28 replies to this topic

[justin]

I never have not wanted to go out and about because of me being in a wheelchair. But yet i still see myself is not looking as good as i did befor the wreck. Even though girls tell me all the time how good i look even in a wheelchair i still dont believe them. But it still dont stop me from being who i use to be. Im still the old justin that every1 liked to hang out with

[wheeliebear75]

Yes body image is "everything", but only to the shallow narrow minded few. I think for the most part people only expect others to have good hygiene and act and present yourself as you are. I know it can be hard to not think of yourself as different.....but all in all there are less differences than one would think. I know I am self conscious of the way my left eye turns inwards towards my nose. I know that sometimes people wonder if I'm looking at 2 different things or just wonder what is up with it. My brain injury made it turn in (damage to the occipital lobe and frontal lobe, plus some minor damage in surrounding areas) oh joy. But like you I put on a smile and try to keep those kinds of thoughts out....cuz if I didn't.....I don't know that I'd want to be able to look people eye to eye (you know aside from the usual 2+ feet of difference in height between sitting and standing LOL).

[Bulky]

I like the Reebok add campaign (especially Mark Zupan's take): I am what I am.

[Doug]

It is hard to think of myself being good looking since my wreck also. I think they just say I look good just to be nice. I can see in other peoples eyes that I am no prize. Such things dont keep me inside I go out often. I believe I am the same person I was befor but some times Im not, some times I act negative and this has got to stop.

[buffie]

Body image is definately a issue for me. I now realize that pre-injury I was quite vain. My appearance meant every thing to me. I was a pretty woman, with a cute figure and a awesome personality and to be a mother of 6, I looked darned good. I had plenty of guys pursuing me. Now, with the quad belly and the breast drooping because I can't straighten up enough to look normal since I am paralyzed from the chest down, no one is calling.All those would be suitors have disappeared.

Something else that helped knock me down is the fact that the one I had chosen to be with and had allowed to move in and live with me for 7 months prior to my accident, left the hospital the day I had the accident to be with a woman he knew I despised and he was sleeping with her in my house and riding her in my other vehicle the first week within my injury.

Now I sit in the house every day. I haven't been out of the house since coming home from rehab. The front porch is as far as my pride will allow me to go.

[nomis]

Dump that pride, Buffy. Like that man, it’s not doing you any good.
Time to get brave and reinvent yourself.

Well, you’re not really reinventing yourself. You’re still the same you but other people can’t see it. They’ve got to get to know the real you that now just happens to be a bit of a floppy body in a wheelchair.

I’ve seen your photo on your profile page – gorgeous. That face is alive. I love you already. I bet your kids love you so how about sharing it with the world. Go claim your rightful place.

It’s not about cutting a fine figure to impress people. It’s about enjoying the world and other people in the way that now suits you. You’re different but you’re still you.

[megatrig]

yes body image is a difficult one to come to terms with indeedy!!

Huge generalisation to follow!!

BUT...... on the whole I do think its easier for guys!

Although my tetra belly annoys to prove the point a photo of me where I think I look ok!

Be nice with opinions lol

[Texaswheelz]

I was in high school when i was injured and to make it worse we moved between my sophomore and junior years of high school, so not only was I new to being a para, worried about how i looked to everyone, but now I was moving away from the people that knew me before the injury to meet all new people.

I was shy and very self conscious about my chair, my self image and everything else. It took about 5 months for me to start getting out and about with all the new people and letting them get to know me. I later found out that several of the people I grew to be friends with thought I was just a stuck up snob because I stayed at home and didn't talk to anyone or go out to football games...etc. I was surprised that they felt that way and tried to explain to them that i was just scared of not being accepted. Once I started being sociable and not holing myself up I found out that several(half my class) of the girls had crush's on me and I pretty much got to pick out who I wanted to go out with. The next year I was voted best looking and most fun to be with of my Senior class and ended up with 5 guys from my class being my best man and groomsman at my wedding and I being in each of theirs.

None of that would have happened if I would have continued to allow myself to not leave the front door other then to go to school like i was doing for the first several months. You can still have a life, you can still go out and have fun with friends, you can still meet new friends and even a significant other, but you won't do anything of that behind closed doors regardless of what you look like.

[megatrig]

ok here goes a couple of pics of me!!

