13 replies to this topic

[itsjustme]

I was 53 when I became a para, 3 years ago. I was the spontaneous one. I was the one who found a different restaurant for us to try every weekend, a different music venue, the Saturday road trip with no particular destination. I'm the one who would go out for midnight summer drives in my cherry, red and white '69 Ford pick-up truck just to listen to some classic rock 'n roll music like the Eagles or Bob Seger under the moonlight, then use said truck the next day to haul some found treasure for my little antique/junquetique business that I had started after spending 25 years of my life in a dismal factory. I'm the one who planned vacations to places where we'd see things and experience things that we'd never done before. I'm the one who got everybody up in the morning anxious to get started living the day! I'm not saying that some of these things aren't still available to me but we all know that our paralyzation has put certain limitations on us in different ways. I'm not the driver anymore and it makes a difference.

My question to you all is do you think that it is any easier or harder for someone to become paralyzed at middle age as opposed to it happening to you when you are younger from both a physical and psychological aspect?

The reason that I ask is because I read recently a post on another forum from a man who posted on Apparelyzed a couple of times. He's close to my age and he wants to know why he should go on living now that he is paralyzed. I just can't get him off of my mind.

[Deej]

I suppose everyone will have a diferent take on this, and maybe it depends on how you have lived your life up to the point of injury and what plans you had for the rest of your life. If the injury really screwed up your plans for your future.

Some may think that the younger it happens the easier it is to get over, the better physical condition you are in to begin with, children who are injured, for instance, probably don't remember their life any other way. But as paralysis carries its own health problems and results in reduced life expectancy, then if it happens when you are older at least you have (hopefully) had the chances to fulfil your lifes dreams. I just don't know.

I was 25 when I was injured and I thought my life was over. But it wasn't, I went back to work, married my boyfriend, continued to drive, we holiday regularly, have romantic weekends away. The list goes on. The only real difference is I am unable to walk. The lack of sensation is only an issue on a sexual level.

So I guess what I am saying is there is no right or wrong answer to your question. Every individual is different and their experience of their injury and life before and after will be different depending on their individual circumstances.

Just my twopennuth. I look forward to reading others thoughts on the subject.

[edlee]

Harder? easier? Tough to say, being that it only happened to me at one age. Everyone is so different. I think that we ( those diabled later in life) have a greater sense of loss, in that we have experienced so much already that we have a wider perception of what we have lost. Lets be honest, we have lost a great deal, no matter the age, but we old coots haven't the time ( nor desire) to start at the bottom in a new career. We have , most of us, already raised a family. If lucky, found love. Decided what the rest of our lives were to be like.

On the other hand, we have also dealt with our limitations and rationalized them, enough to make them tolerable, before our injury. That has made it easier for me to accept the newer limitations that have been placed upon me. Not that I like them, I just accept them.

I guess I should tell you about me to give some idea whereof I speak. I was a Ironworker for thirty four years. Erected all kinds of buildings, connected into my fifties ( tho not as often). Worked at quite large heights most of those years. I was in good health and reasonably good shape until at the age of fifty-eight ( on my birthday) I fell while climbing a scalfold, about twenty feet. So here I am. A sixty year old T-10 complete whose handicap used to be a ten at golf. Strange, but golf seems to be one of the things I miss most.

What I'm trying to express is that , young or old, we will each of us have a differing sense of loss depending greatly on our own ability to rationalize. Us old guys have just had more experience with that.
Ed

[gsp23]

I think it depends more on the individual than the age, or maybe a combination of both. This just happened to me last year so I was 31yrs old at the time. I am thankful that I was able to walk, run, bike, etc up until that time. Also being young enough (yes I think 31yrs is young enough) then a person can heal and has age on their side as far as what type of recovery they can get back. If say I was in my 70s I think recovery and rehab would be much slower and more difficult.

On the other hand, I play hockey with a guy who is L1-2 complete. When he was born he stopped breathing and had some other complications and they did a spinal tap on him at 8hrs old and something went wrong and he became at complete para at 8hrs old. He told me one time that its not a big deal to him because it has always been that way and he knows no difference. So as far as he was concerned, becomming paralyzed at such a young age and never knowing the things of AB such as running, jumping, feeling the grass on your toes... he thinks it is easier not having ever experienced it in the first place because he doesnt have any memories of things that he misses.

