[Kandice]

Well, obviously I am new here...
My name is Kandice, I'm 23 from Missouri [though I was living in Atlanta, Georgia before the accident] - and the reason I joined here is because on March 26th my parents were in a rollover car accident, and my Mother is now paralyzed, her fracture is at C4, but they call her an allover complete C3.

My main question, is: Is it normal for a family member to NOT be angry at this situation? Because I'm not at all. It sucks that my Mother may not ever walk again, or ever use her hands or arms again.. But I'm okay with it, because I've got the attitude that what happens, happens for a reason - and I'm just thankful she's alive, and taking this whole thing very well.

My mother is young, she's only 42 - and even through all the bad things they told us at the Neuro-Trauma ICU {like that she would die from the pneumonia, which actually did go away quick.. or that she'd never get off the vent - which she's now been off of for almost a week straight} I've stayed very positive.

Just wondering how many other people are in the same situation with looking at everything through positive eyes?

Hopefully I worded this all right, I've had a longggg day....

Take care everybody!

[Oh, and the reason I posted this here in this forum, is because I will be taking care of my Mother once we get out of this rehab hospital, and I figured asking other carer's/spouses might be the best route! hope this was the right forum...]

- Kandice

This post has been edited by Kandice: 04 June 2007 - 07:14 AM

[DarkAgdistis]

Hi,

Personnaly I would say that not beeing angry and willing to fight is probably the best attitude. Indeed, why would you be angry at something that cannot be changed ?

I'm para since a surgeon took my back for an experimental field ( I've had no accidents nor illness no whatever ... ) so I could have been very angry at him ...

... and I'm not !!

... true ... I just hate him to death and I would gladly kill him ( ) ... see the difference ?

And regarding the wrong diagnostics given by doctor ... well ... it's sadly common practice amongst them

Cheers
DA

[Becca82]

Kandice, on Jun 4 2007, 07:06 AM, said:

Well, obviously I am new here...
My name is Kandice, I'm 23 from Missouri [though I was living in Atlanta, Georgia before the accident] - and the reason I joined here is because on March 26th my parents were in a rollover car accident, and my Mother is now paralyzed, her fracture is at C4, but they call her an allover complete C3.

My main question, is: Is it normal for a family member to NOT be angry at this situation? Because I'm not at all. It sucks that my Mother may not ever walk again, or ever use her hands or arms again.. But I'm okay with it, because I've got the attitude that what happens, happens for a reason - and I'm just thankful she's alive, and taking this whole thing very well.

My mother is young, she's only 42 - and even through all the bad things they told us at the Neuro-Trauma ICU {like that she would die from the pneumonia, which actually did go away quick.. or that she'd never get off the vent - which she's now been off of for almost a week straight} I've stayed very positive.

Just wondering how many other people are in the same situation with looking at everything through positive eyes?

Hopefully I worded this all right, I've had a longggg day....

Take care everybody!

[Oh, and the reason I posted this here in this forum, is because I will be taking care of my Mother once we get out of this rehab hospital, and I figured asking other carer's/spouses might be the best route! hope this was the right forum...]

- Kandice

My boyfriends attitute is if getting angry and upset will make a difference, make everything better, and make him walk again, then he will get angry. But seeing as it makes no difference to his disability there is no point.
Being angry, self pittying and negative only serves to make your life, and the lives of those around you worse.
You have a strong and great attitude and dont let anyone bring you down, or make you feel guilty for being positive about the future and the potentials it holds!
Just remeber though, that there will be days (when your the one caring for your mother) that will be tough and testing, and those are the days that you will need to remember how your feeling now!!
good luck, and keep us updated with how things are going and there are many people here who can help with any questions you might have in the future!!!

becca

[miss piggy]

Hi Kandice
welcome aboard I am a carer for my brother-in-law .My neice has never been angry about her dad being paralyzed .She was 13 years old when it happened .Like youself she is just happy that her dad is alive .I think everyone copes in there own way ,and there is not a right way or a wrong way .Good on you for being positive

[fandistrong]

Kandice, on Jun 4 2007, 02:06 AM, said:

Well, obviously I am new here...
My name is Kandice, I'm 23 from Missouri [though I was living in Atlanta, Georgia before the accident] - and the reason I joined here is because on March 26th my parents were in a rollover car accident, and my Mother is now paralyzed, her fracture is at C4, but they call her an allover complete C3.