I like the way I sit in my chair and I think the look of my chair helps.... plus I like the way I look ... not being vain just happy with me! honest lol

ok here goes a couple of pics of me!!

I like the way I sit in my chair and I think the look of my chair helps.... plus I like the way I look ... not being vain just happy with me! honest lol

ok I'll let simon post them as I'm being lazy and busy to honest!!

Ta mate!





Admin Note: Dave, you couldn't post them because the file size was too big, lazy bugger!

[lune14]

megatrig, on Sep 21 2007, 04:37 AM, said:

ok here goes a couple of pics of me!!

I like the way I sit in my chair and I think the look of my chair helps.... plus I like the way I look ... not being vain just happy with me! honest lol

ok here goes a couple of pics of me!!

I like the way I sit in my chair and I think the look of my chair helps.... plus I like the way I look ... not being vain just happy with me! honest lol

ok I'll let simon post them as I'm being lazy and busy to honest!!

Ta mate!

attachment

attachment

Admin Note: Dave, you couldn't post them because the file size was too big, lazy bugger!

Purrrrr all that camber is doing something for me ... where's my palm frond?! It's getting hot in here!

[buffie]

nomis, on Aug 31 2007, 04:58 PM, said:

Dump that pride, Buffy. Like that man, it’s not doing you any good.
Time to get brave and reinvent yourself.

Well, you’re not really reinventing yourself. You’re still the same you but other people can’t see it. They’ve got to get to know the real you that now just happens to be a bit of a floppy body in a wheelchair.

I’ve seen your photo on your profile page – gorgeous. That face is alive. I love you already. I bet your kids love you so how about sharing it with the world. Go claim your rightful place.

It’s not about cutting a fine figure to impress people. It’s about enjoying the world and other people in the way that now suits you. You’re different but you’re still you.

Thanks Nomis, Your words are encouraging; however, I still need a little more adjusting time. I lost so much and it has only been approximately 6 months since my accident. I am sure that we all have struggled with the new "floppy body in a wheelchair" at one point or another. I am sure I will find the courage to step out soon.

Let me say to you Nomis, I keep up with your posts and I love you already as well. I swear your the most knowledgeable man I've ever known. You know everything. Thank you for all of us who have been enligthened, encouraged, uplifted or just plain informed by your words and wisdom.

[ParaforGod]

I have gained so much weight but have lost over 37 pounds. I need to lose so much more. My belly also sticks out although it was always flat before my accident. I was slim when my accident happened so when I really woke up in the ICU one of the first things I ask the doctor was why is my belly so big. Honest I did LOL. I know I look different and there are things I wish I could change but Im just me and on the inside Im still the same person. I thank God for my life. It is because of God that I have my life so I don't let this chair or my looks stop me. I go where I want to and when I want to. I don't think people stare because I look bad or because of my chair. I think they stare out of curiosity. People just wonder how I got hurt or what it would be like if it happened to them. To all of you who don't get out because you look different please dont' let it stop you. Life is so short and God left us all here for a reason and I feel he wants us to enjoy our life not throw it away. Please get out and go. After all don't you think we all had something we would have liked to change about ourselves before the chair came along. From what pictures I've seen of you guys I think you all are beautiful. If someone don't except me for who I am then I don't need that person. That is how I felt before my accident and how I feel now.

[hanguk]

It helps to dress well (I don't mean uncomfortably), experiment with clothes that look good while sitting down (not always easy). I like the way I look better after my injury than before except I do worry about posture, I tend to slump and I think my butt is ugly.

[Tired of hurting]

I have lost 51 lbs since accident. I feel like an ethopian. Not really interested in men after losing mine of 29 yrs to SCI. I just want to keep it covered up. I used to have a nice body,and butt. My butt is gone...and I pretty much look like a stick girl. I used to ride a Harley and have men commenting about how nice my chaps were. Men mostly look over my head or pretend they don't see me. Everyone tells me I'm a beautiful person and someone will love me for who I am. I hear ya I've got body issues TOO...

