13 replies to this topic

[sarah3717]

I am new to this forum, but already glad I have found it.
My boyfriend, Sean was involved in a motorbike accident last week and has an L1 fracture amongst other things.
I am going through so many emotions at the moment and scared that I'm not going to be strong enough to help him through this. We don't really know what is going to happen with his injuries at this stage.
If there is anyone out there who could give me some advice or support - I dont want to say the wrong thing.
His family have kinda fallen apart and I'm finding it difficult being the strong positive one at the moment, then behind closed doors I completely break down, but I don't want Sean to see me like that because anything I am going through is nothing compared to how scared and apprehensive he must be.
Sorry - don't think I'm making much sense but it feels good that there are people out there who I can talk to.

Thanks

[moonstar]

HI,
WELCOME TO THE FORUM, IM GLAD YOU HAVE FOUND THIS SUPPORT SO SOON, YOU WILL GET A LOT OF SUPPORT AND ADVICE HERE, I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT IT, THE WAY YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT KNOW IS EXACTLY HOW I FELT WHEN MY HUSBAND WAS INJURED, I WAS THE STRONG POSITIVE ONE AS WELL, IT IS HARD ISNT IT? IM A BIT WASHED OUT AT THE MOMENT SO CANT OFFER MUCH BUT I WILL SAY MAKE SURE YOU FIND TIME FOR YOU AND LET SOMEONE SUPPORT YOU AT TIMES, I ALLOWED MYSELF TO END UP HAVING A COMPLETE BREAKDOWN BECAUSE I KEPT IT IN TOO LONG. THAT WAS VERY BAD FOR MY HUSBAND, HE TOLD ME TO TELL HIM HOW I FELT SO WE COULD SUPPORT EACHOTHER, THINGS GOT BETTER, I CANT TELL YOU WHEN HE WILL BE READY FOR THAT BUT YOU WILL KNOW. SORRY I HAVNT BEEN MUCH HELP BUT I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU RIGHT KNOW, xmoonstarx

[Lucydog]

Hi and welcome. Sorry to hear about Sean.
I guess he is in the Sheffield spinal unit? If so hes getting the best treatment so stop worrying!!!! At the moment its such early days no one will be able to say for certan how his injury will afffect him, he may recover, may not, may manage to walk a bit, a lot, and so on. Unfortunaty at this early stage the only answer is wait and see.

If his fmily has fallen apart then unfortunatly its down to you to be strong, BUT having said that dont beat yourself up for your own distress its only natural. The thing is just try to be as normal as possible with him. I really hated seeing family memebers who were in shock over me. I ended up feeling bad that they were feeling bad because of me, which is really stupid.

Depending on the type of person he is, he probably isnt going through anything like what you are at the moment. Its always worse for loved ones. Hes being cared for in a good place so isnt getting the chance to go through things yet. Those times will come but not yet. So much depends on how it all pans out and its too early to tell yet.

If you have any specific questions then ask, otherwise just be yourself and dont let the family grind you down. hHs life isnt over, it may be just beginning.

[wriggley]

hi sarah

i happen to know sheffield really well my friend works on osborne 1 and i play basketball in the gym attached to the unit so he is definitely in the right place! though if you need someone to talk to by all means contact me or even if you want to grab a tea or a coffee PM me and i'll give you my mobile number. its no problem at all. all of us no that fear all to well and its crap to be alone in all this.

take care and i hope sean's doing better

wriggley:)

[Lana]

Hi Sarah.

Im from South Africa. My boyfriend were in an motorbike accident on the 19th of November. Its been very difficult. He is a C5/6 complete.

The best u can do is to support him in any way. Just by being there. when the accident happened it felt if my world fell apart. i cried myself to sleep every night for a long time. Suddenly your world is changing in so many ways. but it does get better. his accident brought us so much closer.

Best of luck to you and Sean

Hope everyting goes well

[sarah3717]

Thank you all for your replies.
I can't wait for Sean to get to Sheffield - he's been referred but is still in the Spinal unit at Nottingham, which is frustarting because the travelling just adds to everything.
I understand now that what i am feeling is probably 'normal' if that's the right word!
I'm having a good day today and so is Sean - this experience is going to make us stronger.
I know it's early days and I think that is why I have soooo many scenarios going through my head but I'm just going to take every day as it comes - and more than likely be on here a lot!
I'm so glad there are people out there to talk to - I have a tendency to bottle things up so I think you guys will all be really helpful and i'm grateful for your replies!

[Apparelyzed]

Hi Sarah,

I'm sure that at the moment, the both of you, and your family are thinking about what Sean cannot do.

But, whilst the above is completely natural, you should keep in mind all the things he can still do despite his new disability.

As an L1 spinal cord injury, even with the worst prognosis, with good rehab he will still be able to:

Carry out all personal care duties without help. ie, bladder and bowel care, dressing, showering, grooming.
Cook meals (unless he's a rubbish cook, then you may want to do this!).
Drive a car on his own.
Possibly ride a motorbike/trike.
Have children (IVF and ICSI may be required).
Play active sports.
Work, depending on suitability of previous working conditions.
Go on holiday.

These are only a few of the things he can and will be able to do, and some may need a bit of practice, but one thing is for sure, his life is not over yet, in fact, with the right attitude, he still has one hell of a life ahead of him.