[Juggalette720]

Well when my brother was paralyzed he took it hard. I mean real hard. I mean he was into sports and all kind of activity stuff. Awsome at football may I add. But anyway yes I have told him...Kevin, there are wheelchair sports. "Yeah i know that, its stupid. I'll never play football again. Never play basketball, well the real basketball you know how you jump in the net and everything." So yeah he was quite athletic. And he found it occward going to school and out (especially hard in school) But he was like what if people at school dont like me anymore or treat me difernt. Well yeah they are going to treat you differnt in some ways. But he still hates it. Hes still isnt into much activity, He works out and everything. But he has changed and he is iffernt in someways now. More stubborn But hes my brother so i got to deal with it.

[livestrong]

Juggalette720, on Apr 17 2007, 06:25 PM, said:

Well when my brother was paralyzed he took it hard. I mean real hard. I mean he was into sports and all kind of activity stuff. Awsome at football may I add. But anyway yes I have told him...Kevin, there are wheelchair sports. "Yeah i know that, its stupid. I'll never play football again. Never play basketball, well the real basketball you know how you jump in the net and everything." So yeah he was quite athletic. And he found it occward going to school and out (especially hard in school) But he was like what if people at school dont like me anymore or treat me difernt. Well yeah they are going to treat you differnt in some ways. But he still hates it. Hes still isnt into much activity, He works out and everything. But he has changed and he is iffernt in someways now. More stubborn But hes my brother so i got to deal with it.

any age sucks period

[Big Valley]

I always thought the younger the better. You know the old expression, "an old dog and tricks?" I think older people get more set in their ways and this dramatic change can be very hard to adapt to.



But everyone deals with change differently. Some like myself never really got depressed. Just accepted that bad things happen all the time for no good reason and went on with my life. Others can only accept things the way the currently are. Even the very small things like the printer out of paper can send certain people into a "Why god? Why!"



So if it was going to happen to a person I say early age. Learn to adapt and go on with your life that hasn't really found it's set path yet.



If some person is contemplating why they should go on living it is because they probably don't have a life worth living at that moment and need to work on getting one that is. Therapy, some meds, and finding something to be productive is the start. If that older person has a wife and/or kids that is their reason for continuing to live. Let's build on that.

[ziggy]

I was in my early 20's when i got hurt and i'd much rather have had it happen later.This injury had made me miss out on so many things that i wouldn't have with normal health.I'm sure some of that is because i haven't been as proactive about living a fuller life than i have since SCI,but still the injury has robbed me of many things.

Edited by ziggy, 18 April 2007 - 06:10 AM.

[itsjustme]

Quote

The reason that I ask is because I read recently a post on another forum from a man who posted on Apparelyzed a couple of times. He's close to my age and he wants to know why he should go on living now that he is paralyzed. I just can't get him off of my mind.

The man that I spoke of is a very handsome (he posted his picture on Let's see those faces), well educated man with a wife and family. He says that the medical expenses have eaten up all of his assets and that his family could live off of his insurance policy if he was gone. I offered that was one lottery that they wouldn't want to hit. I wish that he would come back and talk to us. I know that there are many of you out there who could offer him hope and advice and inspiration.

In my own case I've talked a few times on this forum about watching the actor Daryl Mitchell, a para, portraying a day in the life of his character, Eli, on the show Ed just a few months before I became paralyzed. So, when this happened to me I went into rehab determined to come out doing things like "Eli". What was I thinking? I didn't have that kind of upper body strength when I was 25! The 53 year old shoulders said, "Yeah, right."

And in the ideal setting of rehab, I was able to accomplish some things that were a totally different story once I was at home on different surfaces and dealing with the limitations of my physicality, etc. So, I envy the strength of younger SCI's because believe me the one thing that scares the beejeebees out of me is being an old para and my limitations increasing rather than me getting stronger and better at what I need to do.

[John Anderson]

It's hard to tell. It depends, I was 16 when I got hurt and being hurt they said "Oh you can get over it" or "Or oh you got a lot to live for."

I believe it's who you are and what you life have been like. For me transition from a football QB to a guy sitting on his butt 24/7 was hard and even till this day, 2 years later, it's still hard. You don't know who is really there and you don't know who is watching and talking about you.