[Meadowlarkmark]

I am now 40+ years post injury, 57 y.o., a quad using a power chair. I try to loose weight but it's a uphill battle that i am happy just to stay at a constant weight. I need to loose weight but have not found the total will. I still feel alot better about myself then I should and go out when I can. I work 40 hours a week and I am exhausted by the time th workday is over. I spend all weekend resting up. I wish I could loose enough weight to feel as confident naked as I once did, even right after truama

[Jackiefff]

I was self-consious even before the accident, but now.. its even worse, i cant take any compliments... my belly looks huge, I just feel stupid every time i go out, i hate being starred at and i hate not being able to go out with my friends like i used to! I am trying to loose some weight, so i can go without clothes that cover me up during the summer, have lost some but still got that belly! i dont think ill ever find a guy that would date someone in a chair, and im only 18... so that doesnt make anything any better! guys my age are jerks

[Dancingdolphin]

I think the way we are perceived depends on the way that we are.......most people aren't sure how to act around us.......so ..it's up to us to make them feel comfortable around us. Most of my friends have commented after the first time we met up 'that i'm still the same...just sitting'........

i still feel the same.....admittedly I do look about 5 months pregnant...sometimes I throw a silly comment about this into the conversation....more often I don't.....

I think it is soooo important to get out and lead as normal a life as possible....if we go about life..much the same as we used..most of our friends will accept us......I think i would get depressed if I didn't get out + lead as normal a life as i can.....

people do look at us more + will remember us...so lets be positive + give them something positive to look at...even if we don't look our best.....let them see somebody positive and past the chair + our outward looks

......life is good..most.people are good...just give them a chance

Edited by Dancingdolphin, 06 May 2008 - 11:05 PM.

[Bobo1974]

Wow. I remember feeling this way too. It is scary the first few times you go out and people stare and you feel like you stick out like a sore thumb. You can do a few things. One of them is just not give a crap what people think and just worry about doing your thing. I used to do that for a while. Or you can do something a little different. The reason why people stare is that they are uncomfortable too, because most of them don't know how to react. I have found that if you let your personality show, people are more receptive. Show them who you are so then the chair seems less obvious. Laugh joke around and even make the ocassional joke to break the ice. Most of the peole I hang out with will hit me upside the head and run upstairs. When we go out its the same thing and we just laugh about it. But be yourself. There are some people that do see the person and not the chair.

[dom]

Jackiefff, on May 6 2008, 02:53 AM, said:

I was self-consious even before the accident, but now.. its even worse, i cant take any compliments... my belly looks huge, I just feel stupid every time i go out, i hate being starred at and i hate not being able to go out with my friends like i used to! I am trying to loose some weight, so i can go without clothes that cover me up during the summer, have lost some but still got that belly! i dont think ill ever find a guy that would date someone in a chair, and im only 18... so that doesnt make anything any better! guys my age are jerks

wow,if i was half your age i'd be pursuing you,w/c or not

dom, on May 7 2008, 08:06 PM, said:

Jackiefff, on May 6 2008, 02:53 AM, said:

I was self-consious even before the accident, but now.. its even worse, i cant take any compliments... my belly looks huge, I just feel stupid every time i go out, i hate being starred at and i hate not being able to go out with my friends like i used to! I am trying to loose some weight, so i can go without clothes that cover me up during the summer, have lost some but still got that belly! i dont think ill ever find a guy that would date someone in a chair, and im only 18... so that doesnt make anything any better! guys my age are jerks

wow,if i was half my age i'd be pursuing you,w/c or not

[Kwag_Myers]

I went to a memorial service the other day and, of course, there were some people that I hadn’t seen in years (who didn’t know about my injury). Apparently, after we left one of them made a comment to my friend (who I see regularly) about how I didn’t look good. My friend replied that they thought I looked pretty good for a guy who almost died. So, I guess as long as no one starts throwing dirt on my face I can assume I look okay. I’ll just have to make sure I keep my friend close by in case someone grabs a shovel.

hanguk, on Jan 15 2008, 01:31 AM, said:

It helps to dress well (I don't mean uncomfortably), experiment with clothes that look good while sitting down (not always easy).

I always wear a dress shirt and tie to work, even before my injury. I noticed a long time ago, when I used to travel a lot, that people seem to treat you better when you look nice.

hanguk, on Jan 15 2008, 01:31 AM, said:

I think my butt is ugly.

Probably a good thing you’re sitting on it, eh?

Tired of hurting, on Feb 12 2008, 12:27 AM, said:

I have lost 51 lbs since accident... My butt is gone...

