16 replies to this topic

[T-Crip]

I need ya'lls help. I have been very sad for like a week and I need some inspiring thoughts. I was injured 6 months ago and I lost everything. My husband decided not to be my caretaker (which seems to be common) but honestly we seperated about a month before but on very good terms. We have two children girls one just turned 4 and the other is 8 1/2. I was starting a job the next day that I had longed for. I had two little jobs I really liked (I am a nurse by trade). I had just sold my car the day before the accident. I ended up with a bed that isn't mine in the middle of a family room with my brother(than God for him really!) only being able to see my girls when my husband could manage. And have been fighting with my insurance company to get my own ulta lite chair. I was so active before and now I am so limited. And I hate feeling like I am a burden and not worth the effort. I really really need you guys right now. I pray you let God use you to be a blessing to me. I don't know when I am going to walk again but I don't like my life right now at all. I am thankful at least that my injury was low. I just don't wanna cry anymore.

[itsjustme]

Hi T-Crip,

Welcome to the forum. There are so many great people here who can share in your pain and offer their insights into how they made it through the worst of times.

Wow, only 6 months and you are dealing with not only physical loss but family upheavel too. I can only offer this as I did to my lovely daughter at a very low point in her life; I came home one day and found her sobbing uncontrollably. She said, "Mom, no one should have to live with this much pain." I had no idea what was wrong and didn't find out until years later but I made this promise to her, "Things won't always be the way that they are today."

She held on to that. Time heals physically and mentally. You have 2 beautiful daughters who will need their mother's love and guidance. Be strong and wait on tomorrow. God bless you.

[Joed]

Quote

itsjustme wrote: but I made this promise to her, "Things won't always be the way that they are today

The very same promise I made to my son.....it was the only thing in this world that I knew for sure.

T-Crip....I know you don't even feel familiar in your own skin right now. And you are having to deal with many more changes than might be 'usual' too. (What is 'usual', eh?) I was separated from my husband about one year after my paralysis...the third day that he was out of the house, a tornado swept through and killed the entire family to our immediate north. It seemed as if it would never stop raining hardship.

Then there's the physical struggle involved in doing what used to be mindless, easy tasks....trying to figure out this new body and how to make it work the way I need it to. I remember sobbing in front of my dishwasher, because it was so hard and time-consuming to load and unload it now. I was overwhelmed by the simplest things.....

Then I was able to drive again. The first thing I did was pack up and drive 12 hours to Canada by myself. That was a huge shot in the arm for me. It gave me a new hope.

Then there was the day that I could actually sit through an entire meal with my family in a restaurant, without having to leave mid-way and go lie down in the car because of the pain.

Later, the moment that I'll always remember came along. The sun was shining on my skin and I was sitting in the bleachers watching my son play baseball. I was in pain, but it was do-able....I felt so grateful and blessed to simply be there. I closed my eyes and said a short prayer of thanks and just soaked it all in....the sounds, the heat of the sun, the smells. I had wondered if I'd ever be able to do those things again. I think that was my turning point....if not physically, then mentally, emotionally.

I was back.

It's essential to grieve your losses...but there will come a time when hope will demand your attention again. It has a way of sneaking in there without our realizing it. ;) Our kids help to speed that process up, I think. Hope comes natural to them, and it's contagious.

I extend my hand to you....email me anytime you'd like to talk....I do understand. In the meantime, remember: "It won't always be this way."

[edlee]

Welcome to the forum T_crip,

I can feel your pain because I've been through parts of it. I think you will find that whatever your problems, you will find someone here who can relate.

Trust me please, when I tell you that things get better.

You have certain options that you aren't aware of yet. You will need to keep your eyes open to find them. Your insurance company is not the only place that will try to help you. Check out medicade, occupational rehabilitation can also be a source of training and equipment.

It's going to be a full time job, getting a handle on your new life. And it will be a new life. It will be what you make it. I pray that you find the path through the mess you see before you and find a good place on the other side of it.

You have , here, a place to find information, encouragement,and sympathy, just as I have over the past few monthes. I have come to feel like I have been accepted into a family, here. I hope you will look on us the same way.

ed

[xeena]

T-Crip, on May 26 2007, 11:09 PM, said:

I need ya'lls help. I pray you let God use you to be a blessing to me. I don't know when I am going to walk again but I don't like my life right now at all. I am thankful at least that my injury was low. I just don't wanna cry anymore.

