9 replies to this topic

[Heather]

We i have been with my husband for about 3-4 years married for 2 and since his accident i have been sooo very strong. He has been doing soo well for these past 2 years getting stronger and doing alot of stuff around the house. It almost like he isnt paralyed. But the other day we went to the John ledgen concert and i felt soo bad becuz everytime people stood up daniel couldnt see the stage. huh It made me soo sad. I dont know why lately i have been soo down about his condition. I miss so much dancing with him, walking on the beach and even going to the movies. Does anyone else feel like this. I love my husbee soo much i just wish things would be easier for us.
Its like im finally understanding he will never walk again. And i hate it. Help me plz i hate feeling this way.Does anyone have tips on trying to stay positive in a situation like this.
Heather Hernandez

[girlracer]

Everyone has up and down times... now might be more of a down time as you are looking to do things that you believe you can't do with him anymore.
I don't see why going to the movies is a big problem, but I might be wrong as I'm not sure what condition your husband is in. I've got a higher lesion than him, but have no problem going to the movies. Of course the cinema should be accessible, but not always is. Where there's a will there's a way though!
Many things aren't going to be done the same way... but you could dance and go to the beach. As with most things after sci, you can do them but you need to adapt and find new ways.
Don't give up these things that you like... find a way to do them!!

Take care!

Edited by girlracer, 25 May 2007 - 11:31 AM.

[DarkAgdistis]

yo !

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everytime people stood up daniel couldnt see the stage

Stupid organizers : there are plenty of small stages available that can be placed in a concert hall and on which wheelchair addicted ( like plenty of us ) can stay and see everything even when people are standing up in front.
I've been using and seeing those stages for years now ( there are some models that have the place for just 2 wheelchairs : so it's really not invasive space wise even in a small venues )

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even going to the movies

what makes it impossible for you to go to the movies ??????

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walking on the beach

Ok ... for that one you'll need some additional efforts ... especially if you meant like walking bare feet on the sand with the sea waving around ...

But all in all, it's not that bad ! he could have been dead or gone with another woman ...

Cheers
DA

Edited by DarkAgdistis, 25 May 2007 - 11:42 AM.

[Heather]

LOL i guess i was t rying to say that i miss the romance of it.. not that it was impossible to do...

[ParaforGod]

Heather I think what your going through is normal. Your husband hasn't just suffered loss so have you. Maybe you have been trying to be strong for your husband and you are just now starting to deal with yourself. Just remember you have him and he is alive. I know you feel this way. Yes somethings have changed but work with what you have and make new memories. Its ok to miss the things you had just look forward to what you will have together. I will keep you in my prayers as I do everyone else on this forum.

[ihaveaheartofgold67]

hi im glad that you stayed with your husband after his accident.it takes mature people to keep up the support and not give up and leave.try to live life one day at a time as it was the last and forget about what u use to do together and concetrate on what he and you both can do now,this will keep things in perspective. there so many things i can do like i use to but thats in the past im looking toward tomorrow.relationship wise..keep your heart with eachother and explore every boundary there is til you find one best for the both of you.take care and god bless

[spinesong]

i think i can offer some input to this eventhough i'm not in your situation but because what you are talking about it loss and grieving. i'm a hospice nurse so i know grief and loss when i see it.
i think you are putting pressure on yourself by saying "it's been..such and such time...i should be over this.." ect. because WHO says you shouldn't still be saddened by things that you are experiencing today? probably no one. so allow yourself to feel that sadness. when you allow yourself and then accept that your feelings ARE valid, then you can start to deal with them...THEN eventually, you can start feelinging better and have a clearer mind about how to make the most of what you DO have . the worst thing you can do is try to stuff your grief and "be strong". feel your grief, because you have lost and will continue to realize the extent of your loss for who knows how long, and through the battle of emotionally coming to terms with what your life is and will be, you WILL become that strong person. i'm sure you are an amazing woman, your post is so heartfelt and precious, be assured that you are on your way to becoming such a deep and amazing person that people will admire and seek out....and not because they feel sorry that you have a paralysed husband, but because you will have such an amazing spirit that few people have. loss hurts, your dreams and emotions have been injured, not just your husbands body. you wouldn't tell him, "'it's been 2 yrs, your back/legs/spasms shouldn't hurt anymore..why can't you just be strong?!" you wouldn't say that to him but you are saying that to yourself, to your soul.
maybe you are totally correct in saying that you are JUST NOW realizing he is really paralysed. maybe just now, your soul is ready to deal with this. making the physical and household adjustments to a sci is probably the easy part, and not that that's easy! but adjusting your hearts longings and expectations, that you have spent your entire life dreaming about, now that's the hard part. and it's OK for it to be hard! just because something hurts and is hard, doesn't mean that it's bad, or you are doing something wrong...it means that you are DOING something!

believe me, i totally mean what i am saying but i also realize it's a million times easier to say this stuff than to actually flesh it out in life. that's why we need SO MUCH support and encouragement.
i hope this helps. please let me know if i need to clarify anything.

[MDK]

Hi Heather

I still miss the activities that we did pre accident (we used to ballroom dance among other things) but I appreciate the fact that Kevin has found new activities in which I can join him.
Is hard to have spontaniety when one person in a relationship is w/c bound but there are ways, you just need to talk with you hubby.
When we make the choice to remain in a relationship post such a traumatic event we have to accept that sacrifices are needed from us in orded that our parteners have quality life.

Don't think about what you used to do and can't now, think what you can do ,how you can modify things to suit your current situation.
Life is too short to think about might have been, try to concentrate on the positive aspects of it & live each day to its full potential.

[LuckyinKentucky]

I'm sure its hard not being able to share those walks on the beach anymore, most people here can prob relate. But you say it is not the act but the emotion that you miss. The way i see it you havent lost any ability concerning the emotion you just need to find another canvas to paint it on...ya never know you may find one even better!

[Heather]

I just want to thank everyone that replied to my post. I really love this website.