:

Time is the key here, everyday u get thru is a day closer to feeling some type of normality when u r out in public. I think we all feel very self concious at first, but now I dont give a rats about going out and in fact I crave it ! I perform stand up comedy 2-3 time a week in front off 100-200 people and love it ! Sure if u asked me 3 yrs ago if I thought id be doing this i would have fallen out of my chair in shock ! But time is the key, u get used to it, and it is very important that you start making new happy memories for yourself, and its very hard to do that while you sit at home.

GET OUT THERE AND LIVE LIFE ! It keeps on ticking with or without you so dont waste 1 second!



The D

Do you have any youtube videos or something of your act? I think we would all be interested in seeing you.

[The D]

I am trying to compress some video I have of me on stage so i can whack it on you tube.........stand by, ill post a link when i get it done.

[Juggalette720]

paddydfireman, on Mar 18 2007, 12:44 PM, said:

ok need help hope it dosent sounld silly but i hate going out in public i dont know why but i hate it the only time im outside is if i have to go the the hospital now the kids are given out and the rest of my famil i just dont know what to say to them bcause i dont want them to think its silly i just want to know did this happen to anyone else and what can be done about it

Nah dude its totally normal.......I think. Well thats how it was with my brother. He would not go outside so i thought of some little plan and i got him outside (yeah amazing I know heehee) and I ran inside and locked the door. And then i ran out the back door locking that to and i locked my keys in the house. I did that on purpose. Because mom and/or dad was not home so we where pretty much stuck outside. I didn't do this out of meaness, I helped him We went up town and you know around people. And i feel so proud of him! He never lets anything hold him back!

[xeena]

Ok... this may sound strange but I do love going out and guess why? It's because people get to stare a lot...and you know why they stare?..because they get uncomfortable,and dont know how they should treat,as if i am and Alien...and that's thier problem ,not mine.

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