Hi,
I'm xeena,funny thing is that i was almost logging off when i stumbled on your post,and my dear nothing happens like that God wanted me to see it.
I'd hate to sound all advicy and you know full of wisdom,so i wont go down that path.All i'm gonna say to you dear one is this ,Look unto Jesus He is our help.The injury is six months and relatively new,so yes you'll have mixed feelings,and its ok to feel them,its ok too cry but what is not ok is stayind down for too long or feeling depressed os self pity,life is tough but know this,you are tougher.keep your head up dear one,it is well.

[wheeliebear75]

Hi T Crip

6 mo is VERY early as an SCI goes. I know the pain of having your kids living with your ex just cause he can chase after them easier. The sting from this wound will ease over time too. You are able to contibute and be productive. After a while you will start to adjust to being in a chair, and learn how to do everything over again.....just sitting down. You said you were a nurse? You still may be able to find some work in the nursing field.

There are always folks ready willing and able to help around here.

[T-Crip]

itsjustme, on May 26 2007, 05:15 PM, said:

Hi T-Crip,

Welcome to the forum. There are so many great people here who can share in your pain and offer their insights into how they made it through the worst of times.

Wow, only 6 months and you are dealing with not only physical loss but family upheavel too. I can only offer this as I did to my lovely daughter at a very low point in her life; I came home one day and found her sobbing uncontrollably. She said, "Mom, no one should have to live with this much pain." I had no idea what was wrong and didn't find out until years later but I made this promise to her, "Things won't always be the way that they are today."

She held on to that. Time heals physically and mentally. You have 2 beautiful daughters who will need their mother's love and guidance. Be strong and wait on tomorrow. God bless you.

Thank you for your kind words. So good to be reminded of that. And God bless you too!!

[T-Crip]

Joed, on May 27 2007, 06:59 AM, said:

Quote

itsjustme wrote: but I made this promise to her, "Things won't always be the way that they are today

The very same promise I made to my son.....it was the only thing in this world that I knew for sure.

T-Crip....I know you don't even feel familiar in your own skin right now. And you are having to deal with many more changes than might be 'usual' too. (What is 'usual', eh?) I was separated from my husband about one year after my paralysis...the third day that he was out of the house, a tornado swept through and killed the entire family to our immediate north. It seemed as if it would never stop raining hardship.

Then there's the physical struggle involved in doing what used to be mindless, easy tasks....trying to figure out this new body and how to make it work the way I need it to. I remember sobbing in front of my dishwasher, because it was so hard and time-consuming to load and unload it now. I was overwhelmed by the simplest things.....

Then I was able to drive again. The first thing I did was pack up and drive 12 hours to Canada by myself. That was a huge shot in the arm for me. It gave me a new hope.

Then there was the day that I could actually sit through an entire meal with my family in a restaurant, without having to leave mid-way and go lie down in the car because of the pain.

Later, the moment that I'll always remember came along. The sun was shining on my skin and I was sitting in the bleachers watching my son play baseball. I was in pain, but it was do-able....I felt so grateful and blessed to simply be there. I closed my eyes and said a short prayer of thanks and just soaked it all in....the sounds, the heat of the sun, the smells. I had wondered if I'd ever be able to do those things again. I think that was my turning point....if not physically, then mentally, emotionally.

I was back.

It's essential to grieve your losses...but there will come a time when hope will demand your attention again. It has a way of sneaking in there without our realizing it. ;) Our kids help to speed that process up, I think. Hope comes natural to them, and it's contagious.

I extend my hand to you....email me anytime you'd like to talk....I do understand. In the meantime, remember: "It won't always be this way."

I am so very grateful for your words! I mean that. You have comforted me...I long for those moments and indeed I will embrase them just as you have! I know what you mean about the "dishwasher" episode too!! All TOO well!! Thanks!

Edited by T-Crip, 28 May 2007 - 04:03 AM.

[T-Crip]

edlee, on May 27 2007, 01:26 PM, said:

Welcome to the forum T_crip,

I can feel your pain because I've been through parts of it. I think you will find that whatever your problems, you will find someone here who can relate.

Trust me please, when I tell you that things get better.

You have certain options that you aren't aware of yet. You will need to keep your eyes open to find them. Your insurance company is not the only place that will try to help you. Check out medicade, occupational rehabilitation can also be a source of training and equipment.

It's going to be a full time job, getting a handle on your new life. And it will be a new life. It will be what you make it. I pray that you find the path through the mess you see before you and find a good place on the other side of it.