My main question, is: Is it normal for a family member to NOT be angry at this situation? Because I'm not at all. It sucks that my Mother may not ever walk again, or ever use her hands or arms again.. But I'm okay with it, because I've got the attitude that what happens, happens for a reason - and I'm just thankful she's alive, and taking this whole thing very well.

My mother is young, she's only 42 - and even through all the bad things they told us at the Neuro-Trauma ICU {like that she would die from the pneumonia, which actually did go away quick.. or that she'd never get off the vent - which she's now been off of for almost a week straight} I've stayed very positive.

Just wondering how many other people are in the same situation with looking at everything through positive eyes?

Hopefully I worded this all right, I've had a longggg day....

Take care everybody!

[Oh, and the reason I posted this here in this forum, is because I will be taking care of my Mother once we get out of this rehab hospital, and I figured asking other carer's/spouses might be the best route! hope this was the right forum...]

- Kandice

Hey Kandice,

Welcome! I've been on this site for a while and so far have met very few people who have parents with an SCI. My father was in a car accident a few months ago and is still in recovering at Mount Sinai Hospital in NYC.

I go through days when I'm extremely angry at life and sometimes at God for doing this to our family, but other days (usually when my dad is having a really good day) I'm just happy that he's alive. I think your strength and positive outlook can be nothing but only good for your mother and her recovery. KEEP IT UP!

Take care!!

[ParaforGod]

Hi Kandice and welcome. I think your positive attitude is great and that is the attitude my daughter had when mine and my husbands accident happened. She was only 18yrs. old at the time. She wasn't bitter either but as time has gone on and she has done the hardest work of taking care of me by herself when other family members could have helped she has become angry at the situation. Be there for your mother but also take time for you. Don't let your feelings go. Live your life but be there for your Mother. There will be great days and then bad days. You sound like a great person and I know you will be your Mothers angel just as my daughter has been for me.

[wheeliebear75]

Don't worry about your reactions vs. other people's; you are you, not other people. Not everyone gets angry (although not uncommon). My mom was scared and worried. She never said she felt angry. I was at the wrong place and at the wrong time. happens. Actually you're doing yourself and your parents more good than you'll ever know just by staying positive. From a Dr's standpoint; better to tell you the outcome may be worse and have you pleasantly surprised vs. tell you things are going great and have things go downhill with you the family in shock. There are rarely 100%s or guaranties in medicine. You had mentioned that both parents were involved in the crash.....how is your dad doing (if you don't mind my asking)? We will look forward to seeing more of you around here......your positive attitude is a major plus.

[Kandice]

Hey everyone!
Thanks so much for all the replies. They have all put such a smile on my face!
Good luck to every single one of you, I really do wish you all and your families the best!

And to wheelie..
my father is okay. He just had a dislocated shoulder and bruised tailbone. Nothing major at all. He's not all there emotionally though - I think he is in really bad denial about all of this. Anytime I mention my moms car and about making our house wheelchair accessible, he gets mad at me and says "your mom will be walking".
But physically he was just fine. Just as the driver of the car and his wife, neither of them had any injuries at all - even though nobody in that car was wearing a seatbelt.

Okay. Had a longgggg day! Time for a long hot bath, and bed!

Take care everyone! You will all definitely be seeing a lot of me around here! And hopefully soon my mom can join too!!! We just have to wait for her to be off bedrest, so she can sit up and use a mouth stick or hand pick or something.

<33 Kandice