I’ve lost 25 lbs. Funny, just before my injury I had tried for several weeks to loose some weight and finally gave up ‘cause I wasn’t getting anywhere. However, I don't recommend my method for loosing weight.

Jackiefff, on May 5 2008, 09:53 PM, said:

...i hate being starred at...

Looking at your picture, I’d say you’d probably get stared at if you were still an AB. I’ll be all the single guys here are downloading your picture as right now and hanging it right next to buffie’s.

[E-DOG]

Looking at your picture, I’d say you’d probably get stared at if you were still an AB. I’ll be all the single guys here are downloading your picture as right now and hanging it right next to buffie’s.
[/quote]
WE ARE!

[Kev-O]

[/quote]
WE ARE!
[/quote]
Im going to agree with the ole chap on this one

[Abbey22]

Jackiefff, on May 5 2008, 09:53 PM, said:

I was self-consious even before the accident, but now.. its even worse, i cant take any compliments... my belly looks huge, I just feel stupid every time i go out, i hate being starred at and i hate not being able to go out with my friends like i used to! I am trying to loose some weight, so i can go without clothes that cover me up during the summer, have lost some but still got that belly! i dont think ill ever find a guy that would date someone in a chair, and im only 18... so that doesnt make anything any better! guys my age are jerks

I hear ya chica-sometimes I go out with my friends and watch all the guys hit on them and ignore me and I just wanna scream. Buuut I like to think of my chiar as a weeding out tool-a guy worth your time wouldn't ignore you just because you can't walk or have to use a wheel chair. Just have fun-don't let boys who are jerks keep you from having a good time ;)

[coolbreeze]

buffie, on Aug 31 2007, 02:34 PM, said:

Body image is definately a issue for me. I now realize that pre-injury I was quite vain. My appearance meant every thing to me. I was a pretty woman, with a cute figure and a awesome personality and to be a mother of 6, I looked darned good. I had plenty of guys pursuing me. Now, with the quad belly and the breast drooping because I can't straighten up enough to look normal since I am paralyzed from the chest down, no one is calling.All those would be suitors have disappeared.

Something else that helped knock me down is the fact that the one I had chosen to be with and had allowed to move in and live with me for 7 months prior to my accident, left the hospital the day I had the accident to be with a woman he knew I despised and he was sleeping with her in my house and riding her in my other vehicle the first week within my injury.

Now I sit in the house every day. I haven't been out of the house since coming home from rehab. The front porch is as far as my pride will allow me to go.

Hey keep your head up. i'm in GA to.

[Edtezky]

My body image is a little bit a of issue. I am always slouching to my right side. I need to force my self to sit up straiter. But besides that i am one sexy beast :-D

[Curly-Q]

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this site. I have been in my wheelchair for eight years now. That is also when my body image issues have really started. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder and even been through inpatient treatment for it. Let me tell you the center was not even close to being wheelchair access.. It was a nightmare. I just hate my body for what it has become, I am not sure if I will ever accept my life and what it is.

With my therapest's help and a lot of hard work on my part. I am now starting to accept parts of my life as it is now. It is funny I went from being under weight to being over weight. At least I think I am over weight. How can you weigh yourself in your wheelchair?

Thanks,
Curly-Q

[LuckyinKentucky]

you can weigh in at airports...baggage scales.

This post reminded me of a quote from my sociology days.

I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.
~Max Webber

not that this helps or anything just thought it interesting

[Curly-Q]

LuckyinKentucky, on Jul 18 2009, 05:50 PM, said:

you can weigh in at airports...baggage scales.

This post reminded me of a quote from my sociology days.

I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.
~Max Webber

not that this helps or anything just thought it interesting

Thanks for the tip Lucky. Now I can eat more icecream

Curly

[knightrider]

I know what you mean about the body image and thinking damn if i weren't rolling on this f*@kin ride i'd grab that hottie over there lol, I think that now and again, but it's not the chair/disability thats knocking us back it's the confidence and how our impression is, If you're scruffy lookin confidence shot to shit and make the chair put a misery on your life, you won't bag any lady/man. You just got to be yourself, before i was sort of a shy guy, and thinking about it an sci would make it worse but it didn't, and it's funny when i'm out with friends on the weekend, they are so jealous