You have , here, a place to find information, encouragement,and sympathy, just as I have over the past few monthes. I have come to feel like I have been accepted into a family, here. I hope you will look on us the same way.

ed

Thank you so much. This is what I needed...to hear from someone like you guys that knows..to hear that it will get better from you is more than form AB. God bless

[T-Crip]

xeena, on May 27 2007, 01:46 PM, said:

T-Crip, on May 26 2007, 11:09 PM, said:

I need ya'lls help. I pray you let God use you to be a blessing to me. I don't know when I am going to walk again but I don't like my life right now at all. I am thankful at least that my injury was low. I just don't wanna cry anymore.

Hi,
I'm xeena,funny thing is that i was almost logging off when i stumbled on your post,and my dear nothing happens like that God wanted me to see it.
I'd hate to sound all advicy and you know full of wisdom,so i wont go down that path.All i'm gonna say to you dear one is this ,Look unto Jesus He is our help.The injury is six months and relatively new,so yes you'll have mixed feelings,and its ok to feel them,its ok too cry but what is not ok is stayind down for too long or feeling depressed os self pity,life is tough but know this,you are tougher.keep your head up dear one,it is well.

God bless you and thank you...yeah I have been told I am tough as nails. As you know we all need a little boost along the road. I chose here to get it and I am thankful I did!

[T-Crip]

wheeliebear75, on May 27 2007, 03:36 PM, said:

Hi T Crip

6 mo is VERY early as an SCI goes. I know the pain of having your kids living with your ex just cause he can chase after them easier. The sting from this wound will ease over time too. You are able to contibute and be productive. After a while you will start to adjust to being in a chair, and learn how to do everything over again.....just sitting down. You said you were a nurse? You still may be able to find some work in the nursing field.

There are always folks ready willing and able to help around here.

So grateful for all of your words!! Thank you! I really NEEDED to hear that 6 months is so early. ANd thank you for your words of encouragement!!

[DeloScorpio]

Hello T-Crip, I am new to the forum as well and my injury happened in August of last year, believe me when i tell you I feel you r pain and anguis. I am an L1 as well and let me tell you ITS NOT OVER! Far from it, I am still dealing with the thought of being a burden to my friends, family, and my girlfriend no matter how much they tell me I am not. My best advice, POSITIVE ATTITUDE! first and formost, and secondly stick with therapy! as of right now I am able to drive, I can walk with a walker, limited of course, and currently i am working on arm crutches. The process is going to be slow, you will have down times, I do, but I also remember who I am doing all this for, not only me, but for my kids who live in MI and that I don't see all that much. You keep pushing and never give up! I truly believe God does things for a reason and to get our attention. I hope that helps you and if you need to speck to me anytime please do no hesitate to write: deloscorpio74@yahoo.com Take Care and hope to hear from you!

[bdmpastx]

Welcome...
Always remember that things can always be worse. You could have a brain injury and not know who you are, you could have a higher SCI injury in which you couldn't move your arms, you could be on a breathing machine, or a combination of things. Some of us do have those things and we have made it through. So you can too. I know it is hard. Every life changing experience is. So look up. I have bad days too. I cry them away and try to stay focused on things that keep me busy. If i can't do something, I use that determination to motivate me to be able to do that very thing. So use the sadness to bring the determination and you can succeed at anything you want to put your mind to. Oh and as for the kids, I wish I could have some of my own but my accident left me without the ability to produce. Those kids are what you need to help you get through this. They can help you do so much. I wish I had a little helper. I think it is great to have a brother that cares about you enough to help. It is a God Send. Things like this do some weird things. Some bonds are broken and the other ones get stronger. I lost my "friends" but my family came together and got stronger as a result. And I am gaining new friends each and every day.

Read my website and you'll get a better picture of where I come from.
My Webpage

[ParaforGod]

Hi T-Crip,
When my accident happened I lost my husband and I felt so alone but I knew God was with me so I held on to the verse in the bible Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ wo strengthens me. I held on to this verse with everything I had. I would say it over and over and over. I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Just know that its his loss. When I was at Shephard Center for rehab I was having such a hard time about my husband dying they sent one of their employees who was also in a accident and had lost her husband at the time of the accident. She had small children and in time was able to take care of them by herself. Just know that six months is still soon and you will be amazed at what you will learn to do. Just don't give up. God will not give up on you. I know what you mean by thinking you are a burden. My daughter was only 18 years old when the accident happened and it left me a T4 complete so my daughter had to take care of me. She is now 25 and getting married in Oct. You are not a burden. God left you here for a reason. I was always running, jumping, kicking my feet up and acting crazy and I remember thinking I can't do those things any more so how can I be me when that is such a big part of my personality. It took time but I figured out Im still the old same crazy self except I now do things a little different. I now flap my arms, head, and upper body around while rolling my chair each and everyway. You will find yourself. Sure things have changed but deep down inside you will find you. Enjoy those children and know that they love you just as much as they ever did.