Regards

Simon
C5/6 - RTA 1992

[sarah3717]

Thank you so much for that.
I know it's early days and we are all new to the situation we have found ourselves in - I really appreciate you replying. I was completely unaware that there is a chance he would be able to be as active as you have mentioned. (apart from the riding a bike bit - it's going straight on E-bay!!)
We are both being positive but at the same time we don't want to live with false hope.
I am aware that some things may have to change in the future, but so what?! Like you said, his (and our) lives are only just really beginning and we have so much to look forward to.
There is little the Drs can tell us at this stage but what you have said it very encouraging.
Just gotta keep smiling!

[pinkfoxysarah]

Hi Sarah,

I know exactly how you are feelling and yes like you I have been going through a number of emotions plus at times feeling totally numb and in denial. My sister just over 2 weeks ago fell from a 3rd floor window after trying to get out as she had been locked in by her boyfriend, and she has broken her T11 and T12 bone and is completly paralised from the waist down and will never walk again. I would say that I am feeling very raw at the moment but I am being very strong in front of my sister as I want to keep her spirits up as she is feeling extremly low at the moment. I am her only family and will be with her to help and support her with her journey ahead.

I know that it is a tragic and tramatic thing that has happened to our love ones, but I am truly thankful that I still have my sister as I beleive that she has been very lucky not to have died. I promise each day gets better and you'll feel more optomistic about the future of your loved one as there is so much help and support and re-habilition there to help you and Sean.

It will be a long journey ahead but I'm sure that with you by his side Sean will overcome anything that get in his way.

You and Sean take care,

Sarah L

[sarah3717]

I am so sorry to hear about your sister - I hope you are both doing ok.
I'm sure you will get through this together - you will have to be strong for her, but you can't forget about yourself and your own health.
I've had to go back to work and it is so hard not being at my partners bedside with him, especially when he gets upset or down and I can't hold his hand.
I work shifts so it is difficult to fit evrything in around visiting hours and I feel so guilty that I can't get to see him everyday. I know I have to lead my own life, but he is such a big part of it and i'm finding being apart from him really difficult, which is making me upset and i think i'm starting to annoy him.
I keep crying at the most inappropriate times and then when i'm in our house on my own no tears will come - it's strange.

[Quadvet]

Congrats to you ladies who are sticking it out. Like Moonstar said, it can be the greatest.

I am wondering if AB partners and family feel SCI survivors pushing them away ? This is what my family said I did, and still do. I do what I can to make them feel comfortable around me by not complaining and doing everything possible to detract from what seems to bother them - my injury and needs. No matter what I do, nothing seems to get them to see past my chair and acknowledge my needs. Sure, they are "there for me, just ask" but it becomes a job rather than family interaction. I'd rather be limited to help I can pay for than have family be pitied for what a "burden" I must be.

If my partner felt as you describe yourself, I would most likely have at least a bit of understanding your situation. He probably wants to communicate that to you but can't find a way yet. It's not hard to imagine what's going on with those around us, but it's easy to let that imagination see the dark side only. To what extent you are affected by his injury is what he needs to know to keep that imagination in check. It's easy to interpret incorrectly and just let others go.

One of the biggest lessons of SCI for me is humility and the need to be open and surrounded by people who are also open. We can't afford to be misunderstood or a liability. Don't be afraid to communicate. Great advice in previous posts! Go easy on yourself.

[Becca82]

Hi Sarah, i just wanted to say that as someone of a very similar age to you, i can understand that you must be feeling incredibly confused right now!
Although i only met my partner post accident, so went into the relationship with my eyes open, i dont think that you should be too scared about what he may or may not be able to do physically, he is still the same person, the same guy that you fell in love with.
Although this may not have been what you would have planned for for your future together, I think that you should see this as something that will make you stronger, not something that will be a burden!
Although we will probably have different things to deal with, due to the different injury levels of our respective partners, many of the day to day issues that you will face, we will also be dealing with too, as will many on this site, so never feel that you are alone, and that there i no one you can talk to about things you are finding tough!
Being a 'young' carer (i am my patrners F/T carer) was not what i had in mind for my life, i had just finished university, and was working at the hospital with the community Neuro team, then met my partner and fell in love! sometimes we just cant predict how life will go, and so have to make the most of what we have!
Life doesnt have to change because of Seans 'new ability', you can still go on holiday, still go out to the pub, he will still be able to work/drive/play sport etc etc, it just means that things take a bit more organising and patience sometimes, thats all!!

I think if you read through this site, then you might feel more confident about just how much can still be achieved. The more you learn, the less daunting it will all be.
we will all be here for you, to offer advice and support if you need it!

take care of yourself.

bex

[cj_fairy]

hi sarah, i'm really sorry 2 hear what has happened,n i just wanted 2 let u know that by just reading this board u r already sounding a lot stronger n happier, but just remember that everyday is different, u'll ave ur ups, down n somewherre inbetween days but smile n 2morrow IS a new day. all the best 4 the future

[sarah3717]

thank you all for your replies - we're taking each day as it comes and just trying to continue to have a laugh and a joke when we're spending time together - and not just talking about the situation we've found ourselves in.
We've got a fabulous future ahead of us - i'm sure of that!
Take care S x