12 replies to this topic

[Love life to its fullest]

Ok here is a question for you. Why is it that some people who are quads, para's, or in wheelchairs because of a disease, have something against able bods? For most of us we are genuine people, do not pitty people in chairs but rather admire them for their strength and courage, and treat them as we would our other friends! So why is it that some them dislike us so much? Is it because we remind them of what they once had? Is it because they are jealous? Or is it simply that they have had bad experiences with other able bods and are unable to put that behind them when they meet new people?
I have met many a great person on this site, but have had the common statement said to me, that people in chairs dont have much time for able bods on this site and I was just wondering why? Most of us are here for genuine advice and friendship with people going through the same things.
Look forward to hearing some of your replies. Hope you are all having a great day, well for most of you it will be night time at the moment lol.
Take care xx

[nineteen74au]

Personaly I like people in general regardless of physical capabilty.

I am a C5/6 Quad and I have an 'AB' girlfriend and I just adore her, all of my mates are 'AB's' too......hell I used to be an 'AB' myself.

I think that it is fantastic that people that are lucky enough to not have sustained an injury like ours take an interest in our lives and see us as human beigns and not washed up asexual creatures. I think that some people who have been injured may have tried to fit back in to everyday society and maybe they had been ignored by people who didnt quite know how to react, as in 'do I say hi or look away'

Yet on the other hand being in a chair doesnt stop an arsehole being an arsehole, so maybe the ones saying that you have no place here were a little nasty pre SCI, who knows.

My girlfriend found this site before I did, she was trying to learn as much as she could to lead a great life with me...and that was amazing.

Long live the AB's !!!!!!

Jeremy

[KimAndSophie]

Love life to its fullest, on May 29 2007, 05:55 PM, said:

I have met many a great person on this site, but have had the common statement said to me, that people in chairs dont have much time for able bods on this site and I was just wondering why? Most of us are here for genuine advice and friendship with people going through the same things.
Look forward to hearing some of your replies.

I don't have any problems with most people able bodied or not. Sure I have some "issues" with some people, but don't we all. I don't group people together and say I don't like all able bodied people because of how a few of them have treated me, nor do I group people who are disabled into a group.



I think what you are talking about was in one topic on this site where someone mentioned how there seems to be more caregivers, boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands on this site than wheelchair users. That's just a rare few people's opinion. You shouldn't group everyone into that group, because most of us don't think that way. If you didn't hear it from here then the person who told you obviously don't have a clue as to what they are talking about and I would like to know where they heard this.



I think the "problem" some people have is that sometimes when an able bodied person finds websites like this they are devotees looking for wheelchair users. I know not everyone who comes here is (obviously), but a lot of the females here have had at least one not so good experience with them, including myself and are a bit "catious" at times.

[juls]

I think the best thing about this site is the variety of people...disabled and abled!!
I think it really depends on the individual..

[Love life to its fullest]

Hi guys thanks for your replies, I hope i did not word my question wrongly? I was not saying that a lot of people on here dislike able bods, and I had not seen a previous post put on here referring to the same sort of thing. I have had a couple people from the site say to me personally that some people dislike AB's on here, which seemed really odd to me as I am in a relationship with a quad and joined the forums here for advice for the both of us, so I was just really curious (as I am nosey lol) why this comment would have been made.
I love reading what everyone has been up to and see all the faces on the post that has everyone putting up their photos, there are some lovely looking people on here, and very helpful too.

[smokymtn memories]

Hi Love Life: I'm fairly new at this myself, but unfortunately you get the few in the barrel that just don't have empathy for someone else, no matter what the circumstances are. There are some who don't seem to have any patience for someone different. I've used wheel chairs on occasion and try real hard to struggle along with my cane and do as much for myself as possible. I truly am probably more of a pain in the ### to others in a hurry. Somtimes I think grade schools ought to teach something my mother taught us at an early age and really get the message to sink in....
"There but for the grace of God go I" Isn't it true of a lot of life stiuations: poor, disabled, special,etc..............................?

[BillS]

I first read the title and thought...where the heck would you get the idea that most wheelchair users dislike ABs?...I mean we all live in the real world and most of us fit right in with ABs as friends, family and coworkers. Then I realized you meant on the boards and I thought about it abit and realized that yep I could see that viewpoint.

It's probably based on the same sort of things you'd be comfortable talking about to your girlfriend or doctor but wouldn't bring up with your Father. When we open ourselves up to people with similar experiences we're making ourselves vulnerable. Here we can all relate in some ways. Most of us here have had that embarrasing bladder/bowel accident. Most of us have fallen out of our chair at sometime. Most of us have had that frustrating situation trying to just get inside of an old non accesible building. But the ABs here haven't and some people probably aren't comfortable exposing themselves to the ABs.

Personally I think that those who are hear to learn because they're in some sort of a relationship with a SCI person should be welcome here. But I can see how some might be uncomfortable with it.