So I guess what I'm trying to say it's all different, but I wouldn't tell you that us kids got it easier, trust me I wouldn't say easier. Just depends how you look at it.

[wheeliebear75]

I don't think that anyone would disagree that having an injury as serious as paralysis is a "life altering event". That being said, old or young alike I think it's more about how we deal with things. It is often true that older people have a harder time changing thier ways, but it is also true that some of us have a harder time adjusting to change (especially adverse change) from any age. I was 14 when I had my accident. I wonder how well that same man at 14 would have dealt with something like breaking the arm he uses most(left handed break left arm), it is only temporary.....but how well would he have addapted for those weeks while it was on? would he have just given up and tryed getting teachers to pity him and let him out of a lot of his studies, or would he just keep on trying to do it anyway?

I think people tend to get lumped into 1 of 3 main groups afer becoming disabled.
(group 1) PO'd with everybody who wasn't hurt. PO'd at everyone who was already hurt because they've adjusted. PO'd at those not as hurt...cause they got luckier. PO'd at the people who were hurt worse....because they're showing everyone else up. Oh yes and everyone else just because.
(group 2) Feels sorry for themself and figures that everyone else should join thier pity party.
(group3) "OK this sucks.....so now what......show me what to do......?", but they keep trying till they get it. They don't give up......they keep trying....they keep living.....and they keep fighting to have and lead as much a normal life as possible.

Different ages may make the expeireience different. I think what matters most is how or what the person is like inside.....more than how many years they've been on this planet. Not wanting to live with paralysis happens to a lot of people at 1st. If on the other hand they keep feeling like that, then they most likely need some psychological help. Seems like that man must belong to the 1st group.

[ParaforGod]

When I was in rehab I was the only adult put on the teens squad which was funny because I always liked working with the teens at the health dept. and at church. I was 39 when the accident happened. While in therapy I was talking to a 19yr old girl. We had become friends. I said to her Im sorry about your accident I know it must be hard at your age and she replied I think it would be harder at your age because you know what to miss where I've never got to experience most the things you have. You know what to miss that I don't. Then their was a 16yr. old boy who got hurt playing football and he was mad at the world. He refused to do his therapy for a long time. While I was in rehab my 18yr old daughter brought in a poster and had put pictures on it of me and my friends doing different things. Hiking, parasailing, walking on the beach. I was looking at those pictures one night and one of the first things I cried over was I'd never walk on the beach again. Then I thought but I got to experience it and there are those that never have and never will. I started thinking of all the things I got to do in my life and how I had been so blessed. I just started thinking and naming out loud all the things I had to be thankful for. As the saying goes counting my blessings. I was sad but thankful. Now when I get down thats what I do I think of all the things I have to be thankful for. Hi Imjustme. I was like you. I was always planning things, running around jumping and kicking up my heels, twisting around and injoying life. When I became paralyzed my brain remembered all those things. They were a part of my personality and I wondered how can I be me when I can't run, jump, and do those things. I just had to figure out how to be myself in my chair. I roll around twisting my chair in ever direction, swingging my arms, bobbing my head back and forth. I had to realize its who I am on the inside and express that as best I can on the outside. I had a AB person tell me they thought they had troubles until they heard about my accident and all I could think to say was the cross your carrying is just as heavy to you as the cross Im carrying is to me. I guess I went the long way around to say I think its just how each individual feels and reacts. Im Praying for the person you talked about and you and each and everone on this forum.

[Tim13]

I was injured at 34 in a snowmobiling accident, aside from not being able to walk, things really didn't change that much, mainly because i wouldn't let them. While in rehab i was encouraged to give up, go on social security and join a wheelchair basketball team, kept insisting i was going right back to my former life, home, job etc and did exactly that. Personally, i believe it was much easier being injured at a later age because all the education, relationships, career etc were established and the changes didn't seem as overwhelming as they would have been at a much younger age.

[Quadvet]

itsjustme, on Apr 16 2007, 12:08 PM, said:

My question to you all is do you think that it is any easier or harder for someone to become paralyzed at middle age as opposed to it happening to you when you are younger from both a physical and psychological aspect?

There is only one answer in my mind to this question. I would rather have lived my 30 AB years walking versus this life. If I had a choice, I would have had it happen much much later in life than even now. Just a few more years...