[T-Crip]

DeloScorpio, on May 27 2007, 09:32 PM, said:

Hello T-Crip, I am new to the forum as well and my injury happened in August of last year, believe me when i tell you I feel you r pain and anguis. I am an L1 as well and let me tell you ITS NOT OVER! Far from it, I am still dealing with the thought of being a burden to my friends, family, and my girlfriend no matter how much they tell me I am not. My best advice, POSITIVE ATTITUDE! first and formost, and secondly stick with therapy! as of right now I am able to drive, I can walk with a walker, limited of course, and currently i am working on arm crutches. The process is going to be slow, you will have down times, I do, but I also remember who I am doing all this for, not only me, but for my kids who live in MI and that I don't see all that much. You keep pushing and never give up! I truly believe God does things for a reason and to get our attention. I hope that helps you and if you need to speck to me anytime please do no hesitate to write: deloscorpio74@yahoo.com Take Care and hope to hear from you!

Thank you for your thoughts and words. I am a positive thinker and I always have been which is why I wrote here. My "positive" kinda abandonded me! It definitely sucks to have the message sent to you that you are too much trouble. Thank you! And as soon as I get my chair I will be back to therapy...another part of my burden right now.

bdmpastx, on May 27 2007, 10:36 PM, said:

Welcome...
Always remember that things can always be worse. You could have a brain injury and not know who you are, you could have a higher SCI injury in which you couldn't move your arms, you could be on a breathing machine, or a combination of things. Some of us do have those things and we have made it through. So you can too. I know it is hard. Every life changing experience is. So look up. I have bad days too. I cry them away and try to stay focused on things that keep me busy. If i can't do something, I use that determination to motivate me to be able to do that very thing. So use the sadness to bring the determination and you can succeed at anything you want to put your mind to. Oh and as for the kids, I wish I could have some of my own but my accident left me without the ability to produce. Those kids are what you need to help you get through this. They can help you do so much. I wish I had a little helper. I think it is great to have a brother that cares about you enough to help. It is a God Send. Things like this do some weird things. Some bonds are broken and the other ones get stronger. I lost my "friends" but my family came together and got stronger as a result. And I am gaining new friends each and every day.

Read my website and you'll get a better picture of where I come from.
My Webpage

Yes indeed he is a Godsend and I tell him! I am grateful for this site so I can try and find new friends too! God bless you and your wife in your journey!

[ihaveaheartofgold67]

hi dear, so glad you joined us here .we are here to console each other ,share our stories and become one big happy group support. i am new also about a few weeks here,but already i have posted about 12 posts to every one. im 39 ( almost 40 june 28). i had a hysterectomy and became paralized when the doc did the epideral. i was 3 weeks away from graduating college when i had my hysterectomy.so i could not finish. my injury is t-9 paraplegic ,but i still enjoy life.i get up early each day and go to bed late just ot enjoy life.i have my power chair and i go shopping ,go to dinner,any where i wanna go i just go.live each day ,because tomorrow may never come. big hug take care and god bless

[T-Crip]

ihaveaheartofgold67, on May 29 2007, 04:51 PM, said:

hi dear, so glad you joined us here .we are here to console each other ,share our stories and become one big happy group support. i am new also about a few weeks here,but already i have posted about 12 posts to every one. im 39 ( almost 40 june 28). i had a hysterectomy and became paralized when the doc did the epideral. i was 3 weeks away from graduating college when i had my hysterectomy.so i could not finish. my injury is t-9 paraplegic ,but i still enjoy life.i get up early each day and go to bed late just ot enjoy life.i have my power chair and i go shopping ,go to dinner,any where i wanna go i just go.live each day ,because tomorrow may never come. big hug take care and god bless

Oh my goodness! Are you KIDDING me?!?!?!?! UH! I am a nurse and nothing angers me more than crazy neglegence!! I am so sorry to hear that! Thank you for your owrd...I can't wait to get my chair. That is a big part of my sadness really. God bless you too!! I am very glad I joined here