[Becca82]

BillS, on May 30 2007, 02:57 PM, said:

Here we can all relate in some ways. Most of us here have had that embarrasing bladder/bowel accident. Most of us have fallen out of our chair at sometime. Most of us have had that frustrating situation trying to just get inside of an old non accesible building. But the ABs here haven't and some people probably aren't comfortable exposing themselves to the ABs.

Personally I think that those who are hear to learn because they're in some sort of a relationship with a SCI person should be welcome here. But I can see how some might be uncomfortable with it.

I can see what your saying that we have not necessarily been though it ourselves, but trust me, evertime my boyfriend has an accident with his bowels, bladder, falls out of his chair, cant get into a building, has an embasasing moment with 'the little fella downstairs' etc, i am always there, and always the one who cleans it up, hauls him back in the chair, gets frustrated that he cant get in the building! So despite the fact that it is not me physically going through it, trust me i definately feel like its happening to me also!!!
I understand why some might feel uncomfortable talking with AB's around, but people who are in my situation are just as able to offer support and advice, especially seeing as (i) am the one who is doing EVERYTHING to do with the cathether, bowels, bladder, dressing, washing, cooking, driving, cleaning, chair maintenance, bleeding, falling out of chairs, physio, UTI's, being stuck at home/bed with pressure sores, lifting, gardening, shopping, i could go on!!!
So trust me, although im not the one who is actually sat in the chair, i certainly feel like im affected by the SCI just as much as he is sometimes.
We both get equally frustrated and fed up when he is ill, and i usually end up with a sympathy migrane or something because im just so frustrated that he feels shitty again and there is nothing i can do!!
I know its hard for some of you guys to understand and accept, but please, just give us carers/partners a little understanding for all the hard work we put in also, and know that everything you go through, we go through it with you!!!
im not moaning about what i do, i wouldnt have it any other way, just dont say that we dont get it, because some of us do!!

xx

[Apparelyzed]

I'm just going to "step" in here, before this turns into an "Us and Them" thread!

This forum is here for everyone who is affected by spinal cord injuries, and that includes not just the person injured, but everyone who has contact with them.

This forum is here to impart knowledge of the lives and associated conditions surrounding those with a spinal cord injury, to help promote understanding, and improve the quality of life of those affected by spinal cord injuries, including carers, friends and family members.

As far as I am aware, there is no resentment against the AB members joining in on discussions within this forum, and I don't see why there should be. After all, why should the disabled members of the forum resent AB members, when after all, without them, most of us would have a worse quality of life without them.

Many AB members of this board have been through alot, even though they are not the one's paralysed, and I think it's important to recognise that paralysis doesn't just affect the person injured, but a wide spectrum of people around the injured person.

Regards

Simon.

[Tarkus]

I love everybody...until they give me reason not to !

Cheers to the AB's, some of my favorite people are AB.

Be Big,
Alan

[Love life to its fullest]

Becca I can certainly sympathize with you, keep up the fantastic work. Who would have thought that my simple curiosity would turn into such a controversial subject!!! I surely did not mean it to, but I was quite taken back by the comment made to me on a couple of occasions with no explanation that i thought I would try to seek out why this was so. From what people have written i can completely understand their points of view, I can see that from the SCI side it is a very personal matter in deed, and that perhaps us AB may not completely understand, but as Becc said I think we have a fair idea of the struggles everyone is facing, and I think this is a fantastic place for us all to join up as one going through similar situations and having people we can talk to. I think perhaps this is where this thread should end on a good note, as It was said, I certainly did not want this turning into an us and them!!

[DarkAgdistis]

Personnaly I hate them all

Except of course when I'm meeting a young goodlooking lady that finds me attractive

Duh ? have I said something wrong ????

Cheers
DA

[gazrobsuk]

Spot on Simon & well said.

I also agree with everything Becca said as my better half (Hev) does everything too though I don't have catheter/sore issues etc or am not in chair unless longer distance but she is my hands/arms for most things as well as doing all the 'duties' & fixing stuff in the house etc so I couldn't really do without her, she's been affected so much & has had to be really tough & take on all what I used to do before my accident.

Apparelyzed, on May 30 2007, 07:33 PM, said:

I'm just going to "step" in here, before this turns into an "Us and Them" thread!

This forum is here for everyone who is affected by spinal cord injuries, and that includes not just the person injured, but everyone who has contact with them.

This forum is here to impart knowledge of the lives and associated conditions surrounding those with a spinal cord injury, to help promote understanding, and improve the quality of life of those affected by spinal cord injuries, including carers, friends and family members.

As far as I am aware, there is no resentment against the AB members joining in on discussions within this forum, and I don't see why there should be. After all, why should the disabled members of the forum resent AB members, when after all, without them, most of us would have a worse quality of life without them.

Many AB members of this board have been through alot, even though they are not the one's paralysed, and I think it's important to recognise that paralysis doesn't just affect the person injured, but a wide spectrum of people around the injured person.

Regards

Simon.